Monday, June 15, 2020

I know you're shocked but yes, contest results

I hang my head in shame at how long it took for the Let's Get Cookin' results. But, I've now managed to get myself organized enough to read your wonderful entries, and pick a winner.

Words I had to look up
Erin Scruggs: psaltery

This was the entry that caught the eye of the agent for the 101 Things I Learned in Culinary School

Colin Smith
Salt bread
Egg laid
King sick
Egg cracks
Chef knifed
Egg breaks
New chef
Chick born

These were the entries that stood out for me

Beth Carpenter
“…our daily bread...”

Her leg grown numb, Blanch shifted Pumpkin to the pew, enabling escape. Blanch snatched her daughter’s dress, but Pumpkin slithered out of it.

“Amen.” All eyes opened to see Pumpkin tugging the altar cloth, raining candlesticks.

“This altar’s not for climbing.” The pastor held the almost-naked preschooler at arm’s length. People rushed to stomp out flames.

“Kick, ‘n’ if ‘e don’t leggo, kick again,” Pumpkin yelled.

“Pumpkin, you apologize!”

Pumpkin grinned. “I sorry.”

“It won’t happen again,” Blanch effronted.

Outside, he waited.


“Three Rolexes and a diamond bracelet. Stockbroker’s funeral in Waxahachie Thursday?”

“We’ll be there.”
I love these kinds of stories with a twist ending!

Melanie Sue Bowles
“You’ve cut the bread too thin. We’ll need another loaf.”

He shook his head while I suppressed a sigh. Some retreat. It was supposed to be Zen, but it was more like hell with Chef-Zilla. Nonrefundable hell.

My jaw hurt from clenching. I turned back to the stove. “No, no!” he shouted. “Don’t salt the water till after it boils.”

He set the eggs I’d bought in a bowl of cold water. They floated. “These are old,” he growled. “Can’t put them in.” He turned his back to me, muttering, shaking his head.

“But I can put the knife in.”
How could I resist non-refundable Chef-Zilla!

John Davis Frain

Benedict allowed a smile. The coldest of cases, cracked.

Horses altering the crime scene hadn’t helped , but Benedict persevered.

“Amazing,” his Colonel said. “How?”

“Each effort brought us closer. Now, we have our suspect. This leggy fella.”

Sanders’ chin dropped. “The gingerbread man? How’d he hold the knife-—the piece of evidence we withheld from the public.”

“A red herring, sir.”

Sanders nodded. “Always thought it was self-inflicted.”

Benedict shook his head. “Turns out, he didn’t fall. Using Virtual Reconstructive Technology, we rebuilt him. Extracted DNA off his back.”

“You mean…”

“Yes. Humpty was pushed. Alert the king’s men.”
Reliably hilarious, this made me laugh.

Karen McCoy
Long-suffering brides choked the store’s dressing rooms. I wasn’t a bride, but I’d suffered plenty.

“It’s like I’m wearing a chef’s hat,” Sophie whined.

I handed her a gown with a puffy chiffon skirt. “This one?”

A pause. “Too bippity-boppity-boo.”

I sighed. “We should try this some other time.”

“Don’t be so salty. Bring the egg-colored one.”

I shoved it through the door just before she closed the knob.

“Ready now?” If she didn’t like it, I’d look for a knife to put us both out of our misery.

“Yes. It’s perfect,” she sighed. “Now if only he’ll propose.”
This just cracked me up.
Love that last line that twists the whole story.
And of course, knowing the frenzy that was the bridal gown sale in Filene's basement, this story resonated.

“Six cups bread flour.”

“Six? Yeesh. Got it.”

“One tablespoon salt.”

“Tablespoon salt, got it.”

“Three tablespoons sugar.”

“Not four???”

“Three. One package yeast.”

“Same as a small cake, yeh?”

“Yes. Two cups warm water. Two eggs.”

“Two and two, got it. That all, chef?”

“All but the meat. With a boning knife, prepare the dragon.”

“With a boning knife, prepare the knight, got it.”

“Unfunny, caller. DRA. GON.”

“But isn’t this the Knights Recipes hotline?”

“Yes! Surely you didn’t think—”

“Wait. You mean--?”



“Let’s pretend this call never happened.”

“This call never happened. Got it.”

I'm STILL laughing at this one.

You can tell I needed the comedy this week.
All the entries that stood out were pretty comic.
These contests really are an illustration of the subjective nature of the sport.
Some weeks I go for the macabre others for twisty turns, this week for comedy.

Thanks to all of you who posted entries for this contest, and waited so long for the results!

There are TWO winners: Colin Smith chosen by the Author's Team, and Beth Carpenter for the Shark Team.

Colin, let me know if your address has changed.

Beth, I don't think I have your mailing address. Drop me a line, and I'll get you a book in the mail.

Yes, I think I'm going to the post office this week!!!

Results for the Wallaby flash fiction contest are scheduled for noon today.


E.M. Goldsmith said...

Congratulations Colin and Beth. Well done.

Steve Forti said...

Kudos and congrats to both of you!

Colin Smith said...

Wow! Thanks... Agent X!

You know how with some of these contests you try to anticipate Janet's mood and write to win, and some weeks nothing's coming so you try an experiment. Well, this was an experimental week for me. Just goes to show, as with cooking so with writing, sometimes an experiment works out. :)

I did try a quick Google search to see if I could find out who this agent with excellent taste is (always good to know for those query lists), but I came up empty. Thanks again, anyway!

And congrats to Beth. A worthy win. :)

I'll update the Contest Spreadsheet after Janet announces this weekend's winner.

Lennon Faris said...

Ha! Well done, Colin and Beth. Very clever.

And FlashFriday, the awkward moment between the dragon and the person on the other end was gold.

These were all fantastic. Congrats, everyone!

NLiu said...

Congrats Colin and Beth! Worth the wait!

Matt Krizan said...

Congrats, Colin and Beth.

Melanie Sue Bowles said...

What fun... A mention! Thank you.

Congratulations to Beth and Colin. Yay, you two.

And I concur with Lennon: FlashFriday, that was gold.

Beth Carpenter said...

Wow! Turns out hearts really do go pitter-pat when things like this happen. I can now check off my life goal of winning a Reid flash contest. Thank you so much! And congratulations, Colin!

My own vote would have been for Mallory Love at 6:54. "We used to take everything Horace said with a grain of salt. ... Now we take everything he says with a shot of whiskey." I love that!

Brigid said...

Beth, if one win makes your heart go pitter-pat, what do 2 wins do? Well-deserved somersaults, I hope!

Karen McCoy said...

Congrats Beth and Colin! Such wonderful entries. I'm honored to be mentioned among such talent!

Just Jan said...

Congratulations Beth and Colin! Really nice entries.

Mallory Love said...

Thanks so much, Beth! Congrats! Your entry gave a me laugh I sorely needed. : ) Congrats to you too, Colin!

Craig F said...

Finally get to applaud some folk, so applause to Beth and Colin, along with all the rest of everyone that gave it a go.

Joseph S. said...


I just lived your entry, except mine was a bottle Diet Dr Pepper instead of a mug full of pencils.