Friday, December 14, 2007

Let's review

The purpose of a query letter is:

1. To show me you're "my kinda writer"
2. To show you've met me
3. To persuade me to read your pages

If you answered 1. you might have sent the following:

I like you. You're ballsy.

If you answered 2, you might have sent this:

I met you at a writing conference and you really need new glasses.

3. If you answered 3 you probably didn't say either 1 or 2.


First, being persuasive doesn't involve fashion advice, even if you really think I need it. Not now, not ever.

Second, I'm not sure if this is obvious to a man, but if it's not, take note: women aren't automatically flattered to be called "ballsy." For starters, and this may come as shock to you, I do not have balls. Comparing me to a man isn't a compliment. Not now, not ever. There are lots of ways to say the same thing: "I like your style" "I like your brash confidence" "Jack Reacher has met his match in you, babe"...LOTS.

But "ballsy?" Nope. That's a non-starter.

And what it tells me is that you don't have an ear for nuance. And that just makes me less interested in reading your writing.

A query letter is a persuasive pitch to read your work. Tell me about your work. Leave the fashion advice (or any comments of a personal nature) OUT of the letter.

The competition is tough. Don't shoot yourself in the foot. Or the glasses. Or...well, you get the idea.

18 comments:

Kaleb Nation said...

right on. it's the professional ones that get attention.

Mags said...

I once told a man he must have one hell of a vagina on him to say what he'd just said to me.

This was right after he told me I really "had a pair."

He looked confused, and not as complimented as he should have. I was sad for him. It happens.

Kitty said...

I'm not sticking up for that nitwit, mind you, but I know at least one female who would consider the ballsy comment a compliment.

...

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

Dear Janet,

My mistress won't let me comment on this at all. She says I lack good judgment, have no sense of propriety, don't appreciate high fashion, and cannot comment on anything round and bouncy. ... Just so you know why I'm not commenting on any of this.

I did wonder if you're wearing the same antiquated style of glasses that my mistress .... Ouch! Stop that! Get away from me you Evil Pixie!!! Back BA ...

[This post has been canceled by Order of The Princess.]

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Someone actually insulted your glasses?

Now that's not fighting fair. Glasses can't fight back.

DeadlyAccurate said...

I'm not offended by ballsy, either, but I can't imagine using it with someone I didn't know. Then again, I had the word "bitch" in my query letter, so what do I know.

At least ballsy was intended to be a compliment, so I can see where the writer was coming from. Insulting your choice of fashion, though? That's unbelievable.

Eric said...

You've really got some ovaries.

ryan field said...

Ah well! This is what happens when George Bush sends a query before Laura has a chance to proofread it.

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

Ballsy is crude in any context. ... Princesses never use the word.

An adequate vocabulary would allow for the use of a more standard and less offensive word or phrase. ummm maybe like "You put Strong-Bad to shame and are more brash than Pop-eye, baby-cakes."

Now, a purist might have questions about "baby-cakes." One usually does not make a cake out of babies unless one is a giant and into bad poetry. eg: Fe Fi Fo Mabye ... I'm cravin' a cake made of baby ...

The hint of cruelty in that simply crosses the line for me.

Now, an expert white-space-reader ("between the lines" - get it? Sheesh! do I have to explain everything!?) would see that this man was intimidated by Janet. (It was probably Janet's free-spirited fashion statement in the ocular realm that intimidated him.) And he's telling her through the use of this crude-maleism that she frightened him to the depths of his male soul. (Take that as a figure of speech. Some males, like ummm ummm vampires and such, lost their souls long ago. Some never had one.)

His reasoning is probably this: "My God! Whutta woman! She scared me so bad my socks are wet! Anyone who can do that can sell my book, no matter how awful it is. Ballsy!"

It's a male brain thing. Right?

Chris Eldin said...

Mags-hahahahahaha!!!
That was too funny!
:-)

Cocaine Princess said...

Dear Ms. Reid,

I have a question I am hoping you will be able to answer. Is it possible for a literary agent to reject a query letter no matter how fantastic and persuasive it maybe because he/she simply may have no interest in the genre or do they keep an open mind?
XOXOXOXO
Cocaine Princess

Josephine Damian said...

Judith Regan sure didn't mind the "ballsy" comments.

But hell, that nit wit shoulda known that you, Miss Reid, are no Judith Regan.

Does this mean a querier doesn't stand a chance if they haven't met you?

DeadlyAccurate said...

...because he/she simply may have no interest in the genre...

Why would you want an agent who doesn't love your book?

Cocaine Princess said...

I think you've missed understood me
'deadlyaccurate.' I'm speaking in general terms, sometimes literary agents write on their websites what type of manuscripts they are looking for, for example science fiction, horror etc. While other agents want to read all types, let's say a writer wrote an amazing manuscript, a science fiction thriller but for some reason the agent has no interest in science fiction, they may find it boring and therefore pass on it. I agree with you, I wouldn't want an agent who doesn't love my book.

Mags said...

Church Lady said...
Mags-hahahahahaha!!!
That was too funny!
:-)


Well, that's damn neighborly of you, Church Lady!

Chris Eldin said...

Okay, I'm off to see who Mags is. She sounds kind of ballsy.
;-)

Mags said...

Awesome!

Please, please be careful if you go into the comments, Church Lady. You seem like a very nice person and I have yet to figure out how to sweep out the FBI presence or my mother.

My cup is on and I'm going in...

Anonymous said...

I guess I am hurting for compliments as I think ballsy is ok, but it is a man's world.