Proud Spirit flash fiction RESULTS

We had about half the usual entries this time, most likely due to the holiday and the drop off in readership from the hiatus.  Fewer entries but same amazing quality. Y'all are just fiercely talented writers.

Herewith the results

the Steve Forti Award for clever use of prompt words

Steve Forti 8:58am "Dordogne,"

A very chilling sentence

Timothy Lowe 12:13pm

    A hundred miles south, Mother Nature’s frozen saliva condensed in a cloud as she prepared to devour her disciples.

Evocative paragraph!

Mallory Love 2:14pm

    They gave me a Purple Heart to complement my bruised black one. They didn't know it was friendly fire. Except, by then, we were no longer friends.

It says nothing good about me that this entry cracked me up completely

Amy Johnson 5:32pm

My heart leaped when I saw she had posted the contest results.

"To the so-called author who posted a letter: Yes, it’s a story, and I suppose you’re proud of yourself, thinking your offbeat entry would capture the spirit of the contest. But I have news for you: You came off more like a horse’s patoot than a top dog who could shepherd a new trend in writing contests. You didn’t impress this toothy agent who currently has your query. And don’t enter another one of my contests. I’m watching you, and I bite."

I hung my head in shame.

Finalists

Kregger 9:36 am

I flicked Aloysius and Nebuchadnezzar on their asses to get the wagon moving. Why my high-spirited wife wants to name every critter after some fancy-pants person, I don’t know. Our horse, Jebediah disappeared in Kansas, damn rustlers. The dog, Jedediah died in the Rockies—thankfully, he tasted good. After the Sioux stole our meager herd, she named our youngest son after them. I proudly buried him in the Utah Territories, knowing we’d never have to fight. Thank God, she died today. One less mouth to feed. If our oldest sons, Al and Neb don’t get moving, I’ll eat them too.

I love the clever word play on names here. JeBediah, JeDediah. The boy names Sioux. And of course, the fact that "Al and Neb" aren't oxen at all. This is a brilliant example of how to reveal character.

Beth 11:20am

“Watch that dogie.”

“I got him.” Alfred squeezed with his knees and his horse shot forward, covering the ground in five long strides. He reined her in and turned, nudging the calf back toward the herd. On the canyon rim above them, a bull elk stood proud, silhouetted against the sunset. Perfect.

Alfred dismounted the repurposed carousel horse, today’s test complete. He patted her lacquered neck and grinned. This was genius. Maybe Warp-speed Croquet hadn’t sold a so well, and the less said about Virtual Spelunker the better, but Cowboy Spirit was a winner. He’d bet the ranch on it.

I loved the absolute 180 degree turn here. That's a real accomplishment in 100-word stories! And that zap of humor with Warp-speed Croquet and Virtual Spelunker adds zip to the technical mastery here. Very nice job.

Lennon Faris 9:00pm

Beardie: horsey face, shaggy hair, dog tags round his neck.
On good days, I give a dollar.
God bless, Sir.
Friday: usual herd of humans filing past, Beardie face down.
Does no one see? I touch his shoulder. Track marks, no breath. Spirit leaving.
Chest compressions. Call 911!
Sirens. Narcan, EMT shouts.
Bam! Into muscle. Beardie’s head jerks up, paramedics scatter. Beardie screaming, cursing paramedics by name.
I post proudly, Saved a man’s life today.

Monday: Beardie, usual spot. God bless, Sir.
Eyes opened.
No life saved yet.
I give ten bucks, then my hand. “I’m Michael. Want some breakfast?”

Well, this one yanked my heart strings of course. There are no tricks here, no triple axel word play, just a lovely story, beautifully told. Not a word out of place, not an extra word to be found.  This is elegant writing.

Rkeelan 10:23pm

Her dragon flew a horseshoe pattern. That meant Father would come soon. He was so very proud of her, his pretty daughter. Once free-spirited, now compliant.

Amy held out her hand and Dogon swooped in to land, claws prickly against her palm.

"I can't take this anymore," Amy whispered, looking at the xacto knife before her.

"That is precisely how your mother felt," the dragon said in his rumbly little voice. "She grieved." He nudged the xacto knife. "I urge you to hate instead."

Amy took the knife, its blade protruding from between finger and thumb.

Hate.

So, who can resist a talking dragon? Certainly not I.
And a dragon with malevolent plotting up his sleeve? Sign me up for two of them.

