Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Alright you guys, this is WAR!

As I'm perambulating about the interwebs my eye catches on what looks to be a very spiffy event:

Berkeley Mystery Writing Intensive--
Nov. 21 & Sunday, Nov. 22

For starters, it features the ever-fabulous Cornelia Read, my boon companion in scotch, thigh high boots (hers not mine) and Edgar banquets (I think we'll need a dispensation from the MWA board to ever attend again).

And then I notice another presenter is Peter Riegert! Holy moly! For starters, Peter Riegert was in two of my all time favorite movies, Animal House and Local Hero. He was also in one of my favorite NYC movies- Crossing Delancey. I'm a drooling Peter Riegert fan! (tmi?)

I'm damn near tempted to sign up myself despite not being a mystery writer in the slightest.

Given it's at the Claremont Spa, I figure I can hang out with Cornelia when she's not busy teaching, and ogle Peter Riegert like a besotted fan girl.

Heck it's only $249, and JetBlue will get me there nicely.

I'm practically set to click on Register, when I read further. Dear Reader, I blanched:
Literary agents, published authors, and an Academy Award–nominated actor/writer/director will help aspiring authors complete and sell their work.

Wait a damn minute here. *I* am a literary agent! Why am *I* not on the roster? Who would they invite instead of ME?

And yes, there it is in black and white:

Barbara Poelle, a top-selling New York agent with the Irene Goodman Literary Agency will talk about trends in publishing and instruct authors on how to write project and query letters.

Well the only damn trend in publishing I'm noticing is that slithery Barbara Poelle is kicking ass and taking names. This must stop, and I mean NOW.

So, if you have an ounce of goodwill for me, you will register for this workshop and keep that slithery competitor of mine BUSY BUSY BUSY with seminars, and query letters. Keep her so busy I can manage to sell something while she's not looking.

If you can get in some ogle time for Peter Riegert, so much the better. Send pictures.

Here's how to register: Berkeley Mystery Workshop

And if you ever catch up with that Sophie Littlefield person, just tell it's too late now. It's a BAD DAY FOR SORRY, sister, and this is WAR!


Carolyn said...

You know, that part of Berkeley is REALLY pretty and the Claremont is awesome. Maybe you should go just to whisper in the ear of all the query writers you hope to keep her busy.

Chumplet - Sandra Cormier said...

That darn she-snake!

I have the Local Hero DVD (watched it last week) but haven't seen Crossing Delancy for a while. Loved it, too.

Hey, don't forget Peter was also in that masterpiece The Mask!

jjdebenedictis said...

...and instruct authors on how to write project and query letters.

I'll bet she gives special advice on how to write query letters intended for you.

Daisy said...

I'm already registered for the workshop, but I guess I had better hurry up and make my hotel reservations so I have a front-row seat for the hostilities.

Also, not that I'm promoting or anything, but Bay Area temperatures have been in the seventies all week.

Bane of Anubis said...

Too funny. I'm guessing she's just baiting and switching you to keep you occupied ;)

Mulled Vine said...

LOL. Remind me not to cross you in a dark alley. :)

Ellen B said...

Honestly, the cheek.

It does sound like a great conference. Shame I'm in the wrong country entirely!

Glen said...

They can't do that to our pledges. Only WE can do that to our pledges.

Cornelia Read said...

Ha! I will just have to come stalk you in NYC, Reid! Yo ho ho!!!!

Laurel said...

Slithery, indeed!

I love Crossing Delancey. I need to buy it on DVD.

Steve Stubbs said...

Anybody who likes ANIMAL HOUSE can't be all bad. If you have only seen the VHS tape, check out the new DVD version. It has some great outtakes and interviews with the stars and director, who should have been in the film and not hiding behind a damn camera. He's funnier than half the people in the movie.

Lauren said...

Janet, you're the Query Shark! THE Query Shark! You don't need a silly conference to show us all who's boss. ;)

Lisa Dez said...

Berkeley's only and hour from me. You think Suzie'd mind if I switched from YA to mystery? Maybe Bill C can give me a few pointers.

I can follow Barbara, like, everywhere--into the bathroom--back to her hotel room--and pitch my 592,000 word novel about my toaster, written totally in second person present tense stream of consciousness.

Marsha Sigman said...

She is a tricksy one, she is.

Bpoelle said...


Chantal said...

AH HA! We see now the conspiracy! You must take them down, take them down, I say!


Anonymous said...

Peter Riegert has definitely been under-used. He had a slimy role in The Sopranos which was unfortunate. He was one of the best things about Local Hero. He's very real.

(The others have covered the "outrage.")