Many of you "know" Amy Schaefer, one of the blog readers, and amazing flash fiction writers. She lives in Paradise.
But, Paradise moves, and now
we're back on the boat soon. We only have internet when we are in port, and it is usually, in a word, pathetic. We're travelling from Australia to South Africa this year, and I don't expect to be connected for most of that time. I can send/receive text-only email over our SSB radio; that lets me update my blog, as well as stay connected to friends and family. But the internet is a distant dream.
In case you're interested, a couple guys named Magellan and Drake did this trip as well (although Magellan ran into some harsh critics in The Phillipines.)
Let's send Amy off on her amazing journey with a writing contest!
The usual rules apply:
1. Write a story using 100 words or fewer.
2. Use these words in the story:
sea
blue
salt
safe
land
3. You must use the whole word, but that whole word can be part of a larger word. The letters for the
prompt word must appear in consecutive order. They cannot be backwards.
Thus: sea/seattle is ok, but salt/gestalt is not
4. Post the entry in the comment column of THIS blog post.
5. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan (a do-over) erase your entry and post again. It helps to work out your entry first, then post.
6. International entries are allowed, but prizes may vary for international addresses.
7. Titles count as part of the word count (you don't need a title)
8. Under no circumstances should you tweet anything about your particular entry to me. Example: "Hope you like my entry about Felix Buttonweezer!" This is grounds for disqualification.
8a. There are no circumstances in which it is ok to ask for MY feedback on your contest entry. NONE. (It's oke ok! to discuss in comment column with other blog commenters, just leave me out of the discussion.)
9. It's ok to tweet about the contest generally.
Example: "I just entered the flash fiction contest on Janet's blog and I didn't even get a lousy t-shirt"
10. Please do not post anything but contest entries. (Not for example "I love Felix Buttonweezer's entry!")
11. You agree that your contest entry can remain posted on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't later ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date.
12. The stories must be self-contained. That is: do not include links or footnotes to explain any part of the story. Those extras will not be considered part of the story.
My question is about what formatting to use when querying from outside of the U.S.
Some of us folk writing on the other side of the world feel that o's are very lonely without their u's, and that z's need to stop being so rough around the edges. As a result, we end up with words like colour and analyse. And don't even get me started on the use of single quotation marks over double quotations.
So my question is: If you are afflicted with this fear of lonely o's, quotations loitering in pairs, and the 26th letter of the alphabet, what do you do when querying a U.S. agent? (So that's where those u's and s's went!)
Do you and your cool-blooded brethren ignore this in understanding (I'm thinking this is a no), or should the writer adapt the formatting to fit the style of which the agent is used to?
Holy zedonkulas!
or should I say Holy Zedounkulas?
Most agents are quite comfy with reading novels written in Brit.
Most of us have spent some time reading books with extra u's, and rounded zeds. Agatha Christie. Jane Austen. The Brit editions of Lee Child (which are available a good month before the US edition, just FYI.)
We even know that when you're standing in the garden, you're not actually standing on plants and barkdust. And we know that the bonnet of your auto doesn't have a hatpin. We're still a little embarrassed about what you think a fannypack is, but we'll just never mention that word again, ok?
If your book is set in the UK and the characters are UK speakers, you'd be nutso to make them all sound like Americans even to American readers. And one way to convey character is word choice, and in this instance word spelling.
Now, if you plan to write a novel about Americans and set it here, you'd be wise to strip out all the UKisms.
In other words, let the language and spelling you use reflect the book you're writing. We'll get it.
As to your query, it's better to just write with your normal spellings. We aren't going to be flummoxed by your insistence on using u to prop up that slacker o.
I had a question I was hoping you could answer on your blog. Basically, I'm new to writing with a few short stories published, and am working on some novels, which might be ready to query in the next couple years. My question is in regards to my personal blog, which I've been posting at since 2004. There's mention of my mental illness, personal life events, etc, which I've always felt reasonably OK about because my full name isn't on there and anyone mentioned is anonymised with nicknames. However, my first name is pretty unique and I'm the only person ever born in my province to have been given it (no seriously, I looked it up!). It's also in my blog URL. Anyone Googling me who knew my approximate location would conclude in 0.00002 seconds that the blog is mine.
