Friday, July 17, 2020

Flash fiction contest inspired by bears!

Laura's comment on this post about bears
I’m guessing this story didn’t run in the Flathead Beacon Police Blotter. With items like, “The golfer on the sixth green at a local course turned out to be a black bear,” it’s one of my favorite newsfeed subscriptions.
prompted me to think it would be fun to have a flash fiction contest!

Write a police blotter item for the Flathead Beacon:

No prompt words.

Just 100 words or fewer.

The other rules apply:

1. Post the entry in the comment column of THIS blog post.

2. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan (a do-over) erase your entry and post again. It helps to work out your entry first, then post.

3. International entries are allowed, but prizes may vary for international addresses.

4. Titles count as part of the word count (you don't need a title)

5. Under no circumstances should you tweet anything about your particular entry to me. Example: "Hope you like my entry about Felix Buttonweezer!" This is grounds for disqualification.

6. There are no circumstances in which it is ok to ask for feedback from ME on your contest entry. NONE.

7. It's ok to tweet about the contest generally.
Example: "I just entered the flash fiction contest on Janet's blog and I didn't even get a lousy t-shirt"

8. Please do not post anything but contest entries. (Not for example "I love Felix Buttonweezer's entry!"). Save that for the contest results post.

9. You agree that your contest entry can remain posted on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't later ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date.

10. The stories must be self-contained. That is: do not include links or footnotes to explain any part of the story. Those extras will not be considered part of the story.

Contest opens: Saturday July 18, 6:17am
Contest closes:Sunday, July 19, 9am

If you're wondering how what time it is in NYC right now, here's the clock

If you'd like to see the entries that have won previous contests, there's an .xls spread sheet here

(Thanks to Colin Smith for organizing and maintaining this!)

Questions? Tweet to me @Janet_Reid

Ready? SET?
Not yet! 
Rats! Too late; contest closed!


NLiu said...

Nov 30th

A Kalispell resident reported a "shady-looking guy" with a large dog was standing in her neighbor's yard and staring at her house. Upon investigation, police discovered the interlopers were in fact a life-size inflatable Santa and Rudolph. When pressed as to why she had not mentioned the man and his animal companion were glowing brightly, the resident said she "didn't want to alarm anyone".

french sojourn said...

Stranded burglars call 911 from closet.

Walter and Orville Demer called police late Wednesday night from a house they were robbing. Deputy Marlowe tells The Flathead Beacon how it unfolded.

The brothers were in the living room when they heard a voice say, “Jesus is watching.” Walter Demer said he just about had a stroke; he turned the flashlight towards the voice to see a scruffy Parrot in a cage.

Orville Demer asked the parrot, “Are you Jesus? He said the parrot replied,
“No, I’m Phillip.”

“Then who’s Jesus?”

“The rottweiler behind you.”

Police arrived and detained the two suspects.

Steve Forti said...

Wife arrested for stabbing husband blames his “repeated terror”.

It started with a pencil. He found another one. Called it his “Number Two Number Two”. Later, her ballet outfit was too tight, cut off feeling in her legs. So he threw it out. Her second favorite outfit was even tighter. So he got rid of her “Number Number Two Tutu”, too.

Officers say the final straw came this afternoon when the husband, exiting the bathroom, announced that he had just taken his second favorite follow up defecation. Or, as he put it, his “Number Two Number Two Number Two.”

AJ Blythe said...

A Eureka man called 911 to report a missing house. He’d come home from the pub to find his house gone and another in its place.

S.D.King said...

A Kalispell woman raised a stink when she took her nine month old son to the library story hour without a diaper.

"Fair is fair. That new librarian aide keeps taking off her mask and exposes us to her s---! Let's see how she likes E-Coli!"

With HazMat working the BearScat Festival, clean up was left to the Bomb Squad whose body cameras blurred due to frequent gag responses.

The mother eventually left with a stack of disposable masks from which a diaper was fashioned.

Head librarian Esther Dooty commented, "We were never so glad to be wearing masks!"

shanepatrickwrites said...

10:27 Man with “pounding headache” reports car stolen.

11:13 Wife complains that husband threw empty can at her when she refused to get him another beer.

11:27 and 12:34 Gunfire reported at trailer park. Determined to be Henry’s pickup. “One of them valves is plumb stuck.”

13:01 Woman discovers neighbor’s goat in her rose bushes again. Goat appears randy.

14:44 Child observed having tantrum, dropped cone.

15:03 Resident denounces graffiti under bridge, says old graffiti was better.

16:06 Man on way to the Post Office reports car unstolen. “I musta been smart enough to walk home.” Also, headache subsiding.

Nom de plume said...

Officers responded to a disgruntled customer at the Kalispell gardening center. She broke several ceramic planters before calling 911 to report the center for false advertising and poor customer service. The woman alleges they sold her snapdragon seeds in March which yielded only flowers and one toothless Wyvern.

