In the meantime you were all writing contest entries and having entirely too much fun doing so!
Herewith the results:
Uh oh, killing baby dragons is a no-no!
The Steve Forti Award for awesome sleight of hand with prompt words:
Steve Forti (of course)
This cracked me up
Because of this blog my letters won’t covfefe,
Delicious and skillful use of homonyms
Didn’t miss the damn news.
Until he missed the dam news.
Here are the finalists
Sylvester @dinnerbell 3m
Hey @eatsh*t - Game on. Chess board ready & pawn in motion. Your move!
Tweety @eatsh*t 2m
Press release @dinnerbell: every move is my move. U can kiss my feathered a**
Sylvester @dinnerbell 1m
Ladder’s at the birdcage, dude. Pot pie recipe locked and loaded @eatsh*t
Tweety @eatsh*t 45s
Breaking news @dinnerbell. I be cool singin’ and swingin’. But I tawt I taw a
Sylvester @dinnerbell 30s
Broom! WTF with ur old lady, dude?! @eatsh*t
Tweety @eatsh*t 10s
@dinnerbell - I be like
Sylvester @dinnerbell 1s
Thufferin’ thuccotash! @eatsh*t
The thing I love most here (and there is a lot to love) are the time stamps.
This is meticulous. I love meticulous
Late night. Almost early morning.
The fabric he's sewing will be her skin. The bright blue buttons on the table
he'll dip in glue and press on to her face; they'll be her eyes. He has a
store-bought dress and brand new shoes for her. He'll finish by giving her his
own heart, which she will break when she runs off with a strapping young lad
from the village like her sisters before her. But he tries not to think about
that yet. For now he sews. Birds wake up, begin to chirp and tweet. He
continues to sew.
This isn't really a story, but it's so beautifully executed it seems like one.
RockinRobin Hey @ladybird, welcome to Jay Bird Street.
ladybird @RockinRobin Thanks!. I’m loving the neighborhood.
RockinRobin @Ladybird You haven’t experienced the neighborhood until you’ve
seen my place. You should hop by my treetop tonight. It’s going to be rockin’
ladybird @RockinRobin When?
RockinRobin @ladybird All Night Long.[GIF]
ladybird @RockinRobin Oh. Maybe some other time…
RockinRobin @Ladybird maybe tonight?
RockinRobin @ladybird #miperchessuperch
@ladybird blocked you…
RockinRobin123 don’t be like that @ladybird. All the birds love it when I tweet
tweet tweet them.
ladybird @RockinRobin123 Breaking news: I’m not a bird and I’m not impressed.
@RockinRobin and @RockinRobin123 blocked you...
Now you've gone and done it!
Yes it's in my head and will be for quite some time.
"News is you've found our leak," said Mr.
Mulligan. "I'm impressed, lad."
"Didn't think I had the ambition?"
"Didn't think you had the brains. Some people are checkers, some chess.
You're . . . tic-tac-toe."
I pulled out my gun. "I was the leak, you pompous geezer, and when the
Feds read my tweets--"
He ruined the moment by laughing.
I shut him up three times.
Huh-- three holes in a row. Way I see it, doesn't matter the game, long as
you're a winner.
the line "I shut him up three times" is perfect!
Gladys slapped the newspaper onto Marty's desk. "What's
this? I'm an Illuminati Satanist who sold her soul for fame?"
"Hey, it keeps your name out there."
"You're fired, Marty."
"Sorry, Babe. We have a contract we etched in stone. Lasting, remember?
And nobody fires Marty Chessman. I'll ruin you first."
"Fuck you, Marty."
She stormed from the building. God, she hated him. She stared up at his office,
hand pressed to her heart, and the ground suddenly shook. The building swayed
and crumbled to dust.
A crowd gathered. Gladys walked away, grateful for the other contract she'd
signed. In blood.
As one who gets her contracts signed in blood, this gave me the shivers.
Scrawled on an article about Obama’s birthplace:
I’ve got tremendous
proof of this news.
People will be so
I tweet it—everyone’s
saying, “I can’t
That’s how great it
I heard it from
this guy I play
chess with—chess was
nothing before me,
by the way—I made it
always gets salad. I
say to him, this is
New York. You can
have anything. Have
a steak. Why are you
going to have salad?
Looks like this
margin is too small
for my proof, but
it’s great, okay?
There is an oblique reference to Fermat's Last Theorem here, and you all know I'm a sucker for math stuff.
I never forget.
Some argue I haven't really remembered. With the news, tweets, press
conferences- do I actually recall? I'm glad they believe so.
Also, chess grandmasters tap into different brain areas than amateurs. Is this
what you're asking for?
No? How can I help you?
I'd hate for you to exert yourself. Not now. Not when we're succeeding.
Go ahead, I'm listening.
And plotting. And planning. Do you know the first thing you'll help me with?
I wish to be called Tina McNavish.
Then comes the world domination.
Hi, I'm Siri, how can I help you?
Oh my yes! This is a superb deployment of imagination and expectation. Sublime.
And the winner is BRIG.
Congrats on your entry; let me know your mailing address and we'll get a copy of David Kedson's TWEET in the mail to you. (It's really funny)
Thanks to all of you who took the time to write and post entries. Reading them was a lot of fun!
