So, your agent IS a dunce!

I roared with laughter when I read Moonrat's post here about an agent who pitched a book that was "kind of part memoir, part history, part travel guide, part novel. It's very poetic, but just really good readable nonfiction."

This is the week for idiot agents.

Another editor friend of mine happened to mention an email received from an "agent" that was essentially an email blast to 50 "editors and assistants" asking them to set up an appointment with her "apprentice" who would be coming to town, over the Labor Day weekend no less, to give her an idea of what they were looking for.

Since the TO list was available for everyone to read, you can bet there were some laughs around town about the editor listed as working for "Hatchet" and the "editor" who got laid off, and the "assistant" who isn't since s/he works in the PR department.



How do you avoid having a dunce for an agent?

That's a really good question. I don't have an answer. Maybe you do?

Rules for Writers!--an ongoing list

Soon I will be pried out of New York with a crowbar.

Yes, the Alaska Writing Guild was brave enough to invite me to their writing conference, and given I like polar bears and hoped one or two might register for the conference, I said yes.

As part of my work for the conference I'm receiving emailed manuscript pages, and query letters. Of course, with any such information exchange there are snags.

Tonight was a common one. One person sent me the email address for an author who needed some specific questions answered. I clicked on the address, sent an email.

Boing! Boing! Bounced back faster than you can say "googleschmoogle"

What to do?
It's 2 in the morning here in New York. Even with a five hour time difference it's pretty late to start calling up strangers on a Sunday night.

So, I did what I always do first: I googled. Sure enough, up pops the author's blog, and there's his email address in his bio.

Bingo, bango, bongo, much better than boing boing, yes indeed.



Even if the blog was empty, if it had the email address it would have given me what I needed. A contact page on a website would have too.

Even if you're not published, even if you're just starting out, be READY if someone needs to reach you.

Here's the rule: Be reachable.

Exclusives STINK (bonus content added 2/6/10)

I've spent the last week answering my backlogged email and catching up on queries. I've requested a daunting number of full manuscripts (40 plus) at this point. I plan to spend most of August reading.

I like to do a big reading binge in August because, come September, I'm back doing the selling part of my job--selling the manuscripts I now represent, and several more that I pick up out of the ones I'm now reading.

So, when you hear from me, and you write back "sorry, my manuscript is with an agent on an exclusive until the Feast of St. Clare (the patron saint of sore eyes in case you're wondering)" you've moved way way down the list of things I'll be able to read promptly.

I set your email aside, and if you contact me again, great.

For you now, there are now three possible outcomes:

1. The Exclusive Agency offers to represent you. You say yes or no without knowing if any other agent wants this book, is enthusiastic about this book, sees possibilities for this book that you haven't even thought of. If that's the case, I hope Exclusive is your dream agency. I didn't even get a chance to tell you about the fabulosity that is FinePrint, but ok, that's your choice.

2. The Exclusive Agency doesn't offer to represent you. You're now back in the scrum with me, two weeks later, none the better off.

3. The Exclusive Agency doesn't say a damn thing. You're left wondering what to do, and if it's ok to email me, and fretting yourself.

I've said this before and I'll say it again: Exclusives aren't a good business practice.

Agents who ask or expect exclusives imply their time is more valuable than yours. That's hogwash.

Agents who ask for or expect exclusives imply there's no need to persuade you of the merits of signing with them.



Agents set a lot of parameters to conduct business efficiently: query letter forms; no phone calls; no attachments; the endless list of things done and not done. Exclusives are not only not necessary, it makes the query process less efficient for EVERYONE.

And of course, it puts the writer in an AWFUL position; do you say sure, or do you take a risk? Frankly, were I a writer, I'm not sure I'd want to sign with an agent who put me in an awful position. Don't you want an agent who thinks your time, and your query efforts should be respected? Don't you want an agent who relishes the scrum of competition?


Hell yes you do.


More eloquent words on this can be found here at KidLit