My question is, if I start a new website that's just for my writing, do you think my existing blog is going to cause problems? I would hate to think that a prospective agent would think about representing me, Google my name, come up with that blog, and then turn me down...let alone prospective readers or just people interested in my writing. Do you think I should delete the personal blog? (I've got a lot of memories on it and it would make me very sad.) Lock it? (Or would that look suspicious?) Pretend it doesn't exist and hope the author site comes up first on search results?
When you introduce yourself at a business function, what do you say? If you're like most people you say your name, your company, maybe your job title. When the conversation continues you talk about things that are in the ballpark of your job. If you happen to find a point of personal intersection with the other people in the conversation ("We both hate kale!" "We both know Felix Buttonweezer" "We both think Barbara Poelle is the cat's pjs!") then the conversation might get more in depth.
My guess is however that you're not going to mention your mental illness, personal life events etc. This is not because you are ashamed of your life. It's because it's your personal life, and the conversation is a professional one.
Querying is a professional conversation.
Thus you'd NOT put your personal blog link on a query letter.
However, whether you leave your blog up, lock it so only designated readers can see it (people will just think it's nekkid pictures of you, don't worry), or take it down is a choice only you can make.
Generally speaking I'm going to click on the links you give me, not start randomly googling your name. I'm not trying to play gotcha with people querying me. I'm trying to find out if they're asshats or they failed to mention some key pieces of information (previously published books; previous agents; a distinct lack of love about agents and querying.)
Now of course, the elephant in the room here is "my mental illness." There's a huge stigma attached to mental illness and anyone who says otherwise is naive.
How much to reveal of your personal journey is your decision. Yes, there's a risk in being open about something a lot of people neither understand nor feel comfortable discussing.
That said, you must be yourself. At some point in conversations with an agent about representation, this topic will arise. Choosing when that happens means you don't have the information available to the googling public.
And your unasked question is "will someone reading about my mental health issues be more likely to reject my work?" I don't know the answer to that question. I know that someone who does is probably not a person you'd want to work with anyway.
The bottom line is I care first and foremost about what you're writing. I've also been in this business long enough to know that great art can often be accompanied by an unquiet mind. Being honest about who you are, what you've experienced, and how those experiences have shaped you is important. You may have a bigger impact on your readers by being honest about your life than you'll ever know.
One of the Rules for Writers is Be Brave.
I think being brave about your life is good, but that blog post is about a different kind of bravery.
I think you need a new rule: Don't try to spackle, paint or remodel yourself to please some unknown arbiter. You don't have to reveal every detail of your life, and certainly we all tailor ourselves in small ways to accommodate the feelings and mores of people around us. But, closeting your true self will kill your spirit and your creativity.
On a recent WIR you explained how to query when you have an offer on the table. You mentioned it is best to involve the agent as soon as possible in the process.
Scenario: an editor offered an R&R. I agreed with editor's vision and suggestions, (which have made my book 100x stronger). Checked out all the online resources for red flags. Talked to a writer in my local RWA chapter who has published with said publisher. All looks good. I agree to proceed, and receive my very first edit letter.
During the R&R discussion, this is what was agreed to: I would take as long as I need to revise, and when I submit back to editor I would give editor 90 days to offer/reject before submitting elsewhere (I know exclusives are bad, but after the extensive edit letter and all the work editor put into it, this seemed reasonable). If editor likes, it goes to acquisition board, and if they like it, they make an offer. I stated up front that if an offer was made I would be contacting an agent.
My questions for you are - did I screw anything up in this process? Is an exclusive okay in these circumstances? And, if my timing choices for querying an agent are (a) when I'm done with the book, (b) when the editor is considering the revised book, (c) when the editor decides the book is the best thing ever and takes it to the board, or (d) when a formal offer is made, which do I chose? I am thinking the answer is (d), and if no offer is made, query normally?
