tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post220169182283078355..comments2024-03-18T09:09:59.625-04:00Comments on Janet Reid, Literary Agent: Flash fiction contest inspired by bears!Janet Reidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00615380335938685231noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-3201511418494359792020-07-19T08:54:04.816-04:002020-07-19T08:54:04.816-04:00Local noted numismatist Penelope "Penny"...Local noted numismatist Penelope "Penny" Reed died yesterday in the parlor of her Roosevelt Avenue home. <br /><br />Police suspect foul play to be involved, as Ms. Reed’s body was discovered with 96 Morgan Dollars crammed into her mouth. No other weapons were found, as Ms. Reed was widely known to have an abnormal fear of hammers, baseball bats, tubas, and other blunt instruments. <br /><br />According to Police Chief Lincoln Nichols, "Clearly the killer understood the old adage. If you can't beat 'em, coin 'em."<br /><br />Services will be held at the Washington and Jefferson Funeral Home.<br />Michael Seesehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03694187657718931214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-57411641002613751372020-07-19T05:29:13.415-04:002020-07-19T05:29:13.415-04:00Jam-making festival postponed on account of bees.
...Jam-making festival postponed on account of bees.<br />No legal action against local honey producers anticipated.Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13420202529059404746noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-35251676902475311212020-07-19T04:02:38.669-04:002020-07-19T04:02:38.669-04:00Soooooo...should we worry about our seniors? The r...<br /><br />Soooooo...should we worry about our seniors? The <b>really</b> elderly? Glasses prescriptions all expired? Here, read this Flathead Beacon Retirement Village Police Blotter excerpt:<br /><br /><i>****An octogenarian reported a large, hairy man in her kitchen. Suspect absconded with an apple pie.<br /><br />****A nonagenarian reported a thief stealing his vehicle, driving as if under the influence, then crashing into Flathead Woods. Suspect ("hirsute," "roly-poly") was gone when police arrived. He stole 2 pizzas.<br /><br />****A centenarian passing Flathead Woods Cave was menaced by a growling, huge, hairy transient. Suspect fled by unicycle.</i><br /><br />Yeah.<br /><br />Unicycle.<br /><br />Soooooo...remember that recent circus with several animal escapes?<br />C. Dan Castrohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15648247329883078385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-28963740774626582572020-07-19T02:53:55.225-04:002020-07-19T02:53:55.225-04:00Unmasked Thieves Rob Bank
Earlier today in Kalispe...Unmasked Thieves Rob Bank<br />Earlier today in Kalispell, two men robbed Rocky Mountain Bank. Entering the bank, the pair briefly conversed with the receptionist before proceeding to the center of the bank and removing their face masks. The bank's patrons, employees, and security guards fled the building in a panic, resulting in numerous minor injuries. The thieves then looted the bank at their leisure. The police are confident that the perpetrators will be swiftly apprehended, seeing as they blatantly revealed their faces to both witnesses and the bank's cameras, in violation of Covid-19 protocol.Tain Leonard-Peckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07313974566319713129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-68885741164758603092020-07-19T02:09:40.616-04:002020-07-19T02:09:40.616-04:00Fri, Aug 15, 1057
By Kenneth MacDuff
Police were ...Fri, Aug 15, 1057 <br />By Kenneth MacDuff<br />Police were called to 9 Fife Street by a man who had “lost all his pretty chickens and their dam at one fell swoop.” He wanted to invite the cops to a chicken dinner.<br /><br />Wed, Nov 1, 1508 <br />By Desdemona Moor<br />The substance that neighbours reported as “foul charms or minerals that weakens motion” turned out to be calcium tablets.<br /><br />Thurs, April 23, 1607<br />By Anne Hathaway<br />A woman called to ask if her husband could be cited for getting history wrong. He couldn’t. He had a poetic license.<br />JanRhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06827142186097605430noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-18702542763466175322020-07-19T01:57:27.517-04:002020-07-19T01:57:27.517-04:00A resident who "just came home" reported...A resident who "just came home" reported police in her house, claimed she didn't call them, and that they stole "a week's worth of lunches" from the fridge. The man who got stuck in the chimney was the one who called 911 first, needed a rescue. He accused the house owner of abducting and confining him there. Police suspect that the owner was indeed responsible for his confinement as she made too many lunches.C. H. Reaverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09793790326914857957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-63625502699619743962020-07-19T01:55:15.030-04:002020-07-19T01:55:15.030-04:00Suspicious Watermelon Left Near Fruit Stand
