Have I mentioned I have a Dartboard of Envy?

Last week I was caroming around the office like a pinball howling about the urgent need for Query Police. No one seemed to be paying attention to all the great info on the web about how to write a damn query letter because I was getting stuff that was giving slush a bad name.

The interns averted their bright little eyes, with occasional glances to each other as if to ask "how long does this last?" The godsends found urgent business under their desks. Even the Herpet-American assistant was rolling her eyes and looking longingly at a mailing tube addressed to Elsewhere, Oklahoma.

My eye fell upon Joanna Stampfel-Volpe, my FORMER intern, FORMER godsend, and now kick ass, taking names (very politely and with very neat handwriting of course) agent.

I snarled "what are you looking at, Auction Babe?" (let's all recall Joanna's first major deal as an agent involved an auction, a little fact that has earned her a permanent position on the Dartboard of Envy)

"umm, nothing, nothing at all."

Oh no Mrs. Volpe, I KNOW that look. What amazing feat have you pulled off now?

"umm, well there's a writer I found in the incoming queries."



And then, Joanna told me about THE DUFF:

DUFF - (acronym) Designated Ugly Fat Friend; duff (n.) - the least attractive girl in any group of friends

Seventeen-year-old Bianca Piper is pegged as the Duff by notorious womanizer and school hottie, Wesley Rush. When he approaches her at a party she knows he wants to score with one—or both—of her hot friends.

Bianca couldn't hate another human being more...but she needs to escape from some personal drama, like her mom’s abandonment and her dad’s denial, and a steamy fling with Wesley seems like the perfect distraction.

Bianca makes it clear she’s only using Wesley and that it HAS to be a secret--as if he cares. Wesley will sleep with any girl, and keeping it a secret only holds up his reputation. Unfortunately, the enemies-with-benefits plan totally backfires.


When Bianca's mom files for divorce and her father stumbles into a downward spiral of drinking and depression, Wesley proves to be a surprisingly good listener, and Bianca finds out that his life is pretty screwed up, too. As sickening as it sounds, she has to admit that she and Wesley are a lot alike.

Soon she becomes jealous of the pretty girls he flirts with and his cocky grin begins to grow on her. Suddenly Bianca realizes—with absolute horror—that she’s falling for the guy she thought she hated.

I was ready to heave myself out the window for missing that query when Joanna iced the cake: she called author Kody Keplinger to discuss representation, only to discover Kody wasn't old enough to sign a contract without her mom co-signing.

I was forced to lie down with a cold compress and a hot toddy. (The godsends came out from under their desks; the interns appeared relieved the storm had passed although they did ask later if that rather dreadful shade of pea green envy on my face lasted very long)

I AM going to make sure there are query police and they are going to enforce the rule of querying me first. (ok, ok, Joanna is a really good agent and envy is one of those mortal sins, but still, I love this book and I'm sick with envy that J snagged it so quickly and neatly!)


I think Kody Keplinger is going to have a wonderful career. Just remember at least you heard about her HERE first!

If you want to meet her before she gets all famous and stuff, she contributes to the blog Teens Writing for Teens.