7 fast ways to hear no

There are just a few things that are automatic passes at the query stage.

1. Fiction novel
This is the big one. All novels are fiction, and since words are the tools of your craft, when you abuse them, I know you're not the kind of master craftsman I want to hire to decorate my bank account.

2. Unfinished novel
I can sell unfinished novels. I've done it. But that novel didn't arrive in the incoming queries; it was from an established client.
When you're querying for representation, your novel must be finished. I pass on everything that isn't.

3. The novel has been previously published.
Some agents take on previously published work. I don't.


There are a couple other things that aren't quite auto-pass but pretty darn close.

4. "Tell me why I should hire you?" leads the list.
I'm not going to pitch you on the value of an agent for your work, or why I'm the best choice for you unless I've read your work and want to take it on.  If you don't understand the value of an agent, or don't want an agent, or think agents are slime creatures, that's fine. Don't query me. I'm totally ok with that.

5. No query letter, just pages.
I'll give those queries a very VERY quick skim but someone who doesn't include a query isn't telling me what I need to know to evaluate the project. I'm passing on those cause frankly life is too short to provide Remedial Querying one to one. And there's this thing called QueryShark...


6. Homonyms
I'll give you a pass on lie/lay/lay since dollars to doughnuts, at least 25% of y'all get it wrong.  But homonyms, those I don't forgive so easily. As in #1, words are the tools of your trade and if you don't know wave/waive or shudder/shutter that's just sloppy proof reading. It's not bad that you make the mistake, it's bad that you didn't see it and fix it when you revised your query.


7. Typing your email query in all caps



I respond to these emails with the same form letter I use with all other passes.
It's up to you to re-read your query and make sure none of these things are there.

Reasons I passed on your query

THINGS YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER

1. You're using the memoir format to make a political or domestic point.
I'm not interested in being lectured to in any form, and particularly not in 300+ pages.

A good memoir is so brutally honest that it's painful. That means you're exploring yourself, not pointing fingers at someone else.

2. Your premise and plot are utterly derivative.
If your book sounds like a 70's TV cop show, it's a pass. The world has moved on from Cagney and Lacey, and even Starsky and Hutch.

If your book sounds like something Michael Connelly wrote, it's a pass. I've read his books, and liked them. I'm not looking for you to reprise it.

3. Your query contains the words "it's a must read."
It's not.
That's marketing hyperbole. It's not the plot, it's not even a description of the book. If you don't understand that now, I don't want to take on the task of teaching you.

4. Misused/wrong words
I've steeled myself to overlook your almost universal inability to properly conjugate the verb to lie.
I've shut my eyes to consistent its/it's errors.

But honestly, words are your tools. When you get them wrong, it's just painful.
Seriously.
I love words.
Watching you torture them is something no agent wants to see.



THINGS YOU DO NOT HAVE CONTROL OVER
1. The market for this kind of book is contracting not expanding.
It will take me more time and effort to find a home for this than I'll reap in commissions.


2. It's not a book I like.
That doesn't mean anything other than you think I have bad taste.
That's ok.
There are quite a few published books that I think are rubbish. And they're doing quite well.
You just need a different agent.


3. I tried to sell a similar book and couldn't.
I try not to do that same thing again.

Any questions?

Six reasons I didn't request your manuscript

1. misused words.  

Writing gentile when you mean gentle, or maybe genial, is a huge red flag. I pretty much stop reading when I find them. Words are your tools. Misusing them is like showing me an ice sculpture you "carved" with a hammer.

How you will avoid this: proofreading. If you read your query out loud you'll find the homonyms (most likely.)  If you don't, well, that's a different problem that isn't going to be solved at the query stage.

2.  the number of free downloads of your story is less than 100,000 

The difference between how many people will pay $25.00 to buy your book and how many will say "yes" to "it's free" is a gap the size of the Grand Canyon.  I don't plan to spend any time explaining this to you.

I'm not all that keen on books that have been "market tested" anyway. I have confidence in my commercial taste. Maybe other agents feel differently.

How you will avoid this: Just tell me about the book. Save the bad news of your hamhanded marketing efforts for later.

3. "I'm following your query requirements exactly" and sending everything but what I specifically ask for.

How you will avoid this: I understand that every agent asks for different things. It's easy to get mixed up, send the wrong thing.  If you just leave out the part about how you explicitly follow directions, you're better off.  I've got a low tolerance for sloppiness right now. Make it easy on yourself.

4. Non-fiction book written by someone with no qualifications or education in the field.

How you will avoid this: you can write whatever you want, and publish it too. What you can't get is a publishing deal.  The answer to "why should anyone pay attention to what you say" is something you need to answer with credentials, not opinions.

5. Literally NOTHING about the plot in the query letter. NOTHING.

How you will avoid this: Ask someone to read your query. Then ask her/him "what is my book about?" If they can't answer the question at all, revise.  It helps to have the name of the protagonist and the choice they face, or the problem they need to overcome.

If there's no plot in the query, it's an automatic pass from me.

6. Telling me where you want your book submitted

I don't take well to authors who send me a query with a submission list. Time enough for that if I like your book. And unless you've worked in publishing, chances are you don't know enough to be making up submission lists. 

How you will avoid this: keep your query about your book. 

Bottom line: tell me about your book. If you can do that, you've done enough. Don't try to entice me with marketing numbers or your ideas on what make you special. Your writing should be special. 

 

Update #11 #10**-proof reading with Mr. Spell the Czech

I'm finding some real oddball phrases in your manuscripts:


If she wanted to draw my foul, she'd have another thing coming


Retched world.


hurling locomotive

I'd of known him 

fare skinned



Finding these before you send a manuscript on submission (or to a contest) is a Very Good Idea. I'm assuming you know, once you see these highlighted, that there are errors.  The trick is to get rid of of them BEFORE I see them.

Two strategies:

1. Let your manuscript sit for at least a week.  Don't fiddle with it, don't look at it, don't open it, don't  do anything.  Let it sit. Then go back with fresh eyes. It's even better if you can do this twice.  Print it out and read it with a ruler under each line.  This forces you to see every word. When you see the words that are wrong, then you fix them.

2. Read your manuscript out loud.  This can take a couple days.  You'll pronounce the words, realize that "think" and "thing" are not the same and fix them.  I'd have known him is I'd've not I'd of.

Here's why this is important: words are your tools as a writer. When you use them incorrectly, it's not unfair for those of us on this side of the process to use that to evaluate how you write.  Also, this is one of the things you have TOTAL control over.  There are lots of factors in getting published that you don't have any control over.  Don't sabotage yourself by hurrying.



**yes there is a good story about this.

Do we need a refresher course on queries?

My inbox is showing signs that you guys have forgotten some of the fundamentals.

Here's a quick rundown:

1. You absolutely must tell me what the book is about.  The easiest way to do to this is set up the precipitating incident. What gets the plot moving? What's at stake?

If you spend 720 words (a recent example) telling me what you want to say in the book, and I have no idea of the main character's name, you've got a problem.



2.  You should not use the word "review" when talking about what you want to have happen with a query.  Review means someone is reading your published book with an eye toward blogging/reporting/writing an opinion piece on it.  You want me to "consider" your book, or simply "read" your book.

Think this sounds nit picky? You bet it is. And I am ok with that. Words are your tools. When you don't use them well in the damn subject line of a query, I don't have much confidence in your novel.


3. Querying under a "clever" pseudonym.  I don't care if you want to use a pseudonym. Pick a name and use it. Do NOT use "You Know Who" or "An Author."  A query is a business letter, and this is not 1780.  Sign your damn name...whichever name you choose. Felix Buttonweazer works just fine.

4. Please do not quote blurbs for previously published books in your query for a new book. The place for those accolades is on your website. The place for your website URL in a query is underneath your name (see #3)

5. Understand the correct use of ellipses. It is NOT to create a compound sentence of too many clauses. Not now. Not ever. Never. EVER.  Need an example of what that horror looks like? Ok, here ya go:  Understand the correct use of ellipses is NOT to create a compound sentence of too many clauses ...not now ... not ever ...  never ...EVER...not even if you can't bear to use a full stop...as they say in the UK, ok?


6. Homonyms. If you don't know the difference between who's and whose, you need a beta reader who does.  Other points that get you: it's/its; should of/should have; there/they're/their; and my all time hair raising favorite lie/lay/lays.  If you have a character laying on the counter, I stop reading. If you don't know why, time for some refreshers in grammar.


*snarl*

Two essential writing tools

It's not the wrong word, exactly.
But it's not the right word either. Not really.

Words are your tools.
A painter doesn't use a roller for corner; nor a 1/2" brush for a wall.
(yes, painting metaphors again)

Two essential tools for you:

Notice they are books, not electrons.
I'm a firm believer in actual physical copies of these resources.

I like thumbing through the pages of the dictionary to find the word I'm looking up.
Inevitably, there's a word I wasn't looking for that catches my eye (this is why I mourn the death of card catalogs at the library too)

And the Thesaurus in print gives much more information than the Thesaurus that's part of my word processing program. It's a much more versatile tool.

I open these at least three times a day.

You don't know how valuable these print versions are till you start using them.

Your preferences may vary; that doesn't make you wrong.
But I suggest try it before you say "I know what I like" cause I didn't know how much I loved grits till I went to Texas where folks know how to make 'em for real.

How high do I have to aim?

 If a writer has done their research on the revision process, has a plan of attack, trustful beta readers, critique group, etc.; what does a writer do if their primary concern is grammar?  Should a writer hire an editor/proofreader prior to submitting, or is there a level of forgiveness if grammar isn't 100% perfect? 

There's no right/wrong answer on this nor is there some kind of industry standard, but I will tell you that when I see grammar errors and misused words in the query, I know I'm going to find more of the same in the manuscript.

That means you've raised the bar for yourself at least one notch, maybe two. What that means is I'm less likely to read something. A manuscript that's a "maybe" is a "no". A manuscript that's an "interesting" is a "well, let's give it a page or two."

I can hear disgruntled writers saying "it can be fixed! You'll miss good stuff!" That's very true. That's also not the problem. The problem is time.

I won't send a manuscript on submission to an editor that's rife with mistakes. My goal is to send work out that has zero mistakes.
One of us will have to fix this stuff.

I vote for you.
My vote is the only one that counts.

It's also VERY hard not to get pulled out of the story when I find basic errors like it's/its, lie/lay etc.
When I get pulled out of the manuscript is code for "stops reading." You really don't want to have me stop reading.

