Dear Shark
I understand the basic requirements of a query letter or at least I think I do. Although I also thought I knew how to spell "hibiscus" in the 6th grade spelling bee, yet the trophy case in my parents home remains barren.
You have said that an agent's tastes are subjective and sometimes what breaks all the rules, such as they are, can be snatched up immediately simply because it has voice.
Not to suck up....okay, maybe a little bit... but I am a fan of Query Shark and love your use of sarcasm in critiques. As a fellow sarcastic, I understand these powers are best used for good and not evil. I have recently submitted a query for your dining pleasure, but fear that once the sarcastic jaws of the Query Shark are unleashed upon me, future reads of others critiques will lose all joy now that I've crested atop the lofty waves and been chomped by the Sharkinator. I can only hope that I am wrong and will only increase my thirst for more.
Anyway, there was a question I meant to ask before my ramble.
Question: If the query letter rules are not so much hard and fast, but more like soft and squishy based on the subjective nature of the random literary agent, (and yes I know this is a run-on sentence but stay with me on this) in your learned opinion, what is the one quintessential (they should've asked me to spell that damn word back in 6th grade, I would've made my parents proud) element necessary in a query letter without which, it has no chance in hell of being accepted? Except by maybe a Nobel Laureate Bridge Ogre from Middle Earth or a tenured academic Garden Gnome with a severe case of dyslexia.
And yes, if you read it again, you will find a question in there somewhere.
Thank you for bearing with me
Your slightly above-average fan, (I would say "biggest" but I'm sure there are at least a few others much taller and heavier than I am)
Dear Chum,
Brevity.
20 comments:
Brevity.
Damn, Janet beat me to it!
I don't know how to respond. Only I am pleased to see that there is a post today. That I have no idea how to respond to. I got 4/6 in Wordle this morning. That's my answer.
Checking Janet's Query Letter Checklist (left side):
"5. Two paragraphs showing me what the book is about and enticing me to read more."
I remember Janet saying you have 250 words in a query letter to entice her to read your manuscript. The above is 347 words.
Ah, but what is brevity? I recall the same number, Kitty. of 250 words. I've also seen other recommendations like "no more than a page," "only a bit over a page," etc. I'm sure Janet would say 250 is a rule of thumb, but brevity means using the right number of words. For what it's worth, below are approximate lengths of queries Janet included in the QueryShark's "most recent queries that got to YES" list. (They're approximate as Janet sometimes advises a few more tweaks/polish.) Two are quite short, two are not.
QRY /// WRD
284 /// 352
277 /// 353
266 /// 259
261 /// 316
255 /// 270
246 /// 183
245 /// 266
236 /// 201
Useful gmail feature: "Your email is XX words and may induce exasperation. Are you sure you want to send?"
Whew. While the repartee was amusing . . . hm.
Yep, best be brief. With only 250 words (or so) to entice a hungry shark, now is not the time to polish the banter.
Wordle!!! So glad there is only one game a day, otherwise . . . my latest attempt (actually the last time I had a chance to play), I guessed the letters wrong for the first try, and then? BOOM! Got the word - on the 2nd try! I posted it out on FB for posterity. ;)
Telling a writer what doesn't belong in a query is way easier (fiction novel) than trying to make anyone understand what "plot" means.
And no, it doesn't mean a patch of ground in the forest in western Michigan where my whole family is buried in unmarked graves.
Er...uhm...note to self...don't order headstones from an overseas FB vendor again.
LOL!!! The perfect response. And yes, I deserved it. But I was able to get a top-tier literary agent to actually respond to me, so I think we both won.
Best. Post. Ever.
Many people do not realize that an agent only makes money when a book is sold and that most of the agent's energy goes into that. Of course, they have to read queries but it's not the most important nor time-consuming part of an agent's job.
I'm sure we've all seen people on social media rage about agents they've cold queried who didn't want to read their entire manuscript. Besides the fact that people who work in publishing will see these rants, it shows a complete lack of understanding of what agents do.
And a happy Monday to everyone!
My goodness, I’m in stitches! Love Janet’s response. Still, JRL, I wanna read more from you. So funny! I’m reminded of the time I ducked into a hotel lobby in Kuala Lumpur to escape an imminent downpour, and I just happened to strike up a conversation with a most delightful contortionist ventriloquist. (I’ve been watching The Blacklist on Netflix, and I couldn’t help myself.) JRL, here’s a You Made Me Laugh trophy, presented with much appreciation, polished up all nice and shiny for that trophy case.
Yes to what Donna said about Wordle – it’s a good thing there’s only one game a day. So nice seeing a post and comments. Wishing you all the best, Reef Fam.
Thank you Amy Johnson,
I also once spent a month in a hotel lobby bar one weekend in Kuala Lampur.
Thank you Leslie,
But Ms. Reid really deserves all the credit for making it so hard to get her to respond. But I never give up, so I took that as a challenge.
Janet, your response startled a laugh out of me -- not an easy feat these days -- and then I immediately felt guilty, because OUCH.
JRL, you're a good sport for taking it in stride and seeing the humour, an attitude that will be a real asset in surviving this business. Best of luck to you in finding representation.
I laughed. Then I read the answer and laughed harder. Best of luck, JRL!
This is the most eloquent post of your blogging career.
I appreciate the sentiment KDJames, but my whole intent was to use humor to get Ms. Reid's attention and I accomplished that lofty goal. I totally expected her to hit back hard with her own brand of sarcastic humor and her response was more than I could have ever hoped for. It was absolutely perfect. The exact reason I am a fan of her's. She's my dream agent and I would be her nightmare client, but you know, the good kind of nightmares...
I loved JRL's post, but I loved Janet's response even more.
Please do not view this as a shameless plug, even though it is, but I recently started a public writers group on Facebook called "Under Published". It currently has a member list of one, can you guess who that idiot might be? I tried promoting it, but quickly learned that almost no one in the other writer's groups even follows their group anymore. But if you are interested, look me up. I made a few opening posts just to make the place look occupied and even posted my latest query letter for open critique and even more open ridicule. Just a thought...
Gosh a week of posts when I have been unable to jump on. JRL, funny but my head hurt by the end.
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