Yes, this is filled with whisky

Yes, this is filled with whisky

Thursday, March 17, 2016

The Sayonara Amy, Smooth Seas Ahead Writing Contest results


Well, I wasn't intending revenge upon all of you terrific writers when I didn't get the contest results posted on time, but I'm glad to see I've found another way to torment you. Oh yes, fun fun fun.

But, time for that to end, and the results to be posted. As usual, you were up to your old tricks with really good writing.




This isn't a story, but the writing is so exquisite I just want to reach through the screen and smooch Michael Seese 10:56am with a big sharkly kiss.

"a sleeping kitten" for a quiet sea

"The sea has gone home"

These are phrases that warm my cold little heart.



And this from SiSi 11:02am

"his expression halfway between heartbreak and hatred."

is just wonderful too.



And the point of view of a spider is pretty amazing too: Lennon Faris 11:09am



And a tip of the chapeau to Sam Spade and Dashiell Hammett is always fun: Peggy Rothschild11:19am



I love this line from Kregger 11:27am a great deal: To sea, is to believe.



I believe Dena Pawling 11:34am has a great career ahead of her as a pirate lyricist!



I love the idea of Sherry Howard 11:37am's entry: Reunion tour of the circumnavigationists!



Scott's entry at 11:45am is exquisite. "The wind's got a bone in her teeth" "grip the shrouds"



DLM's entry (11:50am) isn't quite a story, but I love it very much. It's got atmosphere to die for.



For extraordinary experimentation with language this week:  kudos to Colin Smith at 12:04pm



The little mermaid, and not the Disney version either, from Jennifer R. Donohue at 12:15pm



Hauntingly beautiful and terribly sad: lizosisek 12:21pm



This story was just utterly charming: kitty 2:50pm



I loved this phrase from Jason Magnason 5:41pm "my stomach is now a world class gymnast."



Pretty imaginative POV from Rkeelan 7:35pm: a salt shaker!



Talk about imagination! As if I'd EVER share a bottle of JW Blue!! Christina Seine 12:35am, have you taken COMPLETE leave of your senses??



Her Grace, Heidi the Duchess of Kneale had some phrases here that are just perfect:

Maisie tied a knot in the end of her hope and hung on

A Bluestocking in a red light district?

or the business-“out late at a meeting, dear”-men.







Here's the list of finalists:



Mark Thurber 1:07pm

I’m not gender typical. “Are you a girl?” the basses tease. Whatever. Me sings alto. Fuck off.



Sean isn’t neurotypical, and we bonded over perfect pitch. He sang and said “blue.” I replied “D#.” I mapped his octave onto colors. Pitch is hue, volume is value.



I thought I could keep him safe on the choir hiking trip. Now he keeps singing the same four notes, weaker and weaker. Quarter note G; eighth note A; quarter note D#, barely audible; eighth note A. Red; yellow; blue—no, black; yellow.



Holy shit. “Call 911,” I screech, “and get coral snake antivenin!”



I like the twist here. Reading along you think the story is about one thing, and zounds, turns out it's not about that at all!

I had to look up antivenin cause I thought it was spelled wrong.

And hell if I can find "land" in this entry. Can any of you?
(thank you readers for helping me spot that!)





CynthiaMc 1:13pm

Jim wanted to go to sea.



"Not safe," I said.



"What is any more?"



Our Disney jobs were gone. Jim trained his foreign replacement. I watched twenty years of life drain from his blue eyes.



Sold house and cars. Kept the boat - paid for and insured.



Days 1-3: salt air, sunshine, healing



Day 4: lost radio and navigation



"We have the sun and stars. We're okay," Jim said.



Day 6: Hurricane we didn't see coming -again. Lost the boat.



Day 7: No land in sight



Day 8: Picked up by a Disney cruise ship



I wonder if they're hiring...



I like the twist here and I like metronome effect of the rhythm too.






