Thursday, January 15, 2009

It's a plot I tell you, a PLOT!

Barbara Poelle (about whom I've ranted before) realized she was reading the same manuscript I was reading. She knows I'm FAST when I see something I like; she knows I'm really fast when I see something I like and there are other agents in the scrum.

Barbara Poelle has been known to use every slithery trick she can think of, and a few more dreamt up by her clever companion in slink, Holly Root.

Today though, BP and HR were at a loss for nefarious plans to waylay me. They put their clever little heads together and called in the big guns for reinforcements.

BP (on phone): Margo!

Margo (evil co-conspirator): Barbara!

BP: Hold on, I'm conference-calling Root in for this!

Root: Margo!

Margo: Root!

BP: We need to waylay Reid. She's on a reading tear. I want this client. We have to head her off at the pass. You're the only one who can do it, Margo!

Margo (warily): you're not expecting me to try to outdrink her are you?

BP/HR (collapsing in guffaws): ah no Margo, we'd never ask anyone to attempt that. The last person who tried is still under the table at the Old Town Bar crying for his ma and clutching his royalty statements.

Margo: Well, what then? I'm not sure what else could...oh wait! Wait wait wait. I have the perfect distraction.

BP/HR: excellent! We need her out of commission all night. Till 4:45am if you can manage.

Margo: Done!

And thus it came to pass that Margo slunk into the FinePrint offices yesterday evening in the guise of a friendly get to know you meeting, and oh-so-casually hauled out the usual editorial offerings: books.

Clever thing that she is, she did not try to tempt me by over praising it. No, no, just a casual mention of how much she liked the book and how fun it was.

And after a long day at work, entirely too much scotch, and hearing the siren song of reading something for just for fun, I yielded. Oh yes, yielded right onto the couch, and right smack dab away from the Kindle and that full manuscript.

And read.
And read.
And read.

I couldn't stop. Couldn't? Didn't want to!

Kristan Higgins new book Just One of the Guys is fun fun fun!
I loved it.

The only thing I didn't like about it?
It's a single title!!
I loved these characters and I want to read more about them!

Now, I must go send "your agent wears army boots" emails to all of Holly and Barbara's clients.
And I'm collecting ideas for how to best wreck revenge on the third of the conspirators!

I'm going to get you Margo! Oh yes indeed! And your little dog too!


Unknown said...

I could tell I'd like this on based just on the cover. Thanks for the heads up!

Alicia Gregoire said...

I just read the first few pages on Amazon. It's now on my 'books to purchase' list. Thanks!

Sage Ravenwood said...

Here I thought you agents, shared and shared alike...

Kristan Higgins also has two other books out. No, I'm not working for the other side, just saying *winks*.

Thanks it's a new author to add to my already weighed down book shelves, of books awaiting to be read. (Hugs)Indigo

me said...

Funny story.

I'll have to investigate Kristin Higgins' book- it sounds like a good read if it was enough to distract you.

Sarah said...

Like Alicia, I read the first pages on Amazon: fun, fun! And the heorine's tall! I'm 5'11" and hate books about a woman who's 5'8" and feels too big.

Lynn Price said...

Hmmm...reminds me of a certain author you stole right out from underneath me last June. You telling me all I had to do was outdrink you? Damn. Next time, Reid. Next time...

Sabina E. said...

man, i'd like it if 2 agents are fighting over ME and my book... what a dream... lol

BJ said...

I understand there was a bit of a knock-down/drag-out over an author at the Surrey conference's SiWC Idol session. I didn't hear who won, though.

Kwana said...

Oh too funny. Now if only I could be in a position that that lucky person being fought over. Sweet.

Craven said...

"The last person who tried is still under the table at the Old Town Bar crying for his ma and clutching his royalty statements."

I laughed, and then I thought of another (and it's yours if you want it, as I rarely tipple, DP being my beverage of choice)

The last person who tried is still in detox at Trembling Hills - Amateur. God save his bloated liver.

Better luck in your next showdown with the dreaded Margo, and may the manuscript be mine.

Shark said...

Ahhh, yes, my hands are fairly chapped from rubbing them together and murmuring "Eeeexcellent."

Sarah Jensen said...

Thanks for the laugh. And I'll add it to my to read list. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

It's so nice to know that agents are just as crazy about books as we are. Now, we must all construct counterplots against Janet's enemies.

BJ said...

Possible counterplot #1: Janet discovers a best-selling author that the others have missed somehow. Perhaps she could switch to science fiction for that author only.

BJ said...

Possible counterplot #2: Choose the best but scariest movie you know, and send a DVD to her anonymously. Just after she's watched that movie, arrange to have a squirrel or pigeon to cause a power outage in her area. She might not get much sleep that night, either...

BJ said...

Possible counterplot #3: Send her some really fattening but utterly irresistable confection. Lots of it. She'll be cursing you and loving you at the same time.

Shelli (srjohannes) said...

send her fake queries to shut down her email then snag that author back.

Sophie Littlefield said...

Heaven help us, what if you all *band together* someday...the world won't stand a chance!!

laughingwolf said...

thx for the tip... will look it up

BJ said...

Possible counterplot #4: Post the incident in an amusing format, threatening to 'get her' and ask the peanut gallery for suggestions on how. Let the wild imaginations of your deranged commenters come up with a number of horrible possibilities. Then leave it at that.

You then have two possible sub-counterplots, neither of which is mutually exclusive:

Possible sub-counterplot A: Leave it at that. Let the active imagination of your target wonder which you're going to do, and leave her shaking in her boots indefinitely.

Possible sub-counterplot B: Leave it at that for awhile, then - when she least expects it - hit her with something terrible. A 3-day-dead fish might do it.

To add to the inevitable anxiety caused by either of these sub-counterplots, spend the time waiting being extra nice to the target.

You should never ask me to use my imagination for evil - it revels in it and can be hard to stop.

H. L. Dyer said...

You're a character I tell you, a CHARACTER!


Toni Lea Andrews said...

Kristan was my guest yesterday on my TV show, SO MANY BOOKS. She's just as much fun in person as her novels are to read.

Her episode isn't up yet--I have to edit it, then wait for the masters before I can post it on the internet--but it will be up soon.

Sandra Cormier said...

I'd like to see Janet and Lynn fight over me. Problem is I'd probably drink them both under the table.