Words are your tools. If you come to the job site with rusty, bent and broken tools, you're not going to be able to work efficiently or effectively.

If you need to invest in a grinder to sharpen your blade, I think it's a very good idea. 

Week in Review 12/6/15

Welcome to the week that was.

Sometimes the comment trail produces a nugget that just begs to be a story. The comment from Tamlyn last week was exactly that:

Growing up, the farm across the road ... had a paddock with a camel, an emu, and possibly a kangaroo. …I don't know which of them was more evil because they all were.

As it turns out the camel farm that Susan mentioned last week isn't for camel meat at all:

… Alas, work interfered, thus I missed the comments that my 'camel farm' comment generated. Sorry; I could have clarified earlier. But - on the off-chance that anyone besides me is still following this thread several days later - the camel farm across the road is for camel milk, not meat. It sells at an abominable price, $30 a litre or some such, but has been linked to improved quality of life for autistic children (my 6yo is autistic, but I can't afford the milk to try this theory) and also for the elderly - memory retention, I think? Anyway, it's a very specialised industry. No matter; I really quite like being able to look across the road and watch them from time to time :)

I echo Theresa's call to put a family papers with the local or state historical society:

An enthusiastic yes to self-published memoirs. And try to get a copy placed in a local or state historical society so future researchers will have an easier time finding it. If you've found your grandmother's or great aunt's letters and/or diaries, consider doing the same.

And Susan brought up A Tree Grows In Brooklyn

Regarding the importance of books as historical documents, I couldn't agree more. When I was little, I read "A Tree Grows In Brooklyn" for the first time and was captivated by the detail Betty Smith includes in her writing.

I'm not sure if y'all know this, but I live in the very neighborhood where A Tree Grows in Brooklyn is set. In fact, Betty Smith was baptized at the church I attend. My priest showed me the baptismal records some years back, knowing I worked in publishing and had an interest. The records are in the basement, in a fireproof vault and he handled them with exquisite care. What a moment!

When I first moved in to this apartment, I'd look out my window to the fire escape and think "this is what Francie saw." The building I live in is a converted tenement, so I think it's close enough!


On Monday I was jumping up and down about the value of proof reading


Jennifer R. Donohue mentioned a common misconception about NaNoWriMo:

But I've heard tales of people who finished their NaNo masterpiece and then sent it out in December and it makes my blood run cold.

 I think the people who participate in NaNoWriMo are generally pretty savvy writers. They know not to do that. I've heard this before, but it's always third hand, and my incoming queries don't validate it at all! (whew!)


I really like this idea of targeted revisions from Leah B:

I prefer to do targeted revisions. I'll ctrl+f and highlight, say, all the adverbs in a section, then jump from highlight to highlight. Next one might be you're/your or there/they're/their, and so on. That type of revising tends to work better for me than a blanket "I'm going to take these 1500 words and make them not shit".

Jearl Rugh asked:

Janet are you aware of tools or cheat sheets listing these kinds of vague/non action words/verbs like "would," "could," "that" "is/was" we should be ferreting our of our MS? Thanks.

I'm not, but I'll bet the blog readers are. If I had a list it would start with "that" and then run to things like "her mouth opened in a grin." Since it would be rare her ear would open in a grin, how about just "she grinned"


Adib Khorram's comment made me laugh out loud:

I tried doing the text-to-speech thing, but I found it really unnerving, because the inflections were missing and everything sounded alien to me. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact my System Voice was set to Trinoids...

And just when I think I'm be all reassuring and stuff, delicartoons says:

>There are only a few qualities I value in writers more than being meticulous

What are the other qualities? Are they qualities that can be cultivated? Can they be faked well enough? How well can you determine these qualities from a query?

Is this one more thing nascent writer should worry about?

Stop worrying. Keep writing. I value good writing. Don't worry about anything else. You are who you are. Just remember, you might think I'm too much of a pain in the ass to work with either.


On the subject of author head shots The Sleepy One said

Just wanted to note that Bill Cameron's profile photo is hilarious. It's not the professional headshot the shark mentioned in her clean-up-your-web-presence post, but it's charming and works.

That's the photo for Bill's twitter feed.

Bill Cameron being himself

The headshot on his website is a bit more…um…traditional

Bill Cameron being serious

And I have no idea what's on his head in that first shot other than it is not a cat.


Angie Brooksby-Arcangioli added:

Like The Sleepy One said. What is that thing on Bill Cameron's head anyway? I've wondered for some time. And if we're talking professional head shots, I want Jeff Somers's photographer.

Yes, that is really Jeff Somers' headshot

That's so hilariously Jeff, isn't it?

I thought the photographer was going to lose her mind when Jeff told her what he wanted. There were literally dozens of great pictures (Jeff is a photogenic dude!) to choose from, and this is what he wanted. To this day, I torment him about it.



On Tuesday I talked about a querier who'd pretty much run out of patience with the process:

Lucie Witt said it exactly right here:

This is why you need writing friends. Not just regular old friends who know you write, **writer** friends who understand the glacial pace of everything publishing, the frustration of staring into the abyss that is the no-response means no, and, MOST IMPORTANTLY, who can talk you off the ledge when you think the above mentioned email is a good idea.

I should add that I have a Shark Delay Team on standby myself.




and I liked what Donnaeve said too:

This is Writing Rage. Akin to Road Rage. As if the computer or the car has a cloaking device. We still "see," the lack of control, regardless.

and she later asked:

I'm curious, Ms. Janet, as to how you responded? Silence? Form rejection within 10 secs?

Form rejection in less than 10 seconds. Life's too short to work with people who lose their cool this early in the process.

Which is a reminder that your query #100 is Query #1 from you as far as I'm concerned.

JeffO asked:

The question I have is, if you were to give in to curiosity and read even the opening pages of the attached manuscript, would you find a piece of genius work that has been undermined by the author's inability to condense his/her brilliant story and exquisite writing into a single-page query; or a person who just can't comprehend that either their concept or execution (or both) is mediocre at best?

Have you ever actually looked at something like this that flouts the rules, or is it always an automatic flush?

I look at stuff that "flouts the rules" all the time. The guidelines are there to help you get out of your own way; to show you what's important to me (story) and what's not (why you think I'm the cat's pajamas.) You don't have to follow them if you don't want to, but I can honestly say it improves your chances that I'll read your work if you do. Use that information as you see fit.


and this from Mark Ellis gave me the shivers:

Put me in mind of the time (true story) an agitated writer bullied his way into the monthly meeting of Willamette Writers here in Portland while some volunteers were still setting up, claiming he "needed to see a literary agent." Roughed-up a volunteer before running off into the night. Police were called, but they never found him.

I can see this as a prompt for a flash fiction contest. Agitated writer bullies way into meeting claiming a need to see a literary agent. What happens next?

Donnaeve and Adib Khorram have MUCH to answer for when they inserted Frozen into the conversation but all I have to say is this is hilarious and that girl can really sing.

"Let It Go" via Google Translate


On Wednesday we were back to a tried and true topic: timing. The question was about sending a new manuscript out while the old one was still under consideration, and how to handle the agent still considering it.

EM Goldsmith asked

I do wonder one thing. I am writing a series of 7 books in the same way that Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan, Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson, and The Belgariad by David Eddings are series. When I finish book 2, if I still have no agent (like OP), do I query both books together or separately? I can see this happening. I am 65k words into my WIP. Both books share same setting, have common characters, but are entirely different stories. They could be read independently although book 1 enhances book 2 and vice versa. I suppose this might be putting cart before horse, but I am curious.

Query one book at a time, as though it were a standalone.



Laura Mary said:

See it's posts like this I need to pin to my desk - I always feel that niggling need to explain and apologise to people who have most likely forgotten who I am, much less remember what I'm talking about.
Agent etiquette definitely seems to be a case of less is more!

DLM has a good idea for that:

Laura Mary, just on a housekeeping note, I use the original email communications with an agent and reply/forward so they can see right there what I'm talking about (MINUS any attachments of course!). It helps me keep things straight, and provides an agent all the reference points they need inline.

That's a really good idea. I can usually check my email archives to find the conversation trail but having it right there in the new email is very helpful.



Julie M. Weathers asked about my guideline

"If you get an offer, email any agent reading your full. (You don't need to email those rejected at the query stage or didn't answer at the query stage.)"

I assumed I should contact any agent with the open query.

If my blatantly idiotic colleagues with the No Response Means No policy would wise up and reply to all queries, that guideline would change. As it is, most writers hear nothing from most agents. Thus, there's no obligation to keep them informed. However knowing Miss Julie is cut from Courtesy Cloth, I will say this: there's no harm in letting agents with an open query know you have an offer. The only time it's wrong wrong wrong is if the agent has passed. Then it's as if you're saying "neener neener" and that's not a good thing. Even if you want to.



Michelle Hazen asked

This is a perspective I haven't heard! My CP has an ms out to several agents, but she has another one ready (yes, it's well edited and it's been many months) and she's seen many agents asking for something like it, so she's excited. Here's my question: is it okay to query other agents with a different ms when you already have one ms out on sub (it seems like you're totally fine with this in your post), and also, since it is in the same genre as the first, how long should you wait before querying agents with Book 2 that rejected Book 1?

I like to see at least a couple months of daylight between queries. On the other hand, I generally keep up with my queries, so you'll hear back from me pretty promptly. Some of my colleagues not so much. Thus, use YOUR clock for the countdown, NOT their reply timeline. Example: you send a query in Month 1 for book 1. You can send a query for book 2 in 90 days. That's 90 days after the first query, even if you haven't heard back on book 1 yet. It's entirely possible something in Query 2 will catch their eye particularly if "agents (are) asking for something like this" and they bite on this one without having bitten on book 1.

It's never rude to query. Never.

You can query rudely, yes, but the actual act of sending a businesslike query is never rude.

Agents who bitch about timing (why would anyone query in August/December/the day my cat died) need to get a fucking grip. This is a business and if you don't want to read your queries, don't. Don't confuse your wishes with decorum however. Some of us read queries promptly and throughout the year.


On Thursday, the topic was again timing, this one about sending pages after a conference meeting: how long does a writer have?

nightmusic read my "less than a year" comment to mean there was a deadline:

I had a query session where the agent donated their time to five out of how ever many submitted at a conference, to go over the query and first five pages with the author. What worked, what didn't, good, bad, ugly and how to work on correcting those things. It was a great opportunity and I was the only one she asked for the first fifty after I'd revised it, but life intervened and I didn't send it. That was well over a year ago so my chance is gone. All that to say, if you have that opportunity, don't squander it! Polish. Send! You just never know.