Cheryl 4:26pm

All we knew was deep sea, cold and dark. When we needed to move we followed the whales, their great size providing safety from predators. But we were adventurous, Father and I, and left in search of new experiences.



Father wanted to swim up, toward the dim light, where the water was warmer. “We’ll see all kinds of new people,” he said.



We discovered a new shade of blue, so bright, so sharp. I swam higher, chasing the sparkles, though he told me to stop. I ignored him and plunged out of the water — tasted salt, saw land, smelled





Get it??

It takes a particular kind of bravado to write a story with this particular kind of twist; love love love it!






Mallory Love 8:30pm

Two pink lines confirmed her worst fears. They had practiced safety, but apparently not well. A wave of nausea roiled through her. It had been one night, filled with too many salt-rimmed margaritas and not enough sense. And this was her penance for it.



Heels clicked on the landing outside the door. “Hurry! It’s almost time.” She straightened the white tulle of her dress and opened the door.



“Do you have everything?” her bridesmaid asked. “Something new? Old? Borrowed? Blue?”

New- a baby.

Old- her virginal reputation.

Blue- her outlook.

Borrowed?

Her eyes met the best man’s.

Only time.





Talk about ooops!

I gasped aloud at the penultimate sentence! Nice twist there!





CarolynnWith2Ns 9:56am

They were the perfect storm of two people who loved each other but could not live together.

She purred Persian, he barked Siberian.

She liked one sheet, he liked blankets.

She sipped wine, he downed beer.

She was a well done with sea salt kind of woman, he a rare with cracked pepper man.

She felt deadbolt safe, he left the door open.

Marriage.

They fought and made up and loved and yelled and cried and decided apart might be better.

Until.

She wanted pink, he wanted blue.

Their hearts landed feather light on four paws times two.

Stay.





This is sweet without being treacley or sentimental.

I really like it.



The prize goes to Cheryl 4:26pm this week! I love the elegance of that ending!

Cheryl if you'll send me your mailing address and what kinds of books you like to read I;ll  send you John Frain's manuscript send you something wonderful to read (not that John Frain isn't wonderful)

Thanks to all who took the time to enter, and for your patience as I worked through the entries.  Ya'll are just getting too good at this to get through the contest in less than 24 hours.


84 comments:

CynthiaMc said...

Congrats, Cheryl!

Hurrah for all the mentions and everyone who entered. These things are just too much fun!

Thank you, Janet for your kind words. I was picturing bobbing along in the Gulf. So glad that came through.

mythical one-eyed peace officer said...

"And hell if I can find "land" in this entry. Can any of you?"

Sean isn’t neurotypicaL, AND we bonded

AJ Blythe said...

Yay, Cheryl. Well done.

Kitty said...

CONGRATS, Cheryl!
And to all who entered.

Janet, Mark's "land": 'neurotypical, and.'

Jason Magnason said...

Could catch Mythical!

Hey whataya know, an honourable mention from the QOTKU herself! I am so stoked!! Man, I'll tell ya, these stories are like my weeks mandatory reading. Okay, I am going to shout now, so that everyone can hear me.

WE NEED A REIDER'S FLASHFICTION ANTHOLOGY!!!!!!

Janet, could this be something in the future? A sort of, Contest of Champions, the Wordsmiths Flash Fiction Annual.

.......

Sorry was waiting for Colin to reply.


Let's do this!!

Oh, and Congrats to you Cheryl, great job!

Lisa Bodenheim said...

Congrats Cheryl. Do I get it? I'm assuming a predator entered the scene since they're no longer following the whales? Unless it's an ode to Little Mermaid?

And Mark Thurber's was interesting. I had to look up coral snake for it to make sense.

What a lot of work, so intricately designed, some of the stories are. Like going on a treasure hunt. Except I'm often not good at it. But I'm learning y'all. So congrats to all the mentioneds here.

S.D.King said...

Congrats to all the finalists and winner. It was an especially good field of entries this time!

Jennifer R. Donohue said...

