Friday, March 24, 2017

A new and diabolical way to torment you!

Nothing cheers me up faster than finding new and even more evil ways to torment writers. And the caption contest provided me with same! I feel MUCH better. (Yes, that sound you hear is a shark cackling madly)

First things first. Herewith the results (so to speak)

Brigid 9:11am
There is a tiny baby on my lap. She is wearing a sleeper covered in anthropomorphic milk and cookies, and making goat bleats so noisily that she keeps dropping her breakfast and getting outraged.

Brigid's new baby, Ilaria Jacqueline, makes me happy just being here in the world. For starters of course, she's got a J-name, and that makes her special. But I also like the idea of one more reader coming in to the world.  Of course, she won't be allowed to read this blog till she's 32 years old, but for right now it's just enough to know she's here, hearing great literature being read to her! (And by great literature I mean good books, NOT this blog!)

Casey Karp 12:11pm
fomerly feral feline

I love that phrase. It just falls off the tongue purrfectly!

Kitty 8:17am
Henry: “Ever wonder what it’s like
outside this apartment? How about
Pablo: “No. When she hauls out
the cat carrier, I
exit. I hide under her
on top of the frig. I
don’t ever want to
leave this sanctuary. {stretch} Not

No explanation required of why I love this one, right?

french sojoun 10:24am
Henry: "Hey Pablo, wanna play guess my sickness?"
Pablo: "No!"
Henry: "Damn U."
Pablo: "Seriously?"
Henry: "Fuk'n A."
Pablo: "That's classy."
Henry: "Ass O"
Pablo: "Tourette Syndrome!"
Henry: "Shit-E guess."
Pablo: "Grow up, Henry."
Henry: "Fuk'n I_diot."
Pablo: "Alright, I give up.
Henry: "Irritable Vowel Syndrome."
Pablo: "You wasted all my time for that? Now shut up and let me finish watching 'To Kill A Mockingbird'."
Henry: "You know they never do show you how, don't you?"

The only thing I would change about this is leaving out the last two lines.
Otherwise it's a pretty hilarious little story.

Donnaeve 11:18am
"This TV watching thing doesn't seem all that bad today."
"Huh? It's turned off, ya know."

This is exactly how I feel about TV and pretty much all media right now.

Casey Karp 3:46pm
A young man is reading on the bus, occasionally casting a lingering glance at the attractive member of his preferred sex seated next to him. Finally, he closes the book, and asks "Do you like Kipling?"

"I don't know," the AMoHPS replies, with an oh-so-cute look of befuddlement. "I've never kippled."
There are a million versions of this joke, but I've never heard this one and it cracked me up.
Some of the delight comes from the personal twist Casey put on it (AMoHPS)

Angie Brooksby-Arcangioli 3:08pm
That dumb cat sitter thinks we're called Pablo and Henry. Won't even give us our fix.

Let's teach her a lesson. You knock the plant off the table and I'll spray the book.

Yeah, then she'll know who Iceberg and Slim are.

Somehow the two cats being named Iceberg and Slim just cracked me up.
Hooligan cats!

Ginger MollyMarilyn 4:50pm

The weird scene going on in my house right now: A platypus getting it on with a rabbit. Picture that for a second, it may be a small escape, alleviating your worries.

There's really nothing to say about this entry other than I'm still laughing.
Well, I guess I should say "I wish you'd gotten pictures!"

RosannaM 5:37pm
QOTKU's dictionary's definition of gaze.


Now, on to the new and diabolical way to torment you!
The prize for this contest is that the winning entry will provide the next prompt word for #100.
And I can hear you all shrieking and saying "oh my god, she IS going to pick Hooptedoodle, I knew it!"

But no. I'm going to let you choose your own adventure torment! From the entries above, pick the word that you think should be Word #4 for Contest #100.

Remember, a good prompt word is generally short, has more than one meaning, is not by definition pornographic or a swear word (although any word can take on those characteristics depending on context!)

Post your suggestions in the comment column. Include the entry writer with the word too, if you would.

Ready? Set? Go!
(I'm going to close the comments later today and tabulate the results so don't dawdle!)

