Looking to change agents?

I did a quick q&a at Writers Digest recently. I can always tell when one of my self-promo things hits the RSS feeds cause I get a spike in "I want to change agents" kinds of queries.

Sorry, not quite right for me.

I'm sorry you think your current agent is A. an incompetent boobie B. a cold cruel callous bitch who could make Miranda Priestly weep or C. not properly appreciative of your magnificence.

Well, I'm A, B and C, not to mention D) not interested in people who fail to understand talking to someone who is already represented is not how I conduct my business.

If you truly believe you need to make a change (and I now represent people who were elsewhere earlier in their careers) there are two things to know: you must let your old agent know you are severing the relationship; and, do not fire off an email to every agent under the sun saying you're looking. ALL my clients who started elsewhere came to me through more personal contact.

That means if you're shopping for a new agent, you better hit some writing conferences to meet agents face to face, or ask your editor for some introductions or something that will make your overture something other than "not right for me."

Yo mothafucka Meow

My pal Val died yesterday. Pulmonary hypertension, a lung condition that she'd had for a year probably contributed to her death. She wasn't yet 50. She'd refugeed out of New Orleans ahead of Katrina; she'd only moved to New Orleans a few years before to be with friends.

I adored her. We shared the same deeply perverse view of the world. We were sarcastic sisters of St. Skeptic. She made me laugh every time I talked with her.

She talked about coming to New York periodically but she never quite made the trip. She was aghast at how much apartments cost here, and always told me what she got there in Texas for about what I paid here in New York (two bedrooms, living room, dining room and a garage for starters). I always said "yea Val, but it's in TEXAS" and we'd laugh.

She told me one of her cats was from New York. I said "how can that be, and besides, how would you know?"

Val said "cause this cat has attitude. I pet him and he looks up at me, yawns, and says 'yo mothafucka, meow'". Well I was on the floor of course, and forever after when she called, I answered with that phrase.

Val wasn't an important writer. She didn't do lifesaving work. She herself would have said she was just ordinary.

Well, Valerie wasn't ordinary at all to those of us who knew her and loved her. She was amazing. She was funny and smart, and fun to be with. What is ordinary now is the world without her presence.

She will be deeply missed. I only hope that when Saint Peter sees her at the Pearly Gates he knows to say "yo mothafucka, meow."

Here's a helpful hint for NOT shooting yourself in the foot

I know everyone tells you that you need a log line or an elevator pitch or some quick pithy way to talk about your book.

Here's a clue: you don't need it in the first line of a query letter. You have a whole paragraph at least, two even, to entice me to read on.

The limitation of those log lines are two fold: it simplies everthing to cliche: Jaws in the woods, Speed on a yacht, Jack Reacher becomes a Buddhist. Well, ok, maybe not the third one, but you get the idea.

The other limitation is that since I don't own a television, if you use a TV show I won't have a clue what you mean. Not all agents are as clueless about tv as I am, but there are a LOT of people in NYC who don't own a TV or don't watch TV at ALL. I used to be the only one in any given group who was weird that way. Now I'm just one of many.

A query letter is not a telegram.

Patry Francis

Today's an amazing day in the blogosphere. Normally blogs are pretty solitary efforts (even the ones with lots of posters or commenters). You get an idea, you write about it. In my case, of course, I rant about it.

Today though, more than 300 bloggers have 'signed up' to talk about Patry Francis' new book. It's an amazing show of solidarity and camaraderie, and one I'm pretty pleased to join, even though I'm normally not much of a joiner.

Patry Francis' book The Liar's Diary was published in hardcover last year. The paperback edition's pub date is today. Between those two events, Patry was diagnosed with a very serious, and aggressive form of cancer. She's on the mend, but she doesn't have the extra energy to do the much-needed support for a book. Thus, the 1/29 blog fest.

Here's the link to the book on Powells. If it looks like a book you want to read, I hope you'll buy it. If it looks like a book you'd want to read, I hope you'll tell your librarian.

And if you don't want to buy or read the book, that's ok too. Just join all of us in wishing Patry Francis a speedy return to health.

Now here's a clever pr trick

Some publisher I've never heard of paid Don Imus a bunch of money to read a live ad spot.
Being Don Imus, he drifted off message.

The story is here, but the short take is that he's now getting sued for 4million simoleans for calling the book ...what was it..nappy headed ho? ...oh no, wait, that was last time. This one is only "cheesy".

This is a ready-made case study for some MBA student!..is there truly no such thing as bad publicity.

Bill Cameron Kills!

Bill Cameron and Gregg Olson --scaring readers for fun and profit!

A Thrilling Night in Portland!