Pursuant to the rant below on why you get form letters, one of my wittier clients emailed me the following suggestions for new form rejecton letters:
Literary humor?
Sorry, honey!
I could maybe sell this . . .
if only it was funny!
or
Sorry, no,
but don't start crying!
There's other agents.
Keep on trying!
or
No, but keep trying
and best of luck.
Somebody might think
you don't totally suck!
Perhaps I'll vary them by week.
3 comments:
LOL! I like #3 best.
Though maybe not if I was receiving it. How about:
Not feelin' the love,
so not right for me.
Keep going, you'll make it.
Or not. C'est la vie.
Actually, if you think about it, the first two lines of the letter are classic.
"Read your entire Comic literary novel?
Let me hit myself in the head with that hammer, save you the trouble."
Or
"Read your entire YA Sci-Fi novel?
Let me hit myself in the head with that hammer, save you the trouble."
You could slip in almost any genre you want; it could become the standard rejection letter.
How about,
I’m sending you one of my form rejections,
And be happy that’s what I chose,
Otherwise I’d have Mapquested for directions,
To find and punch you in the nose.
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