This is one of the great things about this blog for me: I get to see when what I've said isn't what I meant. This is one of those cases. Thanks nightmusic for helping me refine this.

"less than a year" was INTENDED to mean that you should not be pitching anything that's a year from being done. I didn't intend to establish it as a deadline.

So, first thing: nightmusic get that manuscript off to that agent right NOW. I want a jpg of the email!

Second, if it did take you that long, it's still ok. You might drop the agent a line every six months or so just to say you're still working on it.

I heard from a prospect yesterday (Saturday 12/5/15) that he's now ready to talk about a project that I've been waiting on for about seven years.

I have a manuscript in my to be read stack that has been percolating with my author for eight years I think.

Remember: publishing is a long game. If I'm interested in your work, I'm not going to forget. And even if I do, and even if it turns out my interest has waned it's OK to email. It's not rude. Assume you have something of value in your work. It's not rude to offer your work to an agent.


brianrschwarz has a very good litmus test for when is a project done and ready to send:

I asked the deadly question -- "When do you know its done?" And she answered "When none of your critique partners are telling you the same thing anymore."

I'm stealing that.


I love this from 2Ns

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
It’s a career not a sideline.
It’s a career not a hobby.
It’s a career not a pastime.
It’s a career not a game.
It’s a career.
Got it.

Then Friday was the writing contest, and results will be posted tomorrow.

As for Chum Bucket: I'd like nothing more than to promise a Chum Bucket in 2015. The problem is I'm still backed up on requested fulls. I just cleared the last of 2014's requests off my desk this week (it did not sit there unattended, no no no, I had multiple conversations with the author, but final disposition did not happen till this week) and I'd REALLy like to have an empty inbox on 1/1/16 if at all possible.

I do love Chum Bucket, and have missed it, but I can't do that, read manuscripts, write the week in review AND do my real work.

I am working on cloning myself though, so there's that.

Have a great week!

Week in Review 5/15/16

Welcome to the week that was.

First, thanks for all the help on the redesigned website. I did figure out how to make the text darker.

I've not yet figured out how to optimize it for mobile devices.

I can't seem to fix the white space at the bottom either.

Some of these are just a matter of tinkering which is actually kind of fun and gives me sympathy for all those writers I've told "get a website, it's easy!" 

Colin mentioned the pictures of NYC on the new website made him want to visit:

The pictures of NYC are cool, and make me want to visit properly. Of course, I would love a guided tour. In fact, that might have to be part of the contract should I land a NY-based agent:

"Must give author guided tour of NYC at least once in the life of this agreement." Perhaps if the advance is good, I'll bring the whole family! :D

Oddly enough, I'm the world's worst tour guide for NYC. Unless you want to see the L-train, my local bodega (turkey and cheddar on a roll), the local bakery (coffee and a muffin) or any of six zillion watering holes, I'm kind of useless. Well, I can take you to the Met, or MoMA of course. Mostly though, I just live here, I don't go see "sights" In fact, I actively avoid the places big crowds of people are. One of my favorite websites is this one: Quiet City Maps.


And Donnaeve comes clean about why she didn't want her dear mother hanging about with us hooligans at Bouchercon

Having said that, HA! Ms. Janet, I thought I was so subtle. NOT. The thing with Mom...ya know I tell stories right? Yeah. So, Mom tends to tell stories too, and she EMBELLISHES them. And they're about ME. Running around the back yard in my underwear. Um. No. If I can't keep my eyeballs and ears tuned in to Mom? She will have you thinking I swung from the power line attached to the house playing Mighty Mouse with my brother. Oh wait. We did that.

Colin, you and I are going to need a plan to wrest Donna's mum away from her get the dirt on Our Donna! I love hearing those stories! And my sisters have EXACTLY the look that was on Donna's face at Bouchercon when my nieces and I get together cause they love love love stories of when my sister/their mom was little. And I have no qualms about telling those stories. Payback baby!!!


On Monday, the results of the May We Have (a writing contest) were posted.

nightsmusic picked up on the common refrain about not getting some of the entries:

*disclaimer: I still don't get some of them, but what do I know?

you know a lot. I didn't get some of them either. When I don't get an entry, I do read it more than once, and look carefully for clues. But if I still don't get it after looking at it twice, I pass on it.

Claire scramble to clarify her comment from last week on the writing contest judging

Gadzooks! I'll stop labouring this point now, but I feel the need to make absolutely clear I was not looking for critiques of anyone's flash fiction entries! Perish the thought. Was simply interested in the process by which you go about whittling down so many entries to a final few - i.e. is it simply a gut feel, or does it start with scanning every entry for the prompt words, then eliminating ones with errors of grammar/vocabulary, etc. As applied to the contests in general, not a specific one.

Completely understand you don't have time for this, but didn't want to let a heinous misconception stand!

(Packs bags for Carkoon...)

I read for stories first. If a line or lines, or a phrase stands out, I flag those too. Once I've culled for story, I read them all again. The ones that are too oblique get a pass. That's a real tightrope with flash fiction as someone pointed out recently: the difference between not enough, too much, and just right. I think that line moves depending on the reader and what she brings to the story. I'm not going to understand any oblique Dr. Who references. I mostly get the math and science references. Any kind of high faulting' poetry form, not so much.


A good example of this is the Kae Ridwyn entry

Daddy, quick - watch me slide! Whee!
Sally, four. All giggles, sloppy ice-cream kisses.

Daddy, please may I have Jaimee over to play?
My daughter, nine. Nudges and whispered secrets.

Daddy, I love you. Father’s Day, thirteen. No more under-the-table cubbyhouses…

My own car? Thank you, Daddy! Squeals; hugs of gratitude.

An aisle; a walk; a bride on my arm. Tears, threatening, choked back. My heart too big for my chest.

These memories should be treasured forever.

But they’re ones I’ll never have.

The tiny limp body in my arms? My Sally?
Stillborn.

I curse the day brie was created.

Kae had to decide whether to explain brie or not. Her choice (not explaining) worked out because I'd watched The West Wing and knew brie isn't good for pregnant women. She'd probably have been ok if the judge was a person who'd had children and been warned away from brie during pregnancy. That's most likely a large swath of the population.

This is a perfect example of the knowledge wars about what should be in "the canon." In other words, what must a person know to be considered educated. As one wag put it "how much do you have to know to get the jokes."

There's no one right answer to this, as these contests show. The more contests we have, the better your sense of what I know (and don't!)

And once you know something (Dr. Who trivia, the names of the Star Wars planets; the rules of bridge) the more likely you are to think everyone knows it. A lesson I relearn often when what I know about querying isn't the same as what the QueryShark readers do.

abnormalalien (Jamie A. Elias) said

I'll admit there were a few I had to read more than once to understand.

Yup, me too.

And I needed help to find "whee" in Christina Seine's entry which Solidus and Kitty provided:

Re Christina Seine - "whee" is in there, split across three words: "how he even". Subtle! :-)

When I can't find a prompt, I use spell check and look for "wh" or other parts of the word. That little trick didn't even help on this clever entry!



Craig's entry got attention for burying a great line:

Even more amazing it seems like my Queen was insinuating that I might have been a contender if I had formatted differently. Maybe more like this:

At the bottom of the picnic basket I found a gun instead of dessert. Her face was a plea.

Consider this: At the bottom of the picnic basket I found a gun.

You don't need "instead of dessert" and it undercuts the power of the sentence. I think this is one of the places where reading something aloud would help. You get all the power in "At the bottom of the picnic basket I found a gun" and then you would hear the drop off with "instead of dessert."

Do you guyz read your entries aloud?

This from CynthiaMc just cracked me up:

I hadn't intended to kill anyone off (I'm usually a sunshine and lollipop kind of person. I finished writing and went "Whoa! What just happened?"

It was fun, though. I might do it again.

And in honor of her great entry, Christina Seine decided to burn down her house:

That I still have a home to sneeze in is nothing short of a miracle in my book. We all decided to celebrate by getting the flu.

I am very grateful that life is never boring.

On Tuesday we discussed what to do between getting an offer and accepting the offer.


kittykat asked:

but do you email only the agents who have fulls to tell them about your offer, or all the agents, including the ones who only have queries?

It depends where you are in the process. If you've sent queries within 30 days of the initial offer coming in, I'd let those agents know because they may not have had time to read the query yet.

If the offer comes in and you queried (and didn't hear back) six months ago, no you don't alert them.

General guideline to offer alerts: everyone who asked for a partial or full AND those agents you queried initially within 30 days of the offer.



Lennon Faris asked:

Couple questions - on Day 1 - So you actually *say* to your agent that you are taking a little time to notify other agents? I thought that was something you just skirted around ("I need time to... consider"), and it was assumed by the agent, but would be rude to actually say out loud.

Also, when you contact the other agents, you politely give them say 4-5 days to get back to you, I'm assuming?

Yes you say exactly that. Being oblique does not help at all here. You want to be very clear in your communications.

So: Dear AgentGood Taste,

Thankyou! (insert joyous remarks about offer/excitement etc)

I have a full manuscript out with XNumber of agents. I'd like to give them a heads up on your offer and some time to get back to me. Will a week work for you on that?

While I wait for those slackers may I get a copy of the author agency agreement from you? And of course, I have some questions. Can we set up a time to talk, or do you prefer answering by email. And it's ok to talk to your clients?

Again, I'm thrilled beyond measure at your offer and look forward to talking with you further.

Yours truly, madly, deeply

Woodland creature on a roll



nightsmusic asked:

kay, I'll up the ante for a trip to Carkoon...when you offer, do you send the paperwork at the same time to give the client an opportunity to look things over? Or do you send it on day two - four? And is it a terrible thing to ask for that up front during the offer? The reason I'm asking is because it seems to me, when I got in trouble for what I was thinking on the last post regarding this, that OP there had not either had the paperwork up front or didn't ask all the questions (of which you have a great list here!) prior to informing the other agents she'd had a bite from. I had a huge red flag that went off when I read that initial post as well, but I'll shut my mouth now..

