Monday Night Fights

Hello Janet,

You may have heard of an incident at the Chicago Comic-Con, where the comic book artist Rob Liefeld was confronted over his work on certain Marvel titles. There's a fair amount of lively discussion online about his art - he's been accused of having no talent because his figures are apparently not anatomically correct, and occasionally copied from other artists' work.

Mr. Liefeld was signing and sketching, as you do at a con, and a comic book fan walked up and demanded that he apologise for what he considered to be a particularly bad piece of work. The link to the story is here

Criticism is expected for a creator and you do need to have a thick skin, but having this kind of intense dislike essentially shoved in your face must be soul destroying.

I think it's completely unacceptable to do this to an author or artist, regardless of how a person feels about a book or a picture. When I'm published (and I do mean to be someday), I expect that not everyone will like my stuff and I'm prepared for that. But this kind of personally-directed hatred would blow my self-esteem to pieces. It's close to being my worst nightmare.

So do you know of any author who has experienced something like this? Has it ever happened to you? How did they/you handle it? Is it ever OK to call someone out like this over your opinion? Should I toughen up and expect it, or a variant of it?

Are you crazy? People who care so much about art that they get into fights about it?? This is a sign of the UN-impending apocalypse. I say, bring on the boxing gloves, set up the ring, and let's go at it! Dan Brown versus Thomas Pynchon, nine rounds, loser leaves town, winner gets a spot on the NYT Bestseller list.

Ok, aside from the PT Barnum aspects of this, I'm all in favor of heated debate about the merits of art work. Honestly. If you think some guy's work sucks, and you want to confront him, have at it. You'd better be prepared to defend your position with something other than "it sux, donkey breath" though.

As an artist, evoking that kind of emotion should be your GOAL not your fear. Being an artist means you challenge people to think and feel, and when they do (even if they don't think and feel the way you want) you've accomplished something very close to Nirvana: your work has touched a deep resonant chord in another human being.

You querying me?

Damn, I'm sorry I didn't get to Alaska!

Help me pick my bonus book!

I just subscribed to the Archipelago Books subscription series, and I get to pick a free book.

Unlike picking my free book from Tupelo Press --which was easy--I knew I wanted Floyd Skloot!-- Archipelago has a big list, and I haven't a clue what I want.

Take a look and let me know if you recommend any of these.

the fewer the words, the harder to write WELL

There are many many reasons to love Editorial Anonymous.
This is just the most recent.

her slush monster logo was created by Melinda Beavers

Friday night at the Question Emporium #7

Question: Yesterday I got a rejection email from an agent, no biggie. However, despite being addressed to me, it appears to have been written in response to someone else's query. (This query was still in the email)

And this is where the etiquette pickle comes in. I'm assuming that I'm rejected, because despite the agent's public statements the email clearly states that he's not interesting in any new clients. That's not my problem.

My concern is about the other guy. Did he get my rejection? Did he get anything at all? (no knowing is just awful, trust me, I know) However, I don't want to get some poor overworked assistant into trouble for the mix up, or leave someone hanging because they didn't get the message.

What should I do?

Answer: Nothing. The other guy got the same rejection you did.

If you can't live with doing nothing, it's ok to email the agent back and say "this one was intended for someone else by the looks of the query." You won't get some poor overworked assistant in trouble; this kind of thing happens every once in a while. I've done it myself.

Writing contest! WITH prizes!

Not here! Do I look like I've lost my mind?
(well, ok, I have, but it's still not here)

It's here: Tiara Day Contest
at Susan Adrian's blog.

There are some darn fine prizes too, including a partial ms critique by the estimable Suzie Townsend which you will want to vie for since she's got a keen eye and a deft touch of the editorial pen.

I've got my eye on the entries you can be sure!

Esperanza

Kennedy Foster has a lovely essay up at the Powells website.

So, if I NEVER respond, that's better?

Nathan Bransford had a link on his site tonight to QueryTracker, so I sidled over and naturally, looked up my own listing.

Imagine my delight to see this:

On a weekend, 26 MINUTES after I sent the query, I received the following:

Thank you for your query. I regret the volume of queries has made a form letter necessary.

