There were a couple of entries that I liked but didn't quite understand.
Herewith the results:
Not quite a story, but amazing!
Dellcartoons 9:34am
Not quite a story but deliciously clever
Ly Kesse 7:23am
Nominees for the Steve Forti Amazingly Deft Word Prompt Manipulation Award
Dellcartoons 9:34am
Tea Leave 3:56pm
I’ll die in the cold and the dar
The very idea that Her Grace, the Duchess of Yowl would seen near, let alone atop a dumptster boggles the mind!!
Jennifer Delozier
Kudos for just cracking me up!
Sarah Jensen 11:05am
Special recognition for a lovely and lyrical post that resonates with those of us who know the backstory
Melanie Sue Bowles 3:03 pm
Special recognition for a great line:
Timothy Lowe 6:41pm
I am still lithe, thin as a shadow, softer than murder on black, muddy feet.
Here's the long list:
Barbara Lund 11:30am
Jennifer R. Donohue
Colin Smith 11:37am
D Willadsen 12:21pm
John Davis (manuscript) Frain 2:00pm
And the short list:
Richelle Elberg
I rose today in Dar es Salaam. Yesterday, it was Newark.
(New Jersey has no idea the debt owed it. Dayweaver has a sense of humor.)
But Kilimanjaro was tough to summit; I’m tired. I trudge across this beehive of a city. Hot flesh chafes; lives shout and whisper in Swahili.
All lost if I do not reach him.
Shadows lengthen.
Finally! I see it, a sunbird, purple, blue, yellow. It leads me to him. In his magic loom, the Tapestry of Tomorrow is fully woven. Intricate. Resplendent.
“Ravi.” Dayweaver smiles. “You’re here.”
And so I will rise again tomorrow.
One of the things I liked here was how the prompt word dar was worked in to a location. I love maps and knowing where things are is a real passion.
And I love the concept of this story; rebirth, journey, rebirth.
The writing is crisp and elegant.
Michael Seese
Countless cameras flash as I step onto the red carpet and into the glare of scrutiny.
I spackle on the magic smile, and they buy the act. They can't see the shadow of shame consuming my flesh. Starstruck, they weave realities, imagining what it's like.
Fame.
Fortune.
Glamour.
Some of us made deals with the devil.
“You can be a star, darling. I just need one thing...”
Others said “No deal.” But he took their soul anyway.
I escape into the lobby. And breathe. Surreptitiously eyeing the other Beautiful People, I wonder how many are thinking what I am.
#MeToo
This is both topical and timeless.
The writing is utterly splendid (of course, it's Michael Seese, we've come to expect no less)
Amy Johnson 12:32pm
Young girl dream weaver
Wannabe high achiever
Sleeps on a creaky cot
Wants her frozen waffles hot
Electric’s shut off
Hand-washing brother’s socks.
Shadows call
Forget it all
Life’s a joke
Take a toke
Take a jump
Off a wall
Fall
Fall
Fall.
Along comes neighbor lady
Says that she’ll watch the baby
Won’t charge your mom a dime
Just get to school on time.
Now she got the magic key
Real generosity.
Night and day
Night
And
Day
Turns each F into an A.
Dream weaver’s going far
College on the radar
Gonna be a superstar
A superstar.
I love the rhythm of this entry with all my heart.
Amy Schaefer 1:16pm
It took a long time to realize what was happening.This writing is so clear and precise you can see what's happening in your mind's eye. And that lovely twist at the end (love's magic not being all that romantic!) makes this entry very special.
I trod our regular route through the park. Bought cheddar scones. Went cycling and to the movies, just like when she was alive.
I was more shadower than widower.
But when I was ready to try a new path, invisible claws gripped my flesh and spun me around. My mouth ordered black-coffee-no-sugars. I only wore old clothes.
As always.
She used to weave red-nailed fingers through my hair. “I curse you to be mine forever.”
“I accept.”
Words we chanted countless times – our call-and-response.
I guess love’s magic is real.
Brig 5:22pm
Lady Octavia Summers was known for two things. Being very not nice; and being ever so good at it.
She was also rich, which was why two young bucks stood before her.
Lord Flourish was so well turned out he was almost in again.
