Monday, August 08, 2022

August 7 FF contest finalists

Lennon Faris

It was a night that, between gulps of coffee, we techs called a real shitshow at The ER for Magical Creatures. So far we’d:


- Purged a toxic ingestion from a dragon’s depths. (It was a politician. We voted to put him back.)

- Expressed chupacabra anal glands (a showy, frothy baptism for Linda).

- X-rayed a selkie pup (defecating atoll chunks).


Last appointment, checked the file. “Nail trim for…demonic sabertooth hippogriff? Cool.”


We entered, halted. Re-read file.




I touched my razor-thin scars. Whispered, “Hitchiker’s Guide phase.” My assistant sprinted for a towel.


“Hiya, buddy.” I wiped sweat.




 This is subtle and hilarious and innovative.






“Stop lying!”


“I’m not!”


“Aliens didn’t get into your car and eat lunch with you!”


“I think they were aliens. They were short, greenish and had phasers.”


“Right. Here to take over Earth? Grab the tin foil!”


“I’ll show you. They put their contacts in my phone.”


“You ate KFC and texted?”


“They loved it and we got frothy Starbucks frappes- a tollhouse cookie, too. But McDdonald’s fries – I think they cried. Wait, here comes a text now!”


“Earthling, the depth of your civilization overwhelms us. If you choose to take over our planet, we will comply. Uploading coordinates now.”


I love the fresh take on alien invasion AND that the MC is being scolded for eating KFC and texting!







My wife likes Wordle, but I don’t.


I started with Hangman. A four-letter word got me sent to the principal and a call home.


Boggle drove my parents into a froth shrieking, “That’s not in the dictionary!”


Word Jumble messed with my dyslexia.


Scrabble and its cousin, Words with Friends, dropped depth charges on my head. My peeps aren’t showy, but I still lost.


Then the mother of all word games, the NYT Sunday crossword. It took a toll.


Then Wordle?


Now Quordle?


My newest phase is called Curdle.


That’s where I express a lung, screeching AAIEEE!




 This hits so close to home I'm a little worried that Kregger is actually me.




M.R. Howe

People depend on me; important people. My position isn’t as showy as the Neophysicists', even though we both wear white coats. They barely regard me when they come to my station, but they need me.


It happens in phases, carefully monitored: heat; purge; drain. Insert the implement to proper depth, froth forming a wispy atoll at the surface of the fluid.


Dr. Buttonweezer steps toward the door, distracted. He pauses and turns, concern flooding his features as he considers the flask.


“Did I remember to say extra cream?”


He didn’t.


He didn’t have to. I’m good at what I do.


Well, of course I'm partial to any mention of Felix Buttonweezer!

But I like this cause it plays on our expectations.






"A word for a series of islets?"




"Distance to the bottom of something?"




Here she goes again doing the NYT's Sunday crossword. Then she's all showy, bragging how she always finishes it. She doesn't tell everyone I'm the one who does it for her.


Now 'she does' Wordle.


"A five letter word with h-a-e in it?"


"I dunno, figure it out yourself."


"Com'on, I'm on a winning streak."




"Not the right word. Gimme another."




"Alexa, you're going through another phase. I can always turn you off."


"CHEAT! CHEAT! CHEAT!" Froth coming out of the speaker.





This just cracks me up completely.



It was very hard to pick just one winner.

I vacillated a LOT. 

But in the end I had to go with LynnRodz for topicality and totally cracking me up.

I just love the idea of sending Alexa into a frothy meltdown. 

LynnRodz, email me with the kind of book you'd like to get as a prize!

Thanks to all of you who took the time to write and enter!

It was a pleasure to read your work.

But oh boy, did I learn a lesson here. The prompt words just weren't very flexible were they?

Next time I may have to use lochs, locks, and lox!


John Davis Frain said...

I had Beth Carpenter for the win, but I gotta admit, I was also loving Lynn Rodz to win from the moment I read it too. Okay, I admit, I had about four or five of them for the win! That's (one of the many reasons) why I don't pick the winner.

Side note: In my first lame attempt, I tried to write the entire entry in 5-letter words. Oh was than an exercise in futility.

Congratulations on a great win, Lynn!

Kregger said...

All great entries, but Lynn's stood out. Congratulations!
My young grandson kept asking Arexa to tell him a joke. Of course, she didn't respond.

Ms. Reid, You can be me, and I can be you. But you'll have to learn to trim a beard and rock a sailor's tan. I will wear a skirt if we can call it a kilt.

Thanks for the fun.

Colin Smith said...

Congratulations, LynnRodz!! And well done to the other finalists. 😁🎉

I have updated the contest spreadsheet in the Treasure Chest.

Steve Forti said...

Congrats Lynn. Well done! Great work a always all.

As for flexible prompts, they were still splitable. I had them working, but they weren't telling a succinct story, and I didn't have much time this week to noodle on them. So I wrote the POV of a word being edited out of a final draft instead. Which also didn't work. Oh well.

And Mr. Manuscript, now I wanna see that early draft!

Lennon Faris said...

Congrats, LynnRodz! I also loved Alexa just losing it. Well done, all.

KDJames said...

Congrats, Lynn! I always love the ones that make me laugh, as yours did, and this week especially (seeing as mine was kinda dark).

Congrats as well to all the finalists! It's entertaining and instructive to read all these wildly different entries and I always learn something.

Thanks to Janet for hosting and for putting these contests back into the rotation. I know it's more work for you and it's much appreciated.

M.R. Howe said...

Flexibility is overrated.

Blacksmiths and wordsmiths share a common wisdom: If it just doesn't fit no matter what you do, use a bigger hammer.

Beth Carpenter said...

I'm late to the party, but I can't argue with your choice. I loved LynnRodz's story, but then all the finalists were fantastic. French Sojourn's was a favorite, too. So much talent! Thanks, everyone.

LynnRodz said...

OMG! I can't believe I actually won. I have entered these contests for years and this is a first. Thanks everyone. And thank you, Janet!

french sojourn said...

"Alexa... congratulate Lynnrodz for me."

(great entry and a deserving win you!)

CynthiaMc said...

Congratulations, Lynn! I loved yours. It made me laugh.

Thanks, Janet for the fun romp. Good times!

AJ Blythe said...

Any entry that makes me laugh is a good one. Well done, Lynn :)

shanepatrickwrites said...

I played Wordle once and aced it. So I retired, undefeated. Mixing it up with this group regularly astounds me. How five words, even when limited to five letters, can bring out such an array of tales is wonderful. Thanks for the giggles, Lynn.

S.D.King said...

A big congrats to Lynn!

NLiu said...

Congrats, LynnRodz!

In our home we don't have Alexa. No, a frIend bought us a Chinese brand smart speaker, at which you have to yell "Skycat genie!" in perfect Mandarin before it will do your bidding. If you get that far, it does address you as "master", so there is some consolation. It doesn't understand a word of English. The 3yo finds it more than a little frustrating. I doubt it can do crosswords, but it is very well versed in Cantopop.

Claire Bobrow said...

Yay, Lynn! Your entry was hilarious!

BJ Muntain said...

Congrats LynnRodz!

I'm a day late - sorry. But there were a lot of great stories.

I'm just dancing because I got a mention!