I regret I have to pass on many interesting projects due to time constraints.
I urge you to query widely of course!


--Very disheartening as I have trouble believing anyone had time to read any part of my query on a weekend in 26 minutes turn around time. If the volume is too great to allow reading, then it would be preferable to just say that on the website.

Frankly, it made me laugh.
Given I ask for a query and 3-5 pages how long do you think it takes to read it?

Let's assume I speak English, so I'm not translating the words.
Let's assume I read well enough that I don't sound out each word, or need to look up too many words.

Just for research purposes, time yourself reading your own query and five pages. How long does it take?

Less than 26 minutes is as close to a sure thing as I've seen lately.

I don't take these kinds of complaints seriously at all. For starters, anyone who knows one damn thing about publishing knows that nights and weekends are the prime time to read queries. You'll notice this blog post is timestamped after 12:30am on Friday morning...and that's right, I'm still working.

Second, these kinds of complaints clearly presuppose an agent would not reject the query if only s/he'd "read it carefully." I don't need to read much past the first three paragraphs, and skimming at that to see if something isn't right for me. And remember, that's ALL a form rejection means.

And third, of course, the volume of query letters means the form response is required, not that I don't read the query. I read all my queries myself. I read queries, request fulls, and sign debut authors out of the slush pile ALL the time.

Frankly, I'm glad whoever wrote this thinks I'm awful. It probably means s/he'll never query me again. Which is just fine with me.

I was there in spirit!

Check out the totem pole!

These are my new found pals from the Alaska Writing Guild conference.. a conference I HOPE to attend next year--airlines and weather willing!

I really love the sign Summer is holding!

The hell with Waldo, where's JANET?

Here's a pop quiz:

Question 1: If you get on an airplane at JFK and sit in it for three hours, and your ticket says "Minneapolis" where are you after three hours?

1. Minneapolis!
2. Circling Minneapolis?
3. the tarmac at JFK waiting for the pilot to get clearance for take off???


Question 2: If you get on a SECOND plane, and sit in it for three hours, and your ticket says final destination Anchorage, where are you after three hours?

1. Anchorage!
2. Somewhere near Alaska (like Russia) on the way to Anchorage?
3. the tarmac at JFK waiting for the pilot to get clearance for take off????


Yea well, I hope you guessed #3 both times.


Here's what I don't understand: what the hell are these operations managers thinking?

Northwest Airlines has a perfectly nice terminal at JFK. It doesn't have much in the way of food but you can find something to eat if you look hard enough. There are all the amenities of a place where people need to spend waiting time; places to sit; and places to shop if you need a change of pace from sitting and waiting; bathrooms; corridors to get a bit of exercise.

Why then does Northwest load up an entire plane load of passengers, taxi out to the runway and sit for THREE hours? Engines running, therefore burning EXTREMELY expensive aviation fuel? Aren't these guys in some sort of budget crisis?

We were told the weather west of New York meant all the planes had to be re-routed over, under, or around the storm. I get that, and I'm ok with waiting. I'm not much on flying through thunderstorms either.

What I don't get is why they can't get the flight plan, then load up the passengers and taxi out to the runway. EVEN if they need the gate space (and they do) they can load people onto what they call "people movers" (known fondly here in New York as "busses") and move them out to the plane. In fact, they moved us onto the plane for Departure #2 just exactly like that today.

Of course, they loaded us onto the bus and sent us out to the tarmac before they'd finished cleaning the plane so we provided the Full New York Subway Rush Hour experience (akin to The Girlfriend Experience in those hot-girl-wants-you newspaper ads) for all the people on that bus.

Why make two trips when you can load 75 people on to a bus that seats 10 (I'm NOT kidding) and has room for maybe 40 more to stand. Mind you, since they now charge for luggage, every single person is carrying a duffel bag or more of their duds around with them.

So here's the 48 hour tally:

Number of trips to JFK: 2
Number of trips from JFK to Alaska: 0
Number of trips from JFK home: 2

Number of hours spent on plane: 6
Mileage covered: 0

Number of people unhappy/New York: 1
Number of people unhappy /Alaska: Many many many more than 1

Every single person I dealt with at Northwest was kind and pleasant. This is clearly not a problem caused by the pilots or the cabin attendants, and certainly not by the gate agents or the lovely lady at the rebooking center. Obviously this is some guy in operations who hasn't quite figured out that passengers will put up with delays, and weather and all that stuff if you'll just leave us IN the damn terminal so we can use our computers, and our phones and make informed decisions.

