Just to be clear

There are some emails from prospective clients I do not feel obligated to answer. They are:


1. Are you accepting queries?
This falls into the category of TSTL.

2. Can I send you a query?
Not only TSTL, but incorrect use of can/may, thus improving your chance of a form rejection anyway

3. Do you consider children's/fantasy/zombie romance books?
Now, this might not be quite as obvious as 1 and 2, but here's the thing: just send the damn query. If I don't want to proceed, I'll reply.



If you send me an email about your work, assume it's a query. Compose accordingly.

For more genteel advice on the same subject, check out Jessica Faust's post.

So, what are you?

I'm hearing from query letter writers who describe themselves as "pre-published."
I'm not sure where that term or even that concept came from, but I'm post-annoyed by it.

"Pre-published" is meaningless. Is that like saying you're pre-dead? (thanks Harry Hunsicker for that great phrase). And if you've been published and are now out of print, does that make you post-published? Abandon this thinking post-haste.


Quit dreaming up new and motivational self-help ways of describing yourself, and focus that energy on your work. I know what you are: you're a writer.

Montana for Real

If you're not reading Kari Dell's blog, Montana For Real, you're really missing out.

Yes, I'm her agent and I've loved her work from the get-go, but her blog is consistently one of the most funny and charming on my google reader. But, heck, don't take my word for it. Decide for yourself.

Good company!

The Sacramento Bee has selected EVEN by Andrew Grant for its summer reading list round up. That's extremely cool news of course, particularly when you notice that Andrew is in some pretty spectacular company! Ken Bruen! James Lee Burke! Pat Conroy! Holy moly!





Did you know that you get free shipping from The Mystery Company in Carmel Indiana? I'm a very satisfied customer of theirs!

What the hell is wrong with you, Janet

I send you a perfectly fine query; I've paid attention to your blog and the Query Shark blog. I even told you so in the query (I said I liked the blog, read it daily even)

All I get back from you is a form letter, not even a thank you.

What's wrong with you? You can't even say thanks for reading the blog? I get that you don't elaborate on the rejection, I do, but sheesh, c'mon.

I've never gotten an email like that. I probably should have. I cringe every time I send a form letter to someone who has CLEARLY invested time doing research, reading this blog and others. I hate sending them. And I still do it.

I can't even send a nicer form letter than the rather brisk and removed one I do now.

Why?

Cause every time I try to do so, the exactly wrong thing happens: people reply.
I'm in desperate straits about the amount of email I have to answer. I'm committed to answering every query letter. That doesn't mean I don't feel like a schmuck for not even saying thank you when the query contains praise for this blog, or client's works.

I guess I better teach the octopus to type.

a special salute to some special dads

My dad was a Marine Corps officer. He was proud of his service and I am too.

Once when I was in high school I made some off-hand comment about joining up. The look on my Dad's face surprised me. He looked both horrified and angry. "What!" I said (as only a teen can.)

I'm not sure he ever found the right words to tell me that sending his kid off to be a Marine would probably be more than he could stand. Particularly a girl (Dad, for all his feminist politics, remains pretty old-fashioned about the role of females in the military.)

I flashed back to that very brief moment today when I was privy to a conversation between two of my twittermates. One has a son serving in the Gulf; the other a brother serving in Afghanistan-on the base that was under rocket attack yesterday.

Neither were wringing their hands and wailing. Neither was hysterical. They were in fact exhibiting great courage in difficult circumstances.

There are thousands of men and women serving our country today. Regardless of your politics, or how you feel about the war, their service deserves our respect.

And those men and women have fathers at home. Dads like mine who turned pale when their kid first said "I'm thinking of joining up." And dads, unlike mine, who didn't get let off the hook when the kid meandered off to college instead. Dads who put their kids on buses to Army training bases and recruitment centers. Dads who watch the news, or who can't bear to turn on CNN.

These dads serve too. Their service deserves our respect. They certainly have mine.

For all the dads of the men and women who chose to serve our country, thank you. Happy Father's Day.

Tim Maleeny CAUGHT in the act...

...of Greasing a Pinata!!

Well, ok, it's his new book and he's at least not Stealing the Dragon, or ...shhhh... Beating the Babushka this time!

