The waiting game

I didn't take on two novels this week for very different reasons.

The first was for a novel that is simply out of my league.  I'll read it when it gets published. I'll be in the author's fan club for life (I hope!)  But I won't be his agent.  He needs an agent who has better editorial acumen than I.  A lot of agents spring from the primordial ooze of editorial; not I.

My pass to him closed with this: I have to recognize my own limitations and step aside. You'll thank me for this. Maybe not right this second, but soon, and for the rest of your life.


The second was for a writer who's going to be very very good.  He writes very clean crisp prose.  He just doesn't have the right book yet.  The novel he queried me for is one I've read a dozen times.  It's possible to get those published these days but only if you're in the midst of a multiple book contract. He's not. He's writing his debut.  He needs something fresh and new.  I have no doubt he'll find it.


What I'm wondering now is how this will all turn out. It will be interesting to come back in a year and see what's transpired. Was I right to say no to the Amazing Novel? Was I wrong to let Talented Unknown get away?

The only way to know will be to see the results.  Unlike poker there are no published odds. There's only experience and instinct.  I've been wrong a lot. But I've been right enough.

What choices have you made that needed a year to know whether you were right?

High Concept Explained

not by me of course, but very well by Holly Root over at the Waxman Agency who, when not slithering around with Barbara Poelle and me, has been known to sell a book or two.

Going Commando

I'm back from an extended stay in Catatonic, a little known resort in the Catskills.
I'm less crabby for sure, and there are a bunch of people going to a writing conference this coming weekend who are going to be damn happy to hear that.

I'm offering a class there titled Going Commando: Working Without A Literary Agent.

It seems counter-intuitive I know, but frankly there are a lot of people out there who are published sans agent, and as the number of e-book publishers grows, so will the number of unagented authors.

I have my syllabus, but I thought I'd avail myself of your advice is you have any. If you've been published without an agent, I'd be glad to hear from you: what you learned, what you wished you'd known, mistakes you made and how you fixed (or didn't!) them.

Drop me a line at janet @
fineprintlit.com

And thanks for not remodeling the blog or covering it with graffiti while I was gone.

Oops.
Who did this?!?!

So, the earth opens up to swallow you--thank god

The earlier post today about a tone-deaf author insulting an editor at lunch prompted some commenters to ask, probably not too sardonically but one never really knows: "so J, what would you have done had you been sitting there?"

In order:

A. Pray for the imminent arrival of either the risen Christ and/or the four horsemen of the apocalypse; try to sign one or all to exclusive book deal.

B. Pray for a large black hole to erupt in the floor and then leap into it, sans parachute

C. Stand up, throw my serviette in the air and scream "Holy Rodentia, a RAT!"

D. Divert the editors attention with a hissed "look there, it's Judith Regan back from China interviewing Peter Olson for a job", and then stab my author with a fork. I read crime fiction; I know how to do that.


All hilarity aside, I'd be so mortified I'm not sure I'd have the presence of mind to do anything other than sit there and pray for a stroke. His, mine, doesn't matter. Just death, now.

What happens AFTERwards though is how you survive this. First, you phone the editor and say something like "well, that was one for the blog, wasn't it".

Then you send flowers and a card that says "We lived through the crap at lunch, here are the resulting posies. Please accept my heartfelt apologies for my boorish client and my failure to kill him mid-word."

And of course, you pick up the tab for lunch. Discreetly.

We've all had stuff like this happen. I can laugh about it now but I'm also a whole lot less willing to let someone natter on stupidly anymore without simply putting a hand on his knee and saying, very quietly, "stop talking now." Which is why you always sit next to the client and across from the editor at these meetings. I learned that from the Art of War, my operating rules for living in NYC.

Just shoot me now, back to SASEs

My perplexity about someone mailing query without an SASE overlooked the obvious: it was a mistake; the writer intended to include one.


Since I like to make mistakes at least once a day, just to make sure I don't lose my knack for doing so, may I suggest this:

If you're querying by mail, put Enc: SASE under your sig line. That way, if you forget, I know you've forgotten. Same with sample pages. Enc: 5 pages of deathless prose. Same with $20 bills. Ah the stuff that dreams are made of! (Can you tell I just read The Maltese Falcon?)

