Periodically I lose my mind and send non-form rejection letters.
Here's the response to one I sent last night:
You probably think you are doing me a favor by being honest. I have a thick skin. I've been doing this a long time. This is a third novel, not to count all the years of short-story writing in the writing programs. I think if people had talked to me like you just did all
along I would have given up.
But I'm damn good at it, and I know what I'm doing. I've been through this before and from our end it's a grueling process. However, I never cease to be surprised by the things that agents will say in all seriousness.
You are supposed to be one of the "nice" agents. Writers actually LIKE you.
You are in a position of power. Don't abuse it.
Look back over your email to me. If you find nothing wrong with it, then your ego is beyond repair. I don't expect an apology or anything. Just please learn to keep such thoughts to yourself.
This is not a relationship that would have worked out.
And for your viewing pleasure, here's the non-form email I sent:
Comic literary novel?
Let me hit myself in the head with that hammer, save you the trouble.
Those things are damn hard to sell. I know this. I have two on my list.
Three if you count the one I managed to sell after two years of trying.
I'm not taking on more right now. Do query other agents. Some of my
inability to sell these may be ..ahem...my fault.
When, like an UTTER idiot I responded to the email I got this:
Your tone was condescending, your attitude dismissive. Writing a novel is a major endeavor and you of all people should respect it.
I understand the realities of the business. It's no excuse.
A form letter is at least professional.
I'm sure I'll probably go off my head and do non-form emails again, but every time you're tempted to rue the form letter, and wish agents didn't send them, you'll at least know why we don't. One of these a week is quite enough.
20 comments:
Well.
After reading the full comment you sent, this person who queried you just doesn't have the experience they say they have. I thought you gave him/her an honest answer and there should have been no need for them to reply at all unless it was "Thank you".
So, don't stop sending out those personal comments altogether, because some of us actually listen and appreciate whatever you (collectively, meaning all agents) have to say.
It is hard to get along with people who know everything.
It would be so helpful to have an agent say, "Doesn't seem different enough," or "I want to know about the physical plot and less about how the characters change," or "I only handle contemporary fantasy," or "It sounds creepy when you say . . .."
Ach, such an ungrateful writer. What is more valuable than advice from someone who is successful in the business? I wish I could buy it, but there's no market.
You're one of the nice agents? Hmm. I don't actually WANT a nice agent. I want someone who knows the business, knows how to sell, and says what she thinks.
Having seen you at SiWC, you are all of the above (and hilarious to boot), but watching you snatch pages from under the noses of your fellow agents on the "read the first page and get agent feedback" panel made it clear you're not 'nice'. Plus, hello, aren't you a New Yorker?? :)
And it infuriates me when writers throw hissy fits about comments given to them by agents. I had a partial, very early in my career, get a response of "the writing isn't polished and mature enough to make it". Did I cry? Hell, yes. Did I write back and complain? No, I sent her a 'thank you'. (And I fixed the damn thing and have spent the last three years improving and nobody says that kind of thing any more.)
May the next non-form email you send get a better response. (Could hardly get a worse one!)
Heather
maybe you should just send the dude an actual hammer. tell him to hit himself in the head instead of you, then. (you were just trying to save him trouble, afterall.)
hehe. people that write literary novels take themselves too seriously.
What's strange is that the writer apparently didn't read your response very well. You were essentially saying you find it hard to sell this type of novel, but you didn't say anything about the quality of the writer's work. If "your genre is a tough sell for me" is enough to set this writer off, what are revision notes going to do?
As a sensitive, lip-quivering, puppy-cuddling artiste myself, I can see I might feel a bit wounded by this rejection because the dismissal seemed too light (although someone who writes comic novels should be able to handle a light-hearted email, you'd think.)
However, it was not condescending, nor could anything about it be construed as an abuse of power.
The writer's response of "Just shut up" is pretty damned far from professional, no matter what provocation they perceived. You just do not say that to people; it serves no purpose except to spread the angry feelings around.
Um. But "nice" agent? Didn't this person research you first? ;-)
Janet, I'll always be grateful for the beautiful letter you sent me, which I used to revise my novel. I hope you won't stop because of a few unappreciative writers. They'll never know a good thing when they see it, and you are a good thing! I cherish your letter and the few others who took the time to write them.
Oh, but don't give up sending personal replies. Do you have any idea how much ... of course you do ... personal replies helped me?
I've been through the list before. A Harlequin editor wrote a short but to the point personal letter on characterization on my first chapter. I learned from it.
