Monday, June 07, 2010

Why can't I send you my printed book instead of a query?

I would have sent this as a comment on your blog, but it didn't seem to fit on anything recent and I guess I'm a little clueless as to starting a new conversation via blogspot, if there is a such thing.

(there isn't but sometimes, when I'm too frustrated by my rendezvous with machinery and the computer age to do anything but snarl, I answer questions)

Anyway... in one of your older blogs you mentioned not sending you a bound book with an ISBN, etc. You cited "for obvious reasons." Well it is not so obvious to me, I guess.


That's ok. No one is actually born knowing all this stuff so here's why: if you send me printed book, who exactly is going to retype it? (Answer: not me)

Almost all editorial and production work is handled via electrons these days. Even on days (like today!) where I despise that, it's still true.


Even if it were not true, the first thing an agent or an editor does on a manuscript they're thinking of buying is run it through the xerox machine to give to other people to read. Impossible to do that with a "real" book.

And think simply in terms of aesthetics: I know it's a manuscript for consideration because it's on paper, or in a .doc. You send me a book and it's not instantly clear this is a submission. Trust me, those stupid details do count.

I self published my novel and it is on Amazon, but that is not to say I wouldn't love it to be traditionally published. Is that not an option now that I have gone the self-publishing route? I am curious because I have other work waiting in the wings and if self-publishing is the end of any book's publishing options, I want to know that.

There is no such thing as traditionally published, and I wish people would stop using that phrase to mean "published by someone other than a template printing press masquerading as a publisher."

The term was started by those in that business, and has been picked up by everyone.

Do I sound cranky? I am cranky. To say something has been traditionally published is meaningless. All major houses use print on demand technology when they need too. Some small presses offer no advance.

What exactly does traditionally published MEAN? I'll tell you what it means.
It means you didn't print it at AuthorHouse/exLibris/PublishAmerica or some of those other template printing presses.

Rant over. Well, ok, rant adjourned.

What you mean is you've self published a book, and now you want to have someone else publish it and get the added value of an experienced publishing team working on your book in exchange for them keeping a chunk of the earnings. Not quite as snazzy as "traditionally published" but if you've got a better term, let me know.

I am honest enough with myself to know when I want to just get something out there and when I feel something really has mass market potential and I should hang on to it, query away and be patient.

I can't answer that since I've never seen your work, and even if I have, my crystal ball has a big old dent in it and all I can predict is yesterday.

I was considering sending you a query for a cookbook/relationship, non-fiction book, trying to be a good little writer and pouring over your requirements. So, what is a "platform/established presence?" I hope that doesn't apply to me, since I am then thinking the chicken and the egg. How can I get an established presence without publishing something?!


I think you mean poring; at least I hope you do, but if it's a cookbook and you are pouring, can you not get it on the new computer? I've had enough computer troubles to last a lifetime as of today.

Platform is not published books. For more on what it is get the excellent book GET KNOWN BEFORE THE BOOK DEAL by Christina Katz.

I hope I am not rambling or sounding ignorant. I especially hope this doesn't end up a post on "why you didn't respond to this nut." :)

You're in luck.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Well, ok, once was ...interesting, but let's not do THIS again!

I arrived home Friday night full of energy all ready to boot up my nice new laptop and get started learning how to make it do back flips.

And promptly managed to delete all my mail management data.

Think of it like this: Five YEARS of files in filing cabinets. Neatly labelled, sorted, organized, color coded. You can find things in less than a minute. It's a sweet system and clearly you've tempted the gods with hubris because what happens is: someone opened every one of the file drawers, turned it upside down and threw every piece of paper on the floor. And then turned on a fan.

Nothing is actually LOST but you sure as hell can't find it.


The only way to rebuild the data base at this point is to download every piece of email since 2006 and link it back in to the mail management program.

Ok. No problem. I can do this while I read.
And read.
And read.

It turns out (no surprise here) I have a LOT of email.

About 40,000. That's received AND sent.

It's turned out to be an interesting little exercise.

It was actually kind of fun to see the first emails from my earliest clients (Jeff Somers, Sean Ferrell.) Then up pop a few more. A long spate of no one new, then a few more.

It was almost like flipping through an old photo album. Emails I'd long forgotten about were back on my screen.

Lots of email to editors for projects I didn't sell them.
Lots of emails to editors just filed away because they've moved on to new jobs so I didn't need to link or remember the old addresses.

The heartbreaking ones from friends and editors and queriers who have since died. Elaine Flinn. Laura Hruska. James Farmer. People I liked a lot, and still miss.

Lots and lots of queries of course. With this many emails, I can see people who've queried me more than ten times over the years. People who queried me but ended up elsewhere, happily.

It's now 4:00pm on Sunday afternoon. I've been at this for more than 24 hours and I still have a YEAR (at least it's the last one!) to go. This year will take a while. One thing that's really obvious now is my email volume has doubled every year for three years. I'd guessed it was increasing but I had no idea it was this much.

Part of that is more queries. Part of that is running QueryShark. Part of it is being part of a larger agency with emails flying back and forth about cupcake shenanigans and who is responsible for bartending for the Herpet American assssistant when I'm not around.

The one thing that remains to be seen is if I can actually do the transfer this time without erasing anything.