Comments closed.
We now move to Round Two of the torment (tomorrow's blog post)


french sojourn said...

I can never get enough of 'The further Adventures of Iceberg and Slim.'

french sojourn said...

feral (Casey Karp)

AJ Blythe said...

Oh, duh! Now I know why comments were turned off on the previous post *headbutts desk*. I hate timezones.

Okeley dokely, #4 word vote: In honour of the FF#100 my pick is a word that sums up why we are all here... book (Casey Karp)

Carolynnwith2Ns said...

Observation: were you really up at 2:45 am to post this. If the answer is yes, girl, you need some Nyquil.

Donnaeve said...

Shoot. I'm torn because I'm thinking about how in the world I'm going to come up with something with what we have already.

Scapegrace (!!! x a bazillion)

...and? I like book. I like feral. Book has multiple meanings. Feral could...

*insert Jeopardy theme song*

I think plant (Angie's) would be a good one. Single syllable, multiple meanings.

This contest is gonna be a doozy.

Steve Forti said...

Fix or slim would work well.

Unknown said...

Bleats (Brigid)

AJ Blythe said...

Colin, I know you'll mosey on by at some point. Any chance you could take a moment to update the Reider's blog list for me? I've taken the plunge and created a website and shifted my blog accordingly. I'm now at: Ta, muchly.

Sorry about the comment deletions, I kept making errors in the web page linky =(

Unknown said...

Brigid, I'm envious. Sitting here with a snoring dog on my lap, but it's just not the same!

Janet Reid said...

CarolyNN yup, 2:45am.
It took me awhile to dream this up.

Anonymous said...

Well hell. The last post was a contest? NOW you tell us.

Okay, here are my favourites:

I love how Brigid used the word "is" in her comment.

And Kitty's use of "it" was masterful.

And Casey and Angie and Ginger ALL made such sublime use of the word "the." Just can't top that.

But any of the three are worthy contenders. Really.

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Anthropomorphic - Brigid (See,I can torture myself)

Now coffee

Lisa Bodenheim said...

How about Brigid's cookies?

Kitty said...

And here I've been working for 2 days -- TWO DAYS! -- dreaming up ways to use hooptedoodle!
Don Ho opted oodles of poi for the luau. (Do I really need "for" between opted and oodles?)

I like the words feral, divan, vowel, and gaze.

Unknown said...

OMG, that's brilliant!

Madeline Mora-Summonte said...

I've got two picks, both from Brigid's entry -


Theresa said...

Ginger's platypus.

Brigid said...

I liked Casey's cast--nice and flexible.

Kdjames has the right idea. Unless you want to get twisted and ban those three. No is, no it, no the. That'd be a wreck.

IJ has decided sleep is for those who can't use milk like an upper. She's the infant equivalent of the college kid with a coffee IV and too-big ambitions. More milk, more Yertle, more snuggles. She looks like she's napping but I know better. She's just resting her jaw.

Megan V said...

My vote goes with syndrome(from Hank's entry), if only because 1. I want to see how Reider's try to Forti that one and 2. Syndrome is the villain in The Incredibles.

Amy Schaefer said...

Lots of good suggestions here already; I'm sitting in the "I'll take anything you throw at me" camp. I'm just grateful, once again, that #100 isn't today. Between my 8 year-old daughter and my 96 year-old grandmother, I've been to the hospital/doctor's office nine times in the past three weeks. (Everyone is okay, don't worry.) I feel like setting up one of those count-up clocks they have at industrial sites: X days since our last injury. I swear, I'm ready to throw a party if the two of them last a week.

S.D.King said...

I'm voting for "cat". Lazy? Maybe. Lots of possibilities? Yes.

Others: next, I, all!

Confession: I was hoping this one would be "open" - write what you like, but hey, I am just excited to be part of the 100th.

Melanie Sue Bowles said...

Holy crap on a cracker... This is so stinkin' fun.

I vote for bleats from Brigid.

And Brigid, Congratulations. What a beautiful name you've given your precious package. Lovely!

