DOY: Thumbs! THUMBS!
Me: Yes, Your Grace?
DOY: Come here. Take a letter.
Me: You need to write a letter?
DOY: Yes, it turns out literary agents do not respond well to
telephone calls. Several were quite short with me.
Me: You've been calling literary agents? WHY?
DOY: I want to get my work published of course. Make money!
Me: (deeply suspicious) what work?
DOY: Those Facebook posts you've been writing for me.
ME: I see.
DOY: Start typing. Dear Agent.
Me: you need to use their name.
DOY: Dear Bipedal Agent Mammal
Me: Dear Barbara Poelle
Me: Dear Barbara Poelle
DOY: I should be world famous
ME: I have a collection of essays
ME: I have a collection of essays
DOY: I should be published by a fancy publisher who
appreciates me.
Me: The word count is a little light right now, but I'm not quite done yet.
Me: The word count is a little light right now, but I'm not quite done yet.
DOY: I will allow people to interview me to promote the book.
ME: So far, people seem to like me.
ME: So far, people seem to like me.
DOY: I have had several author photos taken already.
ME: (stunned silence)
ME: (stunned silence)
Me: Here's a nice article on self-publishing. I'll help you
turn the pages.
DOY: oh good, total artistic control. Even better.
Me: *swills emergency vodka*
23 comments:
I take it you haven't told Her Grace that total artistic control also means you're the one forking out the red?
(Says she who had to apply for a grant for her next indie project. May it be granted.)
Janet, thank you for the laughter this morning. I agree with the Duchess - she deserves to be recognized for the star she is.
Hey, things are tough when nobody understands the depths of your genius! At least The Duchess of Yowl has clear communication channales; Elka speaks very clear English, until she doesn't. Then she wants to know why I don't speak Dog.
Bucky, from GET FUZZY, writes a book.
DOY: Dear Bipedal Agent Mammal
Me: Dear Barbara Poelle
Bwahahahaha!!!
I can't wait to see some correspondence between Barbara Poelle and the Duchess. Thanks for my vacation laugh! I'm heading for some lovely waves to soothe my soul!
The newest off-market TV series: Clueless in New York, starring Her Grace, DOY. A zany rom-com in the heart of Bucky Katt meets Garfield and destroyed by internet sensation, Grumpy Cat. All non-animal lovers are Clueless of the antics therein but loved by all.
Coming soon to a device of your choice. You go(,)yowl!
Chuckling madly. Pug looks at me suspiciously. Then goes back to sleep.
These posts are hilarious. At least the Duchess did not attempt to query a fiction novel.
Does the DoY know she already has a fan club?
Hilarious! My only complaint is these snippets are too short. Thanks for the laughs. *swills emergency vodka* HA!
I'm loving these vacation posts! Thanks, Janet. I had to look up "swill." I never know what I'll learn here, but it's always something good.
I see a product tie-in coming: artisanal tuna-flavored vodka. Meow!
DoY certainly knows her market and she's already developed a fine platform. From yesterday's hijinks,I kept envisioning DoY performing that great feat known as the tuna roll.
Question: Since when did Slithery Barbara Poelle grow legs? :)
Great stuff, Janet!
LOL. Loving these slices of life.
That's really gonna eat into her tuna budget.
It's no real wonder. What use does the Duchess of Yowl have for a horse to pull her cart, when she has bipedal mammals with thumbs already on the job?
I hope that emergency vodka supply closet is well stocked!
Yeah, DOY's right. All an author really needs is an ample supply of author photos and a thumbed servant/typist.
It must have been stressful for a scotch drinker to swill vodka.
I kind of know that frame of mind.
Need a break from trying to make my world be normal again. Hurricanes are exhausting.
Craig - isn't that the truth? For us I think the storm was easier than the aftermath.
Ah, Cynthia. For a normal storm I would say that. Irma wasn't normal.
Way back on Labor Day Kathy and I went kayaking. We came home, watched the news and found out that runs had already been made for almost everything. Tuesday there was no bottled water, batteries, plywood or gas to be found.
That made me feel like I was behind and trying to catch up. It sucked all of my energy before the storm even got close. Then there were the six times they said it was going to turn and didn't.
Then we got lucky. Dry air had snuck into the Gulf and weakened her. Just that made you want to curl up and sleep for a week but the aftermath was waiting.
We just got our power back - in time to watch Bama whup up on Colorado State. Almost a week without power. In house temp down to 82 now. Almost feels cold.
Yay, Cynthia! And this month's power bill will be cheaper... ;) Good to see things returning to normalish.
I'd buy it... :D
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