Tonight was one of those wild hair nights. Fridays are good nights to go nuts cause fewer people are actually home to get the email, boil over and fire off a reply using language fit only for a yachtsman.
I think I wrote about ten before I realized some of them were just plain awful, or the writer had no idea how to talk about this novel. "this is just really bad writing" and/or "you're really confusing pitching an agent with selling tickets to a live sex act" wasn't going to be appreciated by the recipient. Truthfully being a bad writer or a vulgarist (which isn't a word but should be) isn't an insurmountable bar to being published anyway: all together now:
"Bridges of Madison County!"
"If I Did It!"
"Maddox!".
The old form rejection was pretty stark. It said:
"go away"..ok, ok, no it didn't.
It did say:
Thank you for your query.
I’m sorry it’s not a match for my list.
I need to focus on the things I do best so I have to pass on many worthy projects.
Very best wishes finding just the right place for your work.
Janet Reid
Imprint Agency
The new one says:
I hate form letters.
I bet you do too.
Periodically I get brave and try to respond individually to query letters. Usually it's something like "there's no plot!" or "what do you mean you've got a novel that's 30,000/200,000 words!"
Each time I do that I end up coming back to "this just isn't right for me". I'm not going to read a 30,000 word book, but maybe someone else is. There have been books published without plots...just not any I represent. (By the way, these are examples, and this IS a form letter so I'm not talking about the query letter you specifically sent me)
So, it comes down to this form letter, again.
Thank you for your query.
I’m sorry it’s not a match for my list.
I need to focus on the things I do best so I have to pass on many worthy projects.
Very best wishes finding just the right place for your work. (I've never figured out a good closing either. "Cheers" seems to require a beverage, and "love" ..well, never mind what that requires.
Let's leave it at
Query On!
Janet Reid
FinePrint Agency
(you may have queried me at Imprint. Imprint is now part of FinePrint)
so, now, tell me what you think.
19 comments:
I prefer the shorter one. As soon as I saw "I hate form letters," and realized it was one, I don't know if I'd even read the rest. The longer one is more your writing style, but from the writer's perspective, the shorter the form letter, the sooner you can stop reading and send the next query on.
I like the shorter one too. "No" is still "no" and unless you're actually providing feedback, it's just a longer way of saying no, but conveys nothing for the writer to change or do better.
That said, I do love feedback. However, I know that with many it can become a train wreck so I do understand why it isn't often provided.
I call dibs on the title "The Vulgarist."
For a form rejection, I would be pleased to receive this:
Dear Querier:
No.
Sincerely,
Declining Agent.
If that feels too blunt, "Dear Querier: No, thank you," works too.
I take comfort in form rejections. I can happily blame the agent's "misguided" list, or her assistant, or just tell myself that she was clearly drunk and will be crying real tears over this missed opportunity when she sobers up. I can certainly assure myself that she never read a word of my genius-sparkle.
It's when an agent clearly has read my stuff and declines that I have to put on my reality helmet and breathe into the paper bag.
It's a no. We are just going to filter every word you include in your communications through the unreality seive, anyway, because that's more fun for us. "I need to focus on the things I do best so I have to pass on many worthy projects" translates roughly to "hummana hummana hummana WORTHY hummana." Wow! Poor agent. She really wishes she could!
Of course, in my case, that's always true, I'm sure...
Vulgarist. I'm stealing that.
(Apologies to Gary Larson for the blatant rip off)
Most of my rejections (and there are a BUNCH) weren't form letters. The most puzzling rejections ran something like this: "Your book has strong cross-over potential and will appeal to young adults. We can't sell young adult books. We tried it; it doesn't work for us. Good Luck and Get Lost."
Okay ... so I added the "get lost" part all on my own. My favorite form rejection from an agent came from Rachel Vater. (Nice person, I think.) She had scrawled about two paragraphs of suggestions on the bottom of the form letter. The suggestions were quite good. They are very similar to the "suggestions" my kind, wonderful, patient, super-woman editor is making.
The briefest form rejection ... I assume it was "form" but it was in an email, and it's sometimes hard to detect a form letter when it's an email ... Was: "Read it. No thanks." ... That was from an editor.
Of the two you have, I'd rather receive the short one. Let's get the pain over as fast as possible.
Try this:
"Dear 'Author':
This is a joke, right? If so, it wasn't funny. If not, the answer is Heck NO! Learn to write and get back to me.
Best regards,
[insert name]
PS: I've inserted a flyer for one of my many essential-to-writers books which you should buy TODAY.
This isn't too far from actual rejections I've received.
I just had to insert that PS. I got one of those ... I didn't buy the book. And that agency still owes me a STAMP! I WANT MY STAMP BACK.
Thank you for your query.
I’m sorry it’s not a match for my **L**ist.
I need to f**O**cus on the things I do best so I ha**V**e to pass on many worthy proj**E**cts.
I'm one for reading between the lines.
:-)
Dear Querier:
No.
Sincerely,
Declining Agent.
If that feels too blunt, "Dear Querier: No, thank you," works too.
The shortest I ever got was "Not for me, thanks," in response to an email query.
I've received both kinds, from a 'Not for us, thanks' scrawled on my empty SASE to detailed, encouraging rejections. In my case the personalized rejections helped me move in a positive direction, resulting in two sales to small presses.
Of course I'm a glass half full kinda gal.
Chumplet said...
"...'Not for us, thanks' scrawled on my empty SASE..."
The empty SASE makes it art.
No is no, no matter how it's said. 'Nuff said.
I like the short one, too. If the querier has been doing research, reading agent blogs, etc. then s/he already knows "not right for me" is the key phrase in this highly subjective business.
And I agree with DeadlyAccurate about seeing "I hate form letters" and then realizing it is one.
Princess Pixie, thanks for the chuckle. I agree. The shorter the better.
'I like it but I don't want it' rejections are hard. Also known as the BUTT rejections.
As Catherine Mulvany says: "Keep writing, keep querying, keep believing, and kick BUTT."
loushy.livejournal.com
Dear Writer,
It's taken me a good half bottle of a damn fine merlot to sum up the courage to personally write to you and confess...
Your work and my representation, alas, were not meant to be together, cherie.
I beg you to go on. Find another. And remeber...wWe'll always have our SASE.
Yours etc.
Superb. I hope to submit and get rejected by you and your agency in the future!
(Okay. Maybe half of that comment was sarcastic.)
The superb part, right?
Psh. Of course not!
In all seriousness, the conversationalist style I like. I've personally never received a rejection letter before though, so my opinion may not be as informed as the others who've already chimed in.
I especially like the "Query On!" part. It's nice and uplifting at the end. I would think a writer would need something like that.
I'd think the briefer, the better. (I haven't sent out any queries, as yet.)
Unless the agent gives some sort of feedback.
I do like the Query on! part, though. :-)
~jerseygirl
Hi, Janet. No is no. I prefer a postcard that says "Thanks, but this is not for me." It's the truth. Pat Haddock from http://listenupjobsmarts.blogspot.com
Officially, it isn't a rejection if it doesn't include the word 'alas'. I have always wondered if agents were selling a lot of work using that word.
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