A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says “make me one with everything”.Recently, a website** posted a list of 50 Best Intellectual Jokes and I found one that I like even better:
The vendor makes the hot dog and hands it to the Buddhist monk, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. “Excuse me, but where’s my change?” asks the Buddhist monk. The vendor replied, “Change must come from within.”
Here's the entire list. Which one is your favorite?
***hat tip to @TerriLCoop for the link to the list!
I liked quite a few - particularly the IT ones, but I think my favorite is #25:
A logician’s wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.
His wife asks impatiently: “So, is it a boy or a girl” ?
The logician replies: “yes”.
I swear to God, I think like this at time. LOL!
Your mother is so classless, she could be a marxist utopia
Hahahaha, I started reading the list and decided I wanted to come up with my own. Here goes:
A writer, a painter and a singer walk into a bar.
“What can I get you fine artists,” asks the bartender.
The writer hands the bartender a quote. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” Benjamin Franklin.
The painter shows the bartender a snapshot of Picasso’s, The Wine Bottle.
The singer belts out Jimmy Buffett’s, Margaritaville.
The bartender laughs, "You guys are out of your right minds".
A logician has just delivered his paper concerning the paradox that while a double negative always is a positive, a double-positive can never be a negative.
In the back of the room a voice mutters, "Yeah, sure."
My favorite (not on the list, but should be):
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog?
Oh Dylan, I am STILL laughing!
I have come to the conclusion that my children are correct - I cannot eat Smart Food or own a Smart Phone because I am not qualified.
The 'list' and some above comments, I don't get-em.
#20 has been my favorite for a while.
"There are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets."
Allegedly true story but most probably apocryphal:
A woman walks up to George Bernard Shaw and says, "Mr. Shaw, do you know that 'sugar' is the only word in the English language that begins with 'su' but is pronounced with a 'sh' sound?"
Shaw says, "Sure, I know that."
This list hurt me with funny. As an engineer, the one about the Red Rubber Ball Volume Table hit it square on the head (and there would be a minimum 50% safety factor in the volume statement.)
Okay I'm getting into this and I'm not sure where I'm going.
The Republicans have formed a marching band. John Boehner and Ted Cruz are the percussionists; they play the conundrums.
Difficult to choose a favorite, but mine was #12.
Two fermions walk into a bar. The first says, "I'd like a vodka martini with a twist." The second says, "Dammit, that's what I wanted!"
#49 was cute.
Q: How was Louis the XIV feeling after completing the Palace of Versailles?
(Dylan and Steven, I loved your comments! And Carolynn, your writer, painter, singer joke was great as well!)
So funny, thanks for sharing.
I liked #40 - What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.
I've always liked "Entropy isn't what it used to be."
I love #40. And here's my favorite joke of all time (Thank you, Monty Python ...)
What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung.
These are great. I liked the ball and No. 13 Heisenberg, Godel, and Chomsky. And Dylan. Sure.
As a computer geek, I liked "I’d tell you a UDP joke, but you may not get it."
Speaking of computer geek, I have my browser ask before accepting a cookie; this website tried to put literally 50 cookies on my computer.
My two favourites were #3 and #17.
"I'm a linguist, so I like ambiguity more than most people." On some days this can be all too true.
Of course, the classic "Entropy isn't what it used to be," still remains on my all time hit parade.
Actually, #50 is something Yogi Berra said: "The future ain't what it used to be." Yogi's version is funnier.
Your two favorites are double entendres. My favorite dt is a sign that actually appeared in diners before my time (so I have heard): "If you think our wait staff is rude, you should see the manager."
Lots of laughs on Thanksgiving morning. Thanks. #13.
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