Sunday, March 15, 2020

The Duchess of Yowl Gets Hosed

It is a peaceful afternoon chez Yowl.

Suddenly, there is a noise indicating the end of the world.

Thumbs rushes to the carbon monoxide detector.

Smoke alarm.

Thumbs races into the living room, frantically following the yowl.

A cannister vacuum hose, dancing the macarena, greets her.

Thumbs quickly turns OFF the vacuum, opens the back panel to remove the bag, and sure enough, out pops a formerly svelte cat, now fattened by furballs, plant leaves, and dust bunnies.

The caterwauling does NOT cease.

"Your Grace, I've got you, you're safe!"

"I was EATEN!"

"I can see that. I'm glad you weren't digested!"

"Get rid of that foul  contraption at once! This is attempted REGICIDE!"

"Yes, I think we're going to need an upright. But, one question, your Grace. How did you turn it ON?"

"It didn't need thumbs, I just stepped on that button."

"Yes, but why?"

"You put my leftover lunchables in it."

"You mean I vacuumed up the food you spilled on the floor."

"I was saving that for tea. You never serve enough tuna."

"Back to cleaning up with a broom and dustpan"

"Or just serving more tuna."


nightsmusic said...

Hahahaha. I'm sorry your Duchess, but that's funny.

I too have a 'saver' however, I also use a dust pan and broom and eventually, I hear the trash can tipped over only to find Loaner Cat digging her way through everything trying to find the leftovers. However, I know you would be much too regal to dig through looking...right?

Kae Ridwyn said...

Love love LOVE this! Thank you, Janet, for your cheeriness in a time when it's sorely needed. And I'm sorry, Your Grace! But on the flip side: more tuna? :)

Casual-T said...

Ha! Ha! And three times, Ha! Absolutely delightful story. And dare I say "A cannister vacuum hose, dancing the macarena, greets her," had me LOLing something fierce. If you can figure out how to fit this into 100 words, I'm sure it would be a winner on Flash Fiction Friday.

Happy Sunday, everyone!

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Thanks so much for the laugh. Really needed this.

Panda in Chief said...

I think the Duchess needs a Roomba to ride around on. It would be like a royal coach!

Kregger said...

State of Ohio has closed every bar and restaurant in the state. I guess I picked the best day to quit drinking and go on a diet!

John Davis Frain said...

Fattened by furballs! Sorry for your plight, Duchess, but it was worth it. Well, for me; not so much for you.

Also, I love the Roomba imagery for DoY parading around the kingdom!

Keep writing, y'all, for a merry Sunday.

MaggieJ said...

Poor, poor Duchess of Yowl! (Maggie hides a grin.)

But never mind, you're not the only vacuum cleaner victim. A friend of mine once decided to clean the budgie cage with the vacuum. The budgie got into a flap, hopped off its perch, and was immediately sucked into the hose. My friend tore open the machine, ripped the bag in a panic, and found poor little budgie, dazed and dusty, but otherwise unhurt. She never told her little girl. Good thing all the bird could say was "pretty boy."

Thanks for the story, Janet. I love the Duchess of Yowl.

Carolynnwith2Ns said...

Hahaha this story sucks :)

Craig F said...

Our Troubled boy is the odd cat in out house. He can put the vacuum on ignore and sleep through it. Miss Duchess and Scruluce only agree on one thing. That is to get the hell out of the house when the vacuum comes out of the laundry room.

DOY must be something else for a cat.

OT: Biden has committed to picking a woman as the other half of his ticket. That sounds like Amy Kloubachar will be our next VP.

The local grocery store was picked clean today. I wonder what those people are thinking of, if they are thinking.

Janet Reid said...

NO OT stuff about politics, please.
Even if you think it's benign.
I have a delete key and I will use it.

Linda Shantz said...

Oh, poor DoY. The indignity of it all! I'm also glad she wasn't digested!

Roomba's are popular with Border Collie puppies. When I was considering getting another one (current one is not yet two, and her brain is most definitely still puppy, despite her growth status!), I figured I'd have to get a Roomba too. Oh, and hardwood floors! Ha.

Alyssa R said...

I may or may not have read this aloud to my siblings, because they may or may not have disbelieved that a cat could vacuum herself up in real life (as opposed to a comic book). (We have the sort or vacuum a cat could NOT fit in.)

....please don't tell the Duchess we laughed.

Morgyn said...

What we would give for a picture of this justifiably distraught feline! (So we might commiserate better.)