Sunday, December 16, 2018

The Duchess of Yowl announces a letter

Saturday afternoon, chez Yowl 

Her Grace, the Duchess of Yowl: There's a certified letter for you.

Me: (immediate panic) What? Where?

DoY: On the floor by the door.

Me: Who signed for it?

DoY: I did.

Me: How did you open the door?

DoY: The letter just slid under the door, no need to use malodorous door knobs.

Me: A certified letter just slid under the door? And the return notice?

DoY: That too. Now open it.

Me: (increasingly suspicious) This has "certified" typed on the envelope. It doesn't have an actual green certified sticker.

DoY: The post office is busy this time of year. They probably just took a short cut.

Me: Certified is spelled with an S.

DoY: I really think you should open it.

Me: (opening it) It's from the ASPCA.

DoY: I suspected as much.

Me: It accuses me of cruelty.

DoY: Took them long enough.

Me: I've been mistreating a cat.

DoY: Not just "a" cat; "THE" cat.

Me: Right. "The cat" as if there is but one.

DoY: There's more than one?

Me: At least several....million.

DoY: Still, cruelty.

Me: Right, cruelty. What form of cruelty is being inflicted on "the" cat?

DoY: It says what you've done. Right there in black on white.

Me: So it does. Failure to to adhere to minimum petting standard.

DoY: I told you.

Me: Yes you did. At length, and at volume. Such that the Association for Prevention of Cruelty to Eardrums has lodged a complaint.

DoY: Tell them to get in line.

Me: If I'm answering summonses, I'm not petting.

DoY: Pet now, jail later.


nightsmusic said...

Hahahaha! I love this. The DoY is definitely getting more creative by the day. And she's learned how to type!! ;)

MaggieJ said...

Now, if THE DoY could only learn to spell . . .

I am NOT showing this to my Jenny-Cat. She has enough ways to extort unlimited petting without resorting to Sertified Letters.

DoY, shame on you. And with Christmas only nine days away!

"He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake. He know when you've been . . ."

NLiu said...

"Pet now, jail later. "

Haaaa! Love.

Julie Weathers said...

I wonder how much reading Janet is getting done with all this petting.

Kregger said...


Come on!

Every cat owner knows how to pet with one hand and scroll with the other.

It's called ambi-pet-dextrous-ivity.

Oh, is that a new contest prompt word for the new year?

nightsmusic said...

I came back to say, perhaps DoY would be interested in taking some tips from a blog I have followed for a long time and who occasionally features posts about her cat. The one who passed that she wrote a book about and her new roommate, previously a resident of Shoreditch Church.

Beth Carpenter said...

Ambi-pet-dextrous-ivity! New favorite word!