Tim's joining Eric Stone for a reading in San Mateo this coming Tuesday night. I just want to know if anyone notified the San Mateo Police Department?

Together these guys are sure to be a riot...or cause one.

M is for Mystery are the brave event organizers: Tuesday at 7pm.

This is the start of Eric's tour for Shanghaied; there are lots of interesting places to find him in the coming weeks! Check out the list here.

Have I mentioned I have a Dartboard of Envy?

Last week I was caroming around the office like a pinball howling about the urgent need for Query Police. No one seemed to be paying attention to all the great info on the web about how to write a damn query letter because I was getting stuff that was giving slush a bad name.

The interns averted their bright little eyes, with occasional glances to each other as if to ask "how long does this last?" The godsends found urgent business under their desks. Even the Herpet-American assistant was rolling her eyes and looking longingly at a mailing tube addressed to Elsewhere, Oklahoma.

My eye fell upon Joanna Stampfel-Volpe, my FORMER intern, FORMER godsend, and now kick ass, taking names (very politely and with very neat handwriting of course) agent.

I snarled "what are you looking at, Auction Babe?" (let's all recall Joanna's first major deal as an agent involved an auction, a little fact that has earned her a permanent position on the Dartboard of Envy)

"umm, nothing, nothing at all."

Oh no Mrs. Volpe, I KNOW that look. What amazing feat have you pulled off now?

"umm, well there's a writer I found in the incoming queries."



And then, Joanna told me about THE DUFF:

DUFF - (acronym) Designated Ugly Fat Friend; duff (n.) - the least attractive girl in any group of friends

Seventeen-year-old Bianca Piper is pegged as the Duff by notorious womanizer and school hottie, Wesley Rush. When he approaches her at a party she knows he wants to score with one—or both—of her hot friends.

Bianca couldn't hate another human being more...but she needs to escape from some personal drama, like her mom’s abandonment and her dad’s denial, and a steamy fling with Wesley seems like the perfect distraction.

Bianca makes it clear she’s only using Wesley and that it HAS to be a secret--as if he cares. Wesley will sleep with any girl, and keeping it a secret only holds up his reputation. Unfortunately, the enemies-with-benefits plan totally backfires.


When Bianca's mom files for divorce and her father stumbles into a downward spiral of drinking and depression, Wesley proves to be a surprisingly good listener, and Bianca finds out that his life is pretty screwed up, too. As sickening as it sounds, she has to admit that she and Wesley are a lot alike.

Soon she becomes jealous of the pretty girls he flirts with and his cocky grin begins to grow on her. Suddenly Bianca realizes—with absolute horror—that she’s falling for the guy she thought she hated.

I was ready to heave myself out the window for missing that query when Joanna iced the cake: she called author Kody Keplinger to discuss representation, only to discover Kody wasn't old enough to sign a contract without her mom co-signing.

I was forced to lie down with a cold compress and a hot toddy. (The godsends came out from under their desks; the interns appeared relieved the storm had passed although they did ask later if that rather dreadful shade of pea green envy on my face lasted very long)

I AM going to make sure there are query police and they are going to enforce the rule of querying me first. (ok, ok, Joanna is a really good agent and envy is one of those mortal sins, but still, I love this book and I'm sick with envy that J snagged it so quickly and neatly!)


I think Kody Keplinger is going to have a wonderful career. Just remember at least you heard about her HERE first!

If you want to meet her before she gets all famous and stuff, she contributes to the blog Teens Writing for Teens.

Here's Why Your Query Got NO today

1. Your novel isn't finished. You were kind enough to tell me in the first line saving me the time required to read the entire query. Finish the novel before you send the query.

2. The Heroin of your story wasn't drugs. Misused words, particularly when you're writing for kids are instant no.

3. Kid's books that, for lack of a better phrase, are vile. Really scary books and really mean books usually with a "should" theme: "this book will show kids should do this; parents should do that."

4. In your 250 word query letter there's nothing, literally NOTHING, about the novel other than the title.

These are queries that don't make it to the holding pen; they're rejected in about 15 seconds, the time it takes to skim a page.