Timothy Lowe said...

11:33 pm: Whitefish Recreation and Parks reports two masked individuals breaking and entering a state park swimming area after-hours. After being charged with indecent exposure, public lewdness and trespassing, the Flathead County neighbors claim they were looking for a location to engage in “socially distanced skinny dipping.”

B.I.Hirsch said...

Charges against a local school bus driver for violating a restraining order were dropped Wednesday. Agnes Bleaker of Pine Street reported the crime, Monday, when she returned home from work.
“It's my g— d— ex, Jerome,” she told 911. “He dresses like Big Foot whenever he's horny. I told him enough already.”
School officials immediately helped police locate the driver who was arrested.
Officers responding to the scene noted the crime was still in progress and the actual perpetrator was a black bear.
The children on the bus were located and will be sent home . They appeared unharmed.

InkStainedWench said...

A Flathead coffee shop has filed a missing bear report with police after discovering its mascot missing Tuesday morning. The animal was absent when employees arrived, and a 50-lb bag of Liberica beans was found torn open and half empty, police said.

The bear is described as black, 5'8” tall (when upright), and 317 lbs. The public is urged to notify police if the bear is spotted; although not considered armed, he is likely to be quite jittery. He can be lured with salmon or a macchiato, and answers to the name of the shop, Brew Inn.

Craig F said...

Reports of a golfer allowed to use a cart, against roll out rules, were overturned. Golfers who rushed to get video proof were seen running in the other direction.

They were pursued by an angry bear. It seems the noise they made caused the bear to miss his putt.

BrianH said...

While the city of Dumerville reels at the theft of the World’s Largest Bale of Hay, a new lead has emerged. Local police report that at 22:48 yesterday, a suspect was apprehended for vandalism of dictionaries at the Dumerville Library. Emma Lowett Bulb (56) later confessed to stealing the city’s prized roadside attraction with the intention of “springing a friend,” a Mr. Moran of St. Albinus County, recently arraigned. The attraction has not been recovered, but a police spokesperson confirmed that search parties are active. Ms. Bulb is being held pending bale.

Kregger said...

Pointyhead Beacon Police Blotter

911: Fight ensued at Mayor’s council to rename city to Slopehead.

Neighborhood-Watch: A bear and two cubs reported swerving down Main. Alcohol odor detected.

Police: Neighbor reports stolen fry pan. Unknown if dinner is missing.

Neighborhood-Watch: Mobile still and meth lab moves.

PH-Beacon: Mayor furious over indecision to change name.

PH-City: Firetruck dispatched to open flames. Strong smell of iron detected.

PH-City: Ambulance dispatch to mayor’s office after loud clang.

PH-Beacon: Bear strikes Mayor. Mayor slurs, “New name is Flathead City.”

FH-ASPCA: Bear seen limping to city limits.

Call from the wild, I am a bear.

Colin Smith said...

12:30am Terrified lady reported home invasion. Suspect entered through second floor bedroom window. 100 Grove Lane.

1:02am Officer called for backup. Two aggressive, possibly rabid, individuals. One appeared to be wearing a police uniform. Attacked during routine patrol. 100 Grove Lane.

1:34am Officer called for backup. Three aggressive, possibly rabid, individuals. Two appeared to be wearing police uniforms. Attacked during routine patrol. 100 Grove Lane.

2:10am Officer called for backup. Four aggressive, possibly rabid, individuals. Three appeared to be wearing police uniforms. Attacked during routine patrol. 100 Grove Lane.

3:00am Fire at 100 Grove Lane. Arson suspected. Kalispell priest arrested.

Matt Krizan said...

A man was found dead this morning in his Kalispell home. Several prominent members of the community who attended a dinner party at the man’s home the previous evening are being treated as persons of interest. While the exact cause of death is as of yet unknown, a number of suspicious objects were found in the vicinity of the body, among them a candlestick, a rope, and a lead pipe. The investigation is ongoing.

CED said...

A Kalispell man was arrested for terrorizing the downtown area in an oversized ant costume. He claimed to be following all local COVID regulations by "social insecting, wearing a mask, and maintaining six feet."

Sunnygoetze said...

Sat, July 18, 2020
A six-year-old boy in Flathead County, took in a rabid squirrel as a pet and named him Nutty.

travelkat said...

East Coast Police Chief Arrested on Vacation for Boatjacking, Fishing Without License, Animal Cruelty

Chief Martin Brody of Amity Island was arrested after he stole a rowboat, harpooned invisible creatures with an oar, and finally caught an undersize trout in his hat. He proceeded to blow up the unfortunate animal by pouring Mentos and Coca-Cola into its mouth. His two companions, who sat on the shore singing sea shanties, comparing scars, and yelling, “da-dun, da-dun,” were not taken into custody. As he was hauled away Brody cried, “you’re gonna need a bigger jail.” Alcohol was presumably involved.

