Oh man, how I have missed these!
Here are the entries that stood out for me.
Let me know what you think! Did I overlook one that should be on this list.
Weigh in using the comments section!
They sat by candlelight and flipped through the book of names.
"Beatrice Prudence?" he suggested.
"No," she said. "She'll turn out crotchety. Caitlin Apple?"
"I hope that's a joke. Unless you want her embarrassing us on American Idol?" He leafed towards the back. "Zenobia Xanthe Yvette?"
"A tongue twister? Now who's being unrealistic?"
She picked at her oversized robe. "Listen. I've got it. Amelia Alexandra Isobel Emily Eponine Eleanor Elizabeth."
He paused. "AAIEEEE! For initials?"
"I love it!"
They set the book aside and began to chant. The perfect banshee was as good as summoned.
“Listen, it’s coming.”
We waited quietly until the trap actuates.
The bioengineered unicorns had magic. When all six of them reached their 12 inches of maturity, they walked out, leaving the facility a smoking rainbow pile, like a Squatty-Potty commercial.
At the trap I readied myself.
“Aaieee!” burst out as the unicorn tried to escape, piercing my hand.
A curious warble came from my daughter, the unicorn paused, it bowed before her; she touched its horn.
The locked in intelligence of her cleared and she said “Daddy” for the first time.
The unicorn looked smug and walked away.
"Welcome to Carkoon Tech's club fair! You interested in joining any professional societies? AIAA? IEEE? Entrepeneurial Engineers?"
"Actually, I can't find my roommate. You seen an angelfish around? Mel is tender, a sweet little thing."
"Can't say I have..."
"Great. Say, you're looking fresh yourself."
"Hmm, how about you take a look at Pier Counseling? Under the 'Fish are Friends, Not Food' banner."
"I see it. One last thi- hey, where'd you go?"
"Fins up! Campus security. We have some questions."
"About Mel? I dunno where she went, honest!"
"Fine, I'll talk - after I check out Seafood Society."
How did I get myself consigned to Carkoon??
“New McDonald's has no fun. Gee, I miss those Playlands.”
“You're not a kid anymore, just eat.”
“New McDonald's has salads and apples. Me? I miss the super size fries.“
“The next restaurant or deli’s ten miles away. Eat your burger.”
“Old McDonald’s had Mayor McCheese. Remember him? He, I –“
“Please stop. It’s a long drive and I want to eat in peace.”
“This new McDonald’s is already falling apart. See, I found here a crack, there a crack…”
“Don't do it. I'm swear to Grimace I'll stab you with this fork.“
“Old McDonald’s had a farm. E-I-E- AAIEEE!”
“Listen up, soldiers. We’re here for one thing, and one thing only. To rescue this impregnable jungle of tangled prose. Is it worth saving? Doesn’t matter. It’s our job.”
“Quiet, Webster. You’re on redundancy patrol. Search and destroy. Oxford!”
“You’ve got adverbs. Obliterate anything ending with -ly. Macmillan!”
“Strengthen those verbs.” She pulled a machete from her belt. “I’ll hack my way to a succinct ending.”
“Watch out, Sarge. It’s—"
“Get busy, Webster. I know what I’m doing. What th—AAIEEEE!”
“I tried to tell you, ma’am. It’s a cliffhanger!”
This is hilarious.
Although I thought Oxford would be in charge of punctuation!
He watched while I attached the last strand of Christmas lights, but my attention was more on my display than the strange man in the suit.
I flicked the switch. Spectacular!
“Listen!” the man finally said. “Precisely the correct frequency.”
He extended a card: Dr. Samuel Jordanson, AAIEEEE.
“Abram Armstrong Institute for Electrical Engineering and Entropic Experimentation,” he explained. “May I?” He took out his phone, approached the display, and tapped the screen.
The lights flickered.
My house disappeared.
“Hey!” I shouted. Dr. Jordanson smiled.
“The power company says if you want your house back, pay your bill!”
Hilarious use of the prompt word
Prosecutor: Defendant is your wife?
Key Witness (from hospital bed, full body cast): Janet… Yes.
P: What happened?
KW: I… I should have… listened to Janet.
