Sunday, June 03, 2018

The Duchess of Yowl wants to warm her toes


Duchess of Yowl: Open the window, I'm going out.

Me: Out where, Your Grace?

DoY: Onto the royal balcony. It's sunny. I want to warm my toes.

Me: The royal balcony looks a lot like a fire escape.

DoY: Now that I am here, it's been upgraded.

Me: Of course. But Your Grace, I can't let you out there.

DoY: It's not a request. Get cracking on that window.

Me: Your Grace, there are pigeons on the fire escape.

DoY: They will flee in terror when they see me.

Me: (aside) as so many do.

Me: Your Grace, do you remember that movie you watched called The Birds?

DoY: (pause) I'll warm my toes on the royal radiator.


Sherin Nicole said...

I needed that laugh.

E.M. Goldsmith said...

This should be an internationally syndicated comic strip - The Adventures of The Duchess of Yowl and the Queen of the Known Universe.

So funny. I love these posts

Julie Weathers said...

Ha, I love this.

nightsmusic said...

I agree with E.M.! This would be a fabulous strip.

Marty Weiss said...

DOY: I have a complaint!

JR: A complaint? Why you’re the most pampered pet in New York, if not one of the most famous.

DOY: Of course, but that is as it should be. Still, I have a complaint nonetheless.

JR: I assume you will annoy me until I listen to your complaint, and I have lots of queries to review, so go ahead. You have fifteen seconds. Complain away.

DOY: You are not allowing me to hone my basic instincts. I have become … ill-prepared.

JR: Ill-prepared? Basic Instincts? Whatever are you talking about?

DOY: As you know, by nature, I am a hunter-killer. Self-sufficient and independent. A queen of my jungle, as it were.

JR: OK, if not a queen, certainly a duchess, and you have never killed a thing, unless you mean that housefly that flew into your water bowl when you waved your paw at it.

DOY: My point exactly. I am a huntress, and my psyche demands that I hunt. I need to hunt! I must hunt!

JR: Hunt you say? OK, how about your hunting up my pair of pink fuzzy slippers with the pom poms that you walked off with about two weeks ago? I’ve searched everywhere and can’t find them. Or the Edgar Allan Poe bobble head I won at the last MWA convention that disappeared from my desk last week. Hunt that down!

DOY: A pox on such static trophies. I’m talking about live targets. Something worthy of my skill and speed.

JR: You mean …

DOY: Yes! I mean a mouse … or mice to be more specific. At least a brace of them, perhaps weekly, to keep my instincts in fine fettle.

JR: You mean you want me to buy you live mice each week, then set them free in our … my apartment?

DOY: Yes, they shouldn’t be too expensive. I’ve read that New York City is teeming with them.

JR: Perhaps you would like to leave this cozy, rodent-free place in which you now reside and move to some garbage-strewn alley overrun with mice and rats for you to hunt to your heart’s content?

DOY: Well, I didn’t mean to go that far. I only…

JR: Tell me duchess, do you remember the scene near the end of the movie we saw last week, “Breakfast At Tiffany’s,” where Audrey Hepburn releases her cat into a trash-strewn alley and drives away in a rainstorm?

DOY: You wouldn’t.

JR: A word to the wise, duchess.

DOY: Yes’m.

JR: And I would like my slippers and bobble-head back, if you don’t mind.

One Of Us Has To Go said...

Three wild cats escaped in western Germany the other day, not sure about their royalness, though.
Just saying ;) (just kidding ;), no, not about the three wild cats!)

OT: I bought a book in the UK for the first time today (in English of course!).
I had asked Boyfriend before if we can take on some ballast, making sure that next time we move (and we definitely will have to again!!) we are going to hire a car (or so) and not carry everything in our darn hands!

John Davis Frain said...

A most excellent adventure.

A perfectly placed pause trumps perfectly polished paws.

BrendaLynn said...

She does look imperious.

Kitty said...

Now that the radiators are no longer keeping our cat, Baby, warm'n'toasty, she uses us for her warmth on cool days and nights. I usually get up around 5:00 a.m., but not this morning. Baby kept me pinned down until 7-ish. Thank God for the TV remote control.

nightsmusic said...

Awww, Kitty you're a good soul :)

I'm out of the house early this morning. Off to take an injured baby possum that was trying to make its way across my backyard to our local nature center. Hoping they can help. Poor thing :(

Catherine Mesick said...

Loved this! :D

Janice Grinyer said...

:D Yep, She's a cougar ;D !