No you didn't screw anything up, and yes you should query with a subject line of "offer in hand from X publisher" when you query (answer d.)
If an editor has given you notes and asked for an exclusive on the revised manuscript, it's polite to say yes. I probably would have negotiated a shorter time period since things get pushed down the To Do list the longer the time frame for MUST REPLY. 30 days is certainly enough time to read something and decide if you want to take the next step.
My trumpeted disdain of exclusives is when the agent or editor hasn't added any value yet. Just offering to read something doesn't add value. It's our damn job.
Once the editor or agent has some skin in the game (ie sent an editorial letter) then giving them first crack at revisions is the right thing to do.
As usual you tormented me with your talent. I can hear you all chortling about this.
Herewith the results:
Words I had to look up (which I should hasten to add is not a bad thing)
pinchbeck E.M. Goldsmith 8:27am
tippet Janice L. Grinyer 1:30pm
Tadalafil allierat 8:13pm
Prisunic LynnRodz 7:26am
I love this line
Em-Musing 9:57am
“Hey! I’m not a criminal; I’m a writer!”
Amy Schaefer 11:23am
"It’s never a good thing to wake up in a forklift."
The vivid imagery in these two lines is perfection:
David 2:09pm
After braving Batman and Robin tattoos with his girlfriend,
she ditched him for some dude not dumb enough to lose his thumbs in a knife
fight. Apparently, she liked having her ass pinched more than she’d let on.
Special recognition for interesting POV
a honey bee
cassandra newbould 10:00am
Outstanding diction and rhythm
Timothy Lowe 10:11am
Splendid, gorgeous writing.
Celia Reaves 10:21am
Very meta
Craig 10:39am
Simply in a class by himself, hilarious stories, off-beat POVs
and outstanding use of prompt words: Steve Forti 11:33am.
Special recognition for GREAT names:
JSF 11:03am
"Wit's End" (I think it's a bar)
Nickleburp Filcherdinck (I think he might be Felix
Buttonweezer's friend)
I had to google to get itbut oh boy, this is lovely when you understand it. (not
quite a story though)
Mark Ellis 1:56pm
Dragons! I'm not sure why but this line just cracked me up: keeping his air lift proved impossible as he neared the castle. He
started to walk.) And Fred! What a great name for a dragon!
Rene Saenger 8:06pm
Not quite a story but terrific writing and some great lines!
Scott Sloan 8:29pm
Michael Seese 8:43pm "cuckoo for Soduku"
Anonymous 10:42pm
Not quite a story but this just cracked me up completely
Sara Halle 11:41pm
Not quite a story but innovative form, and pretty damn funny
to boot
John Frain 2:23am
Lovely tribute to the recently departed Pat Conroy
Matt Adams 8:38pm
Special recognition for skilled use of the vernacular
Rena McClure Taylor 10:51pm
The Steve Forti Award for diabolical use of prompt words:
Lynn Rodz 7:26am
Long list
Mallory Love 3:07pm
RECIPE FOR DISASTER
1 finicky wife
1 disillusioned husband
1 aerobic instructor with a penchant for filching
A prenup
Throw the second and third ingredients together. Add a pinch of lust. Let it
simmer. Once blended, lift the veil off the first ingredient's eyes and put her
into the mix. Bring to boiling. Then toss out the wife, penniless.
SIDE OF REVENGE
1 disgruntled ex-wife
Her wits
Make a peace offering to ex's girlfriend: ex's favorite dessert recipe, extra
walnuts. Wait for the call. Act shocked when told. Confirm girlfriend knew
about allergy. Collect his estate. Best served cold.
Bethany Elizabeth 7:12pm
His eyes were too sweet for drinking, so I asked for ID. His
card was new with a bright donor sticker. Two months earlier, I’d have pinched
his cheek and served him a pop. Instead, I brought him a little liquid courage
and a smile. Filched a laugh.
We met outside the diner. “Happy to see me, or is that a…”
It was.
Who robs waitresses?
Cops caught him too late. Bullet through his eye. My liver.
They airlifted me to St. Nick’s. Angels drifted through my room before the
transplant.