KW: She… wouldn’t have had… toss me… off the roof.
P: She’s guilty then?
KW: (groans) Yes
Public Defender: She “had to” toss you off the roof?
PD: Her action was justified?
KW: She told me… I… needed killing.
PD: But Mr. Frain, you’re not dead.
KW: Flash fiction… still hurts… like hell. (grimaces) Please… jail… make her stop.
Jury: Not guilty.
-Carkoon Museum employees are asked to refrain from repositioning the mannequins—toasting marshmallows and playing corn hole were not authentic cro-magnon activities.
-Marie Antoinette’s head has been returned. Again. It’s getting old, people.
-The kinetic I-beam sculpture entitled: “AAIEEEE!” Will be moved to an enclosure to reduce the risk of future accidents.
-In addition, due to the recent disappearance of “Full Stop” a minimalist engraving attributed to Georges Seurat, the Art of Punctuation exhibit has been closed indefinitely since it now has no point.
I've died and gone to heaven.
Junior replayed the accident in his mind.
It made no sense.
Standing in the desert,
creosote perfuming the air,
hope in their hearts –
together they watched the balloon rise with its precious payload.
“Listen,” said Father.
Junior cocked an ear –
caught the thrum.
There! Again. Louder.
The rest was a blur.
Dust obscured the payload as it fell...
The officer patted him gently. “Did he say anything? Before the...accident?”
“Ah. Must have realized his mistake. I mean, an anvil attached to a balloon...”
But Wile E., Junior didn’t get it.
They’d bought it from Acme!
I am always up for Wile E. Coyote!
I pulled my tongue out of her armpit to listen.
The boat tipped as I rose to my knees. The water’s surface was placid, speckled with warm rain.
She wriggled beneath me and chewed my inner thigh. I tried to focus. “Did you hear—?”
Her eyes flashed blanks. I couldn’t remember the last time she’d spoken. Couldn’t remember how we’d met.
She flexed and threw me into churning foam. When I surfaced, there was no boat, no girl, just a muscular mass snaking through the water.
As it wrapped around me, I screamed like I was home.
The words were sharp to be sure. I was angry.
You cried and screamed as if I had chopped off your arm.
The sound of the mob. What does it mean?
I am sorry. I meant no offense. Listen.
My job is gone. Are you not satisfied?
I am not a monster. I have no power.
My family is gone. Is this not enough?
Let me explain what I meant.
I am homeless. Are you well-pleased?
I am a pariah with no voice.
I ended where your feelings began.
Will my corpse pay the debt?
I'm not sure what this means, but holy moly.
Arley Day Author
They hid in the brush. No moon, the river was black slate. She heard others cross, splashing.
“No,” the old man said. “We’ll cross back there.”
They had met on the road. He earned her trust.
They waded into the muddy river. Across, they dashed to another thicket.
“Wait,” he said. “Listen.”
The other group was moving. They heard a whoop of siren and saw flashers.
“Pray those aren’t los malos,” the old man said.
A woman screamed.
They froze; more screaming, ice picks in their ears. She saw his wet eyes, rubies in the flickering light.
oh good another image to haunt me FOREVER!
Our fiftieth anniversary and Alice and i were visiting Paris.
“Walter,” she started in again. She never really stopped, talking, picking nits, complaining. The elevator ride to the top of the Eiffel Tower took forever.
We stepped out onto the observation deck and walked around. I marveled at the vista, Alice kept yapping.
No one was near. She turned to me.
“Walter, you never listen!”
I heard her loud and clear.
“Walter! Do you even hear a word I say?”
I turned, looked at her and sighed. Maybe next year.
“Listen, this is a big deal. Reef wants them back on a regular basis and three have gone missing. You crack this one and sky’s the limit, fail and it’s night watchman at McMurdo.”
“Got it. Witnesses?”
“Noisy neighbor in 5B. Claims she heard a girl scream, ‘AAIEEE!’ and a door slamming.”
“She step into the hallway?”
“Nope, peephole. The perp either ducked under or took the stairs.”
“So I’m looking for a guy somehow subdued five subjects, absconded with three of them, no clues, and a worthless witness?”
“Guy by the name of Forti.”
Final results on Monday 7/18/22