You guys, you just knock my socks off! I didn't take the time to read through all of this week's entries, so I was happy for the refresher. And so many mentions this time! Thanks, Janet.

I saw this on Twitter yesterday, with Grant Faulkner commenting "One of my favorite writing exercises: write w/abandon to a prompt for 5 minutes, then pare it to a 100-word story", and it made me think of the crowd here and the contests: Going Long, Going Short.

Colin Smith said...

Congratulations, Cheryl!!

These entries are excellent. And thanks for the shout-out, Janet. I wanted to try something different from the usual murder/suicide/emotionally-evocative flash. I'm glad you appreciated my language play, and didn't consign it to the "WTF is this???" pile! :)

Havoc rate day! ;)

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Congrats Cheryl and all finalists and entries. I really want a copy of John Frain's manuscript now. Ah well, blog side effect. Well done everyone.

Donnaeve said...

Congrats to all mentions and finalists!

Colin, reading your entry was work! (but good work. :) )

Steve Forti said...

Congrats Cheryl!

Sherry Howard said...

Congrats, Cheryl. It's a compliment to this group that it's so hard for JR to decide.

SiSi said...

Congratulations to everyone, especially Cheryl--I loved your ending!

Timothy Lowe said...

Congrats, Cheryl. Fun ending. Loved Colin's and Sisi's, though I must admit I didn't read them all as closely as I should have. Too much work lately! (Of the good and not-so-good kind). Sounds like there's a lot of that going around. Thanks for another contest to distract us!

Donnaeve said...

Ooops. Brain not working. Congrats specifically to Cheryl..!

Celia Reaves said...

Congratulations, Cheryl, and also kudos to all the mentions and finalists. Everyone does such awesome work on these contests. I learn from entering, and learn so much more from reading. Great job, everyone.

Megan V said...

Congrats Everyone! And Happy St. Patrick's Day :)

DLM said...

The FF contests have always overwhelmed me, but I am glad to have finally braved the long and varied posts to read and enjoy all these stories.

WAY TO GO, Cheryl, and all - so worthwhile, and it's kind of exciting to inhabit so many worlds in such quick succession.

For those wearin' the green, happy St. Patrick's Day! If any place online shows evidence of the kiss of the blarney stone in abundance, clearly it is here.

Colin Smith said...

Jason: To your question about a flash anthology, this has come up before. In fact, it may have even cost someone a trip to Carkoon! It's a great idea (I think), but if you're talking about a published anthology with an ISBN and all, that would be a logistical nightmare. You would have to get permission from all the writers, someone would have to take the time to edit and prepare the manuscript, and then someone would have to figure out what to do with royalties.

I have considered putting all the contest winners into a PDF and putting that in the Treasure Chest. But would it be okay to do that without first obtaining their permission? It's one thing for these stories to be embedded in a spreadsheet. It's another for them to be spotlighted in an anthology.

Any thoughts, fellow Reiders?

LynnRodz said...

Congrats, Chery and to all mentioned! I particularly loved lizosisek's entry. Great job everyone!

Dena Pawling said...


Congrats to all, especially Cheryl! But I'm sorry you didn't get a copy of John Frain's manuscript. She must be holding that for the "best story of 2016 prize".

Mallory Love said...

Congrats Cheryl! Great job! I also loved DLM's and Carolynn's. It's amazing to see what everyone can come up with in just a hundred words or less. Thanks to all who entered. It's such a pleasure reading all the entries ( and trying to decipher some of them). You all have a way with words.

Just Jan said...

Congratulations, Cheryl! Loved that ending! Good job to all the mentions and finalists.

Karen McCoy said...

Loved Cheryl's ending! Very experimental, but also effective.

Loved RKeelan's salt shaker too. Great rhythm.

Love this contests.

Cheryl said...

Wow, I was not expecting that this week! Such great entries all around.

Thanks Janet, and thanks to all for your comments.

Lisa Bodenheim: I was going for Icarus, but I was never sure that came through, so your interpretation is good too.