This isn't horseracing, either

When horses line up at the starting gate, a handicapper has assigned extra weight to the fastest horses. The handicapper's goal is to get every horse across the finish line at exactly the same time, so her goal is to "weigh down" and thus slow down the faster horses.

If the horses are trotters, the slower horses get to start some distance ahead of the faster horses.

These rules do not apply to publishing.

You do not get extra consideration if you have never queried before, or it's been awhile since your last query. You don't get extra consideration if you're 85 or 18. You don't get extra consideration if you've waited your whole life to write a book and now you've got time.

You don't get a pass on making mistakes if you say you might have made some.

I can hear the outraged yelps "not fair! not fair!" but while the query process is many things fair isn't one of them.

I do not give equal consideration to all queries.

Hear that?

I do not give equal consideration to all queries.

What does that mean?

It means if you don't write very well, I reject it in three seconds. Yes, I can tell.

It means if you spend a lot of time telling me about everything but your book, I reject it in five seconds.

It means if you make mistakes like "fiction novel" and misused words, mentioning you've never written a query before carries no weight, and you get a rejection.

If you query me, you're racing against all the other horses, no handicaps, no weight allowances, no special consideration.

Giddyup!

Jenny Bent has some good advice on writing confereneces

Jenny Bent has one of the smartest things to say about writers attending conferences I've ever seen. One item in particular is brilliant:

Volunteer.

Do whatever you can to come into lots of contact with the attending agents. Be the hospitality person or drive them to and from the airport. Volunteer to get them diet coke (okay, that one's just for me).

I will confess that I did once ask someone at a conference to run out and get me an egg and cheese sandwich and I've never forgotten them (in my defense, I was really pregnant at the time).

But here's the secret: DO NOT PITCH THEM. Be super nice and friendly and help them out as much as you can, but do not pitch.

Two things will happen: either they will be so curious about the fact that you didn't pitch them that they will ask you what you write, OR, they won't ask you, but later on you can e-mail them and remind them who you are and then pitch them and they will like you so much, in part because you didn't pitch them, that they will be favorably disposed towards your work.

It's all about the personal connection, it really is.

I thought unrepentant queriers were nuts...

but this dame takes the cake.

(from Ask A Manager--thanks!)

Yay BABY!!!!

Independent Mystery Booksellers Association May Bestsellers:

Hardcovers

1. Dead and Gone by Charlaine Harris (Ace)
2. Gone Tomorrow by Lee Child (Delacorte)

3. The Scarecrow by Michael Connelly (Little, Brown)
4. The Language of Bees by Laurie R. King (Bantam)

5. Road Dogs by Elmore Leonard (Harper)
6. The Way Home by George Pelecanos (Little, Brown)
6. Even by Andrew Grant (St. Martin's)

6. The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie by Alan Bradley (Delacorte)
6. Walking Dead by Greg Rucka (Bantam)

What's NOT a query letter

1. I have several projects in various stages of completion. I'll be happy to send you a list and talk to you about what you're interested in.

First of all, query your projects one at a time. And don't offer to talk to me. I don't want to talk to you, I want to read your work.

2. " Are you taking new clients?" or "Can I send you a query?"

Assume yes. Don't take two emails to do what one can accomplish. Send the query. If I don't want it, I'll say no. Rejection won't kill you. I know this for an ironclad fact.

3. A synopsis

A synopsis is like a recitation of facts in a lawsuit. It doesn't have much verve or style. The purpose of a synopis is NOT to entice someone to read on (which IS the purpose of a query)


4. A first chapter/first five pages

When included with a cover letter, no problem. Just by themselves, no cover letter, they're useless.

5. A copy of your novel, printed and bound, with an ISBN.

Do I really need to explain this?


These kinds of emails are deleted without a response. The reason for this is simple: right now I have 247 unanswered emails. This isn't some sort of months long backlog. I only had SEVEN right before BEA two weeks ago.

I'm trying VERY hard to clear my inbox. If I don't have to respond I won't. I'm committed to answering every query letter I get. But, it has to be a query.