As it was today, I very well could have ended up in Minneapolis having missed a connecting flight to Anchorage, had to pay for a hotel (the airline doesn't cover hotel bills for weather related delays or cancellations) and then try to stuff myself on a return flight to New York. Fortunately, the plane had to go back to the terminal for fuel and the captain called for the bus and they let us off.

This is the kind of stuff that makes me swear off traveling with Northwest Airlines ever again.

On the other hand, I don't claim to know a damn thing about the airline industry, or airport arrival and departure management. If what looks like nutso to me can be explained by someone who does understand, or knows more about the industry, feel free to clue me in. I have quite a bit of extra time to listen this weekend given I'm NOT where I want to be!


And in news from It Could Have Been Worse Department, take a look at this.**

**thanks for the heads up Amber!

Something to keep you busy...

while I'm off petting polar bears in Alaska!

Jeff Somers has two free short stories.

They're at The Eternal Prison website

and once you discover Jeff's amazing talent you might want to pick up his Avery Cates series. Book 3 THE ETERNAL PRISON is now available. It knocked my sox off when I read it...and I was already expecting Jeff's usual amazingness!

Speaking of Authors having a good time!

Andrew Grant on the left
Colin Campbell on the right

Who's that in the middle?

Fans of The Wire know him as the guy who writes the most hilarious scenes about food.
Crime novel fans know him as an amazing talent.

If you don't know George Pelecanos, you're missing out.

Adam Eisenberg is having fun!

Here, he's at Elliot Bay Books in Seattle to talk about his new book A DIFFERENT SHADE OF BLUE. Who wouldn't buy a book after seeing that grin!

"the mean streets of Classical Athens!"

If you're not reading Gary Corby's blog, you're really missing out.

I was prowling around over there tonight, and noticed he'd changed his "subtitle." Here's the new one--it's the description of his new mystery series (coming next year from Minotaur):


Nicolaos, the ambitious son of a minor sculptor, walks the mean streets of Classical Athens as an agent for the promising young politician Pericles. Murder and mayhem don't bother Nico; what's really on his mind is how to get closer (much closer) to Diotima, the intelligent and annoyingly virgin priestess of Artemis, and how to shake off his irritating 12 year old brother Socrates.


Now, I have to tell you, I've READ that book already. After reading that description though I just want dive in all over again. Thank goodness he just sent me book two!

Your advice needed!

I'm goint to several writing conferences in the next few months. In the course of these conferences, I'm meeting with writers who've sent pages ahead of time.

Some of the pages indicate the writer is a very very beginning writer.

Odd as it sounds, I don't have a lot of experience with writers at that stage. If they query me, it's usually a quick rejection.

And frankly, I don't want to terrify them by telling them all the things they did wrong.

What I want to do is tell them how to improve.

So, here's where you come in.

When you were starting out, what advice did you get that REALLY helped you? And I mean both helped you improve as a writer, and helped you deal with the sense of failure and frustration when you wanted to do something so bad you could taste it, and it wasn't working.

Yes I should be packing

I'm not.
I'm wandering around the web finding stuff that makes me laugh.
First stop is always Mindy Tarquini's blog.
She didn't fail me tonight.

It's alwys fun to see what really smart guys are up to

I was sitting around in a bar one day, as I am wont to do, yapping about the perils and foibles of publishing (most likely hoisting a shot glass or six) with my boon companion Ben Leroy.

I was waxing enthusiastic about his authors, and how I'm always surprised and delighted by what he publishes. (Two words: John Galligan)

Ben, said I, I'd love it if you'd just sent me one copy of every title you publish from now until the day I croak, or you start publishing crap, whichever comes last.

I heard a clicking sound.
Was it my phone?
Nope.

Was it Ben's?
Nope.

Had the octopus stowed away in my saddle bag; was she receiving a call?
No.

