The Shark Delay Team has five members. They rotate duty schedules so someone is always on call.
The call looks something like this:
SHARK: Oh my F/ing G/ing D/ing H/ing Hornswoggle Hootenanny! Did you see THIS! Can you believe THAT! Oh MY GARAMOND. I must set them straight! Here's the text of my reply (email drenched in gasoline proffered)
SDT#1: (reading text) Egad! My eyeballs are on fire!
SHARK: I'm amazingly cogent when I'm furious aren't I?
SDT #2: Step away from the keyboard, Shark. Here, let's play some nice Bach. Light a candle, not a blowtorch. Would you like a cupcake?
SHARK: Are you daft? Didn't you see this? Read this, I added a new pithy phrase and snide point (waving flame singed email text)!
SDT #1: (wiping soot from eyes) Sit down SharkForBrains. Do. Not. Hit. Reply.
SHARK: What? I must reply! The fate of the free world, not to mention my ego, depends on my personal one and only refudiation of this malicious and totally stupid blog post. I Must Reply or..or Die! (grand theatrical leap out of the water, splashing noises and shrieks of terrified swimmers)
SDT#2: Have you picked the hymns? Called the priest for last rites? Because I will murder you myself if you touch that keyboard. AND I will take all your scotch.
SHARK: oh. Hmmm. (pause for conniving thoughts)
SDT#1: No. You cannot connive your way past us. We have the liquor cabinet key.
SHARK: (whimpering noises)
SDT#2 (comforting tone): Put it aside. You can always send it later.
SHARKFORBRAINS: oof. That was really not a good idea. Thank goodness yet again for the Shark Delay Team. Saved!
I mention this to you, who perhaps do not come unglued quite so readily, because now that query season has reopened I'm hearing back from people who aren't happy that I respond with a form letter, or respond too soon.
Quick reminder: the only reply to a rejection letter is either "thank you" or silence. No other option.
I need trusted friends to talk me off the Reply ledge periodically. You might too.