I try to remember to offer to send it but I forget a lot (a lot!) If however the potential client is savvy, s/he asks for it and of course I send it right away. It's TOTALLY OK, in fact it's smart to ask to see the agreement as early as you can. I'd rather have more time to answer your questions and give you time to think than have you rush into a decision you later regret.

Having a client become unhappy isn't any picnic for us either.



Robert Ceres asked:

You initially had us giving the agent a week to decide, but you don't notify her of your decision until day ten??

A week is ballpark. If you have ten agents in the scrum it takes longer to sort things out than if you have two.

If you have ten agents reading fulls and nine drop out, you need less time than if all ten make an offer.

None of these guidelines are legal requirements or sell-by dates on perishable produce. They're more like guidelines: useful most of the time, but will also help you sort out what's really out of bounds (like asking for a month to decide, or an agent who says "say yes now or the offer is rescinded")


LynnRodz asked:

But! I think you did mention before we could have two weeks before accepting an offer. Or was that wishful thinking? I need that extra time. Day One would be spent jumping up and down. Day Two would be hubby picking me up off the floor because of Day One and then Day Three would be convincing myself I wasn't dreaming on Day One. So is two weeks too long to ask an agent to wait, especially if there are other agents that also have the full ms?

This is really agent-dependent. At this point in the conversation with my potential source of income, I'd hope s/he'd say something like "I need three days to calm down" or (worse) "Hey, there are ten agents with fulls, and one is LaSlitherina Herself so I need some time here."

In other words, this time line does not happen in a vacuum. Tell the agents what's going on. We get it. We've been the ones juggling 12-editor auctions (oh wait, that wasn't me, that was Brooks Sherman.)

E.M.Goldsmth asked:

I reread this post with my brain turned back on (more or less). On step 6- schedule a phone call- I had the impression that an offer usually came with a phone call and that was how this whole week to 10 days started. Is that not so? Can offers come with just an email?

I've taken on clients who've only had email conversations with me. Several in fact. If a potential client wants to talk on the phone, of course I call them but I LOVE email: it's permanent for starters. I can remember what I said, they asked, and I can revise and spell check before sending.

Amelia Creed asked:

I'm a bit confused about No. 4, though. Maybe y'all can help me out. I always thought you asked the agent questions during the call. I didn't know it was kosher to send an entire list of Qs to a probably very busy agent. Maybe I misunderstood. Or maybe my entire paradigm has shifted.

It's faster to write answers than talk them. And wouldn't you rather have the questions and answers in writing and not have to depend on your notes? And I'd MUCH prefer to answer in writing because I can, again, revise and clarify before sending.

Lisa Bodenheim asked:

The one question I had, I think you answered in the next sentence. Under #4 you mentioned an editorial letter. Your description sounds the same as some of the commenters here who have referred to an R&R, a revise and resubmit. But just to make sure creeping charlie and quackgrass haven't overcrowded my brainspace...is an editorial letter and an R&R the same thing?

Not really but often the terms are used interchangeably.

An R&R is shorthand for Revise and Resubmit. It's used almost exclusively by authors to describe where they are in the querying process. In fact, someone had to explain what R&R meant when I first saw the term crop up.

An editorial letter is the actual letter describing what changes are being suggested. It can be written by an editor to an author with a book under contract. It can be written by an agent to a client with a book being prepared for submission. It can be written by an agent to an author with a book being considered for representation.

An editorial letter is what is sent to an author who is being asked to revise and resubmit.

Nancy Adams asked:

I was surprised to see that you’re not supposed to discuss the particulars of revising the ms., because for me what I most want to know is whether the agent’s vision of the novel matches mine. (For example: A writer at a conference once told me that her agent had actually asked her to change the MC’s gender and she complied! For me, that would be a deal breaker.) I never realized that asking for that would be a problem, and though I can now appreciate this from the agent’s point of view, is there some way of at least getting an idea of what she might want to change without being too presumptuous?

Let's distinguish between broad stroke revisions and a detailed editorial letter too.

Changing a character's gender isn't an editorial letter, it's a huge revision. DEF something you'd want to know about first. On the other hand, if I wanted such a major revision, I'd ask to see it before I offered representation. I'd assume some risk in this: the potential client might query the revised ms all over town.

A more detailed letter with specific suggestions on how to fix things like ramping up the tension, etc. Those you don't get till you've signed on the dotted line. I assume some risk in that as well: if you can't deliver, I've got a ms I can't sell, and a really Unhappy new client.

There's no one right answer here. Each agent handles this his/her own way, and it may depend on the potential client too.

If you've got ten agents wanting to rep you, this is def something you'd ask about: Do you envision revisions? Can you tell me what they are in general.



Julie Weathers weighed in on revisions with this:

Nancy,

When a friend made a choice between two agents who had offered, the suggested changes to the ms did come up. Super agent one loved the manuscript so far, but wanted some significant changes that would have meant writing three different books instead of one. Second super agent had some different ideas how to deal with big ass novel.

Their different views did weigh her decision.

kdjames asked

OK, so when you say: "The most important question you'll ask is whether the agent wants you to revise before sending the manuscript on submission."

And then go on to say there are agents who won't give a prospective client an editorial letter, does that mean you should expect an agent will at least discuss it with you in general terms but specific enough that you can tell if the vision you each have for the work is similar or wildly different? I hope that's what you mean. That's sort of a big deal.

An agent should be willing to tell you how much more work s/he thinks you need to do before the ms is ready to send.

Generally I'm not going to be discussing representation with anyone until the manuscript is what I believe to be publishable.

That means any kind of revision is generally limited to fixing typos, answering questions (did the ancient Greeks have apples?) and making sure all the character's names are spelled right (you'd be surprised how often Katharine becomes Katherine in a manuscript!)

Often the major revisions come in a second novel with already signed client. Those are the ones with things like: ditch the entire middle section; the tension isn't tense enough; what were you thinking here?; have you ever read a book before?

And there's no way to foresee that, so don't even worry about it.



S.P.Bowers asked

Okay, I'll bite, what's a three year agency commitment? I'm assuming that it's a contract for three years, rather than the life of the author or until either party wants to separate. And at the end of three years they would once again be discussing whether the agent is the right one for representation. I'm off to google and see if I'm right.

It's a requirement that you stay with the agency for three years, OR (worse) that if you leave, you still have to pay the agent if you sell the work s/he represented within three years. That is an undue burden on a writer and you should NOT agree to it.

A good representation agreement allows you to leave within a reasonable amount of time with notice. Mine says you can leave anytime with 30 days notice. It also allows me to collect the FULL commission on any work I represented if sold within six months of my submitting it to the publisher.

If you decamp from The Reef with your submission list in hand, turn around and sell the ms I pitched to BigAssMoneyBags Publishing LLC, you owe me 15% of not just the advance but all the royalties too. Just like I'd sold it directly. And if another agent sold it? You get to pay them too.

Clearly this is designed to prevent both clients behaving badly AND client poaching. Generally, if this is happening, there are many MANY other problems in play as well.



Craig asked:

I would personally like to call the client you didn't hear about from the agent.

Generally I direct prospective clients to my client list on the right hand side of the blog. That's the list of clients for whom I have sold work. There are others, yes indeed, but I haven't sold their work. If you asked, I'd probably give you a list, but don't you really want to talk with the guys who've had a complete publishing cycle experience? Lemme tell ya, the ones who've just signed and are out on submission are a whole lot less likely to tell you something valuable than the ones who've had multiple books published, are now out of contract, and finding out just exactly how hard an agent works when you need to reinvent yourself. You want to talk to the clients who've been through hell. Not the ones who are just now entering the fray.

If you really mean you want to talk to former clients, you're out of luck. I don't give out that info. I'm sure you can find it if you cross reference enough, but I won't make it easy. Except for Kari Dell of course.


Julie Weathers said:

Carolynn,

I've tried offering my first born to agents. I've even penciled it into the contract. Unfortunately, they cross it out with extreme prejudice. It seems no one wants a cowboy.

*note to self when making offer on Cowgirls Wanted; addendum one: firstborn*



Colin Smith said

I don't plan to offer my Firstborn to agents, but I will offer her tasty cakes and pastries. That shouldn't be construed as a bribe, BTW. ;)

*note to self when seeing Colin's query: ask for R&R--revisions and refreshments*



On Wednesday I urged you to celebrate the milestones along the way, not just keep looking toward the end.

It generated the most comments of any blog post in weeks!



Donnaeve said:

Congratulations to QOTKU and her new client!

aha! You guyz assume this was a new client. Nope. No indeed. I signed her for a novel that didn't sell. We put our heads together and came up with the idea of non-fiction essays. She shopped those and had some nice successes. Then we came up with the idea of the non-fiction book. 19 revisions later it's on submission. We've been together for eight YEARS now. When I sell this book it will be a HUGE milestone for both of us, but along the way, we gotta celebrate the smaller stuff too.



I really loved what Susan Bonifant said here:

First of all, Colin, not for nothing, I've been reading and thinking about your advice since long before you became a platinum level commenter.

Second, I am celebrating a different kind of milestone. Last week, for reasons that had to do with good timing and miles traveled thus far, and maybe an assist from my God, I decided to let my book go.

It didn't happen because of stats, I wasn't depressed, and it didn't fail. It just happened that one day, I woke to a head full of the next book and there was no longer room for the other.

It was so clear and brilliant and natural, it seemed to be writing itself. Characters, conversations, personalities, conflict - all there.

I guess I'm the type who doesn't leave until there's somewhere else to go. And so, book 3 and I have parted friends. And now that I'm sure I wasn't just remembering a movie I once saw, book 4 and I are now in a relationship.

and what Brian Schwarz said:

This might be of some service to someone!

2 months ago I started a draft of a new book. I spent 4 months plotting it (something I’d never done), and all that was left was the execution of the words. I figured on writing a chapter a day for a month or two and I’d be completed with a better-than-rough draft. This is my third book, so I wasn’t under any delusions, but after a week of writing a chapter a day, I stalled. And stalled. And then stalled some more. 45 days of no words. None.

Until finally I decided I needed to go backwards to go forwards. My problem wasn’t the goal. The goal was achievable. My problem was what I did when I didn’t hit the goal. I felt bad, and I wanted 2 chapters in a day. And then when that didn’t happen I just got more frustrated. And it snowballed from there.

So I went backwards. Forget 1 chapter. How about 100 words. Just 100 words. You can’t screw up 100 words, right? At that rate, I’d be done with the book in a year. But perhaps some days I’d do more than 100 words? Maybe it’d be quicker. But 100 words is forgivable. I could miss a whole week and sit down and write 700 words to make up for what I’d missed.