He got my cash.
But I got his liver.
allierat 8:13pm
Oak refused to shorten his shadow at noon. Lifting, long,
lean, graceful; undulating over boulders, sinewing up a slope, the crown
nicking a dark cave.
“Hey!” Apollo shouted, glaring. “Will you defy me? And physics? Just who do you
think you are?”
Maple’s leaves whispered, “He’s on Tadalafil! Cheater! His wood ain’t worth a
pinch hitter’s bat!”
Amassing darkness, clouds robbed Oak of his shadow. Zeus threw a lightning
bolt. With a crack and a groan, mighty Oak fell, to rise no more.
Next spring, an acorn grew.
Short list
Mark Thurber 10:20am
“Un lapin, Charles?”
“Non, Robert. It’s the old fox, after the new chick.”
“Shall we warn her off? Il chasse, n’est-ce pas?”
“Oui, Robert, he is hunting. But let’s see what happens if we don’t lift
a hoof.”
“Are you lost, Mademoiselle?” the fox asks the chick.
“Oui, Monsieur. I am looking for a bite to eat.”
“Moi aussi. Please join me!”
The fox pounces. A flurry of fur and feathers, and it is over.
Farmer Jean finds the fox out cold and nary a nick on the chick. “C’est
magnifique! I should teach all my chickens martial arts.”
I love how this story incorporates one of the things we talked
about on the blog this week (using foreign words or phrases) without being all
Hey! Look What I DID! about it. Nicely subtle. And this story is
hilarious.
And those are some very artful prompt word uses too! And "nary a nick on the chick" just cracks me up completely. This is terrific writing.
Maggie Maxwell 10:39am
3rd grade
Joe pinched me cuz I wasn’t wearin’ green. I sent him home black and
blue. Mama said, “He likes you.”
6th grade
Joe lifted my skirt on picture day “to see if I was really a girl.” I
knocked him outta his shoes with one punch. Daddy said, “Boys’ll be boys.”
9th grade
Joe filched my homework and slapped his name on it. I nicked his
wallet. The cops said, “Nice girls ain’t reprobates.”
12th grade
Joe said he was gonna make me hurt. I said, “I ain’t seen ‘im, officers” with
my dirty hands behind my back.
This entry is evocative of luciakaku's last week that started
the discussion about what makes a story (and what doesn't) What makes this a
story is the twist at the end. The last line “I ain’t seen ‘im, officers”
with my dirty hands behind my back.
Of course the double standard is what makes this a terrific twist at the end too.
And you've got to love any story with the word reprobate!
Megan V 10:50am
I can’t recall who stuck me with the boy, but I remember that pinch-faced
teenager with every blink.
Blink.
We stand beneath fluorescent lights. I shove a smock into his hands.
Blink.
“Welcome to Chuck’s Bait Shop,” he says, his voice robotic. “Buy some
monofil chuggers.”
Blink.
“Welcome to Chuck’s Bait Shop. Monofilaments and chuggers are on sale today.”
He’s making progress.
Blink.
“Welcome to Chuck’s Bai—shit!” He chases a shoplifter.
Blink.
Crack! Panicked yells. I hobble outside.
Blink.
Bloodstains on his smock, but the boy whispers, “I tried.”
Blink.
I shelve thread and lures. On Sale: $4.99
Of course what makes this stand out is the repetition of the
word "blink" but what makes that work is the rhythm of the other
sentences.Notice how the
number of words (left) and the number of syllables (right) in each sentence rise
and fall?
18/25
12/16
14/20
15/25
8/13
6/9
10/12
8/11
S.D. King 10:55am
In a pinch, Filchenkov agreed to ride with
Chakravarthi to the String Theory Conference. Their debates were legendary.
Chakravarthi preached Unified Theory proposing ten alternate reality
dimensions.
Filchenkov wrote the book refuting it.
“So right now, you think an invisible reality is taking place inside and around
this car—LOOK OUT!
A tire from the semi ahead flew toward the windshield. Chakravarthi ducked. In
the nick of time, the tire lifted over the car.