Don't tell Vicki Pettersson I adore her, please

I adore Vicki Pettersson. I met her at Surrey two years ago and she's one of those lovely people you instantly bond with. I love to tease her, and she gives as good as she gets. Sadly, I owe her for life for introducing me to the lovely and talented Susan Adrian.

You will adore Vicki too.

Her books, however, scare the helvetica out of me.

Other people managed to quit quivering long enough to write blurbs:

"From the one-damn-thing-after-another school of unputdownable books, The Scent of Shadows rockets into the air and explodes like fireworks, with nonstop bursts of action and imagination."

(Charlaine Harris)

"The Scent of Shadows came out of nowhere and slapped me silly. . You're going to love this."

(Kim Harrison )

"Passion and intrigue, heartbreak and victory--THE TOUCH OF TWILIGHT offers an intricate plot populated with complex characters. Nothing is predictable in Vicki Pettersson's newest novel . . . except the need to read more."

(Melissa Marr)

"Pettersson's paranormal world is as original as it is compelling. The action comes fast and furious. Like Las Vegas itself, this is an adventure that'll keep you up all night."

(Kelley Armstrong )

SFW seeks A

Your query letter is not a personal ad. I'm seeing a lot of queries that spend too much time (ie more than zero) talking about how easy the author is to work with, how willing they are to to be edited and other kinds of blather that matters not a whit.

And it's off-putting. Here's why: the people who tell me they are 'non-judgemental' are usually the most judgemental people I know; the people who tell me how busy they are are never too busy to tell me how busy they are. In other words, people who tell you they're easy to work with are the ones I suspect of being most difficult. The ones who really ARE easy to work with? It hasn't dawned on them they'd need to tell anyone that.

So, leave the Sincere Fiction Writer seeks Agent style bio off the query. Your name, any pub credits you've got-that's all you need. Include the name of your Herpet-American service snake if you've got one of course.

Last Night in Montreal!

Tonight I called up my boon companion Juliet Grames at Overlook Press and asked if she had plans. Well, she did. As it turned out she was attending a reading at McNally Jackson by Emily St. John Mandel. In one of those "can't put it in a novel cause no one would believe it" moments, that was the exact event I planned to attend and was calling to ask if she would come with me!

We braved the sociopathic weather we're having here in NYC this month and found ourselves at McNJ with plenty of time to talk to Emily, Masha Hamilton (who interviewed Emily) and event coordinator Jessica Stockton Bagnulo.

Left to right:
Juliet Grames, Overlook Press; Emily St. John Mandel, debut author Last Night in Montreal;
Masha Hamilton, author; Jessica Stockton Bagnulo, McNally Jackson events goddess.

Last Night in Montreal part 2

At the reading tonight for LAST NIGHT IN MONTREAL, author Emily St. John Mandel read several short passages and answered questions posed by fellow Unbridled author Masha Hamilton.

This is the passage that had me reaching for the bookmark, eager to dive into the novel once I got back home:

He'd become obsessed with the untranslatable: his idea, and the subject of his thesis (or what had been a thesis some years earlier, before it suddenly imploded and went unfinishable on him overnight), was that every language on earth contains at least one crucial concept that cannot be translated.

Not just a word but an idea, like French deja vu: perfect and crystalline in its native language, otherwise explainable only by entire clumsy foreign paragraphs or not at all.

In Uupik, a language spoken by the Inuit along the Bering Sea, there is Ellam Yua: a kind of spiritual debt to the natural world, or a way of moving through the world with some measure of generosity, of grace, or a way of living that acknowledges the soul of another human being, or the soul of a rock or a piece of driftwood; sometimes translates as soul or as God, but meaning neither.

In a Mayan language, K'iche there is Nawal: one's spiritual essence but separate from the self; one's other, not exactly an alter ego or merely an avatar but a protective spirit that cannot be summoned.

Ineffective tactics

Publishing houses that accept manuscripts directly from authors have guidelines for how to send work to them. You'll find those guidelines on their websites.

If you choose to submit to them, read the guidelines. Then follow them.
Don't call an editor to say you represent yourself.
Much like a lawyer who represents himself, you'll have a fool for a client.

You don't need tricks to get attention.
You need good writing.

And after good writing, you need to present clear and compelling evidence you are not a yahoo.