‘My lady. How handsome you are’.
In contrast, Mr. Townsend’s feature was his silence. He nodded. She nodded. He nodded. She nodded. When he went to nod again she rang a little bell, which thankfully did the trick.
She made her decision.
But alas, a daring shadow magic flesh-weaver’s wayward steamroller flattened her.
The villagers rejoiced.
This is hilarious and utterly lovely at the same time, which
is a real trick.
Joey was a greenhorn; a kid, really. Ed was older, but not necessarily wiser. She killed them slowly, while they struggled helplessly against her silken bonds.
She’s a master manipulator--a weaver of webs so complex most never catch on until it’s too late. And she’s coming for me.
“Darling,” she says, her voice dripping with saccharine, “come closer. I can’t see you.”
I remain in the shadows, poised to pray, until curiosity gets the best of her. She scuttles forward. I work my magic: One strike and her flesh is mine.
Wherever you are boys, this one’s for you.
As you know by now I'm a sucker for off-beat points of view and this one is a gem. I'm sure you all get that "she" is the spider, but do you know who's telling the story? One word is a clue.
“Flesh forms a prison. Bones call to the reapers.”
“What of blood?” the Darkness asked, fading to grey in eagerness.
I dared not breathe.
“Blood is mercurial, but the threads of reality beneath the fingertips of weavers is a magic neither dark nor light.”
The unspoken hung in the black. The Darkness craved infinite unseen mornings. Baited and hooked, it stitched itself to my heels. Darkness became shadow.
So close.
“We cannot go on eight legs,” I whispered. Breathless.
“Sixteen,” it countered but obliged.
The fiber of my being unraveled; a familiar ache. I stood rewoven. Woman again. Arachne again.
I'm not exactly sure what this is, but the imagery and the
writing is so compelling I can't stop reading it. It's almost a poem, really.
Lucy,
How are you? I’m okay. I spent the day cleaning cobwebs—pushing back the shadows, mom always said. I found your baby doll—such a darling find—real eyelashes, porcelain softer than flesh. I don’t believe in magic, but I stood it on the bedside table and slept all night without dreaming.
I want you to have it, but I can only send letters, and you never visit. Are you still angry? You know how hard it is to tell the difference between a weaver and a recluse. Surely the scars have faded by now. Come soon.
Love,
Oh sweet mother of Godiva! What is left unsaid here! Talk about letting your reader fill in the spaces. This is VERY hard to do well. Miss a single beat and your reader falls away.
A gorgeous example of what I think of as spider-web writing. The writer spins the filaments and the story is in the shapes those filaments creates.
Mallory Love 1:49am
We called him Weaver because his web of lies had more tangles than Rapunzel’s hair. We didn’t know his real name, only his stories which consisted of an old lover who broke his heart and stole his son.
“That boy is my flesh,” he’d say nightly over a pint. Dark shadows resided under his glassy eyes. We were apt to feel sorry for him until he started talking nonsense about helping the queen magically spin straw into gold, them bonding over being outcasts.
Someone jokingly suggested he build a new son out of enchanted wood. Never saw him after that.
This just cracks me up.
It's funny, and also poignant.
Very nice writing.
At awkward, inconvenient times (a meeting, a phone call, an interview)the time-weaver slips from my mental shadows and, with vile magic, sucks me back.
A cold, wet bus stop; a family friend with a warm, dry car.
“How’s school?” “Are there any boys you like?”
A fleshy hand rests on my thigh, a moment too long and a fraction too high to mistake intent.
A frozen heartbeat, a change of breathing and a single word, “Out.”
A bullet dodged, I walk the long way home.
I never tell.
But, in awkward, inconvenient times, I choose the darker path.
There's nothing to add to this.
It's gorgeous, haunting and deeply moving.
That last line is what elevates it to truly amazing.
CynthiaMc 7:49am
"Don't trust a redcoat, Sallie," Papa said.
"James is different, Papa."
They eloped in shadow.
DAR lineage - check.
"Flesh is weak," James said...again. "You'd kill me if you could get away with it."
"Drat modern forensics," Sallie said.
Her tapestry was a hit at Yorktown re-enactment.
"She is quite the weaver," DAR President gushed.