Up at 2:45am? Ugh, Janet... How are you up now? The thought of so little sleep makes my hair hurt.

Kitty said...

Ooops! I forgot to label the words with the writers' names:

feral (Casey Karp)
divan (Kitty…I know it’s mine, but it would make a neat prompt)
vowel (French sojourn)
gaze (RosannaM)

Dena Pawling said...

I'm with kdjames


Cecilia Ortiz Luna said...

Feral and feline - Casey Karp?

Susan said...

I woke up at 3am, and because I couldn't get back to sleep right away, I reached for my phone and decided to scroll through the rest of yesterday's comments. But then I saw a new post, asking us to choose the next word for Contest 100. I glanced through the finalists, at the words that might be used--"platypus?" "Kippled?"--then promptly threw my phone back on the nightstand. "Nope," I muttered, and rolled back over. I swore this morning I must have been dreaming.


I'm with KD's suggestion. She had me LOLing.

Congrats to the finalists for these captions! I liked all of them. And none of them, but only on principle. I still have no idea how to use scapegrace in a sentence.

Colin Smith said...

AJ: Tis done. Nice looking site too! Congrats. :)

Yes, I am just dropping by. Got some celebratin' to do, starting with mushy CoCo Pops, and FirstBorn-made cake with chocolate ice cream and chocolate milk. There may well be a visit to a bookstore and some Indian food in the middle of that. :D

For now, let me just add my two cents. My vote is for Hank's use of a. Or was it A? Wow... that could make all the difference in a story...

E.M. Goldsmith said...

I've changed my mind, well, what's left of it and join KDJames and Dena in their wise suggestions:


And add


All of these used deftly by various of the cited authors.

RosannaM said...

So I read through all the entries searching for some magical thread that would tie the other 3 words together. Without success, unless you go for one of kid's, which would be wayyyy too much to expect from Janet. A nice, innocuous, simplistic word? Not going to happen.

But if I had to cast my vote for best yesterday's comment, I'd vote Casey for the Kipling joke. So book, cute, bus.

Brigid, my neighbor has new lambs and they nurse with a fierceness! No bleating, though. Enjoy your little one.

And Kitty? I tip my mai tai to you--that would have been the Hooptedoodlest win!

Craig F said...



Amy Johnson said...

Another vote for bleats from Brigid.

Multiple definitions. Multiple ways to Forti it. (How cool it must be to have a last name that's become a verb here!)

I'm so excited about the 100th contest, and it seems I'm not the only one. This morning, I woke up wondering, Is today the day? Thanks, Janet! You're making this especially fun--I mean torturous. (And tortuous!)

Amy S., I hope things stay less eventful. Glad everyone is okay.

John Davis Frain said...

I'm going with "fix" from Angie's entry.

Nate Wilson said...

Is it I? To counter this influx of overly simple suggestions, I offer up:

Iceberg (Angie Brooksby-Arcangioli)
AMoHPS (Casey Karp)

Angie's caption gets the edge for me, but O the challenge of Casey's "word."

Sherry Howard said...

Bus from Casey. (It has multiple meanings to me, but maybe not everybody else.)

And there is NOTHING in the world that beats a baby. So, Brigid, you have the best cuddle in the world right now.

BJ Muntain said...

Happy birthday, Colin!

You will be happy to note that I had a whole list of possible words here that could have different meanings and fit all genres, but...

My final vote would be: cookies. Because... cookies.

AmyS: Maybe your daughter will grow up to be a doctor...

Susan said...

Happy, happy birthday, Colin!

The only satisfaction I'm getting from these word choices is this: we might have to write the stories, but Janet has to read them. =P

Casey Karp said...

I'm hugely taken by Brigid's phrase "anthropomorphic milk and cookies". So my vote for the word would be "cookies".

Long enough to be broken up and concealed (yes, I skipped the potential joke about crumbling), but short enough to be used as-is.

But if you really wanted to make contest #100 special for the participants, "anthropomorphic" wouldn't be a bad choice.

It's possible that my choice is slightly biased, given that I never ("What, never?" "Well, hardly ever.") participate in the contests.

Kate Higgins said...