Yes, it's Tiara Day on Twitter

Query Writing Services are a total waste of money

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: writing and sending your own query is an invaluable part of the publishing process. You have to do it. Paying someone to do it for you is akin to paying someone to learn hopscotch for you: they can hit every square from twosies on up, but you'll still be standing there holding the chalk at the starting point.

If you want the latest evidence of query writing service failure, read Rachelle Gardners very nice, very temperate, very polite blog post. Me, I just let Priscilla deal with 'em.

So, you think you can dance?

Kristin Nelson hits it on the nose.

Not only do informed writers write better queries, they're knowledgeable about how to act.

I've received only one irate letter from a person I met at a conference. I've gotten dozens of others over the years from people who just cold queried me. (Interestingly it's dropped off dramatically now that I don't offer any helpful suggestions to anyone!)

I don't think I can extrapolate that informed writers don't want to strangle me sometimes (heck, I'm lucky my clients are only homicidal on paper!) but I can conclude that writers who've taken the time to learn about the industry know it's not in their best interest to do so.

What was the your starting point? You wrote -The End- and then what did you do?

Query status update 6/11/2009

If you queried me by email I have responded.

I either sent you an email
1. passing on further consideration (stupid me, I know);

2. telling you I had your query and needed more time;

3. asking for the manuscript.

If you queried me and have not gotten one or more of those emails, query again. DO NOT email asking if I got it. I didn't-- (or you failed to say Hola Snookums in the email or sent it to every agent in the TO: line--those are emails I discard without response.)

The short list just got longer

I have a list of ways to guarantee your query will be rejected the instant I see it.

I'm pretty clear about the list. I even post it here on the sidebar.

I haven't added to it in a while; it's not in my best interest to be rigid crazy about query letters. Honest to Helvetica, you don't even see "spell my name right" on this list. I can live with "Read" "Reade" "Reid" "Reed" and "snookums" if I have to.

But as of tonight I've absolutely fucking HAD IT with people who query me and feel obliged to include some sort of comment about those dreadful books being published today.

If the reason for this is not clear let me spell it out: it's insulting.



So, the short list is updated.

Yes, I should be reading your manuscript.

Ok, it's official. I LOVE Moonrat's assistant.

LOVE!

Suggestions about improving form letters

One of my twitter pals knows I'm always looking for ways to improve my form letter. She sent me this link as a suggestion.

C is for CrimeBake

A is for Awesome
B is for Better get it on your calendar NOW
and
C is for CrimeBake

CrimeBake is a terrific writing conference. I actually begged the organizers to invite me this year (and we all know how much I hate leaving New York.)

Money is tight right now; if you're thinking about whether you can afford a conference, this is one worth saving up for (PLUS it's a great value for the money!)

Here's their webpage with all the details.

So, about that guy with the toilet seat on his head?

People come to BEA to get attention.

There are a lot of ways to do it:

Wear a lime on your head

Have cute girls in bikinis playing guitars in your booth

dress up like a rodent

Offers of all sorts of entertaining pasttimes

Is any of this effective?
Probably not given I don't recall a single book or product offered by any of these folks. On the other hand, it's hard to not love someone wearing this on her head:

More on BEA 2009

One of the biggest changes I noticed at BEA this year was fewer galleys. Far fewer galleys. Fewer titles in galley form to give away, and fewer of the galleys that were being given away.

Take a look at this picture from the Harper booth:









In years past that floor would have PILES of books.

Seriously, there were NO books here




This year what they are handing out are electronic galleys:





I understand it makes economic sense to hand out e-galleys. I also know that I haven't even looked past those two cards yet but I've dipped into almost every other book I snagged at BEA.

When you're trying to entice someone to buy something, a free sample and a coupon are not the same thing. E-galleys are like coupons. Galleys are like bites of cake in the supermarket aisle. I'm much more likely to buy a cake if I've tasted it than if I have a coupon for a dollar off.


Unless of course the cake looks like this:




(lifted from one of my favorite blogs CakeWrecks)

BEA 2009

I've been remiss in posting much about BEA. Mostly cause I was in shock. Real honest to Helvetica shock. I walked around looking like a witless tourist most of the time: slack-jawed, aghast and stumbling.