"Magical," said James, resplendent in his redcoat. "We could walk right into it."
Just for fun, they did - right into the Battle of Yorktown.
"You said it wouldn't work again," James said.
"I didn't think it would."
James reached for his bayonet.
Sallie gave it to him.
The ability to tell a story in flash fiction is HARD. Now,
telling it in two different time periods? Yea, that's really hard.
And yet, she makes it look so easy. That's real skill. I'm
rather in awe.
Each of these finalists has a great deal of merit. They're all different so one set of standards isn't going to cut it.
Let me know what you think, and if you disagree with me (about who didn't make the cut)
Update: I know you all are enjoying my consternation here at having to pick just one from this amazing array of work. I can hear you chortling and giggling as you oil your rodent wheels for future workouts, knowing you've had your revenge of sorts. It's a plot I tell you, a plot.
The first winnowing got me down to the final six. Each of them were different, each had things I really loved. All of them deserved to win.
Then I let the entries sit for a bit, went back and read again. (At this point, I'm cursing the talent in this group and looking on CraigsList for someone to come choose for me)
In the end I had to go with the entry that I found more and more to think about each time I read it.
The winner this week is Sherin Nicole 10:18pm.
Honestly, this is entirely subjective.
Every entry on the long and short list was winning quality.
Thanks to all of you who took the time to write and post entries. You're making my life wonderfully miserable.
Sherin Nicole, if you'll email me with your mailing address I'll send you the ARC of Shadow Weaver by MarcyKate Connolly.
Andyes, we'll have another contest on Friday. I'm a sucker for your work, damn you all.
66 comments:
“There were a couple of entries that I liked but didn’t quite understand.” This reminds me of why confession in my church is a corporate (in the old sense of the word) enterprise; grace abounds in anonymity. That’s one gentle shark!
I was especially wowed by Michael Seese’s deftness at making the prompt words disappear while spinning a timely tale. Cynthia Mc’s and Richelle Elllberg’s entries are the ones that made me want to read more, ASAP.
There were many entries I regretted reading while I was camping in the deep, dark woods, but at least it was a neck of the deep, dark woods with cell service. Creepy good fun!
YAY! My little homage to the magical Mr. Forti made the long list! Thanks, Janet. It's been a while since I've made a list. :)
As to this lot... wow... I like Kate's line "A fleshy hand rests on my thigh, a moment too long and a fraction too high to mistake intent." And I get the story, so that's a contender for me. But I think I would give this one to Richelle. I believe the key to that story is in the name Ravi. Nicely done.
But congrats to everyone. Some great entries (again) this time, and I noticed some non-regular commenters in the mix. Good to see you!
Just going with my gut, I pick Amy Shaefer's, but what a shortlist!
(and I'm tickled to be included on the long list! ^^)
Loved the tone and phrasing of Kate's entry.
I liked them all (as usual - how could I not?), but I especially enjoyed Mallory Love’s entry. The Rumplestiltskin/Pinocchio crossover made me smile.
(And thanks for the shout out, Jennifer R Donohue.)
Thrilled to make the short list! Thanks Janet and all for your kind words. I personally had settled on Michael Seese before seeing the short list. But really, the talent here is always astounding! And 60+ entries--I don't envy Janet today! (Actually I do. I want her job...) ;)
So glad and appreciative to be on the short list! Thank you, Janet. Whoa--some of these were cree-ee-py! Clearly, Fearless Reider is far more fearless than I am--if I were camping in the woods while reading these, I'd have hightailed it toward civilization.
Amy Johnson's made me smile. Colin's made me laugh. John Frain's made me grin. Donnaeave's made my spine prickle.
These are awesome finalists - I don't envy the decision!
Thanks for another contest, Janet!
My vote is for Kate. Great to see you entering again!
Whoa! Too many finalists and too few books. No idea. Congratulations to all of you. So many did so well. I could not possibly pick. Glad I won’t have to
Amy Johnson and Michael Seese stood out the first time I read the entries. So many are great, but I'll stick with my first impressions.
These were superb! Congrats all. Thank you Janet for the contest!
It's a hard pick but I think my vote goes to Michael Seese. That is a complex emotion/ voice he evoked with just 100 words.