The first 100 words took 6 hours at a coffee shop. The next 100 took 2 hours. And then it steamrolled. Now I’m averaging a half a chapter to a full chapter a day, but if I ever miss a day, I only missed 100 words. So I do 200 instead.

Maybe I finish. Maybe I don’t. But I found something that works, something with enough built in grace to keep me moving, and something that I shoot higher than but gives me a soft landing when I fail.

and Panda in Chief corrected a typo for me:

Forgive me for correcting the QOTKU, but I believe the proper term for "woo-woo" is "woo-woo". Wu-Wu is the junior panda living in San Diego (Xiao Liwu, Mr. Wu or Wu-Wu to his friends)

Cheryl said:

I'm celebrating that I'm not imagining things and I did see this post on my Feedly feed last night -- but when I came to comment it was gone. I searched every other writing blog I read and nope, not there. And then I was wondering why Janet didn't post this morning.

Ah, the case of the disappearing post! What happens is that I revise a post and have it slated for a future date (like this one) and the "scheduled date" gets lost somehow. I usually catch it within seconds, but that can be enough for a couple people to "see it"… except of course, it's now gone cause I corrected the date.

Just another way the universe has provided me with tools to torment writers! Ah, it's a good life!



Julie M. Weathers said:

I've been going down to my son's house to bake cookies when the munchkin gets out of school. Warm cookies when you get home from school isn't a big milestone, but it's a comforting memory and maybe those are just as important.

Warm cookies were often the difference between a bad day and a really nice day when I was a kid. I was not a successful child. I hated being told what to do. I hated not being able to do stuff well. I really wanted a horse. Or alternatively, to go visit Misty on Chincoteague Island. It actually never occurred to me until today that when I read those books Misty would have been my grandma's age when I planned to visit her. So, now I need MORE warm cookies.



And let's all welcome Emily Kate to the fray

Today is the first time I've commented after being a lurker for 2.5 years.

On Thursday we talked about what happens when you're doing a revision for a small press editor and still want an agent

nightsmusic asked for some clarifications:

OP subbed to a small publisher?

yes, many small publishers take direct queries and submissions.

No querying involved?

Yes, querying was involved. The writer queried, and got a bite, and the editor liked the project but is suggesting revisions.

The publisher's editor, one of them anyway, did all that work to make it more appealing for publishing but OP still has no idea if that publishing house would want it?

That's actually the norm.

So query an agent and...what? Would the agent just rep OP to the publishing house?

That's largely dependent on the client. If I liked a project and thought it would sell to a large house for oodles of cash, I'd advise the author of that. The author decides though.

Or does agent then have the right to rep OP to others to see if there are any bites?

Not without the writer's ok s/he doesn't.

And what if OP can't find an agent?

Then she gets in touch with me, and I refer her to a contract review specialist to help her.



As did CarolynnWith2Ns:

Do publishes really devote that kind of effort without the author being on their list?

Sometimes, sure. We do it here a lot too. I have one author revising madly on a proposal and she's not a client. I hope it will get to that stage of course, but she's free to look around and see who else is out there.

I actually prefer to sign a client who has actively queried and has options. That way I know s/he chose to work with me rather than got me as a default.  Writers who've been through the query trenches understand that getting an agent isn't just a matter of picking a name off a list and saying "hey there."

Kate Larkindale is the voice of experience here:

This OP is in almost exactly the same situation I found myself in a couple of years back. A publisher opened for submissions for a brief period, and I submitted a book. A LOOOONG time later (I'm talking really long here; I think I'd written two more books in the time) they came back with an offer. I was querying a different book at the time and had several fulls and partials out. So I quickly emailed all the agents who had those, telling them I had an offer from this publisher, not for the book they'd requested, but for an earlier story.

I spent a week having some very intense conversations with three or four of these agents, but ultimately, none of them were interested n representing the book for this particular deal. Not necessarily because it was a smaller press (although I'm sure that was a part of it), but because they hadn't chosen the publisher, and weren't sure it was the best fit for me or my work.

I ended up taking it anyway because the book was an older one I wasn't so in love with anymore and wanted to go through the publication process so I knew how it all worked, but that's an entirely different story… But that offer wasn't how I got my agent. That happened about six months later and is another entirely different story, although once again, there was a publisher offer tangled into the mix.

kdjames said:

Back when I first joined RWA (long ago), it was generally accepted that you not only didn't *need* an agent to get published with certain publishers (primarily Harlequin), it was a waste of time since some of those contracts were non-negotiable. I know, everything is supposedly negotiable. But at the time, word was that either you signed or you didn't-- those were the only choices.

I'm not as versed on this as agents who work with Harlequin, but I believe they have a boilerplate contract, one size fits all for certain types of books. As a businessperson, I think this makes a lot of sense. As an agent, I think it's often not in the best interest of the writer.



As for the cat in the jar. The Duchess of Yowl has wriggled into places that were previously listed as much too small (including my very cold heart) so I thought this picture was pretty funny.

Unfortunately there are people in the world who abuse animals in ways that I will not go into because no one needs that in their mind ever. It was mentioned to me privately that this kind of picture might encourage some witless fool to actually DO this. I am pretty sure no witless fools read this blog but still…I'm not prepared to answer to God for anything that involves animal abuse if I can help it. So I changed the picture.



Celia Reaves has a cat who also likes small places:

Of course, my last and biggest thought as about that crazy cat in the jar. Some cats REALLY love tiny spaces, and they generally have no trouble getting out of things they can get into. I had a cat once that spent most of her time in places you'd have sworn she couldn't get into. She climbed inside the machinery in a fold out sofa bed, discovered when someone sat on the sofa and leaned back, eliciting a yowl. She crawled up the swell pedal on a small electronic organ into the guts inside; fortunately she was spotted coming out before someone switched it on (and we had to put a wire cage around the inside of that pedal to keep her out). She once got taped into a box we were packing for shipping, and we figured it out before we shipped it when we heard her scratching around in there. So while others here are all worried about the cat in the jar, I'm thinking, "Serves you right."

And then all of you just went completely hilariously off the rails and opened some sort of musical theatre blog in the comments column. It was great!

Then it was time for the writing contest, inspired by the Duchess of Yowl, who also thinks for herself as musical. The neighbors think of her as Florence Foster Jenkins.

The Duchess of Yowl generated a question from nightsmusic

I have to ask; Janet! Did the NYPD really show at your door in the middle of the night last night???

When don't they?

Hopefully the writing contest results will go up on Monday.


Here are the subheader noms:

And some weeks there's Fred, who is opposed to subheaders on some principle.--John Frain

Never expect the rainbow to carry you to a pot of gold. Expect something to get in the way.--Craig

This site is like: writers 101, a guide on what not to do.--Jason Vierra

expect the unexpected, and when the unexpected happens, act accordingly.-Donnaeve (author of the forthcoming Education of Dixie Dupree)

"Cowboy logic: Ride bulls, meet nurses."--Julie M. Weathers

Some days after reading this blog I feel so prepared to be a good client. If only I could convince an agent this is so.--Her Grace, Heidi, the Duchess of Kneale

I've been dating Debbie Downer, and just the other day she let me complain about something--Mark Ellis

Why you need an author website

The question I hear most often from new writers is what the heck am I going to put on a website; I haven't published anything.

 

If you're just starting to query, or querying again after unsatisfactory results, think of your website as the director's cut of your query.

 

Your query must be very short; 250 words is the sweet spot.

That means you had to leave out a lot.

 

Start with your bio.

You can put pictures on your website. Pictures of your dog/cat/dragon.

Even though I love looking at pictures of babies, I do NOT suggest you post pictures of your kids online.

 

You can elaborate on hobbies you have, or where you live.

I've had intriguing conversations with writers about all sorts of things that I read in their bio.

 

You can talk about your writing if you want. You can post a (SHORT) excerpt  from your book.

 

You can talk about things you value, or good causes you're involved with.

I do that on my own website.

 

And you can have a place for people to sign up for your mailing list.  A robust mailing list is the #1 thing I look for when I've found a book I like, and an author that sounds conducive to work with.

 

Get a URL that's as close to your name (or your pen name) as you can.

Wacky URLs like FlitteryGibbertyBoo tell me you're not taking this whole thing seriously.

URLs that are hard to spell (mur3skeyWr9 for example) are contraindicated.

 

If your URL looks like a password, time for a new one.

 

An effective author website can be a big help for your stalwart little query.

 

Lack of one isn't a deal breaker, but why not use all the tools you have at your disposal.

 

Any questions?

 

 

Week in Review 4/3/16 & 4/10/16

Welcome to the week that was! (And the week before that!)

In last week's the WIR from March 27, John Frain cracked me up completely with this:

And wasn't it cute how Janet referred to "an acquaintance" getting locked in the psych ward of a hospital by mistake.
Of course it was an acquaintance. Of course it was. Because, well, who else could it have been

Of course y'all would think that! As if I don't carry lock picks and an airhorn with me at all times.

E.M. Goldsmith added

And just for the record, I was always crazy. I wrote my first book when I was 15. I overheard the AP English teacher tell a group of students who had read my book that I wrote because I was crazy. His feeling was that no sane person would choose to write. I figured that sounded about right.

Creative people are always a bit off plumb. Thankfully!

And just to be clear, I don't want to make light of people who need the psych ward. I'm currently working on a book proposal with a client about mental health in kids. 1 in 5 kids need mental health help before they're 18. The author of the proposal has a son who told her he wanted to kill himself when he was four. When she told me that, I literally had to pause in the conversation to regain my composure. When I sent out the proposal I actually cautioned the editors not to read it on the subway. One editor replied "why is that" and when I told her, she too had to pause for a moment and catch her breath.

We joke around about being crazy and that's just fine, but people who struggle with this stuff in their live, and in the lives of their kids are fighting a terrible war that claims far too many casualties. One of them was my beloved friend Robin Raible


On the subject of writing in just one category, CynthiaMc said

The thing about being a Gemini is we are easily bored and we hate being pigeonholed, which is why I break out in hives at the thought that I have to write one thing for the rest of my life. Looking back, the thrill for me is seeing if I can do something, then I want to go on to the next thing to see if I can do that.

I agree it's entirely possible to write well in many categories. What I don't think is possible is to write in several categories at a publishing/career level at the same time.  Just for starters, you have to know both categories very well. The reading alone would be daunting.