Miles later, the debate resumed.
“The very premise is improbable. Impossible!”
The third passenger, Gabriel, dusted off and settled back onto the luggage
rack.
“You’re welcome.”
Get it?
DLM 12:46pm
When had it shifted – from being impossible to see aught but
the end of waiting, to being impossible to believe there was an end?
When she’d been robbed. When she’d gained weight and stopped holding in
her stomach, when her skin had begun to crepe. When her mouth had become pinched,
her brows ever harder to lift out of hatchet-faced gloom.
When the nick of the needle, as she sewed the never-ending shroud, had
been pain not worth itself. When she found she wanted to be taken as easily as
a pickpocket might filch a stranger’s gold.
Damn Odysseus.
Of course I'm a sucker for all thing Odyssey and I do love the
alternate view point here: Penelope waiting at home. But mostly this is just
beautiful writing and I love it.
Writer 4 2:58pm
Carbon Cliff, Il. Chicago is over a hundred miles
behind me. I see a bridge up ahead. Hell, if that's the Mississippi,
then I've made it! Iowa, here I come. Farmers won't extradite me.
Up in Chicago, they'll have found the bodies by now. I was in a panic.
Killed them in self defense.
Red lights flash just before I reach the border. Busted. "They attacked me
first!" I plead, as the officer eyes the blood stains on my shirt.
"Save it for the geese police," he answers. Then whispers, "Zero
blame from me, chef. I love foie gras."
"Save it for the geese police" is one of my favorite sentences
of all time.
And "farmers won't extradite me" is really funny.
And of course the punch line of foie gras is perfect.
Then there's the artful use of prompt words.
In other words, this is just about perfect.
CarolynnWith2Ns 6:14pm
Filched food, got a karma gut ache.
Shoplifted a bottle of Chevas, drove, lost my license for a year.
Got it back. Robbed a 7-Eleven. Bad money, bad lawyer, one year.
Got out. Pinched a Plymouth. A bridge abutment got me two weeks in ICU and two
years in county.
Got out.
Did a 180 with a shit-job, finicky wife, house, kids and a cat.
Life sentence.
And then a bastard stole her heart.
And then I stole a gun.
And then I went to see them.
Death sentence.
Karma jammed the gun.
Got out.
I love the twist on this story!
Scott G 7:44pm
“Hello, dad. Good to see you again.”
He laid there, eyes closed. No response. Typical.
“You robbed me of my childhood.”
Nothing. Didn’t even lift his eyebrows to acknowledge my existence. He’d
always been that way.
“Sorry I had to do it. Must be a nick in my DNA.”
I lodged the flashlight between my teeth and filched the watch off his
wrist.
“Got your attention this time, didn’t I.”
The sweet, sweaty smell of his bedtime stories came rushing back to me. I
gagged.
“Actually, I’m not sorry.”
I pinched my nostrils together and closed the casket lid.
Normally when there's an error in grammar, the entry gets the
boot, but I loved the ending of this so much I let "lay/laid" slide
on by.(He lay there, not he laid
there)
And I really like how our expectations for what's going are
are turned 180 by the very last two words. This is really excellent.
So, again, I'm having trouble picking just one story to recognize for Outstanding Achievement in Flash Fiction. I'm going to swill some coffee and read them all again. Meanwhile, weigh in!
I'm beginning to suspect you all of conspiring against me in writer grottos across the land. It's getting harder and harder to pick just one entry each week as The Outstanding One.
I think I've read all the short list more tha six times now, and in the end, this is the one that just stuck with me as truly amazing.
Congratulations Mark Thurber 10:20am.
Drop me an email with your mailing address and the kinds of books you like to read and I'll send you John Frain's novel a book.
Congratulations to all the short and long list entries, and those entries who caught my eye for other things as well.
Thanks to all of you who took the time to enter. It's a pleasure to read your work. Y'all are dangerously talented writers.
In last week's review, Steve Stubbs took his life in his
hands with this (particularly the last two lines!)