If you hear a giant scream around 4am, and CNN reports NYC has fallen into the Atlantic, you'll know who to blame: Suzie Townsend. She actually had the nerve to leave town to attend a writing conference. (Cody, Wyoming this is All Your Fault!) As you can see, the rule that I'm not allowed to touch machinery without supervision really does need to be tattooed on my head.

okedokey!

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Ferrell for the win




Small problem

If you queried me after May 20, you should resend the query.

I managed to make my mail management system collapse when I was transferring data to a new computer.

Oof.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

YOU has a winner

YOU will recall there was an arc of YOU in the office recently. LOTS of people wanted it:





The contest for YOU drew quite a few entries, AND one distinctly evil evil evil hijacker!




Fortunately I was able to track The Hijacker to her hideout, hinder her hijinx and hie away with YOU safely stuffed in my satchel!

She'll live (maybe!)


It took awhile to post the winner because there's a Very Special Extra Dose of Amazing: the arc of YOU is now signed by the author! Thank you Charles Benoit!

And now, to the entries!



Best use of Peter Rubie in a contest entry!
Marsha Sigman


Nice poems from:
Derek Whisman
Steve Forti
Casey McCormick

Totally disqualified after the Herpet-American assssssssistant read it:
Sneaky Agent-man
Janet Johnson

Two of you thought I've read The Purloined Letter once too often:
Gilbert J. Avila
Stella

Two of you were really deranged by hope and thought I'd just send it to you:
Josin L. McQuein
Kari Lynn Dell



These three were hilarious:
Ashley A.
Nancy Coffelt
Dylan



And then there were some actual locations offered up:

The Herpet American Assistant!
Daryl Sedore
Joyce

The Slithery Barbara Poelle's office
Jennifer N

the closet
Delilah S. Dawson

Jeff Somers' pants
Patty

the liquor cabinet
Renee Pinner


backstage at a Broadway show
ninidee

Godsend Meredith's washer and dryer
Meredith

the psych ward
Dawn

Friendlys on Madison Avenue
Shelli Carnelison

bookshelf in the bedroom
absoluteleejj

messenger bag
PD Singer

Alaska!
Melissa

Stephany Evans' desk
LTM

top shelf
David Alton Dodd

bookshelf guarded by Herpet American Asssssistant
Rebecca T. Little

The Rejectionist's desk
Piper Quinn

Wen 文鮫 Vegan Chinese:
John


There were some very zen locations offered by:
KD James
Mina
Fanfreakingtastic Flower
Jenny Tonks
Sophie Playle
Jael


And one of you actually got it right:
Laurie Lamb


Here's her comment:

Oh where, oh where is the ARC of YOU?
You search and search for the right clue.

You monitor Janet's excellent blog,
Until your poor brain is lost in a fog.

Then you are on the edge of your seat,
When you notice a really good tweet.

YOU's on the desk of Suzie Townsend,
Somewhere near her deft mouse hand.

How to get it I'll tell you,
I'll say please and, of course, thank you.



Laurie Lamb, you are the winner of YOU!
(send me your mailing address for the prize!)

YOU was indeed exactly where Laurie thought it was:


and all she had to do was say "please!"

I know...very very devious.



Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

212-GIM-MEEE!

Riiiiing!
Riiiing!

Me (reaching for cell phone hidden under octopus): Whut?

Chipper voice: This is Inge VonPeepenskeeven, formerly of the Slitherina Literary Agency and Gin Appreciation Society! Happy DAY ONE Day!

Me: huh, whut???

Inge: (quite chipper, clearly too happy to last long in publishing) Today is the launch date for Bill Cameron's DAY ONE! We're calling to make sure you have your copy?

Me: WHUT????


Inge: Please, Miss Reid, have you bought a copy of DAY ONE yet?

Me: Buy? BUY? I have YET to forgive Bill Cameron for What He Did to Eager™.! BUY A COPY? He'll be lucky if I ever tweet to him again, that rapscallion reprobate! (sounds of snarling and octopus scuttling under desk)

Inge: Miss Reid? Miss Reid?

Me: WHAT!

Inge: Mr. Cameron sent cupcakes to your office. Miss Townsend and Miss Barnes are poised like raptors with forks and serviettes. Miss Evans, in fact BOTH Miss Evans, are swinging from the chandelier by their knees holding tongs!

Me: All is forgiven! I'll be RIGHT there! Hold them off Inge! Hold them OFF!







Inge: Where oh where did I put my application for the convent?

TrueBlood fans!

The best thing about going to see Robin Hood (other than what happened in the post below) was seeing all the TrueBlood fans! Tonight there was a screening at the theatre. Our first clue was the table and bevy of publicists.




But the next BIG clue was the line outside: people clearly in "I'll wait here for hours if I have to mode!"




And yes, it was a thrill to see the marquee!




D'oh

Me: Hey Suzie! Look at those cool Simpsons figures! Go sit in Homer's lap; I'll take your picture; it'll be fun.

Suzie: OK!

Sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide.

Passing NYT Bestselling author: are you ok?

Me: (unable to reply due to guffaws at Suzie knocking over every single Simpson in her slide to the floor)

Suzie: yes, I'm fine! SHE however (pointing at me) is chum!

Me: Wait! Wait! I want to take your picture!

Suzie: Janet, I'm going to beat you to a pulp with that camera one of these days!