Now, this is my OPINION and you are more than welcome to take up the challenge and prove me wrong wrong wrong.

kdjames thinks my YoYo Ma analogy is incorrect:

Since it seems this is my week (only this week? HA!) to be irritatingly disagreeable . . .

Yo-Yo Ma's instrument is the cello; mine is the written word. A more apt analogy than either of us switching to a different instrument: saying I should only write one thing is like saying Ma should only play one type of music. Yes, he is primarily known for classical music, but has played/recorded many other diverse styles of music. I assume he does it all extremely well.

I can write op-ed columns, funny blog posts, serious blog posts, ridiculous/irritating blog comments. I write one hell of a rant when motivated and truly excel at the college thesis format. I'm not so great at query letters and the dreadly synopsis, but I'm learning. My poetry is laughable. I write a passable novella and hope to excel at longer length fiction. Yes, in more than one genre. But time will tell. Someone should definitely stop me if I ever decide to pick up a paintbrush. Or a cello.

And Panda in Chief has an interesting contrary view as well:

I have been turning over the idea of doing only one thing well, when you are pulled in multiple directions. I have decided that I need to reject that advice, but with a major caveat. I think you can only LEARN to do one thing well at a time. In other words, while it took me 40some years to perfect my painting chops, after, oh, about 25 of them, I could learn various printmaking techniques and get pretty darn good at them, and then mumble mumble years after that, decided to turn my hand...paw? to writing and illustrating for children. Really, it was kind of a natural progression as my paintings became more narrative.

I don't put myself in the same category as all of you writers that have such a wonderful way with words. Truly, I am in awe of your talent and the years you have taken to hone it. But I do think I have a way with storytelling with pictures and words, and I believe that to continue to grow as an artist, I need to through additional vegetables in the soup. Not kale though. You have to draw the line somewhere.

Jenny C had offered to mail a synopsis on a pumpkin should an agent ask. Last week I challenged her with "pics or it didn't happen" and she replied

Well, you won't believe this but not one agent requested a synopsis written on a pumpkin.

Which of course makes me want to track down an agent she's queried and say "hey, how about requesting a pumpkin." Oh wait…where are my lock picks and airhorn before I do.


And roadkils-r-us advised Jenny:

Jenny, small is in this year. Try writing your synopsis on a bell pepper.

On Monday I asked for input on a blog post about "How to Get an Agent" and you all responded with some very very helpful info.

The most fundamentally helpful was this from Ashes

have to ask, are the people messaging you actually using the word 'query'?

Way back when I first joined an online writing forum, I had a ton of questions. So I posted them to the "Queries" section of the forum and was met with a lot of help, but also a lot of 'why are you posting this here?'.

Well, back then the word 'query' only meant 'question'. In fact, if you google 'define query' that's the only definition you're going to get. I didn't know what a query was, let alone how to write one or how to query agents.

My advice is to be careful with the language you use because it really is a rabbit hole full of new vocabulary and concepts.

I now realize I need to  quit saying "how to query" and start saying "how to get an agent" or "first steps toward getting published." I can still remember the first time I heard the word query (it was from a friend who was querying magazine editors) and I had no idea what it meant.

And Brian Biggs said

A glossary would be a HUGE help. One agent said “I want your COMPS in paragraph three.”

oh my god yes, yes, yes. I know I have a link to "publishing terms" here on the blog, but clearly a glossary would be very useful too.

The rest of the suggestions were also very useful and I'm going to incorporate a lot of them and repost this sometime down the road.



On Tuesday we discussed parting out the old novel to build the new one;

Colin missed his catechism lesson when he was exiled on Carkoon:

Within that (Catholic)system of thought, objects can be invested with power (holy water, crosses, the elements of the Mass).

Correct Catholic theology does not invest objects with power. Crosses and holy water are aids to prayer, to remind us of things, not to actually be transformative. Now, if you want to get started on the transubstantiation of the elements of the mass, well, let me just say this about calling it superstition. We ALL believe in the transforming power of books. Of the written word interacting with the human mind. The mass is no different. You just have to believe.
 And in the words of the great Sean Connery: "Here endeth the lesson"






DLM had some very wise words to our questioner:

it's in no way my place to tell another author their vision must be blinkered, but I can at least speak to the necessity (sometimes) of putting away a novel. And it does not come lightly.

OP, I spent ten years learning how to write a novel, and writing it. Some of those latter years, I queried. I learned I had more work to do, I did it, I queried again. What came out of that was a VERY good novel; a good read, a fascinating look at a little-regarded piece of world history. And a book I cannot sell.

It's been a year since I first allowed myself to even conceive of the idea of putting this work away. But I quickly realized it was necessary. Years of my life. A story I still love. All those dreams. And the universe's answer was "no."

Believe me when I say, I know how hard it is. I know how heartbreaking.

But I also know this: to put that firstborn book away, to let it rest, to stop asking more of it than the market can realistically yield ... is LIBERATING.

BJ Muntain makes a good point here:

As I've seen recently, the same event can be seen differently, even moments later, by different people.

If you ask me, a story about a different person's view of the same event is a completely different story.

This Rashomon like effect was done brilliantly in Chum by Jeff Somers. First person POV, but different people. Chum is the book I signed Jeff for. I love that book with a passion. Editors who passed on it (it took nine years to sell) still ask about it years later.

John Frain cracked me up with this:

Also, I thought this to be the most interesting/hopeful part of the Karen Hall piece:

The plot, like the prose, is tighter, but that’s the confounding thing about novels: They’re often better, or at least more alive, when they’re flawed and messy.

Yessssssss! I have mastered flawed and messy! Agents, here comes my query sooner than I expected!

Panda In Chief said

This discussions reminds me of a painter I know that used to occasionally sneak into people's houses who owned his paintings and touch up things he decided he could have done better the first time around.

True story.

Which made me think of a terrific novel I read last year that will prompt you to call the locksmith about chapter 3 even if it's at 3am.

When I read about this book it wasn't yet pubbed in America, so I ordered the UK edition from Book Depository (free shipping around the world!) and it was GREAT.


And Christina Seine just wins the world with this one:

Carkoon: The Pit of Despair (soundtrack)

Let It Go – the dangers of literally grabbing an agent

I Wanna Be Like You – what not to say to an author at a book signing

Bippety Boppety Boo – an author mangles his elevator pitch and babbles incoherently

I’ll Make A Man Out of You – why there’s no diversity in books these days

Can You Feel the Love Tonight – A song about getting full requests

Go the Distance – About getting sent to Carkoon

Under The Sea – a famous lit agent sings about painting her lair

Oh I Just Can’t Wait to Be King – how writers all feel hitting SEND on their first query

The Bare Necessities – An ode to the tools for writing: Scotch, chocolate & Kleenex

Poor Unfortunate Souls – About writers who fail to read QueryShark (ALL of them)

On Wednesday the topic was whether to tell an agent the novel being queried started as flash fiction (a topic of interest to many of our flashers I think!)

Lisa Bodenheim asked the question I overlooked in the blog post:

Awww, you mean even if Opie won a Flash Fiction contest here at the Reef, it doesn't even merit a mention in the query?

I have signed a flash fiction contest winner, but the novel itself was not based on the winning entry. I think if you're querying ME, you mention the flash fiction connection (whether it was the start of the novel or not) because I think that's terrific. You wouldn't mention it to other agents cause they're not as invested in my blog contests as I am.


Ravens said:

One concern is whether it may count as 'previously published work', but I think that would only be the case if there were several stories were cut and pasted 'as-is'.

Entries on the blog don't really count as "previously published work" in that they weren't published, they were posted. There's no editorial oversight in flash fiction contests. There's no curating. When you query, your "previously published works" include only things that actually were acquired, curated and edited. That's why self-published books don't really hold much sway as a publication credit. No, not even if you hired an editor.


Dena Pawling reminds me to never drive in California:

Dear future agent –

I got the idea for my story Misery while I nursed my previous agent back to health following a car accident. I REALLY hope you like it.

Signed, Unbalanced Writer

On Thursday we talked about publishing work on your blog that has been licensed elsewhere previously.

As usual we need to work on some terminology so I'm going to pick on some of you.

CarolynnWith2Ns said

The newspaper I write for holds first time (one time) publishing rights. My older articles, they're mine after the papers and magazines spread my wisdom and amazing self-centered writing abilities, to the world.

There's no such thing as "first time (one time) publishing rights." What you've licensed to the paper is either exclusive publication rights for a period of time (while they spread your wisdom to the world) or non-exclusive publication rights (you could post the column on your website simultaneously) My guess is that it's an exclusive with a time limit.

Heidi the Duchess of Kneale said

if you've sold the Flash Fiction (or Short Story) Rights to a story, you still have the Novel Rights.

There is no such thing as flash fiction rights or short story rights. Flash fiction and short stories are the things which HAVE rights. When you license rights to a short story to a magazine it's only for that short story. Yes, you can use that story to build a novel. Licensing the novel has ZERO to do with the short story license.

Often times writers get these botched terms from actual publication contracts so it's no wonder there is confusion. I've seen publishing terms misused in small press contracts to the point the contract literally makes no legal sense.

There are good reputable sources for publishing terminology; find them and keep them handy. If someone asks you to license "first time publication rights" you'll know to ask for the language to be clarified to "exclusive rights for x months" or "non-exclusive rights"

And thanks to our commenters for providing the examples for all of us!

Jason Magnason asked

Janet, when a writer gets an agent will they represent them for all their publishing needs, even if its a small thing like a short story or poem in a magazine?

It depends on the agent. I look at every contract my authors sign. I don't take commission on anything I didn't sell. Not all agents do this.


Jennifer R. Donahue pointed out something that made my hair stand on end:

Interesting, I've noticed in a recent set of short story submission guidelines that they considered your submission to the magazine as permission to publish. Which, on one hand, okay fine, you'll want them to publish you if you submitted (right?). On the other hand, with no actual contract or terms posted....I closed that tab. Reading the blog here has made me far more discerning.

Under no circumstances should you allow your work to be published unless there's at least a basic understanding between the parties of:
1. how long they can publish it
2. how you get paid
3. how the rights to publish can be reclaimed by the author and
4. WHO HOLDS THE COPYRIGHT.

I cap #4 because I have seen presses that ask the copyright be registered in the press's name. Of course I negotiated that out of the contract but if you're just publishing sight unseen, that could be a problem.