Colin, I've been waiting to be able to talk about your entry. It took me right back to reading Ladle Rat Rotten Hut in university, which cemented my love for clever wordplay.

Karen McCoy said...

That should be these* These contests. Oy with the poodles already, and it's barely 7.

LynnRodz said...

Oops, forgot to mention I loved CynthiaMc's story as well. While lizosisek's story was sad, CynthiaMc's made me laugh. That's why it's great reading all of these, it's interesting to see what 5 words can result in.

Lennon Faris said...

Congrats, Cheryl!! I love the 'different' entries. Congrats to everyone, these were all a lot of fun to read.

Brian M. Biggs said...

Congratulations Cheryl and all the mentions and finalists. Loved reading all of these.

Mark Thurber said...

Great job, Cheryl -- congratulations! And congrats to everyone for another mind-blowing week. (Thanks also to those who called, "Land ho!")

CynthiaMc's story really stayed with me for its mix of humor and poignancy. And Colin's sure made me work! It was interesting to try to hear the words and not be distracted by how they were spelled.

I was grateful for the delay in results this week, as I didn't get a chance to read them all until yesterday. I like what DLM said about inhabiting so many worlds in quick succession. It's a great exercise. I wonder if this is at all how agents feel when they read (good) queries and have to immerse themselves in one story after another?

DLM said...

Mallory, thank you very much. Janet is right, it's not a story; I suspected that would be exactly what she would say, and I agree. But I have a blog post on the way about what it really was (and other ramblings) ...

Mark, that is exactly what paralyzed me for so long with Janet's FF contests; but you are right, it is an excellent exercise - and learning experience. Reading FF is literally wondrous. But what a great question! I hope Janet will respond.

Bethany Elizabeth said...

Congrats Cheryl! I thought I saw the Icarus connection, but I'm glad you confirmed. :) Wonderful writing!

I also really loved Mallory Love's entry - somebody's in trouble. :)

I was out of town this weekend (Chicago for the parade - I got to see the green river for the first time; it was awesome!) but I'm pretty glad I didn't get to enter. Suuuuuper tough competition for this one. Congrats to all the mentions and finalists!

Karen McCoy said...

Can't wait for your blog post, DLM. Mosh pits can be deadly.

JSF said...

I was going to write, There was a contest? But that might have invited a good threshering. So it's a good thing today is everything green day, because I'm radiating it.

Carolynnwith2Ns said...

Congrats Cheryl. I am so honored to be a finalist.
You guys are amazing.

Hey Colin, did you find my flip flop, oops, here it is.
I was going to say "inside joke" but that would be gross.

DLM said...

Karen, hee. We truly did NOT call them that, though. That was some hipster's invention in the 90s.

2Ns: GROAN! You win today, and on St. Patrick's Day that is extra-shamrock-special. Instead of tawdry green beer, would you like a nice Fuisce?

Icarus is an endlessly great story. I'm a sucker for the Pentateuch and Classical Greek sources.

Jason Magnason said...

Colin, Yes I agree there is a lot of red tape for all of that. But would it not be a the behest of Janet. I mean she could have it as just her Blog anthology. A collection of Flash fiction winners.

Or a blanket release that everyone agrees to in some kind of online form or something. Then she could take submissions as they were entered.

It could be released as a PDF or ebook with express credit to the authors and Janet.

I am not sure all of the 1's and 0's that would need to make this happen but I am sure it's possible.

Donnaeve said...

Uh. Oh. I smell blood in the water. Need to put the idea of the anthology thing to rest, Jason...if you doubt me, read the comments, oh...about midway down on the post below? Start with my comment. :)

Colin, as to gathering winning stories into a PDF, IDK. I mean, QOTKU might say knock yourself out, i.e. what's the diff in a link in a spreadsheet and your idea? One extra click I suppose. I'm neutral.

The Anthology Discussion
http://jetreidliterary.blogspot.com/2015/08/query-question-republishing-short.html

Janet Reid said...

Aha! Too clever by half that Mark Thurber!

