Monday, June 15, 2020

Wallaby flash fiction contest results

Words I had to look up:
Aphra Pell
brobdingnagian

I miss you too beloved Duchess
Dena Pawling

this doesn't quite work as a story,
but honestly, Theremin, son of Thespian is so hilarious,
this deserves a shout out.
Casual-T



Desitined for Carkoon, of course
Steve Forti
“I’d enjoy watching the Rays hoist the World Series trophy. Closest we came to a Tampa WS title was the loss in ’08.”

“They’ve only played for twenty-two years. Talk to a Cleveland fan if you wanna know about waiting for a winner.”

“Still less agonizing than the Long Night before Winds of Winter. Add in the dumpster fire of Season 8, and that fandom is fubar. Kingdoms will rise and fall before that book comes out.”

“But it pales next to…”

“Best to eschew direct commentary on that, lest ye like Carkoon.”

“…the wait for Janet’s contest winner.”
followed closely by his companion in crime, John Davis Frain
The pounding continued until Phelonius opened the gate.

“No deliveries accepted here,“ he barked. “You want Gate 12.”

“This one’s special delivery, mate.” The deliveryman swatted giant mosquitoes, then exited.

Crowbar in hand, Phelonius ripped open the crate. Tears of joy escaped.

“Oh my my. Aren’t you—”

“Forti, sir. F-O-R—”

Phelonius raised a hand. “A thought. Speaking landed you here. So, don’t.” Phelonius couldn’t resist a chuckle. Rubbed his, errr, paws together in delight. “She’s been expecting you.”

Forti wanted to ask about Carkoon.

Phelonius thwarted him. “Sorry, we’re even beneath Carkoon, kid. Here, you judge the contest results.”

Now I know why JDF tweeted this early Sunday morning 



Oh Timothy, you've sunk to a new Lowe.
And Colin Smith just followed right along.




Here are the entries that Wallaby chose.

(he might have had some help)

Matt Krizan

My human is writing again.

It’s not going well.

He barks a curse, rousing me from nap number forty-two.

Clearly, he needs my help. I shall bring wit and sagacity to bear. (Such magnanimity is common among my kind.)

I leap onto his desk. My paws depress keys, leaving poetry in my wake.

I’m summarily removed to the floor, and he deletes what I’ve written.

The problem becomes obvious: he has no taste.

A game, then, to escape such drudgery. One I particularly enjoy.

Back onto the desk. I swat the mug full of pencils to the floor.

I wait.
Dena Pawling
Proper training ensures a compliant servant to bring you joy. Where to rub your ears. Which foods to buy. Which games to play.

Sometimes it takes paws [or claws] to their toes to ensure compliance, but a fully trained servant like mine is beyond priceless.

When I left three months ago, my servant's life was forever changed. Humans now wear masks. Streets are empty, or full of protesters. My servant hides under the duvet and never goes outside. And, GASP, she put one of those barkers on her blog. Sanity gone.

I miss you too, Thumbs.

Love and yowls

Katy


Beth Carpenter
Danger comes daily. Sometimes creeping, other times brazen, testing the gate. Even in sleep, my ears remain vigilant. I recognize the SOS, stop-go-stop, as his steed approaches. I leap from my bed, paws sliding on the slick floor.

My toes dig in and I rush the arrowslit, leaping, snorting, barking. “You shall not pass!” My tail reveals the joy I take in my chosen vocation.

Beyond the wall, Danger is defiant. But when I show him my teeth, he flees, leaving tribute at the gate. I withdraw but remain alert for his inevitable return.

It’s a cul-de-sac.

Tess Rook
The vault door swung open.

“We have 5 minutes before the Law shows up, so keep your ears open and stay on your toes.” Max started grabbing any treasure he could get his paws on.

My taste was more refined. I snatched my single prize and slipped out. The door closed behind me, locking Max inside.

His barks grew frantic when he realized what I’d done. He’d take the fall for the entire Pantry Heist – the fact filled me with joy. I took my stolen catnip, and my leave.

