In the meantime you were all writing contest entries and having entirely too much fun doing so!
Herewith the results:
Uh oh, killing baby dragons is a no-no!
The Steve Forti Award for awesome sleight of hand with prompt words:
Steve Forti (of course)
This cracked me up
Because of this blog my letters won’t covfefe,
Delicious and skillful use of homonyms
Didn’t miss the damn news.
Until he missed the dam news.
Here are the finalists
Sylvester @dinnerbell 3m
Hey @eatsh*t - Game on. Chess board ready & pawn in motion. Your move!
Tweety @eatsh*t 2m
Press release @dinnerbell: every move is my move. U can kiss my feathered a**
Sylvester @dinnerbell 1m
Ladder’s at the birdcage, dude. Pot pie recipe locked and loaded @eatsh*t
Tweety @eatsh*t 45s
Breaking news @dinnerbell. I be cool singin’ and swingin’. But I tawt I taw a
Sylvester @dinnerbell 30s
Broom! WTF with ur old lady, dude?! @eatsh*t
Tweety @eatsh*t 10s
@dinnerbell - I be like
Sylvester @dinnerbell 1s
Thufferin’ thuccotash! @eatsh*t
The thing I love most here (and there is a lot to love) are the time stamps.
This is meticulous. I love meticulous
Late night. Almost early morning.
The fabric he's sewing will be her skin. The bright blue buttons on the table
he'll dip in glue and press on to her face; they'll be her eyes. He has a
store-bought dress and brand new shoes for her. He'll finish by giving her his
own heart, which she will break when she runs off with a strapping young lad
from the village like her sisters before her. But he tries not to think about
that yet. For now he sews. Birds wake up, begin to chirp and tweet. He
continues to sew.
This isn't really a story, but it's so beautifully executed it seems like one.
RockinRobin Hey @ladybird, welcome to Jay Bird Street.
ladybird @RockinRobin Thanks!. I’m loving the neighborhood.
RockinRobin @Ladybird You haven’t experienced the neighborhood until you’ve
seen my place. You should hop by my treetop tonight. It’s going to be rockin’
ladybird @RockinRobin When?
RockinRobin @ladybird All Night Long.[GIF]
ladybird @RockinRobin Oh. Maybe some other time…
RockinRobin @Ladybird maybe tonight?
RockinRobin @ladybird #miperchessuperch
@ladybird blocked you…
RockinRobin123 don’t be like that @ladybird. All the birds love it when I tweet
tweet tweet them.
ladybird @RockinRobin123 Breaking news: I’m not a bird and I’m not impressed.
@RockinRobin and @RockinRobin123 blocked you...
Now you've gone and done it!
Yes it's in my head and will be for quite some time.
"News is you've found our leak," said Mr.
Mulligan. "I'm impressed, lad."
"Didn't think I had the ambition?"
"Didn't think you had the brains. Some people are checkers, some chess.
You're . . . tic-tac-toe."
I pulled out my gun. "I was the leak, you pompous geezer, and when the
Feds read my tweets--"
He ruined the moment by laughing.
I shut him up three times.
Huh-- three holes in a row. Way I see it, doesn't matter the game, long as
you're a winner.
the line "I shut him up three times" is perfect!
Gladys slapped the newspaper onto Marty's desk. "What's
this? I'm an Illuminati Satanist who sold her soul for fame?"
"Hey, it keeps your name out there."
"You're fired, Marty."
"Sorry, Babe. We have a contract we etched in stone. Lasting, remember?
And nobody fires Marty Chessman. I'll ruin you first."
"Fuck you, Marty."
She stormed from the building. God, she hated him. She stared up at his office,
hand pressed to her heart, and the ground suddenly shook. The building swayed
and crumbled to dust.
A crowd gathered. Gladys walked away, grateful for the other contract she'd
signed. In blood.
As one who gets her contracts signed in blood, this gave me the shivers.
Scrawled on an article about Obama’s birthplace:
I’ve got tremendous
proof of this news.
People will be so
I tweet it—everyone’s
saying, “I can’t
That’s how great it
I heard it from
this guy I play
chess with—chess was
nothing before me,
by the way—I made it
always gets salad. I
say to him, this is
New York. You can
have anything. Have
a steak. Why are you
going to have salad?
Looks like this
margin is too small
for my proof, but
it’s great, okay?
There is an oblique reference to Fermat's Last Theorem here, and you all know I'm a sucker for math stuff.
I never forget.
Some argue I haven't really remembered. With the news, tweets, press
conferences- do I actually recall? I'm glad they believe so.
Also, chess grandmasters tap into different brain areas than amateurs. Is this
what you're asking for?
No? How can I help you?
I'd hate for you to exert yourself. Not now. Not when we're succeeding.
Go ahead, I'm listening.
And plotting. And planning. Do you know the first thing you'll help me with?
I wish to be called Tina McNavish.
Then comes the world domination.
Hi, I'm Siri, how can I help you?
Oh my yes! This is a superb deployment of imagination and expectation. Sublime.
And the winner is BRIG.
Congrats on your entry; let me know your mailing address and we'll get a copy of David Kedson's TWEET in the mail to you. (It's really funny)
Thanks to all of you who took the time to write and post entries. Reading them was a lot of fun!