Loved the entries by Richelle and Brig
Among the non-finalists, I really liked Megan V's
I appreciated the prompt. It helped me figure out a bit of backstory for the novel I'm writing during NaNoWriMo this year. Yay for that.
I've been browsing Janet's archives for over a month inhaling as much knowledge as possible. I'm in a pay attention to publishing industry phase right now since I'm getting ready to submit. When I don't have anything close to ready (which covers the past several years) reading industry blogs and advice drives me crazy because I think about that instead of what I should be doing... writing.
I didn't think my first post would be a contest entry, but I've thought about commenting a couple of times over the past few weeks. Commenting for me is hard because I am the most woodlandish of woodland creatures, but all you denizens of the reef seem like a nice group! Hopefully, I'll work up the nerve to post an actual opinion about something at some point.
The sweep of Amy Johnson's entry impressed me the most.
Congrats to all and sundry who entered. A huge amount of talent was shown in them.
It's tough to pick! But I am going with Mallory Love's entry. It hit all the right buttons for me as a Rumpelstiltskin sympathizer. Great contest this week and the entries shine.
Gayle! Welcome to the comment box!! Please make yourself at home, ask questions, criticize Janet's spelling, and generally make yourself one of the family. Because you basically are already. :) If you're not on the list of Blog Readers and Their Blogs and would like to be, drop me an email.
Wait... do you have to have an opinion about something to comment? So *that's* what I've been doing wrong all this time! :D
My favorite was John Frain's.
"This gentleman foreshadowed it. In the title.
"But she says you don't even need a title."
I laughed out loud!
Welcome to Gayle! Glad that you dipped your toe in.
And congrats to all the longs, shorts and mentions! Such a hard job even narrowing it down. I just read through them all again...They're gooood. Fun to do on this foggy, misty morning. Reading them camping? Uh, uh, no way.
Good luck to all in the running.
My entry was cathartic. Thanks for that, . And thank you for the mention and for your kindness.
I just spent some time rereading all the entries. Sheesh, so much good stuff. Tough to narrow it down, as usual.
Madeline Mora-Summonte's was heartbreaking.
Colin and Mr. Frain made me laugh.
Donna's gave me the chills.
Richelle Elberg's was inspiring.
I'm going with Richelle's...
Way to go, everyone. Congratulations on the mentions and all who made the short list.
I would have to choose between Amy Schaefer and Mallory Love, and while it's close, I think I'd lean toward Mallory because of that wonderful first line.
Mallory Love's is my favorite. I love the ironic voice, the cadence of the lines, and the story telling. Also, I could somehow see the characters, the wooden, smoky pub , the storyteller with his pipe in hand and clever eyes. Like a scene in a play.
We're all looking for that killer last line that makes a punch and sums things up but this one did the job without hitting you on the head with it.
I'm always impressed with how good these entries are.
I'm on my way to eye surgery, but have a minute to chime in. As a fellow poet, I want to hear Amy read hers! It's not easy to do what she's done there, and that's a perfect spoken poem. Read it out loud and feel the beat! All the rest of the beautiful stories kept trying to make me change my mind though. But, since I have to leave now, . .
I liked Michael Seese's story for the topical nature of the horror.
I also would have added Hank's and Steve Forti's to the short list.
Colin,
you made me giggle like a little...
Good job everyone.
Congrats to all the entrants, mentions, and finalists. You blew my socks right off! I'm in love with Brig's line: "Lord Flourish was so well turned out he was almost in again." Good luck picking a winner, Janet - so difficult!
I attended an SCBWI conference on Saturday, then had an evening thing. Tried to draft an entry on the train to the conference, but a second look at 11:45 pm revealed two key facts: it was dreck, and I was dead-tired.
I always love anything by both Amy Schaefer and Amy Johnson. Such great entries. And such a great prize to win!
Lots of great entries but I think I love Amy Johnson's best of all. ('Radar'. Nice use of the prompt.)
Thanks Kregger, very kind of you.
Good luck to the long listers, and as usual the talent here is inspiring.
Cheers Hank.
I loved John Frain's entry, but I am easily amused it seems.
Richelle for me. I love that story.