Stupid dog.


Mallory Love
Disguised as a joyride, Harold drove, looking for a way to escape. To embark on a new journey, leaving behind his worries and fears. Embracing this outlook, he decided to pick up the hitchhiker and his dog.

“Nice pup. Reminds me of my own,” Harold said. The man only nodded. Harold turned up the radio, interrupting the silence. Breaking news came in about a murderer on the loose who had a Rottweiler he fed his prey to.

The men glanced at each other, then at the dried bloody prints- paw shaped- on the floorboard.

Harold smiled at his last victim.
Just Jan

Wally pulled the pup from her crate. “This here’s Marie, the most special one I got.”

“Her ears are crooked.” Sarge knelt down and touched his face almost to the pavement. He never brought a dog home without kicking the proverbial tires a bit. “And she’s missing two toes on her back paws.”

“They was amputated, on account of them getting stuck in a bear trap.” It wasn’t the whole truth, but it wouldn’t be a deal breaker.

Sarge stood up. “Then what’s so special about her?”

“Well, sir, she barks joy.”

Sarge opened his wallet. “Name your price.”



These are the entries that stood out for me

Aphra Pell
Chester flicked his tail, demolishing the laboratory wall. He stared at the scientist pinned beneath his claw.
“Youu trrrricked meee” he purred.
Chasing tiny cars and bopping trees with brobdingnagian paws was fun. The taste of next door’s barking rottweiler lingered joyfully on his whiskers. But puny humans screamed when he sat on them and there were no giants to rub his ears, no laps to knead with his toes.
He looked at the lab assistant cowering behind the machine.
“Tuurrrrrrrn it onnnnnn”
Chester picked up the squirming scientist in his jaws. Time to make himself a friend.
This just cracked me up.


Brigid
"Bob, ark's thataway."
Scratched ears, splayed toes in dirt, rolled in...
"Euuurgh. Old McGrumpybeard will never let you on smelling like that. Good thing it's raining. Suds up."
Aw.
"Stop bellyachin'. Rinse off those horns. All of 'em. Ruff too. Eww, not on me!"
Distracted by nibbles.
"Geroff that hibiscus, you big--Bob, hurry up, the ark's...oh."
Well.
Snort, lick, joy.
"You meant to miss it, you goober."
Nudge.
Shrug.
"Race you to the fort!"

I've always loved stories about the animals that didn't make the Ark!

Beth Carpenter (also a Wallaby choice)
Danger comes daily. Sometimes creeping, other times brazen, testing the gate. Even in sleep, my ears remain vigilant. I recognize the SOS, stop-go-stop, as his steed approaches. I leap from my bed, paws sliding on the slick floor.

My toes dig in and I rush the arrowslit, leaping, snorting, barking. “You shall not pass!” My tail reveals the joy I take in my chosen vocation.

Beyond the wall, Danger is defiant. But when I show him my teeth, he flees, leaving tribute at the gate. I withdraw but remain alert for his inevitable return.

It’s a cul-de-sac.

Took me a minute to get this, but when I did...well, I'm still laughing



Tess Rook (also a Wallaby choice)
The vault door swung open.

“We have 5 minutes before the Law shows up, so keep your ears open and stay on your toes.” Max started grabbing any treasure he could get his paws on.

My taste was more refined. I snatched my single prize and slipped out. The door closed behind me, locking Max inside.

His barks grew frantic when he realized what I’d done. He’d take the fall for the entire Pantry Heist – the fact filled me with joy. I took my stolen catnip, and my leave.

Stupid dog.
Of course, this would have won instantly had Her Grace and Sleekness the Duchess of Yowl been the judge.


travelkat
The Joy of Cooking


“I dug up some onions but it’s the wrong season for tomatoes, you’ll have to improvise.”

“My sun-dried explorer’s chili always works out.”

“Are you sure about dining al fresco? I’m worried about the weather, and this is a perfect man-cave meal.”

