Tuesday, December 02, 2014

Bonus content: actual email received by actual agent

Hello Janet,

Before I invest the time in preparing a submission, I wanted to confirm that you have time to review it.

Thank you.

Kind Regards

Dear Mr Regards,

I'm very sorry I do not have time to review a submission you haven't written. I'm currently occupied with editing a manuscript I haven't received.

Yours truly,


french sojourn said...

Dear Janet;

I'm still laughing at tomorrows post.

Yer killin me"

Unknown said...

Height of laziness. How does one guard against signing with a lazy agent?

John "Ol' Chumbucket" Baur said...

That's OK then, because I haven't finished writing the manuscript yet. So we're all good!

Anonymous said...

Just another day at Fineprint?

Or, maybe it's really "Findprint?"

*Hank - hilarious!

*John "Ol'Chumbucket" Baur - palm slap to forehead - good one!

Unknown said...

This was too funny. Therapeutic.

Carolynnwith2Ns said...

Dear Person who winked at me on the subway yesterday,

Before I invest the time in showering, shaving my legs and pits, before I brush my teeth, floss, pluck my eyebrows and dye my roots, before I get a mani-pedi, before I refill and religiously take my birth control pills, before I buy a new outfit, take it back and buy another, before I finally go on a diet, shape up and tone and before I get up the nerve to give you my number and email address, will you out with me?
Kind Regards,

Dear Kind Regards,
I had something in my eye.

Colin Smith said...

Wait... this was a writer approaching an agent "testing the water" to see if they had time to review his/her "submission"?

On the one hand, I feel sorry that this person doesn't know how querying works. On the other, I can't help being glad there are writers out there who can't be bothered to do a bit of research. It narrows the field of competition for the rest of us. :)

angie Brooksby-Arcangioli said...

"Before I invest the time." Love it!

Dena Pawling said...

But look at the bright side. At least this writer knows to invest the time in the submission, and is thinking about the agent's time. I think this email would be much nicer to receive than "Dear Janet: Please review attached manuscript. I'm available between 3:30 and 4pm PST on December 3 to take your call."

Craig F said...

Dr. Ms. Reid

If you invest the time to come to Florida, I'll invest the time in writing a book for you.

I have a strong concept so give me two or three days advance notice. I can write it in two days but three would be better.

Sincerely deluded

LynnRodz said...

I agree with Colin. There's no excuse in this computer/Google age that someone can't research the ins and outs of the publishing world. Unless, of course, they think they're the exception.

Karen McCoy said...

This reminds me of the graduate student who asked, "You mean I have to do it myself?"

They need to stop making this guy. Oy.

Stephen Parrish said...

Shh! I'm trying to read a book that hasn't been published.

Elissa M said...

Dear World,

Before I bother to get up today, would you please tell me if it's going to be worth the effort?

Steve Stubbs said...

So many comments have been deleted I know you’re deleting all the Hughes Mearns poetry the commenters are sending you. So here it is again:

“As I was sitting in my chair,
I knew the bottom wasn't there,
Nor legs nor back, but I just sat,
Ignoring little things like that.”

DLM said...

In entirely othere news, today I saw a license plate that said (I am not making this up) JET & US. I saw it, and smiled, and thought of our little community here.

Then I saw today's bonus, and thought, "Aww. That's cute."

*Continues querying without peremptory questions*

*Loves the chance to use the word peremptory*

*Shutting up now*

Anonymous said...

*Shaking my head*


Precisely. It gives me hope.

I'm in the query process, so I've been reading a lot about a lot of agents. One had a blog post about 60 queries. One querier sent the manuscript, but no query letter, saying they knew the agent wanted a query letter, but they didn't like writing them. They hoped the agent would understand. Oddly enough, it got a form reject.

Dim people like this give me hope because I know I can at least follow instructions.


Suzan Teall Headley said...

Hello Janet Reed
Befor I invest the time too send u my first draft of my fiction novel, I wanna make sure u have time to sign me. I needs the money now.
Truliest urs

Kregger said...

Fewer words are better than many.

Are you accepting queries?

Four words instead of twenty.

The question is lazy.

Research takes time and effort.

Laura Moe said...

Thank you for making me laugh.I mourn my ever growing string of rejections, but am comforted that my query is not nearly as wretched.