so, it's not the end of the world here in NYC I PROMISE

I'm spending a goodly number of electrons responding to emails from family, friends and Reef-dwellers who are watching the news and thinking I'm about ready to swim the Styx for Hades.

Nope, Nope, Nope.
Cerberus is not howling at the window.

In fact, I'm probably one of the people with the very lowest risk right now.
I'm inside, and alone.
I only go out in the wee hours of the morning when any sane person is asleep.

I'm not planning on going out again until someone with a medical degree rather than a vote count tells me it's ok.

The people I'm worried about are the nice young men who deliver food and groceries. (Yes, they skew toward gents, although I have seen a lady grocery delivery person twice in five years.)

They need the jobs they have, and they are, even at six feet apart, much more exposed to germs than I am.

I do the only thing I can: tip heavily.

As for publishing:
I'm seeing the resumption of business. Not full tilt boogie by a long shot, but people are reading queries (I am) responding to fulls (I am) and making deals (I am.)

At this point, I'm going to relinquish Queen of the Known Universe to Jessica Faust over at BookEndsLLC who didn't miss a step. She's really led the way on "keep going all ya'll." I'm in awe of her.


I think the next big benchmark will be 4/20/20. Schools are closed here in NYC until then; they will have to decide whether to open, or continue the closure.  I think most businesses will follow the lead of the schools.

In the meantime, we're having a dance party, the plants and I!

So, how are we doing?

These could be pictures of me, but they're not.
(for starters, the couch is not snot-green)

Take a guess at who this is.
Clue: it's a regular blog reader.


How are you all faring?

content warnings in a query letter

I was wondering about including content warnings in a query letter. Do you include them for things like graphic murder, recounting of rapes, loss of a baby, etc.? And if so, how do you include them? Where would you include them?

The purpose of the query is to entice your reader to read the pages.
The purpose of the pages is to entice your reader to request the full novel.

That means you're going to tell me about the story.
If the story means your main character has lost a child, then that's what you include.
If the story is about a rape, then that's what you include.

But if those things are just part of the story, not the start of the plot, then you don't need to include them.

No matter what, you should not attach some sort of scarlet #NSWF to your query.

Honestly if something arrived here with a content warning I'd be much less likely to read it, since I think the scariest things are often those that are not graphic.

Freddy Krueger isn't all that scary.
Alfred Hitchcock is absolutely terrifying.

The Lottery will never leave me, and there's nothing graphic about that story in the least.


I'm looking for things that engage my emotions, not upset my digestive system.
Be very judicious in your use of graphic content.
It's a powerful tool to be wielded with great care.

Querying during the next couple days/weeks/months

I hope you and your family are doing fine. Here in London, the situation is crazy, deserted streets and supermarkets.

I'm writing to ask you for advice. My book and the query are ready, but because of the virus, I'm hesitating to pitch agents. Is the market closed at the moment? Or do you think I should try anyway?

I don't know.
I don't think anyone really does.

While there has been a lot of talk of working from home, what I'm seeing is people worrying from home.

And many agents may be at home with small children, or trying to help older relatives.

My first priority is the stuff that has to be addressed: upcoming publication dates; delivery dates; events.

Reading queries isn't on that list.

I'm also VERY hesitant about offering rep right now.
I don't know what we're looking at down the road, and planning like it's all going back to "normal" in a couple weeks seems...well...deluded.

You don't put the brakes on the economy this size  and then just start up again at full speed.


You might keep your eye on Twitter for agents who say they are actively reading and signing. I've seen a couple of those.

I wish I had a more definitive answer.

How do you approach the pandemic in your manuscript?

I'm in the home stretch of revising a mystery/thriller set in present-day Toronto.

In between pandemic-induced panic attacks, it occurred to me that COVID19 is going to fundamentally change the landscape for the kind of fiction I and countless others and writing.

So here's my question: How do you approach the pandemic in your manuscript?

1) Pretend it never happened, making your book a bit more of a fairy tale

2) Take a stab at guessing what things are like when it's over, even though no one can know?

3) Some other clever approach

Just don't plan to write a book about the pandemic, at least not for a while.
It's going to take some time for everyone to get past this when it's over.

If you need context: I still can't read books about 9/11, and that's 19 years gone.