“Have some taste for adventure.”

“Look, there’s things we do in the woods, but cooking really isn’t one of them.”

“We need more tenderizing. Keep shaking!”

The bears dug their paws into the birch bark canoe and rocked it back and forth as hard and fast as they could.

Clark clutched Lewis and shrieked.

Since I'm from the Pacific Northwest, Lewis and Clark stories resonate with me. Did you know they had a Newfoundland with them on their trek to the Pacific?




Like the Let's Get Cookin flash fiction contest, the entries that stood out on this one were mostly the ones that made me laugh.

I thank all ofyou who took the time to write and post entries.
Some of them I didn't quite get.
Several others were just too heart grabbing. My heart was already battered this week, it was hard to read them.

We need two winners this week, the ones that both Wallaby and I chose: Beth Carpenter and  Tess Rook!

Beth, you're cleaning up! I hope you need more books!

Tess, drop me a line and let me know your mailing address and what you like to read!



21 comments:

Colin Smith said...

I couldn't be in better company than with Mr. Lowe! :)

Congrats Beth and Tess!!

I have updated the Contest Spreadsheet in the Treasure Chest.

Brigid said...

Congrats, Beth and Tess! Beth, that last line was golden.

This was such a fun round. I particularly loved Aphra's puppy making himself a friend, and Luralee's were-topiary.

Bob was a triceratops, btw.

Karen McCoy said...

Mucho congrats to Beth and Tess! Great entries here too. Had to sit this one out--closing escrow and all of that...

Beth Carpenter said...

Oh, my goodness. Is there a lottery I could enter today? Thank you, Janet! However, I must confess that my entry might not qualify as fiction. It's actually more of a biography of Roxy's daily encounter with the mailman.

Tess, congratulations. I loved your story! Truly, I loved them all. Dogs and cats are my favorite theme.

Matt Krizan said...

Congrats to Tess and again to Beth!

Timothy Lowe said...

Congrats Tess and Beth!

Tess Rook said...

Oh, wow. Thank you Janet!

Congratulations Beth! I laughed a LOT reading your story...my fur child does the same with the dreaded delivery people.

glevin said...

Wallaby is pleasantly exhausted from staying up all night reading each entry and chasing his tale. (See what I did there?) But he wanted me to tell each of you who entered "THANK YOU!"

He loved every story (though growled at the ones with cats).

Sincerely,

Wallaby's person

RosannaM said...

I am amazed at all the talent here! Congrats to Beth and Tess.

Beth Carpenter said...

glevin, please thank Wallaby and give him an extra snuggle for me. Also tell him I think he has the most wonderful ears.

glevin said...

You got it, Beth. And... DONE!

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Beth is on a heck of a roll. Congrats to Tess. These really cracked me up. Which is much needed.

Just Jan said...

Two contest results in one day is fantastic! I loved reading all these entries. Thank you to Wallaby and glevin for sponsoring the contest and helping to judge.

And BIG congrats to Beth and Tess for the win!

Dena Pawling said...

Big congrats to all three of today’s winners!

And Beth, I agree. You need to play the lottery today (not Shirley Jackson’s).

nightsmusic said...

Congrats to everyone who made the list, and to the winners.

But oh, Dena, I was barely able to post this through the tears.

Casual-T said...

Much appreciate the shout-out, Janet. Glad it made you giggle. And congrats to the winners!

AJ Blythe said...

Missed both contests, but there were great entries. Congrats to Colin and Tess for their wins, and a double dose of congrats to Beth for her double win.

NLiu said...

Yay! Congrats Beth and Tess!

Mallory Love said...

Congrats to Beth And Tess! Great entries. And thanks to Wallaby for the mention.

Craig F said...

Yay, get to applaud twice in one day. It is really three times but Gorsuch doesn't count here.

So applause again for Beth and applause for Tess.

I have some applause left, so I will applaud the rest of you too.

Linda Shantz said...

Congrats Beth and Tess!