Friday, September 04, 2020

Not deal breakers but essentially toilet paper on your shoe

Not deal breakers but essentially toilet paper on your shoe in a business meeting:

1. Describing your own book as brilliant or using other laudatory language.
This is like describing yourself as good looking. It's much more effective if I see that for myself.

2. Talking about yourself in the third person.
Don't ever do that.
A memoir is queried as "I" not "your name."

3. Using a word and then telling me what it means.
Most often I already know the word.
If I don't, I have a dictionary I love to fondle.

4. "Recently completed."
That evokes an image of damp ink, which sends shivers down my spine.

I want to read something that you've finished, revised, let sit, revised, let sit, and slaved over. I don't want it to be just finished, I want it to be finally finished. And you can avoid all this just by leaving out any reference to when you typed The End and meant it.

5. Sloppy work

6. "Please disregard the typo below."
This one befuddles me.
If you've seen it, why don't you fix it?


nightsmusic said...

I have a dictionary I love to fondle.

I Love this!! I fondle my books too, but a dictionary is an exciting world to be fondled well.

As to the typo, just...why?

Steve Forti said...

I'm picturing typo as the new alot. It's a sentient creature that hangs around underfoot and was literally sniffing your ankles while reading. But it's harmless, no need to pay it attention. Hence, ignoring the typo below.

C. Dan Castro said...

I’m grateful you pointed this out, Janet. I‘d typed in my letter, “Please disregard the tpo below.” But now I‘ve corrected “tpo,” thanks!

S.P. Bowers said...

Maybe number 6 is because they just assume there's a typo in there somewhere? They do sneak in.

Luralee said...

It’s a distraction technique. They’re hoping you’ll be so busy looking for the typo, you won’t notice the outrageous word count.

John Davis Frain said...

Maybe the writer of #6 is speaking of blood type. Knowing, as any author does, that blood sweat and tears went into the ms (and likely the query and synopsis as well), they aren't worried you'll notice the sweat and tear stains (okay, sweat stains on a query aren't becoming, but what are you gonna do?). Hence, they only wanted you to disregard the red splotch appearing below their digital signature.

Craig F said...

Another question about Type O.

Would xe guyz be seen as Type O or as B+, that gender thing it is?

Brenda said...

Ooooh fondling dictionaries!
And I thought this blog was g-rated.

Timothy Lowe said...


Katja said...

If this ever became a thing, I'd need to write, "Please disregard my English below".

AJ Blythe said...

I always like these posts as reminders of things to check for, but I think I'm in the clear with #6 (which has given me a laugh).

Karen McCoy said...

Fixing a typo is the difference between noticing the toilet paper on your shoe...or not.

MA Hudson said...

Are these for real?

It makes me curious though. I wonder what percentage of your queries are just straight-up automatic rejections because of the obvious obliviousness displayed in this list?

Android Astronomer said...

"Please disregard the typo below."

Perhaps they're trying to showcase their foreshadowing skills?