Monday, June 11, 2018

Contest results--FINAL (as of 3:17am)

I really love this phrase from Harmony Commissions
Large, husband shaped problems.

These two lines from Steve Stubbs are hilarious:
Nobody ever said he was the sharpest tool in the shed. He's the only Boy Scout who earned Girl Scout merit badges by mistake.

And this badge, I'm shocked, shocked! it's not in the Girl Scout manual yet!
Will McPhail
Only the strongest, the bravest of the brave obtain the Decapitator badge.
Honestly, Steve Forti just has to be in his own category now.
“This is nice, isn’t it? Breakfast mimosas overlooking the reef?”
“Totally. We should do this more often.”
A bang. The wooden door rattled on rusted hinges.
“The hell was that?”
Another bang. A grunt. A flash of yellow against the algae-covered porthole window.
“Open up!” a voice slurred.
Ariel set her cocktail aside and swam to the door. Pulling it open, the blonde on the other side spilled in, sloshing red drink in hand. Just then a shadow passed behind her, fear sank in, and the porthole exploded in a mess of teeth.
“Dammit Linda! You brought a bloody Mary!”

Please someone, write this book suggested by the estimable Amy Schaefer:

I like this one a lot!
Timothy Lowe
“Merit badges? For Girl Scouts?”

“Shut up,” Suzy said, her cheeks burning. She knew wearing the sash to school was a bad idea. Too show-offy. But Mom had insisted. Of course she had. Mom didn’t know about boys like Billy Marbles. Suzy’s best friend Sil had told her Billy had a crush. That’s why he picked on her so ruthlessly. Somehow that made the whole thing worse.

“What are those two for? Knitting? Sewing?”

The next day, Billy was absent. Flu or something.

“What are those two for?” Sil asked.

“Knot-tying,” Suzie said with a smile. “And that one’s knife-throwing.”

This just cracked me up; I think it's the shark boxing.


I’m kinda famous in my Troop cuz I often double up while earning badges. The first time was when I was helping an ol’ lady tie up a purse-snatcher. Community Service and Knots in one fell swoop.

So it was only natural to me to combine Martini Drinking and Shark Boxing. What’s amazing isn’t how many sharks I subdued but rather that no one else thought of it first.

Honestly, reading this, I'm kinda glad I wasn't in Dena Pawling's Scout troop!
Through the peep hole, Doreen saw green beanies and badge sashes. Behind them, a wagon with boxes. Salivating, she threw a blanket over Jason's body and grabbed her wallet. Thin mints were just what she needed.

She opened the door. “I'd love some girl scout cook-” Her eyes shifted to the Smith & Wesson. “Um, ladies?”

“Where's Jason?” the taller one hissed.

Doreen glanced toward the blanket.

The shorter one scooted around Doreen and lifted the corner.

“Party time!” They pulled the wagon inside. Doreen found glasses. They shared a box of wine.

Be prepared. Make new friends.

And honestly not Richelle Elberg's either!
“Cyndi cracked the safe in her own Dad’s office. Like, she’s musta seen him open it a hundred times. Shouldn’t count.”

“It really shouldn’t,” Molly said. “And Olivia totally cheated.” Molly shoved another Thin Mint into her mouth and gulped her milk. “Seriously, two doesn’t even count as Serial.”


“I went to the market--by myself!--and found what I needed.” Molly gazed at her sash proudly. The new Kidnapping badge sparkled like a sapphire.

In the corner, a toddler howled.

“Guess I’ll do Disposing of Bodies next.”

“I’ve got some leftover lime if you need it.”

I'm pouncing on this idea from BrendaLynn NOW
Shark Minibar Fund
c/o Janet Reid.

As usual I'm having a terrible time choosing the winner.
Help me out here, let me know what you think! 

 Update: 3:17am Tuesday morning

Ok, this is a first. I did overlook a terrific entry, and y'all reminded me of it in the comments.

It's this from Just Jan

When we were young, we thought Granny was a pirate. Every school vacation was spent listening to her swashbuckling stories.

It wasn’t until we helped with her final move that we found the truth in a dusty corner of her attic. Maryanne picked up the moldering sash, heavy with achievements. “I didn’t know you were a Girl Scout.”

“Where do you think I learned to drink like a fish?”

“What about this one?” I asked, pointing to the shark badge.

Granny lifted a pant leg. “How do you think I got my limp?” 

And after a lot of thought, and another read, the winner is Just Jan! 

Jan, if you'll email me we'll figure out a good prize for you!

Thanks to all of you who took the time to write and post entries. I really love seeing what words can do when flung around by deft story spinners like all y'all.

Also you scare the pants off me a whole lot.


Richelle Elberg said...