Thank goodness for you clever eyed readers.

Colin Smith said...

Cheryl: Oh cool! I'm glad it brought back happy memories. That Ladle Rat Rotten Hut is interesting. Challenging to read for the very reason it was written: to highlight the importance of intonation. It crossed my mind as I was writing mine how much I'm relying on people pronouncing words the way I do. This certainly affected some of my word choices (using a capital "A" in the last line, "With Jess won A bill land," to make sure the letter said its name). A really interesting challenge would be to take this one step further, and write a story where the words say one thing, but the sounds of the words tell a different tale. Has this been done before? Compared to many of you, I'm abysmally ignorant of poetry and literature.

Colin Smith said...

Jason: One problem with getting author permissions is the fact that these contests go back at least five or six years (maybe more--I'd need to check the spreadsheet), and who knows if any of the early past winners still read the blog? If Janet doesn't have a problem with it, I will gladly put together a "Contest Winners" pdf and put it in the Treasure Chest. It wouldn't take that long to do, and it would be freely available to Reiders (the Treasure Chest isn't advertised or linked to outside this blog). But I want to be sure no-one will be unduly upset by it, and no-one would get into trouble over it.

Karen McCoy said...

DLM, I'm from the 90s, so that's the lingo I know. What are they called now?

I'm a sucker for Echo and Narcissus too.

DLM said...

Karen, I'm 48 so "what the kids call it these days" is well beyond my ken. But to those of us who were hanging out in white tees and jeans 20 years before the current generation who think they are punks were born, punk as we defined it has been dead since about 5 minute after we hit our 20s. I could be a sneery old lady and say "Get your own rebellion!" and snark they're stealing granddaddy's safety pins by way of in-your-face fashion, widely missing the point. But I think I'm up to 4 posts, and nobody needs me any more insufferable than I already am.

Echo and Narcissus! Baucis and Philemon! Unnamed women of the Bible! Chinese dynastic legend! Myths and misty cultural memories of subcontinental monsoon gods or tragedies! Egypt, before the Pharaohs! The Story of Sinuhe!

I love love LOVE ancient and mythical literature.

Jason Magnason said...

Okay, so as not confuse the Reider's on here about what I was talking about Anthology wise.

I was speaking about Janet compiling a Blog post of all the winners during the year. She puts up a contest pretty much every Friday and we all enter with our stories. Once that happens rule 11 kicks in.

11. You agree that your contest entry can remain posted on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't later ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date.

So basically the story is hers now to do with on this blog as she pleases.

My suggestion was geared more toward the Blog having an annual contest that gave the writers a year to formulate a story good enough to get them an entry into the annual contest.

But it would all be on this site. Not a physical book with an ISBN or an ebpub or anything like that.

Just something else to try for. I apologize if this subject has been broached before and beg her Sharkness forgiveness if I have tread into the chum zone without invitation.

CynthiaMc said...

Thank you!

CynthiaMc said...

Thank you. The great Disney massacre is a huge deal down here. Close to my heart since I used to work there (long time ago).

Colin Smith said...

Jason: This is where you tread into extremely, dare I say Carkoonably dangerous, territory:

Janet compiling a Blog post of all the winners during the year.

Some of us have learned the hard way that Janet does not appreciate those to whom she is under no professional obligation giving her additional, unsolicited work to do, no matter how seemingly small. It sounds like a good idea, but if I might be so bold as to speak for QOTKU, she wouldn't care if the Contests just continued to run as they do. Not that she doesn't appreciate things like the spreadsheet, and other stuff we do, and not that she doesn't see the contests as valuable and helpful (and fun, even), they simply aren't as important to her as her Clients and that Agent thing she does.

Forgive Jason, O Mighty Shark--he didn't know what he was saying! :)

Janet Reid said...

March 17, 2016
TO: Orbitz
FR: Janet Reid
RE: ticket to Carkoon

Please book a non-refundable, one way ticket to Carkoon
for Jason Magnason.