The competition around here is getting fierce. Holy cow. So many good entries.
Wonderful entries and congrats to all mentions, long listed (Melanie, I understood yours right off the bat) and short listed!
I vote (strongly) for Amy Johnson's. I LOVED it.
OT: I finally felt well enough to lay down some creative words this weekend and let me tell you what - it was just what I needed. The good doesn't last long but when it hits? I bake, vacuum and write. Which is what I did Sat before I paid for it on Sunday.
Three more treatments and I'm done. Amen.
Once again I am blown away by the talent of this group... Congratulations to all the short and long listed stories. And good luck Janet, on trying to pick a winner!
Congrats Sherin Nicole!
Congrats, Sherin! I'll update the spreadsheet in the Treasure Chest later so you can see your name in lights! :)
Congratulations, Sherin Nicole! I'm so happy for you!
Thank you for your kind words, Janet, and for running these contests. It's such a treat to read the entries, and I always learn from them.
Thank you to all who offered kind words today. I've got a plan to look back on them on those "Do I completely stink at writing?" days. (I'm sure nobody else here has those days.) I'm grateful to be part of this amazing and encouraging group.
Look, Sherin, here come the balloons and confetti for you! Yay!
Sherin - congratulations! Well done.
Janet, you made my day. Thank you.
Fearless Reider, thank you for your kind words.
Melanie - I grieved with you.
Colin - I was with you on "dar" (?) - for me it could only be Daughters of the American Revolution. That plus the anniversary of the Battle of Yorktown (close enough) was too much fun to resist.
Too all the long and short listers and mentions - great job! I loved reading each one.
For anyone who hasn't yet entered one of these contests - do it. They are the best writing exercise I know. Also, keep your entries - you may want to do more with them.
Man, I hate typos, but on a quick break with no time to repost. Trying to get over my perfectionism...trying...
Congrats to Sherin!
These are such a fun challenge. Thanks for hosting them Janet!
Congrats Sherin! Lovely piece
Oh Congrats Sherin! Magnificent!
And congrats to the finalists, the semis, the mentionables, and the unmentionables - such a terrific read this was this weekend!
Congrats Sherin! Well done!
Congrats, Sherrin for the win among some stellar stories!
And thank you, Janet for putting on these contests. They really sharpen our story skills.
What a glorious surprise to come home from work and see all this wonderful literary activity.
First, congratulations to Sharin on a job well done. Second, a sincere thank you to everyone for your heartfelt and supportive comments. Third, a whatever-lies-behind-thanks to Janet for making this great community possible.
Congrats, Sherin!
Congrats, Sherin!
I also loved Michael Seese's post--how timely.
I was going to enter the contest, but...the poem I worked on didn't work out. Was happy with the beginning and the end, but the middle? Ugh. So I'm happy there will be another contest on Friday--yay!
Welcome, Gayle! My first post was a contest entry too (long-time lurker before that, though).
First, Sherin, congratulations. Second, your entry must be poetic because I'm struggling to catch on. (Struggling is far too kind a word to use there.)
I'm still trying to figure out the narrator in Just Jan's clever entry. I'm going with C--Praying Mantis.
I'll be back, Sherin. I'm going to go read yours. Again. And embarrass myself further.
Well done, everyone! And congratulations to Sherin Nicole!
Melanie, thanks so much for your kind words re my story.
Congratulations, Sherin. Wonderful story
Thank you, Janet. I'm stunned.
The suspense of reading through your thoughts sucked me in. I couldn't wait to see who had won. One thing I knew for sure: It wasn't me.
The entries on the shortlist are so good, you guys. They're so very good. I couldn't have picked one.
Thank you to everyone for the congratulations and the kind words!
I'm encouraged to keep going (and to learn to write with greater clarity).
John, it's about the myth of Arachne being reversed. A spider in the darkness who uses cunning to regain her stolen womanhood. At least that's what I was aiming for. Hehe.
Congrats, Sherin! Lovely, creepy imagery.
Congratulations, Sherin, for the win! I'm honored to be on the short list with this group of extremely talented writers.
John Frain: you are correct!
Looking forward to a rematch this weekend! Thanks, Janet!