Marie McKay said...

A woman called 911 to say her sister needed to report a missing person. When asked who was missing the woman explained it was herself. She confirmed she had taken a number of wrong turns on the drive to her sister's which meant her sister wouldn't have clue where she was.

Brigid said...

8:17 pm: A Kalispell man reported his wife was unresponsive, possibly having a seizure.

8:19 pm: After he threw water on her, he learned she was actually just engrossed in a book. Police declined to press charges on behalf of the book.

9:57 pm: Break-in reported at local bookstore.

Just Jan said...

2:24 pm: A birthday cake was reported missing. The baker claimed that a neighbor’s goat had butted its way into the party right before the disappearance because it was “jealous of my two-year-old granddaughter.” The toddler, who appeared inconsolable, was apparently fine after a nap. The goat is still on the lam.

LynnRodz said...

A woman and a grizzly collided in the Glacier National Park. When rangers arrived, witnesses said she was staggering all over the trail while the bear was minding his own business rummaging for food in one of the trash bins.

The woman, Ms. Goldie, admitted she went jogging after a morning of drinking mimosas. Apparently, some had too much orange juice and not enough champagne. Others didn't have enough OJ, so she drank until one was just right.

The bear, after feasting on picnic leftovers, returned home. He later filed a complaint about his fridge being bare.

RosannaM said...

Suspicious Watermelon Left Near Fruit Stand

Thursday afternoon police were called to the scene of an abandoned oblong melon resting against empty boxes at the Caliente Farm stand in West Kalispell.

Melon appeared to be pierced with many holes drilled to the exact size of recently banned plastic straws. One spokesman remarked, “the area smelled like a distillery.”

Police speculate this is the work of a roving gang of artisanal cocktail artists and investigation is ongoing.

The public is urged not to slurp from straws in any fruit more than a couple of times. Please share and stay safe.

C. H. Reaver said...

A resident who "just came home" reported police in her house, claimed she didn't call them, and that they stole "a week's worth of lunches" from the fridge. The man who got stuck in the chimney was the one who called 911 first, needed a rescue. He accused the house owner of abducting and confining him there. Police suspect that the owner was indeed responsible for his confinement as she made too many lunches.

JanR said...

Fri, Aug 15, 1057
By Kenneth MacDuff
Police were called to 9 Fife Street by a man who had “lost all his pretty chickens and their dam at one fell swoop.” He wanted to invite the cops to a chicken dinner.

Wed, Nov 1, 1508
By Desdemona Moor
The substance that neighbours reported as “foul charms or minerals that weakens motion” turned out to be calcium tablets.

Thurs, April 23, 1607
By Anne Hathaway
A woman called to ask if her husband could be cited for getting history wrong. He couldn’t. He had a poetic license.

Tain Leonard-Peck said...

Unmasked Thieves Rob Bank
Earlier today in Kalispell, two men robbed Rocky Mountain Bank. Entering the bank, the pair briefly conversed with the receptionist before proceeding to the center of the bank and removing their face masks. The bank's patrons, employees, and security guards fled the building in a panic, resulting in numerous minor injuries. The thieves then looted the bank at their leisure. The police are confident that the perpetrators will be swiftly apprehended, seeing as they blatantly revealed their faces to both witnesses and the bank's cameras, in violation of Covid-19 protocol.

C. Dan Castro said...

Soooooo...should we worry about our seniors? The really elderly? Glasses prescriptions all expired? Here, read this Flathead Beacon Retirement Village Police Blotter excerpt:

****An octogenarian reported a large, hairy man in her kitchen. Suspect absconded with an apple pie.

****A nonagenarian reported a thief stealing his vehicle, driving as if under the influence, then crashing into Flathead Woods. Suspect ("hirsute," "roly-poly") was gone when police arrived. He stole 2 pizzas.

****A centenarian passing Flathead Woods Cave was menaced by a growling, huge, hairy transient. Suspect fled by unicycle.



Soooooo...remember that recent circus with several animal escapes?

Hannah said...

Jam-making festival postponed on account of bees.
No legal action against local honey producers anticipated.

Michael Seese said...

Local noted numismatist Penelope "Penny" Reed died yesterday in the parlor of her Roosevelt Avenue home.

Police suspect foul play to be involved, as Ms. Reed’s body was discovered with 96 Morgan Dollars crammed into her mouth. No other weapons were found, as Ms. Reed was widely known to have an abnormal fear of hammers, baseball bats, tubas, and other blunt instruments.

According to Police Chief Lincoln Nichols, "Clearly the killer understood the old adage. If you can't beat 'em, coin 'em."

Services will be held at the Washington and Jefferson Funeral Home.