He will be at the dropsite, shackled, gagged, and looking a tad
worse for wear 10 seconds before liftoff.



PS He'll probably need medical attention for some shark gnaw marks.

debradorris said...

Congratulations, Cheryl! Great job everyone. Have a wonderful day!

Christina Seine said...

Congratulations Cheryl! Amazing entries this time - wow!

And Janet, I took leave of my senses years ago. I don't miss them at all. =D

Bethany Elizabeth said...

I'm just commenting again to say how much I love these short contests - and I appreciate all the time and effort all of you (especially QOTKU) put into it. I've only entered a handful of times, but I feel like I've already learned a ton! My editing skills are sharper than ever.

Sadly, I can't pour myself a nice cup of something amber to help me struggle through revisions at work. Shame, that.

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Wow, Jason that is rough. If Lynn has not returned to her cave in Carkoon, you might be able to score a blender. It helps. Colin may still have the only copy of the Carkoon Welcome and You Are Never Leaving guide. It's helpful. The Barbeque Pit of Despair has the only Barbeque in all of Carkoon but it only serves grilled Barbeque Kale and Lima Beans. I think I hid some Gas-X in the boiler room under the high school. I don't think that reddish sticky substance all over the floor is really blood, but I could be wrong. Good luck.

BJ Muntain said...

Hey, Colin. Do you think your position at Carkoon High is still open? Perhaps Jason likes children...

To be honest, that was as inevitable as the multitude of fender benders we had yesterday after the temperature dropped to freezing.

Yes, dropped. To FREEZING. In MARCH!

We are so spoiled. Most times in March, we're still getting blizzards and having to shovel our driveways once a week or so. We rarely get above freezing before April.

And congrats to Cheryl, the finalists and the mentionables, and everyone who entered - great job everyone!

Angie Brooksby-Arcangioli said...

I loved Sisi's line when I read it on Sunday.

And I loved Mallory Love's entry.

After about 50 entries my mind fried and I had to resort to Candy Crush to restore my brain waves.

Congratulations Cheryl, and thank you for the explanation. I did not get it, but I superficially know the tale Icarus.

Ah, Carkoon is inhabited again. I wonder if it is beyond the Breach. It took 10 months for Lynn and Colin to be released, but they seemed to have a good time and we learned much about the place. Jason, it must be a cozy place. I'm fairly sure Colin got banished beyond Carkoon at one point. Wasn't it LAX?

french sojourn said...


Congrats Cheryl!

Great win. And congrats to all that took the time.

As always Thanks to the QOTKU for the labor of love that teaches us all. It is evident how much time you put into these, thank you.
Cheers Hank

Kregger said...

Congratulations to Cheryl, finalists and mentions. And thanks to Ms. Reid, please be kind to Jason. He's still pretty new.

The thought of living off kale and lima beans makes my knees knock. I don't care if they are bar-b-qued.

I guess any attention is good, even if it's negative.

JaneC said...

SiSi. SiSi. SiSi. Thank you for the sound of good writing. :)

Colin Smith said...

Awww... I'm so sorry, Jason! Let's see... Belcher's Guide to Surviving Carkoon--where did I put that? Oh, that's right. I was using it as a bookmark in a copy of Goulash Farquenquaz's ODES TO SARLACC, some of the most painful Carkoonian poetry ever written. And that's saying a lot. I think I ended up burning it. Or I left it outside one afternoon. Same thing. I'm not one to burn books, but it was either the book or my eyes.

When you get to Carkoon, Jason, ask for Maggs. She hangs out at the hanger (Carkoonians are extreme literalists). You can't miss her. Big, cylindrical, kind of off-white color, big tooth. Anyway, she can direct you to the Fuzzy Print Literary Agency cave. I think there's a vacancy there. All the best to you! :D

Carolynnwith2Ns said...

This is my lucky day, never thought it would happen, but now I can hand over my toilet brush and all cleaning supplies to Jason M.

No longer head of latrine 'doodey' I will now be in charge of kale and lima bean production.