And lest you think that this is all small potatoes let me mention this: a film deal licenses characters, not books. If your short story or flash fiction piece features a character you use in a novel, you have to make sure that you are the ONLY copyright holder. This is the stuff of which lawsuits are made.


Panda in Chief had a current example of this kind of rights grab:

It also pays when you are entering contests to read the fine print (whines: do I HAVE to?????) there was a contest set up by Amtrak last year maybe, for writers to win a free cross country trip to write about the journey or some such thing. Okay, that sounded like fun, till I read further. They wanted the worldwide unrestricted rights of the writing samples that ALL applicants supplied. Um...no.

In Amtrak's defense, I think they changed that when we howled about it, but you're quite right that was the initial set of submission rules.

Contests are FAMOUS for this kind of rights grabs, just to add something to your list of things to fret about.

Julie Weathers said:

Anyone remember the Firefly episode Mrs. Reynolds. Mal finds out he's married because he accepted a cup of liquor from a woman and danced with her. I think a natty flower wreath about his drunken brow may have been involved also. Shepherd confirms according to that culture he is indeed married. It's a binding contract, but if Shepherd assures him if he consummates the marriage with innocent girl, there is a special level of hell reserved for him.

The special level of hell is also reserved for "people who talk in the theatre." Dear godiva I miss that show!


John Frain was the first person to mention this:

We (the Royal "We") interrupt this blogcast for the following special announcement. This just in (at least in my mailbox), and I hope I'm not spoiling anything...

According to the May/June 2016 issue of Writer's Digest -- cover story "101 Best Websites for Writers" -- they report something most of us already know.

Under the subtitle Everything Agents, WD hails "Best of the Best" status upon jetreidliterary.blogspot.com stating "For years, FinePrint Literary Management's Janet Reid has offered writers good-humored, candid advice for their publishing journeys. Her query letter tips are especially helpful (and she offers even more of them on queryshark.blogspot.com).

Which is lovely and I was totally surprised to read John's comment since I hadn't heard anything about this. If anyone has a copy of the actual magazine and is willing to send it to me, I would be grateful.

On Friday, April Fools Day, you guyz went batshit crazy. It was GREAT.


Lynn Rodz admitted to falling for the prank which made me VERY happy:

Omg, I thought wtf! Then I realized what day it was. You got me.

In the spirit of the day, here are the top entries:

Megan V

The crowd applauds politely as April takes the mic and regales us with her award=winning tale.

"Floggy the flog is tan. He goes in water spurt less because he is a nanimal. He eats the square root of pie. His BEST friend is a typeulater named Quertymctypebyte. Quertymctypebyte typed Floggy’s favlit books until he topped oer and bloke. His blidger topp oer too. He asked Floggy for help. Floggy hopped on him. Quertymctypebyte topped up again. He was fixed. The end.”

Grinning, I join the fool's standing ovation. My niece might not be Hemingway, but she's got Kindergarten chops.

Awww...too late to ENTER? Rats.

Celia Reeves

Dang - I was determined to enter every contest this year, and I missed this one! I can't believe I blew my resolution already, and it's only ... wait ... never mind.

Mark Ellis

These are all words that I have used, and will continue to use, I can tell you that-- Donald Trump

John Frain





John's entry just cracked me up.

If you don't get it, here's a hint:





and of course the winner is John Frain. The prize is John Frain's manuscript.


Patricia Cox said:

Good one! At first I thought the Jabberwocky was on the prowl! Reminds me of a test I give my sixth grade students every April 1. The first thing at the top of the test says they are to read the entire test before beginning it. Of course, hardly anyone does.

There are about 25 items to complete. One has them standing and clucking like a chicken. Another one has them hopping to the whiteboard and writing their name. The very last one tells them it is a joke and to only put their name on the paper, do none of the other 24 items, then sit back and watch their classmates perform. It's a hoot to see which students read all the way through to number 25 and realize it's a prank.

I remember getting this test in sixth grade. I was one of the faster readers in the class so when I got to "stand up and announce you are the leader from this point on" I looked up, and no one else was doing/saying that, and there was NO WAY I was going to be first, so I just kept reading. As the instructions got sillier and sillier, I was practically crawling under my desk wondering why NO ONE was doing this. Then I got to the end, and there it was "hey, follow the damn directions."

I think my career as a literary agent was born that day.


On Saturday we discussed querying under your real name when you have previously published books under a pseudonym.

Sam Hawke asked:

Follow up question for Janet - since this issue comes up a fair bit, what sort of difference does it make trying to sell a strict debut vs a first novel by someone formerly self-publishing novellas, say? Are publishers more likely to be excited about a debut author? Does it affect the terms they offer?

Publishers love debut novels because there's no sales record to overcome. Every debut has the potential to be The Next Big Thing and don't think for a moment we're not all pushing that idea. Self published novellas don't hamper that optimism too much. Self published novels sure do. That's one of the reasons books that have been self-pubbed need to have sold a LOT of copies to interest a publisher. (Generally speaking, of course. There are exceptions.)

Donnaeve asked:

If OP says "I've published two novellas under a pseudonym," and that's all they say to potential Agent, is this simply to set the stage for more questions - if potential Agent wants to ask? I have to think a query with that in it would prompt more questions, for sure.

It wouldn't lead to more questions at the query stage. It might generate some questions when we're discussing representation, as in "are these works, that if your name was attached to them, would cause problems for us." As in, if you're publishing novellas about the joys of Hitler Youth yes, that's a problem if you're now writing mainstream novels. Novellas like that would alienate more mainstream readers**

**this is called agentsplaining I think.



kdjames asked:

I thought that past experience (and related sales history) DID matter to an agent. I could swear I remember you saying that a non-debut author with less-than-stellar sales would be less attractive to an agent (or editor/publisher) than one without that history. Hope you can clarify.

Self-published books.

Novellas and short stories are a different ball game.



On Sunday, there was no WIR cause I was reading Rae Carson on Saturday. I regret nothing.

As it turns out there was VERY good news to share:

Panda In Chief

I'm taking this opportunity to be completely off topic with some good news.
O.M.G. I. Have. An. Agent.

On Monday we discussed how to write about a character who does not have gender:


Jason Magnason asked every writer's most anxious question:

Is 'cool concept' or 'never seen that before' something to aim for? I mean most of what I hear is that there is nothing new under the sun. So just write a good story and it won't matter. But even if I have a good story am I going to be trumped by someone who has something they have never seen before?

While there may only be seven basic plots in the world, and "nothing new under the sun" there is certainly a new spin to be put on old tropes.

Just look at Ten Things I Hate About You…updated Taming of the Shrew.

And while Anne Rice may have owned the vampire category for a good long time, add sparkles and you've got Twilight.

Crime novels featuring hit men are pretty common. Crime novels with hit men who only kill other hit men? Well that certainly caught some eyeballs.

InkStainedWench (not wretch!) said:

The a-gender aspect is certainly interesting, but the use of "they" as a singular would make me itch and reach for my red pencil.

(I know some reputable editors are coming around to accept it, but I am not a reputable editor.)

My red pens leap on that too but I'm coming around solely because he or she and s/he is so damn clunky it offends my ear. However, I'm not yielding on safe deposit box or impacted (as in to hit.) Those are to the death!



JaneC asked

Is it just me, or has the term 'androgynous' disappeared from the lexicon?

I haven't seen that word used since early David Bowie days! It does seem to have lost favor.

Gin said something very interesting:

Someone else mentioned Ann Leckie's series -- I too was kicked out of the story at times with everyone being referred to as "she," but I actually thought that was a GOOD thing. It made me aware of how much I felt the absolute need to know the gender, which is, in itself, interesting. Once I knew what a character's gender was, I had no problem with them being referred to as "she." But I think that discomfort is part and parcel of the story's meaning.

Several of you suggested inventing a pronoun rather than using they which reminded me of how delighted I am that with the advent of same-sex marriage we did not have to start inventing words. Husband and wife work just fine. It's kind of like a cosmic blessing.

How well I remember the throes of anguish brought on by the New York Times intransigence about female titles when Geraldine Ferraro was the vice presidential nominee. Up to that point the NYT had insisted on Mrs or Miss for female people. Ms. Ferraro was neither unmarried nor married to Mr. Ferraro (her father.) The Times in fact ASKED her what title she preferred (and when they refused to use her choice: Ms.) she said, call her Mrs. Ferraro. I think that was just a special form of torture for the Times and oh so well deserved. It will surprise none of you to learn they began to use Ms. shortly after the 1984 campaign.


Off topic but important:

Lucie Witt said:

It's Sexual Assault Awareness Month. I REALLY don't want to be a creepy self promoting jerk, but I posted on my blog about my experiences as a teen, believing it was my fault, and how I ended up teaching about sexual assault today. If you're a survivor it might mean something to you. It's the hardest thing I've ever written, terrifying to share, but y'all mean a lot to me and on the off chance it might mean something to one of you ... It's there. ♡

Sexual assault is one very clear instance (of many) where we had to create language to describe what was happening. I didn't know what "date rape" was until long after it happened to me.

If you need help on this topic, if you've just realized that what happened to you was rape, here's a place that can help: RAINN.


On Tuesday we talked about book promotion.

The terrifically talented Allen Eskens asked readers to "like" the Facebook page to support the book.. I loved the book so I wanted to follow through, but I couldn't find the page.

Fortunately you clever readers found the page by looking for the book title, not the author name, which prompted me to remind myself and others that actually doing the thing you're writing instructions on can help point out places to revise and clarify.

In other words, that's the reason I post stuff here (like query guidelines) and ask for your input. There's always something that needs improvement.

What that means for you is when you're writing newsletters or Facebook pages with "how to" items, actually follow your own instructions first and then ask someone Not You to also try.

And putting that in the acknowledgements was a very savvy move.

LucieWitt said:

That is such clever, genuine promotion. When I finish a book I enjoyed I am usually dying to share it with someone, and that would be just the reminder I need.

AJ Blythe said:

I would totally love it if you thought it was wonderful and posted me a glowing review on Amazon or Goodreads. (note, this is a quote from one such book).

This sort of request makes me cringe and is guaranteed to have the complete opposite affect on me. I don't review/rate.

That italicized request set my teeth on edge too. I think the difference is both tone and what the writer asked for. Allen asked for a like on Facebook. That's not asking for a "glowing review" or a rating. I agree that asking for a "glowing review" would be just the thing to not only get me to NOT write a review but not really want to mention the book again.