A comment on your statement that you reject fabulous manuscripts every day: I wonder if your kindheartedness is showing here, I read somewhere a comment by a former editor from Simon and Schuster.
When they were
using in-house first readers to sort through the slush pile, he said they would
typically find one publishable manuscript in every 5,000 unsolicited MS that came
in over the transom. First readers were used mostly to sort out letters that
contained threats and throw the rest of them away. The letters that contained
threats were turned over to the police.
If you want to become a bestselling
author, just send a threat letter to Simon and Schuster is what I always say.
Works every time. A threat will make up for bad writing any day.
If you get 54
queries per week and there are 52 weeks in a year, according to my abstruse
mathematical calculations, that comes to a mere 2,808 queries a year. At the
end of a year you would still have 2,192 queries to go to find one salable MS.
If you are rejecting masterpieces every day, you are on to something. I think I
know what it is. You’re a kind person. Not a shark at all.
Here's where your logic trips you up:Simon and Schuster gets not only MORE queries than I do,
they get the ones from people who don't know that S&S doesn't take on
unagented material. And my guess is that this comment is an editor recalling
something from 20 years ago.As
far as I know, slush is simply discarded at all the major houses now.
That means I'm getting better slush than S&S is.
For every 5000 queries, they may only find one,
whereas last year with 2192 queries, I took on two, and there were several
I passed on that other agents took. And this doesn't count the mss that get placed elsewhere that I don't know about.
So while it may be hyperbole to say every day of the year,
it's certainly NOT hyperbole that I pass on things that get published and win
awards.I'm not giving you the
list but I've got one. Oh yes indeed I do.
And we don't call the police for threats either. I'm
surprised S&S ever did. Unhappy writers threatening to dangle your modifier
out the window are hazards of the trade.
As for this kind person thing, here, let me dust your
rose-colored spectacles my friend.
Timothy Lowe said:
Love the Dirk Diggler shot. Although I still can't quite
wrap my head around how I prevent people from getting a bunch of porn stars
when they google my name. Very disturbing. Does this mean I change my name when
it's time to publish?
Oh, I suppose I should mention too that I'm not a porn star.
Interestingly one of my clients had this problem. She told
me that when she googled her name, up came a porn star. Since she's a very
respectable Texas lady this was a problem. She began using her middle name,
becoming Stephanie Jaye Evans, to solve the problem.
Cause really, when your main character is a Church of Christ
minister, the author can't be a porn star.
And Craig is probably going straight to Hell for
this one:
The treasure cave needs more than one idea. So, Colin, when
you are bored, or one your tech savvy kids is bored, do a spread sheet of sub
headers by Reiders.
The sub-headers don't last. There's no way to go back and
find the subheader for three months ago. Once they're changed, the old one is
gone. This would be setting Colin to chasing his tail.
Oh wait….Hey Colin??
luciakaku disagreed with my assessment of why her story
wasn't a story:
Ma'am, I respectfully disagree about your reasoning why my
story wasn't a story. Your example strongly suggested that a story has to have
a happy or uplifting ending to be a story. Her "growth" went
backwards. She went from having faith in herself to having none. A valid
character arc is often going from having no faith in yourself to having some,
so I don't see why the reverse is not a story. It's a flash tragedy.
Here's what I'd said:
But it's not a story because it's a series of events. To be a story, it needs some sort of what I call a twist: something unexpected that sheds new light or interpretation on what we've read. "my boss hands me a tray" and says "get to work princess" and I discover I'm strong enough (bringing in the last line) to wrap my tank top around his neck and rein him in. (which is godawful writing, sorry, but you see the point I'm making.)
A story does not have to have a happy or uplifting ending at
all. (We've seen some flash fiction winners that substantiate that) And I did
understand what you call "backward growth" and I would call
"slide to despair".
What's missing here is the something that takes this from
just a list of things that happened, to a story about how she changed the trajectory of events.
In other words, a twist of some sort. It's that twist that is the crucial
element to making something a story. Life is a series of events. The unexpected
is what makes life a good story.
And I do like your phrase "flash tragedy" a LOT.