Actually, considering my abhorrence of K and L, to see if Jason is doing his job, I might just duck into the latrine now and then.

Hey, when ya gotta go, ya gotta go.

Lisa Bodenheim said...

Cheryl: Thanks for responding. Icarus. How did I miss that?

Craig said...

Congrats to all of you who came up with the gumption to enter. Especially to those who expanded the limits of their writing. Of course I can't forget Cheryl's win.

I...think my corned beef is boiling over.

french sojourn said...


Jason;

More bad news, I was consulting my Michelin Guide. The best you'll find on Carkoon was a negative two star rating for "The Rusty Exhaust pipe shop and Deli."

Don't order the swordfish, but go for the Catalic Consume and Oyster dipping sauce.

Bone appitite'

Jason Magnason said...

So I just got finished taking the college placement exam because I figured I needed to go back to school. I am a software engineer and have very little schooling in the way of literary arts, so I am a fish out of water when it comes to grammar and syntax. However, it seems I am better than I thought, as I placed in the Honors Writing Program with the scores I received this afternoon.

Unfortunately, I only placed in Intermediate Algebra and so I need to retake the math test so that I can get into College Algebra. So I should have plenty of time on Carkoon to study for my math test. Since I work two jobs, and now will be going to school full time, I may be absent from most everywhere once I start.

Anyway, My Apologies Janet, I am sorry for being an ass-hat, and not thinking before I posted. It's interesting when you think about it, how often we impose our will on others(or try to), whether for good or ill, we have not the right to do so.

I will see you guys later as this is the last piece of paper I have, and the last bottle. If I ever get off this island I will be sure to give you all my thanks.

Sorrowfully Marooned,

The Regretful Ass-hat

Michael Seese said...

Aw, shucks. I'm blushing.

And congratulations to Cheryl.

Janet Reid said...

Dear Jason,
Oh sorry, you are NOT an asshat.
If you want to try for that you'll have to huff and puff more.
Responding with humor makes you the very definition of un-asshat.

And I hope you love math.
I do.
All the answers in algebra are either right or wrong.
Totally unlike publishing.

(But no, I am not going to help with the homework, sorry)

Kae Ridwyn said...

Wow! What brilliant entries; there's no way I could judge these so kudos (as always) to Her Sharkliness the QOTKU.
Congratulations, everyone! And Heidi, I loved loved loved your 'hope' line! :)

Colin Smith said...

Jason: Hey, don't hog the hat. We all get to wear it from time to time, you know! :) And you won't be on your own. You'll have plenty of company on Carkoon. Of a sort, anyway. Oh, I forgot to mention, if you find a flip-flop in one of the toilets, you might want to send it back. It belongs to 2Ns. Don't ask... ;)

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Jason, most of us do time in Carkoon at one point or another. And it's not possible that you are an asshat. Carkoonian bylaws do not allow asshats, only chum. And only at the shark's leisure.

You won't be alone for long. We Reiders being what we are. I think there is a kale statue erected in remembrance of Colin's prolonged stay there on the beach somewhere. Next to the dog poo disposal site I believe.

Jason Magnason said...

Thanks Janet!

Colin, I did find a a book in the toilet. However, its without a title and its got a foot print on the front cover, could have been a flip flop, not sure.

Oh and the Diner is closed, there is a tiki-bar open, but they only serve Non-Alcoholic Beer and, you have to pay a days time in the latrine to stare at the Last Bottle Of Tullamore D.E.W.

I am not sure if you guys are getting my chicken scratches on these palm leaves but if so, can someone send some bandages the medical team here is still sleeping off their early St. Patty's day celebration; i'm still pulling shark teeth out of my legs.

Colin Smith said...

E.M.: No, I think they tore down the statue to make room for the dog poo disposal site.

I've updated the Contest Spreadsheet in the Treasure Chest, btw.

Colin Smith said...