Thurs...<b>Suspicious Watermelon Left Near Fruit Stand</b><br /><br />Thursday afternoon police were called to the scene of an abandoned oblong melon resting against empty boxes at the Caliente Farm stand in West Kalispell.<br /><br />Melon appeared to be pierced with many holes drilled to the exact size of recently banned plastic straws. One spokesman remarked, “the area smelled like a distillery.”<br /><br />Police speculate this is the work of a roving gang of artisanal cocktail artists and investigation is ongoing.<br /><br />The public is urged not to slurp from straws in any fruit more than a couple of times. Please share and stay safe.RosannaMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399732751877180737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-73009412627817040422020-07-18T22:18:06.102-04:002020-07-18T22:18:06.102-04:00A woman and a grizzly collided in the Glacier Nati...A woman and a grizzly collided in the Glacier National Park. When rangers arrived, witnesses said she was staggering all over the trail while the bear was minding his own business rummaging for food in one of the trash bins. <br /><br />The woman, Ms. Goldie, admitted she went jogging after a morning of drinking mimosas. Apparently, some had too much orange juice and not enough champagne. Others didn't have enough OJ, so she drank until one was just right. <br /><br />The bear, after feasting on picnic leftovers, returned home. He later filed a complaint about his fridge being bare.<br />LynnRodzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10796099106913990163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-82489069786220054342020-07-18T19:49:12.430-04:002020-07-18T19:49:12.430-04:002:24 pm: A birthday cake was reported missing. The...2:24 pm: A birthday cake was reported missing. The baker claimed that a neighbor’s goat had butted its way into the party right before the disappearance because it was “jealous of my two-year-old granddaughter.” The toddler, who appeared inconsolable, was apparently fine after a nap. The goat is still on the lam.Just Janhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12546035917149403735noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-869513553142029212020-07-18T16:40:44.287-04:002020-07-18T16:40:44.287-04:008:17 pm: A Kalispell man reported his wife was unr...8:17 pm: A Kalispell man reported his wife was unresponsive, possibly having a seizure.<br /><br />8:19 pm: After he threw water on her, he learned she was actually just engrossed in a book. Police declined to press charges on behalf of the book.<br /><br />9:57 pm: Break-in reported at local bookstore. Brigidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13768090206152536761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-11450066595805422682020-07-18T16:16:25.943-04:002020-07-18T16:16:25.943-04:00A woman called 911 to say her sister needed to rep...A woman called 911 to say her sister needed to report a missing person. When asked who was missing the woman explained it was herself. She confirmed she had taken a number of wrong turns on the drive to her sister's which meant her sister wouldn't have clue where she was.Marie McKayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11405271051226910312noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-86056174946528543582020-07-18T15:29:13.108-04:002020-07-18T15:29:13.108-04:00East Coast Police Chief Arrested on Vacation for B...East Coast Police Chief Arrested on Vacation for Boatjacking, Fishing Without License, Animal Cruelty<br /><br />Chief Martin Brody of Amity Island was arrested after he stole a rowboat, harpooned invisible creatures with an oar, and finally caught an undersize trout in his hat. He proceeded to blow up the unfortunate animal by pouring Mentos and Coca-Cola into its mouth. His two companions, who sat on the shore singing sea shanties, comparing scars, and yelling, “da-dun, da-dun,” were not taken into custody. As he was hauled away Brody cried, “you’re gonna need a bigger jail.” Alcohol was presumably involved.<br />travelkathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00083463709642299401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-28166063019561539802020-07-18T14:25:30.532-04:002020-07-18T14:25:30.532-04:00Sat, July 18, 2020
