Happy Bloomsday!

I'm nowhere near a devoted Joycean; I like to read about him more than I like to read him.  The Most Dangerous Book, about the publication of Ulysses, by Kevin Birmingham is a true sox-knocker. Even if you've never read any James Joyce, and have zero interest in starting, this book is a terrific look at publishing.  Utterly readable, utterly captivating!

Don't give publishers rights they can't exploit

I wrote, in English, a historical novel that takes place in Lisbon during World War II. It came to the attention of a major publisher in Portugal, which published it (in late May 2018) in Portuguese. The publisher has all language rights except English, which I kept.

Now I want to start the process of trying to get the novel published in its original version. (1)What is the best way to pitch it to an agent or publisher in the States? (2)Is the fact it's been published in another language a good selling point? (I don't have sales figures yet.) (3)Will it matter much that the English-language publisher won't have other language rights to sell? (4)What else should I consider, or highlight, as I pitch?

Your oh-so-pointed sharky advice would be much appreciated. 

I'm glad you realize this is going to be pointed, cause I want to smack you around with a nerf bat!

For starters, why did you license all languages but English to the Portuguese publisher? Do they have the ability to sell it to China? Romania? Croatia?  My guess is no they do not because their job is publishing books in Portugal.

My guess is you did it because you didn't know not to, and that's not a character flaw of course, but honest to god it's why you GET AN AGENT!!!

You wrote this book in English. Query agents who work in the English-speaking market. Despite some of the books I've read recently, I'm fairly sure English is our working language here.

When we take on the book we can help you with the Portuguese deal, and RETAIN your other rights to sell them to other markets.

Please tell me at least that this Portuguese publisher has to split the take on any deals they make for you, AND that if they don't the rights revert to you in a year or so. (Ok, you didn't know to do that either, and I'll just sit over here weeping shark tears into an already salty sea.)

As to your questions:
1. The best way to pitch this to agents in the states is a query letter. You have to tell them it's an English only deal cause you licensed translation to the other guy.
2. No, the fact that all your subrights are tied up someplace else is NOT a selling point.
3. Yes
4. There isn't anything other than the book to pitch.

Bottom line: NEVER grant rights to a publisher if they're not in a position to exploit them. This means when a publisher wants film rights you say no. They aren't a film studio. A publisher without an active foreign rights department or a contracted foreign rights agent shouldn't be granted translation rights cause they have no way to execute them for you.

Any sub right grant should divide the money between author and publisher with the majority going to the author. 60/40, 75/25 etc.

There should be a limited number of years that the subrights are with a publisher. After that time period expires, the author should be allowed to have the unexploited rights revert back.

Any questions???

Book 1 isn't going to be the first one in the series

How would you go about querying the second book in a series of novels?

Partials and even fulls were requested for the first installment, but didn't catch an agent.

I've continued the story universe, in one case with a new female protagonist, and in the other with the sole surviving 2nd main character from the first.

Both new stories can stand alone--with only minor references to theprevious ones.

Should I even mention the first book in the query?

No. It's not a second book unless there's a first. And by first, I mean a published book.

I'm perplexed why you're querying book two if book one didn't get a deal. Have you gotten assistance on the book? By assistance I mean someone other than you or your crit group taking a look. If you just keep going without fixing what was wrong, it's going to be hugely frustrating.

deCAPitate

This is really a minnow of a question for a Shark, but it has been bugging me so I'd love you to sharpen your teeth on it. When writing a synopsis for a work of fiction do you capitalise the names of characters the first time you introduce them? Google hasn't helped as I've found advice both ways. I personally don't capitalise because I find the caps throw me off when I read the synopsis. I'm sure it wouldn't be a deal breaker, but you know us woodland creatures...

Your question reminded me of a delightful book called Caps For Sale. Originally published in 1947!

The question of ALL CAPPING names in synopses is one, like the Oxford comma, that will drive even mild-mannered agents (let alone fierce sharkly ones) into a frenzy.


