Do you want to do it again?
I read through all the entries a couple times to make sure that I didn't overlook something cause I was cranky or tired.
I'm posting ONLY the ones that caught my eye. I'm not critting any of the others cause I think this is too early to start chomping on y'all.
However ... next time!!!
Also, I think we need to increase the word count to 30, and have you list category or genre. Let me know what you think.
And remember, a pitch is NOT NOT NOT a sense of your entire novel. It's an enticement to read. It's the sample bite of something at the grocery store, not the full meal.
Here are the ones I noticed:
Saving his friend cost Prok his future. Saving the world may cost him his friend.
I really like this one. It sets up a nice dichotomy.
He’s after them, now.
Enter a stunning Judge, because convictions matter.
I'd cut the last two sentences.
I'd cut the "stunning" cause as you regular readers know, describing women by how they look drives me bonkers. And "because convictions matter" is probably clever but there's not enough context to know why.
Hollywood agent is tasked by God to save the world. Love thy neighbor or else.
Again, a nice dichotomy.
I'd put in ellipses: Love thy neighbor ... or else.
Now she’ll rescue him, whether he wants saving or not.
This could even be trimmed to "she’ll rescue him, whether he wants saving or not. " and be effective.
If it weren’t for the car wreck, Jonny could have kept pretending he was fine.
Again, here we have a sense of something awry. It makes us wonder what's going on. That's the essence of enticement.
Most yaks don’t dream of opera stardom. But most yaks are not…ARLETTE!This is just plain hilarious, and thus, engages my interest.
I'm really hoping this a book for kids.
Cecila Ortiz Luna
Miguel suspects psychologist Emily committed a perfect murder.This is, again, a nice dichotomy.
Emily believes she conducted a perfect experiment.
When war comes calling, Lorena has to make a decision . . . sometimes spies wear crinolines.
I'd start with spies wear crinolines, and work in what kind of danger she faces or what choice she had to make (I think this suffered from the word count limit.)
Domestic suspense with a wilderness twist: a teenager held captive by his father.This didn't grab me but I recognized the book (with some help from the poster's name!) and the query letter that I have on file.
This is from Brenda's query to me:
Bear vs Dog. Son vs father.Notice that it sets up conflict. And I think that's the essence of a good pitch. If there's conflict, there's tension. If there's tension I'm interested.
(I should mention I requested her novel!)
A girl gets mistaken for an alien. And accused of violating the Statute of Secrecy.I get mistaken for a human being all too often, so I'm interested in this one. I'm really hoping this is middle grade, cause I think it sounds fun.
I'd cut everything but the last line, which I think is pretty funny.
And PS, some housekeeping: if you want me to answer a question on the blog, you have to ask via email. Don't post questions that are off-topic on the blog comment trail. I'll delete it. (of course you're worried I mean you. Go look at the comment column and most of you will see you're worried for nothing.)