A six-year-old boy in Flathead ...Sat, July 18, 2020<br />A six-year-old boy in Flathead County, took in a rabid squirrel as a pet and named him Nutty.Sunnygoetzehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11959742238807980642noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-60136595394358249892020-07-18T14:21:16.739-04:002020-07-18T14:21:16.739-04:00A Kalispell man was arrested for terrorizing the d...A Kalispell man was arrested for terrorizing the downtown area in an oversized ant costume. He claimed to be following all local COVID regulations by "social insecting, wearing a mask, and maintaining six feet."CEDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10411394450673673225noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-7158339046333390982020-07-18T14:18:08.869-04:002020-07-18T14:18:08.869-04:00A man was found dead this morning in his Kalispell...A man was found dead this morning in his Kalispell home. Several prominent members of the community who attended a dinner party at the man’s home the previous evening are being treated as persons of interest. While the exact cause of death is as of yet unknown, a number of suspicious objects were found in the vicinity of the body, among them a candlestick, a rope, and a lead pipe. The investigation is ongoing.Matt Krizanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08909856237141692181noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-27255985150278337522020-07-18T14:10:03.929-04:002020-07-18T14:10:03.929-04:0012:30am Terrified lady reported home invasion. Sus...12:30am Terrified lady reported home invasion. Suspect entered through second floor bedroom window. 100 Grove Lane.<br /><br />1:02am Officer called for backup. Two aggressive, possibly rabid, individuals. One appeared to be wearing a police uniform. Attacked during routine patrol. 100 Grove Lane.<br /><br />1:34am Officer called for backup. Three aggressive, possibly rabid, individuals. Two appeared to be wearing police uniforms. Attacked during routine patrol. 100 Grove Lane.<br /><br />2:10am Officer called for backup. Four aggressive, possibly rabid, individuals. Three appeared to be wearing police uniforms. Attacked during routine patrol. 100 Grove Lane.<br /><br />3:00am Fire at 100 Grove Lane. Arson suspected. Kalispell priest arrested.Colin Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03292997431935215499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-61834054877738537692020-07-18T12:10:32.775-04:002020-07-18T12:10:32.775-04:00Pointyhead Beacon Police Blotter
911: Fight ensue...Pointyhead Beacon Police Blotter<br /><br />911: Fight ensued at Mayor’s council to rename city to Slopehead. <br /><br />Neighborhood-Watch: A bear and two cubs reported swerving down Main. Alcohol odor detected.<br /> <br />Police: Neighbor reports stolen fry pan. Unknown if dinner is missing. <br /><br />Neighborhood-Watch: Mobile still and meth lab moves.<br /><br />PH-Beacon: Mayor furious over indecision to change name.<br /><br />PH-City: Firetruck dispatched to open flames. Strong smell of iron detected.<br /><br />PH-City: Ambulance dispatch to mayor’s office after loud clang.<br /><br />PH-Beacon: Bear strikes Mayor. Mayor slurs, “New name is Flathead City.”<br /><br />FH-ASPCA: Bear seen limping to city limits.<br /> <br />Call from the wild, I am a bear.<br />Kreggerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07229620504046221727noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-54543719631713564952020-07-18T12:07:00.228-04:002020-07-18T12:07:00.228-04:00While the city of Dumerville reels at the theft of...While the city of Dumerville reels at the theft of the World’s Largest Bale of Hay, a new lead has emerged. Local police report that at 22:48 yesterday, a suspect was apprehended for vandalism of dictionaries at the Dumerville Library. Emma Lowett Bulb (56) later confessed to stealing the city’s prized roadside attraction with the intention of “springing a friend,” a Mr. Moran of St. Albinus County, recently arraigned. The attraction has not been recovered, but a police spokesperson confirmed that search parties are active. Ms. Bulb is being held pending bale.BrianHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10566285430354410190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-44507743988120834462020-07-18T11:23:54.297-04:002020-07-18T11:23:54.297-04:00Reports of a golfer allowed to use a cart, against...Reports of a golfer allowed to use a cart, against roll out rules, were overturned. Golfers who rushed to get video proof were seen running in the other direction.<br /><br />They were pursued by an angry bear. It seems the noise they made caused the bear to miss his putt.Craig Fhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07157301156577795781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-85864669651857995882020-07-18T10:44:33.223-04:002020-07-18T10:44:33.223-04:00A Flathead coffee shop has filed a missing bear re...