I've been going to BEA a LONG time. Back in the day the entire show fit comfortably in an average size convention hall. Somewhere in the 90's it started getting bigger. Gradually of course, but pretty soon the show could only run in a Javits-sized center and that meant it had to be in one of the big cities like New York, Chicago or LA.

That kind of growth seemed natural. I liked to kvetch about the strange people who suddenly found they needed to come to BEA (the toilet seat on his head guy is the most famous of that ilk) but there were a myriad of others.

This year it was though someone dropped a bomb on 1/3 of the exhibit hall and it disappeared.

Yes, I knew there was a recession on.

Yes, I knew publishers were watching their pennies.

No, I didn't make the logical leap to "less" at BEA.
I was just plain shocked at the diminished size.

There's really no way to illustrate it; you had to be there.

And because I was there, it shook me up. I've had one of my best selling years EVER in 2009 (knock on wood) so seeing BEA downsized really rattled me.

Only in the cold clear light of sobriety and perspective could I regain my senses. BEA was less and less about writing orders (the original intent of the show) and more about presence and visibility. There are a lot more ways to be visible now than a VERY expensive, temporary, exhibit space. The money spent on buying a booth at BEA can buy a whole lot of web marketing.

BEA is changing; this was the first year the changes were so dramatically visible. There will be more. It will be interesting to see if the big publishers pull out entirely and smaller publishers continue to attend (Fred Ramey at Unbridled Books tweeted that he didn't write enough orders to cover the cost of the booth which is an early indicator that small publishers might not stay either.)

I've spent a lot of time this year saying publishing is not dying on the vine; there will always be a market for good storytellers, and storytellers need people to do the business side of their work.

Time for me to take some of my own damn advice and snap out of it!

Almost everything we thought was true is wrong

If you were past the age of reason on April 20, 1999 you'll remember the Columbine High School shooting.

Until recently it was the worst school shooting in history. The media covered it, pundits analyzed it, we all read about it. And what we read was mostly wrong.

The reason it was wrong is fascinating; as is what turns out to be the truth.

How do I know this? Cause I just finished reading COLUMBINE by Dave Cullen. It's illuminating and sad, and terrifying. It's also one of the best books I've read in a long time.

You may have heard of it recently because Oprah taped a segment with the author, then didn't air it. It was "too downbeat." After reading the book I see her point. There's no happy ending here, no moral redemption, nothing even remotely silver lining in the cloud. It's well worth your time to read it though. You'll never think of Columbine in the same way again.

We're BAAAACK!!!

A week of isolation in the wilderness, made less isolated by the 100 or so souls who found the new blog, but now we're back.

Thanks to everyone who sounded the horn over at BloggerHelp to get this fixed!

Thanks to everyone who migrated over! (and now, please will come back!)

The posts at the now old new blog will get pasted over here. (I was in a REAL mood last week, some of them are pretty spitfire!)

Glad to be home!

post

Once upon a time

Once upon a time I went to Sears to buy a vacuum cleaner. I'd researched various makes and models on Consumer Reports. I had the model number and price for what I wanted neatly noted in permanent ink on my forehead (in reverse of course) so that the salesman wouldn't even have to ask what I needed.

A young man in a freshly purchased tie, knotted carefully by his mum for his first day on the job, approached me.

"Would you like to see a vacuum cleaner?"

Well, yes I would, and in fact (pointing at text) here's what I would like.

"Well madam," the brightly polished eager lad said, "we have many many fine vacuums. Here are several that will not only clean your carpet, they'll suck up all the unfair and inappropriate form rejection letters you receive; shred them; channel them to the nearest landfill where they can begin life anew."


Well, no, I don't want that. I want this (pointing to text in crisp TNR 12 on forehead)

"Madam, please, here is the top of the line HooverMover that will not only vacuum your floor it will give you a face lift while you sleep. Be careful of course to set the timing device for minutes not hours."