Congrats, Sherin. :) I only half understood your entry, but not understanding it very well didn't stop me from enjoying it.
Congrats, Sherin!
Welcome, Gayle!
Sorry I'm late. I usually am, these days. But at least I got something done today, which isn't normal for me.
The Writing Contest Spreadsheet in the Treasure Chest is up-to-date. Well done, again, Sherin!
As a warm up for the weekend, I'm going to think about what I'm going to write for NaNoWriMo. Anyone else taking part?
Rats. Late to the party again!
Congrats all!
Really loved Sherin's so I'm glad Janet agrees :)
I also quite enjoyed Mallory's and both Amys' this time around.
Welcome Gayle.
And wow.
Can you all do me a favor and stop making me all emotional with your amazing writing? Please and thank you :)
Phenomenal entries, all! Congratulations Sherin!
Congrats Sherin! The entries were amazing this round. Thanks for putting me on the short list, Janet. It's always an honor and a shock. And thank you Sharyn, Beth, Mike, and Amy for your kind words. All the finalists (short and long) were fantastic. I loved Amy Johnson's lyrical entry. I read it bopping my head like an 80's teen jamming to her Walkman. Amy Schaefer, I could picture your story perfectly in my mind, shadowy ghost wife and all. Richelle's entry was awe-inspiring. Brig's made me laugh. Michael Seese's was timely and so seamlessly written. I also loved John Frain's little wink to the audience in his.
There were also some that weren't finalists but were still so lovely and well-written. No entry is ever bad in these contests and so many are just brilliant which must make judging these contests so hard. Can't wait to see what everyone comes up with next week. Carry on, fellow word weavers! ; )
Colin Smith--does it count for NaNoWriMo if you've started it 7 years ago but just really kicked your own arse and are determined to getterdone in the next month or two? If so, I'm taking part. ;)
And p.s. Did anyone else who Janet named to the long or short list get a huge grin on their face at O'Dark Thirty this morning and wait around for their kids to rise so they could brag?! (I'm in NM so it was pretty early here when I saw the post) Not clear that my sons appreciated just how great it felt! Thanks again Janet.
Richelle: Officially, the only rule that I'm aware of is you have to write 50,000 new words between Nov 1 and Nov 30. The intention is that this should be a brand new novel. However, some use it as an occasion to finish a project, or even finish edits to a project. Ultimately, how you use the time is up to you. If you need the discipline of getting to "The End" by Nov 30, then I say go for it! :)
... and to your P.S., Richelle, as much as I'd like to be all "this is just one person's opinion and I've entered over 80 of these contests and I've got a story published in a magazine so it's nothing"... I just can't do it. When I see my name in the list, whether a Mention, a Long Lister, or a Finalist, yeah. I grin. My heart skips. The day is that much sunnier. And somehow my writing is perhaps not as bad as it seemed yesterday. OK, it actually is, but yah know... :) Yes, being listed is something. And winning? Well, as Sherin knows, that's something else. :D
The day was sunnier! And, in New Mexico where it's sunny nearly every day, that's saying something.
My earlier comment got eaten, so I'll try again. Well done, Sherin Nicole! Who can resist an Arachne story?
I look forward to reading the entries next weekend; it will be my break from (my self-imposed) Hallowe'en madness. I've somehow agreed to a) host sixty-five 13/14 year-olds on Friday evening for an end-of-exchange party, and b) that not being enough to do, I have half as many of my own friends coming Saturday night for a costume party. I am fainting in advance. But, at the very least, it will all be grist for the writing mill...
Count me in for Nanowrimo this season. I've been logging long hours outlining, and--hoping I don't curse anything--I'm feeling really good about the story.
My hourglass (thank you, Julie) is poised on my desk and ready for turning. It feels like Opening Day in my office!
Richelle, there are blissfully few rules to Nano. I believe it's summed up thusly: Show up.
By the way, I saw this on Twitter today (courtesy of Barbara Rogan) and it's wonderful: "The way to tell a big story, I've come to understand, is to tell a small story really well."
I totally agree with Colin. Seeing I made the short list instantly makes my day better. And the kind words from my peers ... it's indescribable how good it makes me feel.
Until Friday, my friends.
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