It was a very nice break from reality, thank you.
I can't get to the post office for a while so prizes are on hiatus, I'm sorry.
You've trained me to your subtleties so well that I spent several minutes trying to suss out the meaning here:
I wake hungry in the Spring. Soon I will be >b>bask>/b>ing in lovely provisions, I find my familiar friend.Then I realized it was simply a typo on the first angle bracket (I had to look up what >s are called, which wasn't as simple as you'd think!)
Lovely homage to Kenny Rogers
congrats on your parole. how does it feel?
got any asprin? got me a wicked headache. aint easy on the noggin hauling all this around.
that real or a piece?
aint no wig, brotha. shit took me years to grow out. whole crew had ‘em, too. called our cell block in LA the afro ward.
no tat – y?
police ID you on your tats, man. aint no ink on my skin. hair can be cut, ink don’t wash out, bub.
ask one more question? what were you in for, anyway?
cut the tag off my mattress before leaving the store.
So topical it should be balm:
To: current husband, individuals I gave birth to, @charliegoldendoodlecurrent husband just cracked me up.
Re: Working From Home/Homeschooling best practices
To review first mandatory meeting:
- Going froward, all work (business and classroom) will be proofread not once, but twice. Get tow sets of eyes on it, people.
-Spring inventory: Lathering is vital, but SoftSoap is non-restockable. 3 pumps = too many.
-Team Building Hashtag Contest entries will be posted on refrigerator Saturday a.m. First prize: gourmet gift basket (2 rolls of Charmin, canned chickpeas, pineapple salsa, and cream of mushroom soup!)
NOTE: #bettertogether has BEEN DONE. And IS FALSE.
Clearly I'm not fit for polite society.
Here's the list of entries that really stood out to me.
No words are spoken. None need to be said. My adversary glares at me, and I give as good as I get. He’s not backing down, and neither am I.
My wife fidgets uneasily beside me. His pretty, young daughters tremble, eyes shifting to and fro.
War? Do we fight? Guns drawn, knives out?
No. We hash it out like real men.
A count of three. My hand goes flat. He thrusts forward a fist.
A gasp. Ringleted children weep.
Paper covers rock, and I fill my basket with the last package of toilet paper.
Deft dismantling of froward here!
And this is stunningly visual writing, which is a whole lot harder than it looks.
Nice work here.
March 17, 2020
The incessant pounding stops as I open the door. “Pub’s closed.”
A wee man springs forward, smelling like he basked in a vat of spirits. “Who says? ’Tis St. Paddy’s Day!”
“The Governor’s decree.”
“A more froward man I’ve never met!”
“It’s for the greater good. And don’t forget to lather for twenty seconds when you wash. That’s two rounds of ‘99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall’.”
“I can sing about it, but you can’t serve it. Disgraceful! Got any hash?”
“Good grief!” He reaches into his pocket. “I’m gonna need a bigger pipe!”
The mere mention of 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall during quarantine qualifies this for the horror category.
"I'm gonna need a bigger pipe" just cracked me up.
The principal’s in a lather again. “They’re fractious and froward,” he snorts and stamps.This just cracked me up completely.
“Rowdy and rude,” brays Mr. Burrows.
“Dimwits and dumbbells,” clucks Miss Broodie. “Home Ec’s a flop! They put ALL the eggs in one bask—”
“But,” Mrs. Bovins hiccups, “at leas’ they didn’t count ‘em b’fore they were hashed.” Astringent aromas spring from her breath. She’s been at the rye again.
“Which brings me to their math scores,” bleats Mr. Baaartels. “Awful and atrocious.”
“The kids are alright,” purrs Ms. Kitty. “It’s temporary. And they’re geniuses at Gym.”
Barnschooling is not for the faint of heart.
Love the names of the characters!
We met on Twitter, commenting on the same hashtag:#Springfroward. We both laughed at the typo and how fitting it was since the time change did make people ornery.Very deft use of froward here.
Soon our conversations went from tags to private messages. We debated everything, from basketball teams (Lakers for me, Knicks for him) to handguns (I like the Sig; he used the Glock). He blathered on about detective shows. I was more inclined to "Breaking Bad."
It was a great friendship until we met in person at a bank: me in a ski mask holding my Sig, him in uniform pointing his Glock.
And that lovely twist at the end is very clever.
Clean crisp writing like this always makes me very happy.
Very Special recognition to this entry that says everything in my heart.
Janice L. Grinyer
I click on the news video; a young Salish girl begins dancing springing steps, brow furrowed in concentration, circling in tall Montana grass. Her Jingle dress catches the fading sunlight, glittering onscreen.
It is a healing dance, they say. Every day at sunset, she dances, each step a prayer. She is requesting from the Creator healing of the world during this awful pandemic.
And here I am, online, hashing out political arguments, basking in a froward attitude, my thoughts slathered in contempt for others. My soul suddenly aches.
I click again.
She dances for all of us.
***Many thanks to 11-year-old Salish descendent
Aurora O’Neill and all the other Jingle Dress Dancers across the Nations,
who are dancing without prejudice for the healing of all people of the world-
we are humbled, may your prayers be answered.
I was in a real downspin these past few days, so I was very glad to see all these entries. It's always a plus to see your work! Thank you for taking time to write and enter.
I have been looking at the list and as usual, having a hard time settling on just one.
Use the comment column to tell me who I might have overlooked (there were a couple I just didn't understand) and who you think should take home the prize.
I had to let this sit for almost a full day.
Came back several times and re-read.
But in the end, Matt Krizan's entry really stood out: pure, simple, elegant...and funny.
Matt, I'm sorry I can't get to the post office just now.
I owe you a prize!
Thanks to all of you for your very clever work.
It was a very nice break in the weekend.