Then I saw a light.
Right over Ben's head.

Oh right! A light bulb went off! The clicking noise was the switch.


And what to my wondering eye should appear, but an amazing idea.
A subscription service.

Like a magazine, but for books.

We tossed around the idea for awhile. Then the topic turned to other things, and I forgot all about it.

Ben didn't.

He called me recently and said: take a look

Holy Moly! I said. That's your subscription idea, right there in click and white.

Yup, he said.

And as we talked on, I clicked, and subscribed.
(I'm hoping I was the Alpha Subscriber, cause that would be very cool)

Here's what I love about this:

I don't have to remember what to order. Lots of places make it easy to order if you know the title, or even the author. But with this, I don't even have to know what I'm getting. I just get it. That's a huge plus for me. I won't miss any Tyrus books whereas before if I wasn't paying attention I might.



I like the idea...no I LOVE the idea of supporting a small entrepreneurial press.


And mostly I love the idea that I'll always have something new and interesting on its way to me.

Think of it as Fruit of the Month Club for your eyeballs!

And think of Ben Leroy as a guy who doesn't sit around pissing and moaning about the state of the economy or the crazy ass world of publishing: he just does something new and interesting about it.

If you’re looking for tips to win a sword fight with a polar bear, this is your store.

...and of course, I am!

I subscribe to the Publishing Perspectives daily email, and noted with interest their article on bookstores in Alaska.

Now all I have to do is find and lodge the GPS coordinates on my broom handle, and I'm off to investigate Title Wave!

Sweeeet!

Client books on the shelves at bookstores! This NEVER gets old!

Thank you Suzie for taking these pictures. You rock!

So, your agent IS a dunce, because your agent is YOU!

Moonrat gets the best queries.

I think I need to ply her with sushi and liquor very soon.

Query Status!

As of 3:40pm today, Saturday 8/15, I have replied to all queries I've received.

If you did not receive a reply, here's a blog post to help you figure out if you should email me to find out why:

Query Letter Diagnostics

You should have received either a NO or a request for a full.
If you got an email some time ago saying I needed more time, I have now read and responded with NO or REQUEST to each of those.

If you got an email requesting a FULL I have replied with a "got it." I may not have read and responded to your full yet (I have 27 fulls pending right now) but you should have the email saying I received it.

If you haven't heard back (and you've gone through the Query Diagnostics steps), or you haven't heard that I've received the full, EMAIL ME NOW.

I'm getting ready to leave for Alaska, and once I'm gone I won't be checking email or uploading manuscripts to my trusty Kindle for awhile. Do this NOW so we can both be caught up.

What I am doing insteading of crushing your hopes and dreams

Reading this

Which I found at CakeWrecks...and if you don't have that on your google reader, we can't be friends. Ever.

Stop what you're doing and watch this

Here's some context for what you'll see

Gosh Janet, how do you do all that?

well, I have a cot in the office for those late nights.

(thanks Summer!)

oh yea, another one for the google reader

I think this guy works for me.

Either that or he IS me.

A sad moment for those of us who love New York

Five Italian visitors to New York City died in a helicopter/plane collision on Sunday over the Hudson. A memorial service was held for them yesterday here in the city.

I'm reminded of the words of William Sloane Coffin, whose son Alex died at age 24 in a car crash.

Tired of hearing well-meaning friends say, “It is the will of God,” he responded with this: “My own consolation lies in knowing that it was not the will of God that Alex die. That when the waves closed over the sinking car, God’s heart was the first to break.”

This explains a LOT

Thank you Kyler!

Haiku Hijinx...and the winner!

There were a number of excellent entries to the contest. Thanks to everyone who had fun doing this! Here, in no particular order are the semi finalists:


The Slithery One Herself:
the great white shark leaps
slithery barbara poelle
rubs his snout to sleep

But since La Slithette already has a copy of BAD DAY FOR SORRY, and because she doesn't get any bonus points she didn't actually count as an entry.

Benjamim: oops, sorry! BenjaminN
Pre-published blowhard
Deer Ms.. Barbarra Poellle
Why Janet reject?

This cracked me up.



James:
Stabbed by the pen of
slithery Barbara Poelle,
I plead, what monkey?