Lennon Farris did see a twist in the story:
Not to quibble with any said teeth, but... when I read
luciakaku's entry, in my negligible experience, I would have said it had a
twist because the word 'princess' was used at the beginning to convey a world
of possibilities and support. And then at the end, it's used as a derogatory,
sexist term. It's like even after all those other derogatory things happened to
the m.c., she still held onto her hope. Then when her boss used that same word,
it's like she had a paradigm shift about what she thought her parents had given
her, and what her own potential was. That was my own take on it!
Which just goes to prove that this is a subjective endeavor
and (banging the drum yet again) why you query widely! What doesn't twist to
me, can be someone else's idea of a perfect twirl!
I loved Laura Mary's cat whisperer comment and when she
asked
Is this the universe telling me I am destined to be a crazy
cat lady?
I can only say: there are many many worse things to be.
On Monday, the first post was to let everyone know I hadn't
finished reading the contest entries, so Gossamer would be standing in for me for the morning
shift.
(I adore Goss!)
You all had some great cat stories to while away the hours
until the results got posted.
Dena Pawling demonstrated she is a TRUE writer cause she put
the worst possible spin on what was intended as an accolade:
I got a "special recognition for extraordinary
exploration of form and style" which my writer brain translates as a
euphemism for "WTF was that????!" But it was fun to write.
Special recognition for exploration of form and style means
I think you did something really interesting and I LIKED IT.Sheesh. Youse guyz!
On Tuesday we talked about essay collections, memoir, and
why they are sometimes (often) not taken on for trade publication
I mentioned I'd shopped two terrific memoirs last year
without any nibbles.
Lisa Bodenheim asked
Janet, are you able to share, in vague-protect-privacy
language, what it was about the memoirs that you thought had real potential but
received no nibbles?
Frankly, I'm convinced the editors took leave of their
senses. Nothing else really explains it. Those memoirs were GREAT.
DLM made a very good point:
I feel awful for "saying this out loud" so to
speak, but when I hear about a series of unrelated personal essays, I think
that's a blog.
There is SO much of this sort of thing out on the internet for free, there has
to be a seriously compelling reason to invest in the cost to produce it on
paper (and/or e-book form), and for anyone to spend money on it.
Yes! The amount of work available for free now just boggles
the mind, particularly essays/blog posts on people's lives. I'm trying to think
of ANY blogs like that I read regularly (I can't.)I remember reading personal essay columns in the newspaper
(before the internet) but those are now mostly gone (unless you count the op-ed
page of the NYT which I don't.)
Colin mentioned Bouchercon, which is not a writing
conference, but a fan convention but still has a lot of value for writerly
types. He referenced this story about me,
Heck, anyone who can walk into a restaurant and promote one
of the table bussers to being her waitress for the night has a certain amount
of chutzpah. And Janet has chutzpah in spades (if you hadn't cottoned on to that
already). :) So, trust me--you'll know her when you see her. :)
I'd forgotten all about this till Colin mentioned it again.
We (and I mean there were four or five of us I think) had a terrific young lady
bring us drinks and food one night and when we returned the next day (or later
that same day, I'm not sure) we asked for her again, only to be told she was a
busser, not a server. Well! I liked that girl, she was TERRIFIC. So I kind of
made a point in what we here in New York might call an everyday playful tone.
Which I think in North Carolina they call Pushy Yankee Harlot voice. Anyway,
we got her, at least for a while. Turns out they do need the bussers to
buss, so when things got busy we had to have a "real" server. The
manager of the restaurant actually came over to explain why. (I was
mortified to my shoes that I'd inconvenienced the restaurant staffing plans
quite unknowingly)
Brian Schwarz mentioned BEA, also not a writing conference
I went to BEA one year and basically floundered around like
a shark out of water for 6 hours. Lesson learned? BEA is not a writing
conference. BEA is not for writers at all. Everyone is busy at BEA and asking
anyone anything is sort of like trying to buy a BMW from a barista at
Starbucks.
Granted, I was invited to BEA and I didn't spend any money, so basically I just
blew a weekend of my time. But to say I was ill equipped is the understatement of
the year.