Santa Agent is bringing me coal***...and I'm ok with that

1. No, you can't come to my office to pitch me your books while you're visiting NYC for the holidays. You have to send a query. If I want to look at you, I'll tell you. And why do you think I'd be available the four days before Christmas anyway? (and just fyi, I DO meet with prospects but it's AFTER I've read their entire novel, had several email exchanges and expressed interest in talking further) 

 

2. When you send me a manuscript that is in some weird ass font, with weird ass margins, and you've quadruple spaced between paragraphs, and I have to fix it just to read the first four pages...how much do I want to read on? Choose from: 

a. not 

b. Not 

c. NOT 

 

3. No, I'm not paying to go to your conference. I don't need "the visibility" thanks. Right now, I'd prefer to be INVISIBLE in fact. I'm not paying for any part of a conference. Not the banquet, not the taxi ride, and certainly not the plane fare. If I wanted a "vacation" in the middle of January, trust me, it would NOT involve people pitching me their novels!!! 

 

(removed rant about menorahs and Christmas trees side by side....it was a good one, but off off off topic) 

 

Yes I'm cranky as hell. Rain, sleet, snow and ice all on the same day will do that to a person. Clearly time to go read a good book. Fortunately I have several right here.

Friday Night at the Question Emporium 3

Question:

I just read your interview in 3rd Degree and something there really caught my eye. It was in your answer to questions one should ask a prospective agent:

Have you read a graphic novel, listened to a podcast or bought an e-book?

That's an interesting question to ask and suggests that I may be missing something about new media. What do you feel it says about an agent if they answer "yes" or "no" to that question?

Answer:

In my opinion an agent should be up to date on all the avenuesan authors' rights can be sold. That includes graphic novels, audio/podcasting and ebooks. It's one thing to have a passing familiarity with the terms, it's another thing to have hunted down graphic novels in Barnes and Noble, gone to itunes to lookup podcasts, and held a Sony e-reader in your hand.

It's damn easy to get complacent. We're in the middle of the most exciting revolution since movable type. How we communicate, both in form and function is changing more rapidly than any of us can fully understand. If I were agent shopping, I'd want to make sure the agent was at least trying to understand this new stuff, not sitting around saying "oh wow, times they sure are a'changin'".

I'm not saying an agent has to be expert on all this; I certainly am not. But a good agent has done more than read about a graphic novel or a podcast or an ebook in PW.

Blog glossary

CAPCHA/Re-Capcha: the tool used by Blogger to filter out spam-bot comments. Some blog readers get pictures. Some get "check that you are not a robot."  It's often an off-topic comment about trying to figure out "what is ice cream" and "what is a cupcake" when it's clear Blogger does Not Know.


CARKOON: desert planet where QOTKU banishes/exiles commenters [in good humor] who question or disagree with her advice or her sanity, or suggest she should do MORE than she already does for the benefit of writers

FELIX BUTTONWEEZER [with various spellings]: a fictitious writer/agent/reader/all-around fun person to make the butt of lame jokes or blame for everything that goes wrong. There are references also to various members of the Buttonweezer family.

NORMAN: the designation for agents who utilize the loathsome "NO Response MeANs no" policy, coined by Colin Smith, and used now by many commenters.

OP:  Original Poster (also, the asker of the question that blog post is answering that day)

Opie: See OP above

QOTKU: Queen Of The Known Universe, AKA the Shark, AKA Janet Reid, the all-knowing [except to brianrschwarz] owner of this blog

TYFATKYFW: Things You Fret About That Keep You From Writing (acronym from blog reader Matt Adams),  specifically things that you fret about that are outside a writer's control and often fretted about instead of plot holes and structural problems in the novel (ie things you DO have control over)

VOMMENT: Originally a typo (of comment) it is now blog lingo as follows:

It's a hard word to define.

Like someone said here not long ago, there's a fine line between funny and stupid.

Vomment: that which balances on the fine line between literary expression and OMG-did-I-really-just-say-that? Yup.

Vomment: A spit it out and hit enter comment.

Vomment: A projectile comment, once expressed, makes you feel better momentarily but leaves behind the lingering air of nincompoop.

These definitions are fine examples of vomments.

 (courtesy of CarolynnWith2Ns)

WOODLAND CREATURES:  writers/authors who scurry around trying to make sense of things, AKA all of us



2NNs (or 2Ns): blog commenter CarolynnWith2Ns.

If you see a term you don't recognize, and can't intuit the meaning from context, it's very OK to ask in the comment section of the post about what that term means. We'll add it here, as needed.