Why do I even try?
Steve Forti 6-Janet 0
My new favorite phrase
C. Dan Castro
Talk about a twist!
Homage to my bio pic the Rocky Horror Picture Show
Sadly disqualified for time
The Duchess of Yowl has a new name for all dogs
courtesy of Unknown 3:22pm
Here are the entries that I think deserve special recogniton
Once upon a time, I fell in love head under heels; had it been the other way around, things might have gone differently. Cupid and his fucked-up aim! I always tell him, go see an optometrist, or, at least, take archery lessons.
"This is your own stupid fault," Janet snarled, "always stomping around the place."
"Pray tell, what must a gnome do?"
"Do yourself in, for all I care. This marriage's done. I'm taking the hut, carriage, gold spindles, and our firstbor--"
And thus she vanished, in a puff of powdery air.
Agitating Rumplestiltskin? Never a good idea.
One little update and you’re snowed under. Snarls of e-mails, muddles of files --
“You can’t do that.”
“Talk to your audience. It’s called --”
“I know what it’s called. Get off my lap.”
“I will not.”
“Let me work in peace!”
Sheesh. Grumpy Cat is my worst critic. Always picking apart everything I do.
“Don’t do that,” GC cautions. “Or you’ll be deader than . . . you know.”
“I want good writing.”
I snap the cage closed. “Let’s see you break that fourth wall!”
Back at the keyboard, I crack my knuckles.
This (story) is your own stupid fault, Janet . . .
I’m Sasha the dog.
My two-legger brought home a dunderheaded dog today.
She said it was a cat.
I never heard of a cat.
Don’t like it, I grumped.
Has a stupid bark.
Asks for food when it still has half a bowl. What a dodo.
Then I heard the worst thing from my two-legger, “I’m a cat person.”
I brought her my leash.
Here’s something that idiot won’t do.
“Don’t worry. I’m a dog person too,” she said.
She opened the door, the cat bolted.
It’s your own stupid fault Janet.
What a bad dog.
At last up, I delivered my best rendition of “Go-going to the chapel,” as I teetered up the aisle.
The result was gr-grum. Possibly because I’m tone-deaf. And d-drunk.
My ma-maid of honor actually turned and s-snarled.
I belched when I reached the altar.
“It’s all your stupid fault, Jan.” Etiquette be d-damned, I hurled my bou…bou… flowers in the groom’s face.
Hope had died under the deluge of newly discovered texts. “I do-do not take this man, Jan. You can have him. Since it appears you already did.”
Today the gawpers carry coats, grumpy about the rain. But in here it's perfect: dry, great temperature. Always is, behind my glass.
“What's she thinking about?" A girl, nose against my window.
"Nothing, stupid. It's stuffed. Dumb if you ask me." Dunderhead boy drags her away.
The girl doesn't even snarl. Like she's used to this kind of thing.
So when she turns for a final glimpse, I tilt my head. Just a little. And wink.
Dead as a dodo, eh? Well, long as I'm here, I'm keeping imagination alive.
One wink at a time.
Down by the river, I spy that snarl-headed McPherson. Like his kin, you kin tell he’s dunder brained. He keeps stroking them purple flowers and tilling the earth ‘round them with cow dodo.
Like that’ll make ‘em grow.
And he hums. It gives me the grumps.
So, I’ll keep watching him. We Perrys don’t hold with McPhersons. We drink blood or they’re moonstruck animals. The origins is fuzzy. Yet there’s something in his melody. Maybe I’ll go drink from yonder river. Ask him a question or two. And find out just how stupid the McPhersons are (for myself).
Given my ABYSMAL performance announcing last week's winners I've already posted this week's but it won't go live until later in the day.
I have noble intentions on Monday morning but the day gets away from me as often as not. And the rest of the week is worse.
Do let me know your opinions here though. And if you think I left anyone off the list. Posts can be revised up until the last minute!