No, no, no. I don't want a HooverMover, I want THIS (pointing to forehead where text is not quite so crisp since the beads of sweat now require mopping rather than dabbing)

"Madam, I assure you I'm just trying to be of service here. Of HELP to you. Here is our HooverMoover Schmoozer model. It vacuums your floor, lifts your face AND attends cocktail parties for you. There's absolutely nothing like it on the market. It's the very D in deluxe."

I do not want a HooverMoverSchmoozer, dammit. I want THIS! I scream, and with that seize the canister vacuum Model TRex001 and whap the poor defenseless lad on the head, stalk to the cash register, pay out my simoleons, repair to the parking lot, mount the vacuum cleaner and ride home. (My normal conveyance, the broom, had run off with the cow and the spoon and I needed new transportation.)

Lest you need the moral explained, herewith: Don't be helpful. Don't tell me what I want or need. Follow the damn directions. IF the directions are not clear, ask for clarification. Do not try to anticipate my needs. I know what I need. I've been doing this for awhile now.

If I want a synopsis the word synopsis will appear after the phrase "please send me a"

If I want you to format something in some odd and strange way OTHER than what appears on my website, blog, guide listings, agency website etc, you will see the phrase strange and odd format following the phrase "I've lost my mind so I'll want you to send this in a"

Any questions?

Exactly.

The blog author speaks

The blog author wishes to inform you that speaking of yourself in the third person in a query letter is both pretentious and ill-advised.

The blog author finds it off-putting to be merrily reading along about some captivating sure to be a best seller, better than Dan Brown and that miserable DaVinci Code thing, novel and suddenly discover she's being addressed by an omniscient narrator.

The blog author doesn't like to be off-put in a query letter.

No sirree bubba she doesn't like it at all.

Stop it.

this isn't basketball, folks

On the list of things that are obviously not in your best interest:

Sending me a manuscript with -first draft- in the title or on the cover sheet.
(followed closely by second to nth draft)


I really REALLY do not want to know what draft this manuscript is. The lower the draft number, the less I want to know. Unlike basketball, first round draft pick is to be avoided at all costs.

Of course, some wag will now send me Manuscript Title-draft pirsquared; I can see that one coming indeed I can.

This is Water is a small lovely book that I think is a perfect gift for anyone on the cusp of a transition: graduation of course is the obvious one in June.

Here's a blog post by Marie Mundaca about designing books written by David Foster Wallace and This is Water in particular.

(thank you to Maud for the link on twitter!)

It seemed like a good idea...when?

Here's a recent email to me:

I will not bore you with a long query letter that you do not have time to read (I hope the writing speaks for itself).


Below:
1. Brief synopsis
2. First 2 chapters
3. Brief resume


No. No. No.

The failure of logic is stunning--I don't have time to read a query letter so how about the first two chapters instead... and the synopsis ... and a resume.

Unless you're planning a ten page query letter, you'd need to be in Bizarro World to think reading this would take less time.

Let's also remember that a query letter should provide reference information like what kind of book this is: YA? Middle grade? Novel? Memoir? Word count too.

This is a form rejection with singe marks on it.
(and a not so subtle link to the QueryShark blog)


Don't take these kinds of shortcuts. They're counterproductive.

Cameronmania!

A shelf of fabulous clients: Bill Cameron AND Dana Cameron!!

Graph Therapy

Have you found GraphJam yet?

Formatting in the digital age

I read all incoming full manuscripts on my Kindle.
That means I request all manuscripts in .doc form.

That does NOT mean you need to reformat for what you think is the Kindle size.

Just send it as usual: one inch margins all around, 8.5 x 11 paper.
The Kindle does the adapting.

Add this to the list of one LESS thing you have to obsess over when sending work to agents.

Publishing

Jessica Faust at BookEnds has a run down of publishing terms on her blog today!

Is this your "first novel?"

I suggest in the post below that you do not query after you've written your first novel; that you wait, write a second, revise, then query.

The question then arises: is this your "first novel?"

You betcha.

When I receive a query letter with the phrase first novel, my assumption is you have not been published. In fact I'm praying this is NOT the actual first novel you've written.

I don't care how many are in the portmanteau in the attic wrapped lovingingly in pink ribbon. I only care if you've been published previously.

How soon is too soon?

The most common mistake writers make in the query process is querying too soon. But how soon is too soon?

