Sunday, November 24, 2019

The Duchess of Yowl is shopping

Sunday morning, chez Yowl, at the end of a long fraught week

Her Grace and Sleekness, the Duchess of Yowl: Thumbs. Thumbs!!! THUMBS!!

Thumbs: (coming bolt upright in sleeping hammock, such that the hammock flips upside down, leaving Thumbs on the floor with her head through the netting) Holy Mother of Godiva WHAT?

DoY: Are you awake?
Thumbs: Every conversation that starts this way ends badly.

DoY: Not for me.
Thumbs: I'm awake. I'm awake. You didn't make coffee did you? No of course not.

DoY: I wouldn't touch that foul brew with a ten foot claw.
Thumbs: It has cream.

DoY: Contaminated cream.
Thumbs: Good, more for me.

DoY: Forget that superfund cleanup you call a coffee pot. I have an important question.
Thumbs: Questions cost a dollar before coffee.

DoY: How much after coffee?
Thumbs: Free.

DoY: (consulting her cash cache) Brew your concoction. I'll wait.

Five minutes later, Thumbs is on couch, slightly less bleary. 

DoY: What size are my feet?
Thumbs: You don't have feet. You have paws. Paws do not come in sizes.

DoY: This order form won't let me complete my purchase without specifying a size.
Thumbs: (very much less bleary, in fact, slightly panicked) What are you ordering??

DoY: Winter is coming. I need a bigger fur coat.
Thumbs: you don’t need a shoe size to buy a coat. And what kind of coat?

DoY: A coat suitable for one of royal rank, of course.
Thumbs: (has learned some things are better left unasked) What kind of shoes are you buying?

DoY: Really Thumbs, isn't that filthy brew supposed to jump start your brain?
Thumbs: There isn't enough coffee in the world to keep up with you, Your Grace.

DoY: That's so true. Also, I'm getting Pumas. Now what size are my feet?
Thumbs: (holding up her own sneaker) my shoes are sevens. See if this fits?

DoY: (eyeballing the sneaker) It looks a bit cramped.
Thumbs: Your Grace, my feet are the size of your torso! You can't walk in these!

DoY: Walk in them? Heaven forfend. I'm going to sleep in them. Nice and cozy for the winter!
Thumbs: You really need something more like boots.

DoY: Puss in boots is such a cliché.
Thumbs: bonus content! They come in a box!

DoY: The best things do!


nightsmusic said...

While I understand the Puma, Uggs would be much better to sleep in ;) But DoY definitely has her...needs, and you are only there for her beck and call.

And the Free Kitten pic is the bomb!

More coffee...

E.M. Goldsmith said...

The free kittens pic is priceless. As are the exploits of DOY.

Typing on phone hard.

Dena Pawling said...

>>DoY: What size are my feet?

The ONLY appropriate response to this question is - Why Your Grace! You don't have anything resembling foul FEET. You have PAWS which are sleek and dainty, as befitting your royalty.

Happy Sunday!

Sharyn Ekbergh said...

I want that little kitten!

Beth Carpenter said...

DOY never disappoints.

Elissa M said...

If the box simply said "Free Kitten" I'd be fine, but it was plural and now it's not.


I'll assume they all found new homes, and the box is just being reused. That's much nicer than the alternative.

John Davis Frain said...

"Every conversation that starts this way ends badly."

Touche! This was hilarious. (I'm sure I'm not telling DoY anything new there.)

I'd ask you what kind of books you like to read (and then send my ms, of course), but I believe you finished slightly in excess of the 100-word mark.

AJ Blythe said...

Starting my Monday to a DoY story is always the best way to start a Monday (and love that pic)!

Jennifer R. Donohue said...

Animal clothing sizing is VERY frustrating! Especially when you have a weird wedge-shaped dog of the type that I favor. I sympathize with the Duchess here!

Claire Bobrow said...

All the best things come in boxes. Or maybe all the best things ARE boxes? In any case, I hope the DoY receives the perfect item to meet her needs. And if it happens to contain a large, striped "kitten," we may finally get the answer to this eternal question: The Lady or the Tiger?

(My money's on the DoY.)

MaggieJ said...

It's so nice to see Her Grace and Sleekness back with her irresistible charm and irrepressible ego.

We've missed you, DoY.

Panda in Chief said...

The "Free Kitten" box demonstrates something I have long known, that the people who care for animals have a great sense of humor that coincides with their love of animals.

I'm glad to see that the DoY has kept up her standards (not to mention her demands.)

Happy week of giving thanks to all of you.