Asking for promotional attention is a delicate art. You've got to be present but not pushy. In my opinion (and opinions on this will vary) what Allen did was just right. You can't please everyone of course, and as I learned when I moved to a very Spanish neighborhood in Brooklyn, what one person thinks is LOUD is what someone else thinks is conversational. Who's right? Both of us.



And as Mary points out here, it's the over the top stuff that is self-defeating:

I think it's a fine line. I have an author page on Facebook and a website, but I think you have to be careful to not hammer people over the head to like, spread the word, buy, etc. I know a fellow author who added all of us to his/her group email and told us that to help out we needed to all buy two copies each. Also every review, every publication was endlessly promoted. There can be a point where readers just say, enough!

It's genuine devotion that all authors need. Like that described by Lucie Witt:

Julie isn't joking about the The Gabaldon Army. My aunt is a member. Last time she was visiting Kentucky I casually mentioned how I've always meant to read Outlander, but just never have. She made me get up, took me straight to the book store, and bought me a copy.

No one sells your books better than someone who genuinely loves them.

Notice the "bought me a copy" That's one way to make sure someone has a copy! I love this story.

Therese said:

I'm earning a solid F in book promotion. It makes me very uncomfortable. If someone mentions they are reading my book, I thank them and ask them to post a review if they are so inclined. At the end of any talk or reading I give, I say the same thing. I know how important it is to reach that magical number of reviews on Amazon. I hope it happens sooner rather than later.

I don't think that's an F in promotion at all. I think you're doing what you can, right now. Later you may improve but that's true (we hope) with all things: the more you do it the better you get. As long as you're as good as you can be right now, and you KEEP AT IT, you're getting an A for Effort, and C for achievement. No Fs. Not a one.



And I think the final word on this post belongs to Allen Eskens himself:

Janet, Thank for posting about my book, The Life We Bury. It is an honor to appear in your blog. It was my idea to include that paragraph, and at the time I was hesitant because I didn't know whether it would be perceived as savvy or desperate. I am happy to see your take on it. Further, you should know that The Life We Bury is in its 10th week on the USA Today's Bestseller's list. It didn't get there until well over a year after it was published. It has definitely benefited from word of mouth promotion. Thank you again for the post.

Kitty said:

I checked out the [The Life We Bury] on Amazon, and this is how the description of the novel begins: College student Joe Talbert has the modest goal of completing a writing assignment for an English class. His task is to interview a stranger and write a brief biography of the person.

Before my mother died, she had a college student interview her for the same assignment.

I really hope it's not cause your mom was just paroled from prison (as it is in the novel!)

And Amy Schaefer is off to sea:

I'm going to do a terrible thing and skip most of the comments. We're putting out boat back in the water in 90 minutes, and so this is my one break for the day - sucking back scalding coffee, picking at cereal, and reading Janet's blog.

Fair winds and smooth seas! and No One Overboard!

On Wednesday we talked about a "meh" query getting a request for pages.

Kitty said:

I seem to recall that Janet has said that sometimes dreadful queries come with great pages attached. Or something like that.

oh my godiva, all too often.



Jason Magnason led the discussion parade off on a synopsis tangent but I refuse to follow. I loathe synopses like the lettuce leaves (as in let us leave it) they are.

Although I really liked what Sherry Howard said here:

I think of a query as my book's handshake introduction. When you meet new people you tell them the things that present yourself in the best light and make people want to know more about you. Hopefully, a query does that for your MS.

I was struggling with a synopsis, then someone said: You're relaxed in a bar telling your best friend about your whole story. He's fascinated. Tell him what he needs to know to understand your story from start to finish, but only the really important stuff. I whipped out my synopsis once I went to the bar and recorded that drunken conversation.

And what Mark Thurber said here too:

My synopsis-writing trick is to imitate the style of a synopsis in an opera playbill. Most opera plots are fairly Byzantine, so you can see how the synopsis writers have to work hard to boil them down without losing key plot points. This spare quality of opera synopses also lends them a certain wry humor in my opinion. Pretending I'm writing a synopsis in a program makes the process a lot more fun for me. And maybe something's working because the one full request I've gotten so far was for an agent who required a synopsis as well as pages!

And then avidreader995 just stopped me dead in my tracks with this one:

I hope that isn't the initial query sent to Janet from Jeff. If so, then what is this entire blog, and Query Shark, and all the other blogs and books written about how to send a proper query doing wasting everyone's time?

At the least, it is totally unprofessional and in offices where I've worked, it would be brought to the attention of HR for sexual harassment.

The whole mentioning of liquor, the xxxooo, and of course saying he's wearing no pants, sent to a woman, decries everything the women of publishing have been fighting against for years.

I wonder how this would be received and what would be thought of her work ethic, if a woman sent a query to a man, mentioning liquor, xxxooo, and the fact she's wearing no top(or pants), instead of writing about her ms?

I see gender bias, double standard and the good old boys network is still alive and well in publishing.

I've known many women who try to fit into a "man's world" by allowing themselves to be disrespected. I didn't expect to see it on this blog. It's an eye-opener, to be sure.

This may be an unpopular opinion, but all opinions should be welcomed here.

At first I thought this was a joke, as in very dry humor, and if so, it's a good one.

If it's not a joke, I don't even know where to start.

Sufficient unto the day to say this: if you haven't cottoned on to the fact that this blog often uses exaggeration, imagination, and downright fiction to liven things up, you'd do well to write it down and read it before you post any other comments.

This isn't the Roland Park Ladies Tea and it's not a meeting of the Politically Correct Ignorant Tight Ass Club either.







On Thursday we talked about one book Oneders/wonders**


**The reference is from That Thing You Do, one of my favorite feel good movies of all time.

InkStainedWench noted:

"We'll burn that bridge...when we come to it" is a fine and useful aphorism. I've done it many times.

I believe I lifted that from Bethany Elizabeth.


Susan Bonifant said:

Writing a book is an act of love, or it should be.

I think it's perfectly normal to be so in love you can't, nor do you wish to, imagine the next relationship.

I love the metaphor but as I might have mentioned before, I'm in favor of plural marriage (no really! I am!)

LynnRodz said

Janet, you probably can't answer this, but then again maybe you can. Do you know other agents who feel the same way you do about a one hit wonder? I know you've stated over and over that you're looking for writers you can build their career with, so I'm a little surprised by your answer.

Actually I think most of us feel that way. I'd rather help you get one book published than none. And as Jennifer R. Donohue said,

Recently, one of my writer friends had her sequel rejected, which chills me.

having one book published is no guarantee there will be two.

One of my beloved clients is in this position. A book I love with all my heart is most likely to be one book only. And let me tell you it ain't for lack of trying.


Karen McCoy said:

This brings me around to a question I constantly wrestle with, which is how much time one should spend egg polishing versus egg laying. I've laid five eggs total(first-draft finished novels), and polished two eggs to a near-shine. However, when I'm editing, I feel like I'm not growing as much as a writer. Like Colin said--a singer should sing, a writer should write, and the year I spent polishing egg number two might have been better spent writing more and not dwelling so much on edits.

"Nooooooooooooo," she howled into the open seas, and woodland creatures fled.

Revising (what you've called polishing) is the very essence of how you improve as a writer.

Revising is where you learn the art of writing. Don't EVER think of it as time wasted. Not even when all you're doing is moving one word or one piece of punctuation. (If you're moving the same word endlessly, then you're done and it's time to query!)


John Frain said it too:

I'll respectfully disagree. I think when writing your first draft, you get everything out of your head and on to the page. Sure, you use your writing skills while doing it.

But when you hit the editing stage, that's when you really stand out from the crowd and polish. That's when you bring your writer's toolbox out and start strengthening your structure, turning ordinary sentences into spellbinding sentences and making everything sing.

I don't want to imply that writing a complete first draft is easy because it isn't. But editing it into something publishable requires more skill and significantly more effort. IMHO.

So I think you've learned a lot by doing the editing work on your piece over the past year. There's a pretty good chance you've learned a lot more than you realize, and it'll become more apparent when you're working on your next.

And lemme tell ya, John Frain is a guy who knows about revising.

And E.M. Goldsmith

I have to agree with John. The art of writing is revision, and first drafts always suck. Even if you are Stephen King.

And in the very good news of the day Jenny C said:

So thrilled and happy and excited to say:

I have an agent.

On Friday we talked about a non-offer offer.

Celia Reaves said

Schrödinger's client indeed. To those of us who haven't yet gotten any reply from any agent (perhaps because, like me, they're not even at the query stage yet) this seems like heaven, but it's got to feel like hell. There's only one thing to do, and that's to take advice from JR (of course), including the subheader from weeks ago: Query widely and prosper, friend.

On Saturday I ranted about sloppy descriptions; things like "blonde bombshell" and "leggy physicist"

From the number and content of the comments, it seems to be a common complaint.

CynthiaMc said:

Bring blonde and pretty worked for me all my life. Now it's a bad thing?

I don't want to live in this world. I'm going back to bed.

The interesting thing here is of course, none of us know Cynthia is blonde and pretty. We know she's an actor and a writer. We know she's witty and charming.

The other thing is "blonde and pretty" can mean a whole range of images.

 And as E.M. Goldsmith pointed out:

Of course, there is nothing wrong with being blonde and beautiful but is that all there is? Then what, pray tell, would be the story? Now if this blonde and beautiful character was mistaken as a call girl instead of the powerful attorney she is, then it might be relative in her introduction because now we have conflict. This did happen to a friend of mine working in Italy. Anyhow, I think this is on point. Janet will snap her lovely jaws at me if not. Or maybe I need more coffee.

I think Lee Child is one of the best male writers for female characters. Yes, Jack Reacher sleeps with a lot of them, but hey, what woman doesn't want to sleep with Jack Reacher?

I've mentioned my affinity for his description of women before. 


Now, on to the week to come!

Subheader noms:

This is certainly the Library of Alexandria sans the fire when it comes to writing advice. --Julie M. Weathers

I want to be a one hit wonder over and over again. --Jason Magnason


"We'll burn that bridge...when we come to it" is a fine and useful aphorism. I've done it many times.


Writing a book is an act of love, or it should be.--Susan Bonifant



I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you. --Julie M. Weathers



The art of writing is revision, and first drafts always suck. --E.M. Goldsmith