This is the reason you hang out with agents in the bar at writing conferences: you can send haiku with little in-jokes (monkey!) It certainly wouldn't be for any other reason!


Ana:
Destined for You Tube,
Slithery Barbra Poelle?
Chicken suit or bust!

The idea of Barbara in chicken suit is delightful. Sadly, I think she may have the last cackle on that bet.

Jen:
My client is fab
Look, Godiva chocolates!
Keep your damn' fangs off

This cracked me up too!



These really capture the essence of Ms. Poelle:

Lauren:
Now, queries abound
Slithery Barbara Poelle
Needs octopus arms


Sarah:
She is slithery
With her little red balloon
That Barbara Poelle



Scott:
With quaint cleverness,
Slithery Barbara Poelle,
tricked Janet again!



BJ:
Reid's evil colleague
Slithery Barbara Poelle
Now octopus food


Heather:
One more deal lost to
slithery Barbara Poelle
tears of envy fall...


Kerensa:
Read my manuscript,
Slithery Barbara Poelle
Did. Rejected it.


Brenda:
Thievin’ and cheatin’
Slithery Barbara Poelle
Beguiled Sophie



Rebecca:
I must outwit the
Slithery Barbara Poelle.
Give scotch, steal author?


NB:
Slithery is not
Barbara Poelle's middle
name, is it? Ask Janet!


And the finalists are:


Third place:

Lucy:
Octopus agent;
Slithery Barbara Poelle;
Choose; but choose wisely.


Second place:

Jean:
Buy the book she says,
Slithery Barbara Poelle
Thanks for the great read.



And two first place winners:


Daisy:
well that's just peachy
I bought mine on release day
so I can't enter

I loved this because of course, this was an entry and in perfect form.



And the winner (who gets the book):

Carrie:
A bad day, but not
for octopi, slithery
Barbara Poelle said



Thanks again to all who entered!

Yowza!

“SHANGHAIED (Bleak House) is the fourth book from Eric Stone and it proves once and for all he is worthy of all the acclaim he’s been getting.

Ray Sharp is living in a Hong Kong now controlled by the Chinese and it’s a different world than the one he was used to.

SHANGHAIED moves like a speed boat through crystal clear water and this book will grab you and not let go. Nobody is writing books in Asia as well as Stone, and he is a must buy author.”

— Crimespree Magazine

"We sell slush"!

Molly O'Neill's blog post about this sign made me laugh!

Writing Contest

As it happens, I was FORCED to purchase a copy of A BAD DAY FOR SORRY in order to read it promptly upon publication (and we all know who to blame for THAT)

Thus I have a copy of the book here for some lucky blog reader (and writer.)

***CONTEST CLOSED****

I've got enough entries now so the window is shut.

Entries and winners to come (later, MUCH later tonight--there's this bothersome thing called work that's chewing my fin)
**********

If you would like to win this copy, you must send me an email (janet at fineprintlit dot com)
with a haiku. 17 syllables max, in the form 5/7/5

Bonus points for including slithery Barbara Poelle (7 syllables) in the haiku.

The haiku will be published on this blog.
Include: yes, it's ok to put this on your blog in the email

Entertainment Weekly gives Sophie Littlefield's debut an A!

I knew it!
I knew Sophie Littlefield was going to be a big name.
I said it here!

And, I was RIGHT!

Look at what Entertainment Weekly has to say:

Crime fiction hasn't seen a character as scrappy, mean, and incredibly appealing as Stella in a long time. A- (although what that dash after the A means, I don't have a clue; because BDFS is clearly an A+)

A Different Shade of Blue gets some TV attention!

Adam Eisenberg's terrific book A DIFFERENT SHADE OF BLUE gets some face time with KING-TV in Seattle.

The book is a narrative look at what it's like to be a female cop: told on the record, in their own names by female cops past and present. Seattle was one of the first cities to have female cops, but until the 70's the women were in their own department. The book chronicles what those "separate" years were like and what it was like during the time when women were first allowed to be beat cops, and test with the men for promotion.

The Doctor Will See Crack You Up Now!

I've been a huge fan of Lucy Hornstein's blog for a long time. How can you NOT love someone who has a law: "There is no cure for Stupid."