ALL CAPPING is a refugee from the film world, and should be seen as the abomination it is.
Unfortunately that is only my opinion, not industry standard.

It's not a deal breaker for me. I simply find it gets in the way of reading the synopsis. And reading a synopsis is only marginally less horrifying than writing one, so why add difficult to deadly.

Writing in the zeitgeist

On Sunday I posted a story about the Duchess of Yowl, and a t-shirt.
The original version of the story had a different ending.

These are the last five lines of the post you saw:

Duchess of Yowl: Too true. Get me the number for Barbara Poelle.

Me: Barbara is allergic to cats.

Duchess of Yowl: All the more reason my picture should be on this t-shirt. For all those unfortunates who can't have a cat.

Me: (aside) always thinking of others.

Duchess of Yowl: (from inside the shopping bag) I heard that.

The original version, the one that still cracks me up, is this:

Duchess of Yowl: Too true. Get me the number for Barbara Poelle.

Me: Barbara is allergic to cats.

Duchess of Yowl: How does she go on living?

You'll recall that last week we lost Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade to suicide.
It rattled a lot of people including some of my clients in a major way.

I kept looking at that final line and yes, it was funny, but it could also be perceived as making light of suicide.

In the end, I revised. It took HOURS to write around that first ending, and I went back to it more than once, but each time, I thought "nope, this is not the place or time for this joke."

There was a question earlier this year about querying a book with elements to the plot that might be perceived as exploiting a tragedy, but joking is different. Joking about some topics is just bad form.  There's even a joke about this: "too soon?" when a comedian cracks wise about something awful.

Well, yes it was too soon for a joke about suicide.
For some readers, it will always be too soon, but for right now, it's too soon for enough people that I felt the line needed to go.

Have you had to write around something in your books? How did you do it?

Contest results--FINAL (as of 3:17am)

I really love this phrase from Harmony Commissions

Large, husband shaped problems.

These two lines from Steve Stubbs are hilarious:

Nobody ever said he was the sharpest tool in the shed. He's the only Boy Scout who earned Girl Scout merit badges by mistake.

And this badge, I'm shocked, shocked! it's not in the Girl Scout manual yet!
Will McPhail

Only the strongest, the bravest of the brave obtain the Decapitator badge.

Honestly, Steve Forti just has to be in his own category now.

“This is nice, isn’t it? Breakfast mimosas overlooking the reef?”
“Totally. We should do this more often.”
A bang. The wooden door rattled on rusted hinges.
“The hell was that?”
Another bang. A grunt. A flash of yellow against the algae-covered porthole window.
“Open up!” a voice slurred.
Ariel set her cocktail aside and swam to the door. Pulling it open, the blonde on the other side spilled in, sloshing red drink in hand. Just then a shadow passed behind her, fear sank in, and the porthole exploded in a mess of teeth.
“Dammit Linda! You brought a bloody Mary!”

Please someone, write this book suggested by the estimable Amy Schaefer:

STALKING THE MARTINI SHARK

I like this one a lot!
Timothy Lowe

“Merit badges? For Girl Scouts?”

“Shut up,” Suzy said, her cheeks burning. She knew wearing the sash to school was a bad idea. Too show-offy. But Mom had insisted. Of course she had. Mom didn’t know about boys like Billy Marbles. Suzy’s best friend Sil had told her Billy had a crush. That’s why he picked on her so ruthlessly. Somehow that made the whole thing worse.

“What are those two for? Knitting? Sewing?”

The next day, Billy was absent. Flu or something.

“What are those two for?” Sil asked.

“Knot-tying,” Suzie said with a smile. “And that one’s knife-throwing.”

This just cracked me up; I think it's the shark boxing.

ShanePatrickWrites

I’m kinda famous in my Troop cuz I often double up while earning badges. The first time was when I was helping an ol’ lady tie up a purse-snatcher. Community Service and Knots in one fell swoop.