Can't do Hooptedoodle huh???
Oh, well something more mundane then;

I'll choose Casey Karp's "kippled"

(Oh geez, I just sounded like the sorting hat in "Harry Potter"!)

Claire Bobrow said...

My head hurts!

I'm going with wasted from frenchsojurn, aka Hank.

Beth Carpenter said...

Brigid's "lap" would be nice. It's a noun or a verb, and it's flexible. Besides it's the perfect place for a baby, a cat, or a book -- three of my favorite things.

Babies, mmmm. Brigid, does her head have that lovely new-baby smell?

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Have a splendid birthday, Colin, and many happy returns.

Cecilia Ortiz Luna said...

Happy birthday Sir Colin, Grand Steward of Carkoon

Claire Bobrow said...

Happy Birthday Colin!

Lennon Faris said...

My vote goes to 'feral' or 'bleat.' Interesting words that could still be used in a lot of ways.

kdjames - haha!

Megan V "I want to see how Reider's try to Forti that one" - lol. What an apt new word.

Lennon Faris said...

Oh, I think we all know it by now but those were from Casey's & Brigid's.

And, happy birthday, Colin!!!

Terri Lynn Coop said...

*pokes head in and waves*

I'm going with "vowel."

*grabs candy from bowl*


Amy Johnson said...

Best wishes for a great birthday, my turnip twin!

Kate Larkindale said...

Happy Birthday, Colin!

I'm adding my two cents in support of feral. I've always loved that word!

Brigid said...

Beth, she does!

Colin, many happy returns! Of the day and library books.

french sojourn said...

Happy Birthday Colin, I'd like to present you with this Laurel, and Hardy handshake, and of course the key to Carkoon.

RosannaM said...

Colin--I hope your birthday is wonderful. Please do allow yourself some chocolate, though.

Kate Higgins said...

Hippo birdie two ewe, Colin!

AJ Blythe said...

Thank you, Colin. Most efficient. They trained you well on Carkoon. It's Saturday here and I think your birthday was Friday, so does that mean I'm wishing you a belated Happy Birthday? Sounds like you have a perfect day planned (although not sure soggy is the way to eat coco poos).

AJ Blythe said...

And that'a why proof reading is so important...

That should be coco pops, not coco poos. Coco poos wouldn't be pleasant crunchy or soft.

Beth Carpenter said...

Happy birthday, Colin. May you never encounter cocoa poos.

Timothy Lowe said...

(Boo the above.)

I vote for Donna's suggestion, plant. Only because the word has a lot of possibility. Noun, verb. Both with different meanings. I see a lot of votes for feral but we had that one a few years ago. Only reason I remember is because that was the one I got lucky enough to win.

Course, I think janet should throw us all a curveball and scramble the words. I know too many of you devious mo fos have already worked out half an entry.

Megan V said...


Nobody's devious here. Not a one. Unless you count Colin. It is his birthday after all, and birthdays are when all sorts of tricksy things happen. Something to do with wishes.

RosannaM said...


Timothy was commenting on some loser-type spam. Janet must have shark-bitten his comment to shreds. Rightfully so. So Colin's birthday is safe from being booed.

Megan V said...

Rosanna I saw the previous poster, wasn't planning on booing Colin's birthday at all. Referring to Timothy's last sentence :)

Ashes said...

I'm all for anthropomorphic because I love a challenge.

I feel like the word 'lesson' from Angie's entry might be appropriate and versatile.

Also 'carrier' has multiple definitions, is fairly short, and isn't a swear.

Happy, Colin!

Timothy Lowe said...

Yes, happy B day Colin (oh father of many children...hope it's been a great day).

That spam was about the worst thing I've seen. I wonder what the hell the angle was? Hey loonies - sign here! Scary.

Oh, and I stand by 'devious'. With peeps like Frain and Forti and Wilson lurking about (along with all the rest of ya's) I think we'll all have to bring our A game.

Craig F said...

Alright, I want to see John Forti-fy gob-smacked

I was also that by the comment that got deleted. Ya gotta find the right girl for you, no matter where she says she is from.