And I like the idea that it ends with Amy not having done anything, that perfect moment when you're not sure if she'll turn left or right. This is a textbook case of the writer being in complete control of her narrative. She knew exactly when to stop.

Brigid 11:21pm

Subj: Interested in a clean race?
Ms. Larkin,
Welcome. You seem like excellent competition. Let's make Kansas proud.
John Shepherd, Governor

Re:
Mr. Shepherd, thank you. Would you host a veterans' benefit at Red Horse with me next month? Could reach a lot more people.
Ellen Larkin, Democratic Candidate for Governor

Subj: Lunch
John, can we change lunch to the Dogsbody? No spirits this week--my staff made fun of me!
Ellen

Subj: Congrats!!!
Ellen, amazing win. I've learned a lot from you.
You know, I'd make an excellent First Gent, if you'll have me.
Love,
J

I love the form  here. And so much unsaid, yet perfectly clear. Very nice story telling.

Just Jan 12:32am

“You’ve had widows at your door ever since Grandma died,” said Charlie.

“Yeah, I’m all they talk about down at the horseshoe pit.” Gramps sighed. “What is it this time?”

“Another pie.” He held it out for inspection. “Cherry, I think.”

“Minnie Barlow. Third pie this month. Bet she’s proud of herself.”

Charlie laughed. “So what if she’s spirited? You should ask her out. She’s probably tired of talking to her dogs.”

“What she wants is someone to help spend her millions. Honestly, Charlie, can you see me doing that?” Gramps lowered his newspaper and found the room empty. “Charlie?”

This just cracked me up completely. Can't you just see these two gents,  sitting in the living room, talking?  And the idea of grandmas at the horseshoe pit was terrific. This is terrific, fun writing.



Calorie Bombshell 1:39am

He’s in his usual spot, conjuring Jack Daniels’ spirit from the bottom of a shot glass.

“Photos and address?”

He slides me an envelope and I palm him five hundreds.

“None of my biz but . . . never seen a runaway hide out in a backwoods horse farm before.”

“Loves animals.”

“Sure is pretty. Proud papa I’d be. With her dimples and that blonde – ” He eyes my coal-black hair.

“She favors her late mother.”

“Recent?”

But I’m too busy planning a homecoming to respond. First, the pet shop. Shock dog collar. Next, the hardware store for reinforced locks.

Boy howdy, does this one have a twist! I'm in awe of being able to write a story in 100 words, let alone with a MAJOR twist like this. 

For those of you who often say you don't get the subtle things: this guy isn't her father. He's her kidnapper. She got away, he's getting her back. 

This is perfectly chilling, and incredible writing. Not flashy, not clever, just plain beautiful. Like an Amish quilt. 

french sojourn 2:36am

“Hello, I’m Dick.”
“Hi Dick, I’m Lisa. Divorced long?”
“Nah, just separated.”
“What the hell? You know speed dating implies you’re available”
“I am available, she’s not coming back.”
“She’s that proud…huh? What did you do?”
“Nothing. It was her decision to constantly travel for work, bound to happen I guess.”
“Ain’t that a female dog, riding two horses at once huh?”
“What? No, not that. Sure, I’m dispirited, but I can’t just wait around.”
“Did she at least send you a Dear John letter?”
“Nope, but the airline sent me a nice Dear Saint Peter letter.”
“Times up, dick!”

Ha! Love the play on Dick and dick. Very nice.
And I'm still not sure if he killed or, or faked his own death, but either one is pretty funny in this context.



I think I know the winner but I'm going to let it sit overnight just to make sure.
In the meantime, how about y'all let me know what you think of the entries and the finalists.

AND did I miss any particularly juicy use of prompt words?

Results around noon. Ok, 12:30, I was dithering.

(a new way to torture writers! I love it!)



This weeks winner is Lennon Faris. I loved the entry, but it also seemed the right entry to win this prize, since Proud Spirit is all about extending a hand to help those who need it. Lennon, if you'll send me your address I'll get it to Melanie Sue Bowles and she'll get your book off to you.

I should mention that it's US addresses only.  Lennon, if you live somewhere ELSE let me know and I'll send you a book and we'll pick a second winner instead.

And just a reminder, here's the page to donate to Proud Spirit Horse Sanctuary. They take PayPal (always important to me, I love making donations that way)


Thanks to all of you who took time to write entries. I loved reading your entries and as usual, it was hard to pick any kind of final list, let alone only one winner.

Back to blog topics tomorrow!