Now, you can read her hilarious series of essays about medicine and the human body (I swear, she makes the digestive tract fascinating!) that will leave you thinking "yes, we need more docs just like Dr. Dinosaur"

So, your agent IS a dunce!

I roared with laughter when I read Moonrat's post here about an agent who pitched a book that was "kind of part memoir, part history, part travel guide, part novel. It's very poetic, but just really good readable nonfiction."

This is the week for idiot agents.

Another editor friend of mine happened to mention an email received from an "agent" that was essentially an email blast to 50 "editors and assistants" asking them to set up an appointment with her "apprentice" who would be coming to town, over the Labor Day weekend no less, to give her an idea of what they were looking for.

Since the TO list was available for everyone to read, you can bet there were some laughs around town about the editor listed as working for "Hatchet" and the "editor" who got laid off, and the "assistant" who isn't since s/he works in the PR department.



How do you avoid having a dunce for an agent?

That's a really good question. I don't have an answer. Maybe you do?

Rules for Writers!--an ongoing list

Soon I will be pried out of New York with a crowbar.

Yes, the Alaska Writing Guild was brave enough to invite me to their writing conference, and given I like polar bears and hoped one or two might register for the conference, I said yes.

As part of my work for the conference I'm receiving emailed manuscript pages, and query letters. Of course, with any such information exchange there are snags.

Tonight was a common one. One person sent me the email address for an author who needed some specific questions answered. I clicked on the address, sent an email.

Boing! Boing! Bounced back faster than you can say "googleschmoogle"

What to do?
It's 2 in the morning here in New York. Even with a five hour time difference it's pretty late to start calling up strangers on a Sunday night.

So, I did what I always do first: I googled. Sure enough, up pops the author's blog, and there's his email address in his bio.

Bingo, bango, bongo, much better than boing boing, yes indeed.



Even if the blog was empty, if it had the email address it would have given me what I needed. A contact page on a website would have too.

Even if you're not published, even if you're just starting out, be READY if someone needs to reach you.

Here's the rule: Be reachable.

Exclusives STINK (bonus content added 2/6/10)

I've spent the last week answering my backlogged email and catching up on queries. I've requested a daunting number of full manuscripts (40 plus) at this point. I plan to spend most of August reading.

I like to do a big reading binge in August because, come September, I'm back doing the selling part of my job--selling the manuscripts I now represent, and several more that I pick up out of the ones I'm now reading.

So, when you hear from me, and you write back "sorry, my manuscript is with an agent on an exclusive until the Feast of St. Clare (the patron saint of sore eyes in case you're wondering)" you've moved way way down the list of things I'll be able to read promptly.

I set your email aside, and if you contact me again, great.

For you now, there are now three possible outcomes:

1. The Exclusive Agency offers to represent you. You say yes or no without knowing if any other agent wants this book, is enthusiastic about this book, sees possibilities for this book that you haven't even thought of. If that's the case, I hope Exclusive is your dream agency. I didn't even get a chance to tell you about the fabulosity that is FinePrint, but ok, that's your choice.

2. The Exclusive Agency doesn't offer to represent you. You're now back in the scrum with me, two weeks later, none the better off.

3. The Exclusive Agency doesn't say a damn thing. You're left wondering what to do, and if it's ok to email me, and fretting yourself.

I've said this before and I'll say it again: Exclusives aren't a good business practice.

Agents who ask or expect exclusives imply their time is more valuable than yours. That's hogwash.

Agents who ask for or expect exclusives imply there's no need to persuade you of the merits of signing with them.



Agents set a lot of parameters to conduct business efficiently: query letter forms; no phone calls; no attachments; the endless list of things done and not done. Exclusives are not only not necessary, it makes the query process less efficient for EVERYONE.

And of course, it puts the writer in an AWFUL position; do you say sure, or do you take a risk? Frankly, were I a writer, I'm not sure I'd want to sign with an agent who put me in an awful position. Don't you want an agent who thinks your time, and your query efforts should be respected? Don't you want an agent who relishes the scrum of competition?


Hell yes you do.


More eloquent words on this can be found here at KidLit