A Baen editor sent along "reader comments" that kept me going, even though their answer was no.
Oh heck, no need to repeat the list. I've given it before somewhere. Personal replies help, and even if there are jerks out there who can't see the help intended, probably most of us who get them can.
Yesterday I got a rejection for Pixie Warrior. Pixie Warrior is already published. They sat on my query for about a year ... Which is puzzling, but pixies are easy to confuse. The agent's assistant said, we like this but we can't sell it easily.
Okay, I understand that. It had to find its niche. It's an ebook. It did well on release, making it to number two on the mobipocket best seller in fantasy list and number three on readerwise. It's paper later this year. It would never have seen the light of day without comments from agents and editors. The comments made me think and analyze.
Were some of them nasty? A couple. One was probably unintentionally nasty. One came from an agent who has a reputation for being NASTY. And then there was the two page letter from a small press that in great detail explained why my book resembled something a cat may leave in your garden. That one was not helpful.
The few that weren't helpful are more than made up for by those that were. So, don't stop sending them. Just be more selective.
There's nothing wrong with, and a lot right with, humility. A daily dose of humility will keep one from thinking their word processor writes in 24 karat gold. And agents might find it useful occasionally, if they don't lose it in the "whatsit" drawer.
Janet, don't let one rude fuck get you down. There's an awful lot of us who would rather hear, "I've got two of these languishing on my list already and maybe the fault is mine" than another form letter that no one bothered to put in the copier straight.
Wacky, just plain wacky. If that person ever finds an agent, then a publisher - which I have my doubts about - I sure as hell wouldn't want to be their editor.
How odd- a rejection letter with humor! I liked it. The writer should have really appreciated that you didn't send a form like every other agent does. I'm guessing your warning to him went completely unheeded.
To me, at least, there's a straightforward protocol for receiving rejection letters.
If it's a form letter: don't respond.
If it's not a form letter and you absolutely can't stop yourself from replying: respond with a short, simple thank you.
If an agent has rejected your submission, she probably isn't at all keen on entering into a dialogue with you. Why bother her?
The more I read your blog, the more I like you. When I'm ready to submit to you I hope won't be a rejection, but if it has to be one, I hope mine's as personal as that. That person needs to get a grip. Sheesh. And as for being 'nice', honesty is a whole lot nicer than fluffy words.
Sha'el -
Of course they can't sell Pixie Warrior easily-- there's a book just like it, by the same title, already out!
I did once receive a rejection from an agent - who was already my agent and had asked me for a paragraph each on up to 10 book ideas, which I worked on for quite some time and sent to him - that read, simply:
"No."
It wasn't even:
"Dear Eric,
No.
Best,
XXXXXXX"
Now, I did regard that as rather insulting, and that agent is no longer my agent. But I didn't bother responding to it at all.
Call me strange, but I actually prefer form letters. They tell you exactly the information you need in a timely manner. Nothing else is relevant. "No, because..." or "No, but..." is still no, isn't it?
The only personal repsonse that has been helpful to me is "This didn't work for me, but please try me again with the next book." For all else, I prefer a form.
I don't mind personal responses - in fact, I prefer them. It means I'm on the right track. It means the agent or editor didn't just stop reading, throw the form reject into the envelope and dismiss my query or partial.
It just strikes me as odd that someone would respond to a rejection in the first place.
If I took the time to respond to all the rejections I get, I'd never get any real writing done. ;)
I liked your rejection letter a tremendous amount. I got one from an agent on a script I wrote. "Great characters. Too bad they're in search of a plot." Too bad the two sentences the agent wrote were the best thing in my script too. I laughed even though he was right. I never learned so much in so little time - like the 2 seconds it took to read his 2 sentences.
Just Wow.
I've only sent queries to two NY publishers--both asked for partials--one asked for a full later and passed.
One didn't find it unique enough and the other didn't like the alpha hero.
I was ecstatic when I got a personal letter telling me what was wrong with the book--it was my first novel. (many, many years ago)
Now, I've sent quite a few queries to publishers and gotten quite a few reasons for passes and requests to edit and resubmit (that on hindsight, I so wish I'd done rather than try a different publisher)
To me, a personal rejection means something was good--even if it wasn't ALL good. That was enough to keep me writing.
When I read the first letter from your person, I thought you must have been really feeling sharky that day. I was surprised when your response was simply it wasn't something you could sell and a suggestion to look elsewhere.
It's sad when a few ruin things for so many.
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