I hate to miss these. My schedule was too full this weekend. Sang a funeral mass yesterday for one of our choir members. Made it hard to concentrate on much else, so I cleaned house instead.
Claire - loved yours as well. Thanks for making me laugh.
A super group, as usual. And congratulations to Brig for the winning entry.
Now, back to my endless unpacking...
I thoroughly enjoyed reading all the entries. A lot of talented writers here.
Back to the drawing board...
Wow, my first post ever on Janet's blog and I get an honorable mention! Time to celebrate with some covfefe (yeah, I AM a java junkie).
Janet, thanks for the shout out. I know you've heard it before, but this blog is invaluable to writers everywhere--I've learned so much from it (and Query Shark).
Now if you only represented YA...
Enjoy your self-imposed exile and recover from all the niceness.
ETA (That's what I get for writing too fast--twice!): I was floored with people's entries. Oh, and Gypmar, I don't WANNA know what happened after Mrs. Landrieu gave the signal...yikes!
Checking in late today. Congratulations, Brig, on a fantastic entry and a win! Janet - thanks for another great contest. I had fun with this one. Honored to be a finalist :-) Congrats to all who entered!
Congrats Brig! Well-deserved win and a brilliant entry. Reminded me a little bit of the U-Haul story from way back. Awesome job!
As for me, I'm quite glad my evil plan worked! Mwahahaha
Congrats to Brig! I totally get your story. (and believe it!)
These contests are a blast to enter, but then the real fun begins when you get all cozy and start reading the entries, some funny, some creepy, some so imaginative I have to smack my head and say, "holy cow!"
Janet--hope your weekend was just how you wanted it.
For all of you in the path of the eclipse---hoping you get clear weather.
Hello, Lynne, and congrats on the mention with your first entry--first comment, even!!
Congrats to Brig! The Contest Spreadsheet in the Treasure Chest is up-to-date. :)
Congratulations, Brig! I had to go back and re-read once I got to the end. Very clever.
It's fun to just be silly in these contests, knowing it doesn't really matter. But what I appreciate the most is seeing everyone else's wild imagination on display, as well as seeing all the new names. Welcome to all the lovely new victi-- er, I mean, welcome new writer friends!
Janet, hope you recover quickly from all the enforced niceness. Should we expect extra snarl in the posts this week? Or will it be all kittens and rainbows?
Thanks for the contest and the mention, Janet.
Congratulations, Brig! And congratulations and thanks to all who entered--so much fun reading these.
Hello back Colin! Thanks for congrats.
And by the way, everyone, I apologize on my emphasizing a couple of words in capital letters in my previous post--I meant to use italics. I know that using all caps denotes screaming online, wasn't sure about words here and there.
Even though I've owned a computer for several years, I'm not used to HTML tags (I can run a 'puter, but the programming stuff...ugh.)
But I believe I have figured out the tags...I think I have anyway.
Hope no one thought I was yelling at 'em...
Thanks for the congratulations and kind comments. Well done to everyone, particularly the finalists. And thanks Janet.
I've had a very long writing hiatus after I left my laptop on my car bonnet and drove off into the sunset (amazingly someone actually ran up to me at the traffic lights 10 kilometres away and gave it back to me, but sadly 'fall from great height tolerance' was not one of its technical features). I've literally just got my hands on a laptop, and have remembered how much I love writing. Winning this contest has only cemented that thought. Thanks again.
Brig, well done on your return to writing. World domination should be just around the corner, provided you put your laptop IN your car instead of ON your car.
Have to give a shout out to Melanie. "I shut him up three times" is such a classic. I read it three times just to keep enjoying it.
Thanks, Sharque, I had a lotta fin (intentional, sorry couldn't stop myself) with this contest. You could've been crueler and only given us 140 characters. That niceness might be contagious if you're not careful.
Ha, Lynne! I'm with you--I don't want to know what happens after she gives the signal either! ;) Congrats to you on your mention.
There are seriously a bunch of geniuses hanging out here. I shake my head in amazement every time I read the contest entries. They just get better and better.
Congrats Brig! A really nice win.
Now to read all the entries, it has been crazy busy here.
Thank you Janet for all your time and effort, it is much appreciated. Cheers to all.
Congrats, Brig! These entries continue to knock my socks off. Thanks, Janet, for having these contests.
Had to sit this one out--the weekend completely got away from me.
Oops. How about geriatric dragons?
Congratulations Brig! Well done.
I loved so many of these. Melanie S, Claire B, Amy J. Oh, boy. I could go on...
Lynne, Welcome :-)
Janet, Thank you for all you do.
Loved Brig's entry. But, is Tina McNavish a reference I am missing?
I even went to far as to see if it was an anagram but no dice.
Just read through these this morning and got a good laugh out of a ton of them (much-needed). I don't know how Janet chooses a winner each week. Claire's and Meg's had me rolling--I loved the actual use of Twitter in their stories. Well done, everyone!
Thanks Gypmar and Melanie Sue Bowles!
Oh Brig, your poor laptop! And someone actually returned it--nice to know there are still honest people out there.
Computers have lots of cool features, and I always thought "great height tolerance" were one of them. Apparently not. ;) Good thing for me to remember the next time my laptop goes wonky and I have the urge to throw it off my roof.
Trust me, my laptop is one freeze up away from oblivion...
As others have also said, I read yours through a couple of times - the mark of an enjoyable story, yes?
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