Reckim freckim...another typo! Thanks Janet for keeping me the field! It seems Girl Scouts in this crazy group are seriously twisted or lushes....My kind of group! ;) Kudos to all!

BrendaLynn said...

It’s between Just Jan and Cynthia Mc, with Just Jan pulling ahead on creative power.
Although RKeenan ...
You have a tough choice to make.

Steve Forti said...

I think everyone's still asleep this morning :)
This one was fun to read what people came up with. Neat to have a different form of inspiration.

John Davis Frain said...

Wow, leave for a weekend and a whole new style of contest shows up!

I haven't even read the entries yet, but if these finalists are indicative, I'm about to have a good laugh ... and worry a little bit about the minds at work in this blog. If you people were guiding tomorrow's leaders, I might start to worrying. Or just as likely, start to celebrating! I can't weigh in with a vote yet--but I can't sneak in reading all the entries yet either. A writer's life!

Claire Bobrow said...

Who knew the Girl Scouts could be so dark, so devious, so...entertaining? Good luck picking a winner, Janet. Difficult choice! Congrats, all - great work!

And a shout-out to Just Jan. Your entry cracked me up :-)

The Noise In Space said...

Chalk up another vote for Just Jan. Hers was fantastic!

Beth Carpenter said...

I can't help you choose, but I have to say I'm astonished and delighted to witness once again the deft and twisted humor of this group. Inspired by Girl Scouts!

Karen McCoy said...

Like John, I was away for the weekend. Boy, did I miss out!

Definitely a difficult choice, but Richelle's seems to have a certain ring to it.

Theresa said...

Steve Forti.

MB Owen said...

Steve Forti stole the show for me. Cracked me up.

Dena Pawling said...

Thanks for the mention! I liked all of these evil Girl Scouts lol

Richelle Elberg said...

Sheesh. Did I use enough exclamation points in my earlier comment?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehe It was early here.

Just Jan said...

What could be better than nefarious Girl Scouts? I can't pick just one. Good luck, Janet, and thanks for the fun!

BrendaLynn, Claire Bobrow, and The Noise in Space: Thank you so much for the shout out--it really made my day!

Mallory Love said...

Awesome finalists. You guys are so good at this. I'm terrible with picture prompts, and I have no idea why. Words are more my type of fuel for creative energy. It did make me crave cookies though.

John Davis Frain said...

Oh, now that I've read through all the entries, there are a few that I really enjoyed.

Large, husband-shaped problems was indeed a classic line.

But I have to go with Timothy Lowe, whose entry reminded me of the opening scene of Grist Mill Road, which ain't a bad little reminder. His entry was a great story, but it was greater for all the parts that didn't make the page. As Janet often points out, what was left out was as remarkable as what was put in. <<<-- Okay, she usually says it better than that, but I'm exhausted and I still want to finish Megan Abbott's latest thriller, You Will Know Me. Super suspenseful.

Confession: I can't even tell what the merit badge on the left is showing. Maybe that's part of the charm!

Janet Reid said...

John Davis Frain the merit badge on the left is Bruce the Shark, often used as an avatar for the Queen of the Known Universe.

Julie Weathers said...

They were all wonderful as usual, but the pirate granny was especially awesome. It reminded me in a way of the story of an unassuming elderly British man. His wife was going through an old trunk I think and found a ledger. In it was a list of children's names. They were Jewish children he had helped get to safety in Britain before the borders closed and he had to leave. There were hundreds of names.

Steve Forti said...

Congrats Jan! A come from behind victory!

Amy Johnson said...

Congratulations, Jan! Way to go!

I missed writing a story this time around, but what a fun prompt for tossing around ideas in my head. Thanks to y'all who did write (eek--what kind of company am I keeping?), and thanks to Janet for running these contests.

John Davis Frain said...

Wow, what a comeback! She wasn't even in the picture coming down the backstretch, and yet ... and yet ... and yet ... there she is, prancing in the winner's circle!

Congratulations, Just Jan, on a stunning victory. Grandma would be proud. (But please keep her away, thank you.)

Claire Bobrow said...

Congratulations Just Jan!! Love that Pirate Granny of yours :-)

Karen McCoy said...

Many congrats, Just Jan! A well deserved victory.

Beth Carpenter said...

Congratulations, Just Jan. Love it!

Just Jan said...

Wow, what a nice surprise! I didn't even know I was in the running. Thanks to everyone for their kind comments. And thanks again to Janet for sponsoring these contests--not sure I will ever look at a Girl Scout the same way again!

Richelle Elberg said...

Congrats Just Jan! I'll never look at my Granny the same way again. ;)

BrendaLynn said...

Congrats Just Jan!

Janice Grinyer said...

Congrats Just Jan - well deserved!