BEA is morphing into more of a book festival reader
event than it used to be. The number of publishers willing to cough up big
money to exhibit at a trade show is decreasing, so Reed Exhibitions is looking
for ways to fill the coffers. They can read tea leaves like everyone else so they're
reaching out to readers and self-published authors.
That of course makes BEA less valuable to someone like me,
and I've got an eye out for what the attendance will be like this year. BEA is
in Chicago; we're not going. BEA is exactly valuable enough to pay for a three
day pass, but NOT valuable enough to buy airfare and three days lodging. This
is the first BEA I've missed in decades. It feels VERY weird.
Timothy Lowe got my hopes up with this:
I hear they're developing a new technology: a shot of bourbon
you can send through e-mail. I wonder how that will impact the querying
process?
I don't know but I hope they need beta testers.
On Thursday we talked about the first 3-5 pages included
with the query, and the problem with main characters appearing later, and
footnoting anything in a query.
Lisa Bodenheim said
She didn't have footnotes and I don't know French (sorry,
this Midwesterner learned Spanish and a bit of German and Amslan) but I was
able to intuit.
I had no idea what Amslan was (is it spoken in Andorra?
Andalusia? American Slang?) Turns out it's American Sign Language!
2Ns brought up prologues (well, someone had to)
Prologue is such a dirty word to some agents. I am wondering
if I should simply send the first five pages of chapter one, and if do, do I
mention there’s a prologue, or at the risk of alienating a potential agent who
abhors prologues, do I send the prologue and mention it’s a prologue or not
mention that the book actually has one at all?
The reason I hate prologues is so very VERY often they
aren't really relevant to the story. I can think of exceptions of course: the
first chapter of Indigo Slam by Robert Crais is a prologue. In Sunset Express
(also Robert Crais) the prologue is called just that. With those examples
however, it's very clear that they ARE relevant to the story; you just don't
know how yet. And Mystic River by Dennis Lehane (quick, do you know what
episode of The Wire had a cameo with Dennis Lehane?) is a sterling example of "the story before the story" that is compelling in its own right as well as necessary to understand the rest of the novel.
The prologues I hate are the ones set in Peru in 1600 when
the novel is about a contemporary archaeologist; or London in 200 when the novel
is about a detective in Scotland.
Or WORSE when the prologue is full of action, and then chapter one is
"six months ago" and the main character is sleeping in the rain, dreaming
about driving home and getting a phone call from his irate boss.
In other words, BAD STRUCTURE or BAD WRITING.
Prologues are all too often a crutch for what simply needs
to be taken out and revised.
Prologues that function as backstory are often better excised, and backstory woven into the narrative as the main character learns it.
On Friday we had another writing contest, this time
inspired by Dena Pawling's DLM's purloined shark tooth story. (sorry Dena and DLM. Clearly I need to verify my sources rather than try to remember---argh)
For those of you who suggested
phrases, the prompts can only be single words.
For those of you who suggested
words, the best prompt words are short and have more than one definition. Thus
you did NOT see "purloin" as one of the prompts, although I did think
about it. Frankly, I was a bit afraid of what y'all would do with that. "Ispur loins" was just too
likely a phrase.
I hope to have results up on Monday. We'll see how it goes.
Subheader noms:
Everyone dies some day. I'd prefer to do so with a cat on my
face. --Brian Schwarz
I need to have WORDS with my muse.--Celia Reaves
"My pet Shih Tzu was a stunt double for Donald Trump's
hair."--Colin Smith
"Please try to keep your demons on a leash, but under
no circumstances should you ever tame them. Tamed demons simply do not sell."
E.M. Goldsmith
"Oh, that [sentence] just dances on your tongue like a
swizzle stick." John Frain
"thank you for this community. Today is a day I am so
grateful I had you guys to turn to." --CarolynnWith2Ns.
It’s so cool that everyone here seems like they’re friends.--Brian
Biggs
"Firefly season 2- ah, don't tease me. It's cruel.
Nathan Fillion must come over and comfort me."--E.M. Goldsmith
