(crash sounds resonate throughout apartment)
Me: (bolt upright from sound sleep) HOLY WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE??
DoY: AhHA (sound of small cat making large pounce reverberates, sets off four car alarms on adjacent street.)
Me: (stumbling from hammock) Your Grace?
DoY: GOTCHA! (begins yodeling)
Me: Dear god, it's 3am why are you singing Ride of the Valkyries?
DoY: I vanquished The Enemy! I am the Mightiest Cat in all the Land.
Me: (flips kitchen light switch, squints at sudden brightness) What, this?
DoY: YeS! (yodels again) It tried to attack me but I Slew it. Slew it DEAD.
Me: Your grace, this the empty plastic bag from Chinese delivery last night.
DoY: Not any more. Now it is toast.
Me: please do not try to eat this.
DoY: You never provide enough food.
Me: (realizing a lost cause when it appears in fur form) Here, have some tuna.