It's too soon if:

1. You just finished writing the novel. Writing a good novel isn't about writing; it's about revision. Revision takes time. If it took you a year to write the novel, it will take six months to revise it.

2. It's your first novel. No matter how hard it is to hear and follow this advice, it's probably the best advice I'll ever offer: write a second novel before you query on the first one. You'll learn so much while writing that second novel that you'll go back and either revise or discard Novel #1. AND you won't have all the baggage from those damn form rejections to weigh you down

3. You don't have a polished one page synopsis. Writing a synopsis is torture. I know it; you know it. It also is an incredible writing tool. If you can't get your book to make sense in synopsis form, you have a problem with the BOOK not the synopsis.

Your desire to get past the query stage to publication stage is the biggest block to actually achieving your goal.

Toni Kelner at BEA

One of the best things about BEA (and I'm still in shock about this year's BEA, more on that later) is the chance to see old friends and get swag. The MWA booth provided both this year.

Here's Toni Kelner signing books, and her blog post about BEA.

What I would have given to be HERE!

My most beloved boon companion in crime, Barbara Poelle, has a hilarious post at Dead Guy today.

Get Shanghaied!

Here's your chance to meet Eric Stone and get a copy of the book that led Bill Cameron to say"Fucking A, man, this is awesome.”

Lee Child got an early review copy too: "Whatever Stone is smoking, I want some. This is bizarre but believable, tough but tender, and fast but considered. Highly recommended."



Saturday, June 20, 3-5pm
Book Launch Party
The Mystery Bookstore
1036-C Broxton Ave.
Los Angeles, CA

Tuesday, June 23, 7-9pm
M is for Mystery (with Tim Maleeny)
86 East Third Ave.
San Mateo, CA

Thursday, June 25, 7-9pm
Mystery & Imagination Bookshop
238 N. Brand Blvd.
Glendale, CA

Saturday, June 27, 2-4pm
Vroman’s Bookstore (with Harley Jane Kozak & Laura Levine)
695 E. Colorado Blvd.
Pasadena, CA

Tuesday, June 30, 7-9pm
Poisoned Pen Bookstore
4014 N. Goldwater Blvd. #101
Scottsdale, AZ

Wednesday, July 1, 7-9pm
Clues Unlimited
3146 East Ft. Lowell Rd.
Tucson, AZ

Monday, July 6, 6:30pm
Murder By the Book
2342 Bissonnet St.
Houston, TX

Thursday, July 9
Mysteries & More, 6:30pm
Lenox Village
6965 Sunnywood Drive
Nashville, TN

Saturday July 11, 3pm
Aunt Agatha’s
213 South Fourth Avenue
Ann Arbor, MI

Thursday, July 16, 6pm
Booked For Murder
2701 University Ave.
Madison, WI

Saturday, July 18, 1pm
Big Sleep Books
239 N. Euclid Ave.
St. Louis, MO

Sunday, July 19, afternoon
The Raven - drop in signing
6 East 7th Street
Lawrence, Kansas

Monday, July 20 10:30am
I Love A Mystery – Morning Coffee with the Author
6114 Johnson Drive
Mission, KS

Tuesday, July 21, 5:30pm
Murder By the Book
1574 South Pearl St.
Denver, CO

Wednesday, July 29, Noon
Seattle Mystery Bookshop
117 Cherry St.
Seattle, WA

Wednesday, July 29, 7pm
Murder By the Book
3210 SW Hawthorne
Portland, OR

Friday, July 31, 7pm
Book Passage
51 Tamal Vista Blvd.
Corte Madera, CA

Saturday, August 8, 1pm
Mysteries to Die For
2940 Thousand Oaks Blvd.
Thousand Oaks, CA

Thursday, August 13, 8pm
L.A. Downtown Artwalk
Metropolis Books – Book Event & Photo Exhibit
440 S. Main St.
Los Angeles, CA

Andrew Grant on tour!

Andrew Grant (left) was on tour at the venerable The Poisoned Pen Bookstore in Scottsdale AZ last Wednesday. He was joined by owner Barbara Peters (center) and some new guy trying to build a name for himself...Lee something, or maybe it was Jack?