I think I'm an outlier here, but I remember reading a novel about 9/11 that was pubbed in 2004, and thinking it was too soon then.

It's too soon because there hasn't been enough time to reflect deeply, and that's what you have to do with novels about cataclysmic events. And this sure qualifies.

BUT, if you're asking about how to reference it, rather than write about it, the answer is I have no idea, and no one else does either. Sweeping pronouncements about how this will change everything are premature. Do you recall the death knell for irony post 9/11? Yea, me too. And it lasted about 27 seconds.

So keep writing and we'll figure out how to deal with Current Events later.

If you want an example of something written in the midst of a world changing event, take a look at the movie Mrs. Miniver released in 1942. You can see how the story telling suffers for lack of an ending.

Bottom line: it's entirely ok to leave it out of your book right now.

Maybe this whole thing is a collective dream.

Bobby Ewing returns to Dallas

Flash fiction contest results -FINAL

Herewith the results of the flash fiction contest.
It was a very nice break from reality, thank you.

I can't get to the post office for a while so prizes are on hiatus, I'm sorry.

You've trained me to your subtleties so well that I spent several minutes trying to suss out the meaning here:

Craig F

I wake hungry in the Spring. Soon I will be >b>bask>/b>ing in lovely provisions, I find my familiar friend.

Then I realized it was simply a typo on the first angle bracket (I had to look up what >s are called, which wasn't as simple as you'd think!)

Lovely homage to Kenny Rogers
RosannaM

Great punchline
steve forti

congrats on your parole. how does it feel?

got any asprin? got me a wicked headache. aint easy on the noggin hauling all this around.

that real or a piece?

aint no wig, brotha. shit took me years to grow out. whole crew had ‘em, too. called our cell block in LA the afro ward.

no tat – y?

police ID you on your tats, man. aint no ink on my skin. hair can be cut, ink don’t wash out, bub.

ask one more question? what were you in for, anyway?

cut the tag off my mattress before leaving the store.

So topical it should be balm:
Charlogo

To: current husband, individuals I gave birth to, @charliegoldendoodle
Re: Working From Home/Homeschooling best practices
To review first mandatory meeting:
- Going froward, all work (business and classroom) will be proofread not once, but twice. Get tow sets of eyes on it, people.
-Spring inventory: Lathering is vital, but SoftSoap is non-restockable. 3 pumps = too many.
-Team Building Hashtag Contest entries will be posted on refrigerator Saturday a.m. First prize: gourmet gift basket (2 rolls of Charmin, canned chickpeas, pineapple salsa, and cream of mushroom soup!)
NOTE: #bettertogether has BEEN DONE. And IS FALSE.
Best,
Mom

current husband just cracked me up.
Clearly I'm not fit for polite society.

Here's the list of entries that really stood out to me.

Matt Krizan

No words are spoken. None need to be said. My adversary glares at me, and I give as good as I get. He’s not backing down, and neither am I.

My wife fidgets uneasily beside me. His pretty, young daughters tremble, eyes shifting to and fro.

War? Do we fight? Guns drawn, knives out?

No. We hash it out like real men.

A count of three. My hand goes flat. He thrusts forward a fist.

A gasp. Ringleted children weep.

Paper covers rock, and I fill my basket with the last package of toilet paper.

Deft dismantling of froward here!
And this is stunningly visual writing, which is a whole lot harder than it looks.
Nice work here.
And hilarious!
 

Just Jan

March 17, 2020

The incessant pounding stops as I open the door. “Pub’s closed.”

A wee man springs forward, smelling like he basked in a vat of spirits. “Who says? ’Tis St. Paddy’s Day!”

“The Governor’s decree.”

“A more froward man I’ve never met!”

“It’s for the greater good. And don’t forget to lather for twenty seconds when you wash. That’s two rounds of ‘99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall’.”

“I can sing about it, but you can’t serve it. Disgraceful! Got any hash?”

“Corned beef.”

“Good grief!” He reaches into his pocket. “I’m gonna need a bigger pipe!”

The mere mention of 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall during quarantine qualifies this for the horror category.

"I'm gonna need a bigger pipe" just cracked me up.



Fearless Reider

The principal’s in a lather again. “They’re fractious and froward,” he snorts and stamps.

