MY new year resolution is to disarm that gun you use to shoot yourself in the foot--to that end, here's a list of things you say in your query letter that are automatic rejections:
1. fictional novel
I'll swallow my loathing for almost anything but a clear failure to grasp the importance of specific words. This is a written medium. This is all about words. When it's clear you don't know how to use them, the conversation is over
2. "this isn't a query, it's just to find out if you're interested in".
That's a query. Don't expect anything but the form response to a query letter when you send this.
3. "here's my website with all sorts of testimonials from publishing professionals including Ms X at BigAss Publisher who read my novel four times"
Those are not testimonials. Those are rejection letters. The fact that you don't recognize this AND that you have already shopped this novel on your own to every house in town is the Kiss of Death.
4. My novel is similar to The Electric Church; it's an expose of religion.
The Electric Church is a thriller. Or SFF. It's not an expose of anything. If you want to compare yourself to one of my authors, hell ANY author, at the very least read the write up on Amazon. I won't even make you buy and read the book. Just know where its shelved at least.
Of course, the people who read this are probably the only ones who don't actually need the info.
6 comments:
I'm interested in writing a novel, fictional expose of agent blogs. An alcoholic friend of mine, mother of six, who once worked in publishing, thinks it's a marvelous idea.
What do you think?
I saw an ad the other day in a very old PW for a new imprint from Random House. They are trumpeting this new line, which uses the phrase "speculative fiction novels" right there, on the second line.
I kid you not. I'm staring right at it.
Happy New Year. :P
My novel is similar to The Electric Church; it's an expose of religion.
I'm giggling uncontrollably at this one.
Me: Bill, what are you doing?
Bill E. Goat: I'm writing a non-fictionally fictional novel. ... Shush. I need some space too. You're blocking the light.
Me: Non-finctioanlly fiction novel .... ..... ummm ... So, you're writing an autobiography?
eric-bet your mom likes it, too.
:)
"Of course, the people who read this are probably the only ones who don't actually need the info."
Not true! I need all this info! I've never written a query letter- I'm not ready yet- but I'd rather be learning from these mistakes than making an idiot out of myself! Thanks for taking the time to share all this... or maybe it's just therapy. :)
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