Jason: Just for your cultural edification, St. Patty on Carkoon is not what you think. That was actually the name of a former mayor/despot/tyrant (all the same word in Carkoonian, so I'm given to understand), Stallwort Patterskunk. If I recall the story, he only lasted 2 weeks. In his first week he banned the sale of alcoholic beverages, and in the second week he was deposed. Well, his head was deposed. Not sure what they did with the rest of him. That's why you won't get alcoholic beverages today on Carkoon. It's a kind of warning, and a reminder of how good things are the rest of the year.

As you're beginning to understand, Carkoon is more tolerable in a drunken stupor. :)

Jennifer Delozier said...

I'm glad I waited 'til now to read all these fun comments so I could get the entire arc. Jason - my condolences. Experience tells me you won't be marooned long - not solo, at least.
I have to know - aren't there any Reefers among these Reiders? I suspect not, or I would've gotten at least 1 Parrothead comment about my (admittedly poor) attempt to work as many Jimmy Buffet songs, books and references into a slight 100 words. After all, with those 5 prompts, WWJBD? (What would Jimmy Buffet do?)

Carolynnwith2Ns said...

Jason, thank God you found my flip flop.

Jason Magnason said...

Oh thats not all i found there was also a recipe book for kale and lima bean pie, what looks to be an old bookie journal with bets for the chum races and a blue uniform with a nametag that reads Carkoon Buttonweazer.

Lance said...

Congratulations, Cheryl, on a great piece of writing! Well done. Here's is the out call to the listers and the mentions, "Good job, everyone!" Thank you, Ms. Janet, for another great contest and for being willing to take the extra time required to run through these increasingly great stories.

Her Grace, Heidi, the Duchess of Kneale said...

I'm just chuffed I got an HonMen. I wrote out my FF and was about to post it when I had second thoughts. The FF isn't so much about the story but how we write it.

So I rewrote it using the lessons I've learned from reading so many, many good entries over the years.

I think I'm getting the hang of it.

-----

Hah! Jason got banished to Carkoon! Bummer, dude.

Lance said...

I just signed up for the newsletter and seeing an e-mail from Janet Reid (even though it was the e-mail confirmation) was overwhelming. Still tingling!

CynthiaMc said...

Mark - I loved yours! Grew up in coral snake territory.

Jennifer R. Donohue said...

So, I started listening to "Welcome to Night Vale" this week; great mental fodder, and perfect corollary to the Carkoon discussion ;) It's like Lovecraft NPR, but for a sinister Arizona location, rather than Lovecraft's typical New England.

Janice L. Grinyer said...

ooo! Congrats to Cheryl, the finalists and the mentionables :)

Joseph Snoe said...

It would have taken me hours to settle on a winner between Cheryl and Mallory.

kdjames.com said...

Congrats on the win, Cheryl! I was thinking more along the lines of Little Mermaid than Icarus when I read it, and that puts a whole different spin on things.

Good job, everyone who entered, and especially those who were mentioned. Such amazing writing.

And safe travels to Amy! I hope you'll be able to check in once in a while and let us know how you're doing. (Yeah, I know, she's already gone and not reading this...)

Jason, good luck with the kale and the lima beans and the math homework. I've been feeling a bit disappointed that the place has been uninhabited in recent months, so I'm selfishly relieved that you've been banished and will be able to report back on all things Carkoonian. :)

John Frain said...

Forgive me, I'm just coming down from the mountains and able to access Janet's blog. I feel like I'm in an empty theater clapping after the actors have packed and gone.

Cheryl, that was breathtaking. And I mean that literally -- for your main character. What a hook! Loved it. A Fish Called Icarus.

Mallory, wow! That was breathtaking in an entirely different way. I gasped right along with Janet. I went back and read it again just to enjoy it from the perspective of the one person in the wedding party who knew the details. Delicious still!

Janet, you've created an ocean's fill of brilliance here. It's like Sea World. But when we all thought Sea World was cool, that Sea World. Whew, good thing it's an empty theater when I start putting my foot in my mouth.