So it was only natural to me to combine Martini Drinking and Shark Boxing. What’s amazing isn’t how many sharks I subdued but rather that no one else thought of it first.

Honestly, reading this, I'm kinda glad I wasn't in Dena Pawling's Scout troop!

Through the peep hole, Doreen saw green beanies and badge sashes. Behind them, a wagon with boxes. Salivating, she threw a blanket over Jason's body and grabbed her wallet. Thin mints were just what she needed.

She opened the door. “I'd love some girl scout cook-” Her eyes shifted to the Smith & Wesson. “Um, ladies?”

“Where's Jason?” the taller one hissed.

Doreen glanced toward the blanket.

The shorter one scooted around Doreen and lifted the corner.

“Party time!” They pulled the wagon inside. Doreen found glasses. They shared a box of wine.

Be prepared. Make new friends.

And honestly not Richelle Elberg's either!

“Cyndi cracked the safe in her own Dad’s office. Like, she’s musta seen him open it a hundred times. Shouldn’t count.”

“It really shouldn’t,” Molly said. “And Olivia totally cheated.” Molly shoved another Thin Mint into her mouth and gulped her milk. “Seriously, two doesn’t even count as Serial.”

“Right?”

“I went to the market--by myself!--and found what I needed.” Molly gazed at her sash proudly. The new Kidnapping badge sparkled like a sapphire.

In the corner, a toddler howled.

“Guess I’ll do Disposing of Bodies next.”

“I’ve got some leftover lime if you need it.”

I'm pouncing on this idea from BrendaLynn NOW

Shark Minibar Fund
c/o Janet Reid.

As usual I'm having a terrible time choosing the winner.
Help me out here, let me know what you think! 

 Update: 3:17am Tuesday morning

Ok, this is a first. I did overlook a terrific entry, and y'all reminded me of it in the comments.

It's this from Just Jan

When we were young, we thought Granny was a pirate. Every school vacation was spent listening to her swashbuckling stories.

It wasn’t until we helped with her final move that we found the truth in a dusty corner of her attic. Maryanne picked up the moldering sash, heavy with achievements. “I didn’t know you were a Girl Scout.”

“Where do you think I learned to drink like a fish?”

“What about this one?” I asked, pointing to the shark badge.

Granny lifted a pant leg. “How do you think I got my limp?” 

And after a lot of thought, and another read, the winner is Just Jan! 

Jan, if you'll email me we'll figure out a good prize for you!

Thanks to all of you who took the time to write and post entries. I really love seeing what words can do when flung around by deft story spinners like all y'all.

Also you scare the pants off me a whole lot.
 

The Duchess of Yowl and the t-shirt

Duchess of Yowl: You're late. My evening petting was scheduled to start 180 seconds ago!

Me: Sorry, I was at the store buying you a present.

Duchess of Yowl: (suspiciously nosing bag) It does not smell like tuna.

Me: I should hope not, it's a T-shirt. See: Cat, size svelte.

Duchess of Yowl: (walking on shirt) It feels comfy.

Me: Here, let me iron it so you can see how it looks.


Duchess of Yowl: (looking at ironed shirt) This is a TRAVESTY!

Me: Your grace, what's wrong?

Duchess of Yowl: LOOK! (twitches an elegant, disdainful whisker)

Me: Not everything can have a picture of a cat.

Duchess of Yowl: Why not? And anyway, not just a cat, it should be a picture of me!

Me: Take it up with your agent.

Duchess of Yowl: (suspiciously) Aren't YOU an agent?

Me: You think I'm a waitress, and a laggardly one at that.

Duchess of Yowl: Too true. Get me the number for Barbara Poelle.

Me: Barbara is allergic to cats.

Duchess of Yowl: All the more reason my picture should be on this t-shirt. For all those unfortunates who can't have a cat.

Me: (aside) always thinking of others.

Duchess of Yowl: (from inside the shopping bag) I heard that.