<br />A Flathead coffee shop has filed a missing bear report with police after discovering its mascot missing Tuesday morning. The animal was absent when employees arrived, and a 50-lb bag of Liberica beans was found torn open and half empty, police said. <br /><br />The bear is described as black, 5'8” tall (when upright), and 317 lbs. The public is urged to notify police if the bear is spotted; although not considered armed, he is likely to be quite jittery. He can be lured with salmon or a macchiato, and answers to the name of the shop, Brew Inn.InkStainedWenchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07248786662965579123noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-3021886627179958752020-07-18T10:39:17.617-04:002020-07-18T10:39:17.617-04:00Charges against a local school bus driver for viol...Charges against a local school bus driver for violating a restraining order were dropped Wednesday. Agnes Bleaker of Pine Street reported the crime, Monday, when she returned home from work.<br />“It's my g— d— ex, Jerome,” she told 911. “He dresses like Big Foot whenever he's horny. I told him enough already.”<br />School officials immediately helped police locate the driver who was arrested.<br />Officers responding to the scene noted the crime was still in progress and the actual perpetrator was a black bear.<br />The children on the bus were located and will be sent home . They appeared unharmed.B.I.Hirschhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06498391790525688185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-59260841067324119702020-07-18T10:31:23.273-04:002020-07-18T10:31:23.273-04:0011:33 pm: Whitefish Recreation and Parks reports ...11:33 pm: Whitefish Recreation and Parks reports two masked individuals breaking and entering a state park swimming area after-hours. After being charged with indecent exposure, public lewdness and trespassing, the Flathead County neighbors claim they were looking for a location to engage in “socially distanced skinny dipping.”<br />Timothy Lowehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07514224628760035696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-39671171983276715832020-07-18T10:07:41.369-04:002020-07-18T10:07:41.369-04:00Officers responded to a disgruntled customer at th...Officers responded to a disgruntled customer at the Kalispell gardening center. She broke several ceramic planters before calling 911 to report the center for false advertising and poor customer service. The woman alleges they sold her snapdragon seeds in March which yielded only flowers and one toothless Wyvern. Nom de plumehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01309604252298236431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-45660432852062757682020-07-18T10:07:31.974-04:002020-07-18T10:07:31.974-04:00
10:27 Man with “pounding headache” reports car st...<br />10:27 Man with “pounding headache” reports car stolen.<br /><br />11:13 Wife complains that husband threw empty can at her when she refused to get him another beer.<br /><br />11:27 and 12:34 Gunfire reported at trailer park. Determined to be Henry’s pickup. “One of them valves is plumb stuck.”<br /><br />13:01 Woman discovers neighbor’s goat in her rose bushes again. Goat appears randy.<br /><br />14:44 Child observed having tantrum, dropped cone.<br /><br />15:03 Resident denounces graffiti under bridge, says old graffiti was better.<br /><br />16:06 Man on way to the Post Office reports car unstolen. “I musta been smart enough to walk home.” Also, headache subsiding.<br /><br />shanepatrickwriteshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17942239077291100547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-36541154241072946862020-07-18T09:35:12.120-04:002020-07-18T09:35:12.120-04:00A Kalispell woman raised a stink when she took her...A Kalispell woman raised a stink when she took her nine month old son to the library story hour without a diaper.<br /><br /><br /> "Fair is fair. That new librarian aide keeps taking off her mask and exposes us to her s---! Let's see how she likes E-Coli!"<br /><br /><br />With HazMat working the BearScat Festival, clean up was left to the Bomb Squad whose body cameras blurred due to frequent gag responses.<br /><br /><br />The mother eventually left with a stack of disposable masks from which a diaper was fashioned.<br /><br /><br />Head librarian Esther Dooty commented, "We were never so glad to be wearing masks!"<br /><br /><br />S.D.Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05707682524268581476noreply@blogger.com