“Rowdy and rude,” brays Mr. Burrows.

“Dimwits and dumbbells,” clucks Miss Broodie. “Home Ec’s a flop! They put ALL the eggs in one bask—”

“But,” Mrs. Bovins hiccups, “at leas’ they didn’t count ‘em b’fore they were hashed.” Astringent aromas spring from her breath. She’s been at the rye again.

“Which brings me to their math scores,” bleats Mr. Baaartels. “Awful and atrocious.”

“The kids are alright,” purrs Ms. Kitty. “It’s temporary. And they’re geniuses at Gym.”

Barnschooling is not for the faint of heart.

This just cracked me up completely.
Love the names of the characters!

Mallory Love

We met on Twitter, commenting on the same hashtag:#Springfroward. We both laughed at the typo and how fitting it was since the time change did make people ornery.

Soon our conversations went from tags to private messages. We debated everything, from basketball teams (Lakers for me, Knicks for him) to handguns (I like the Sig; he used the Glock). He blathered on about detective shows. I was more inclined to "Breaking Bad."

It was a great friendship until we met in person at a bank: me in a ski mask holding my Sig, him in uniform pointing his Glock.

Very deft use of froward here. 
And that lovely twist at the end is very clever.
Clean crisp writing like this always makes me very happy.


Very Special recognition to this entry that says everything in my heart.

Janice L. Grinyer

I click on the news video; a young Salish girl begins dancing springing steps, brow furrowed in concentration, circling in tall Montana grass. Her Jingle dress catches the fading sunlight, glittering onscreen.

It is a healing dance, they say. Every day at sunset, she dances, each step a prayer. She is requesting from the Creator healing of the world during this awful pandemic.

I pause.

And here I am, online, hashing out political arguments, basking in a froward attitude, my thoughts slathered in contempt for others. My soul suddenly aches.

I click again.

She dances for all of us.

***Many thanks to 11-year-old Salish descendent 

Aurora O’Neill and all the other Jingle Dress Dancers across the Nations, 

who are dancing without prejudice for the healing of all people of the world- 

we are humbled, may your prayers be answered.

I was in a real downspin these past few days, so I was very glad to see all these entries. It's always a plus to see your work! Thank you for taking time to write and enter.


I have been looking at the list and as usual, having a hard time settling on just one.


Use the comment column to tell me who I might have overlooked (there were a couple I just didn't understand) and who you think should take home the prize.

Final results posted later today.


 I had to let this sit for almost a full day.
Came back several times and re-read.
But  in the end, Matt Krizan's entry really stood out: pure, simple, elegant...and funny.

Matt, I'm sorry I can't get to the post office just now.
I owe you a prize!

Thanks to all of you for your very clever work.
It was a very nice break in the weekend.

Her Grace and Sleekness the Duchess of Yowl

Early morning, chez Yowl.
All is quiet.

A brisk ratatattat on the door rouses Thumbs, who stumbles from her hammock to peer through the spyhole.

"Yes?"

"Pickup for Her Grace."

"What??"

"Pickup for Her Grace and Sleekness the Duchess of Yowl."

Thumbs opens the door to find a uniformed man with a rolling trolley like those used by hotel bellmen. His name patch reads "Picu Andropov."

"What are you picking up?"

He consults a work order.

"Two steamer trunks, misc. cans of tuna, and an aquarium."

Thumbs is befuddled, so she simply opens the door and stands aside.

Clunking and huffing ensues. Water splashing. Muffled curses.

Soon Picu returns pushing the cart, now laden with two steamer trunks, a tuna-scented Saks shopping
bag, and an aquarium full of fish looking seasick as their watery home is now suitable for surfing.

"I left a copy of the work order on your dining room table."

"Ok, thanks."

Picu clanks and splashes all the way to the elevator.

Thumbs checks the work order.

Sure enough, two steamer trunks, cans of tuna and an aquarium. Pickup address
Chez Yowl, but the destination ....is blank?

What the dogfearing heck is this?

A note at the bottom:

Dear Thumbs,

I have gone on ahead to my next life.
I took the tuna. I left the cannoli.

Her Grace, Katy, the Duchess of Yowl

I knew she could not live forever,

I hoped I would be wrong.