I thought I'd seen every tomfool piece of nitwittery in queries writers could come up with.
This one today though, this one takes the cake, then runs off with it to boot.
Here's the rundown:
We're all on mailing lists of one sort or another, right?
And if you get on a list by mistake, most companies don't want to annoy you so they have a "safe unsubscribe" button at the bottom of the email.
As you might imagine, I get on a few mailing lists by mistake, and I know how to unsubscribe bippityboppityboo.
Yes, today I received a query sent via a newsletter mailing house. I'm pretty sure the writer uses this for her other career (one that depends on a lot of outreach) and she wanted the query to "look nice."
It might have been a good newsletter but it was a bad query: black font on gray blocks. Nicely formatted but pretty hard to read. And cause it's a template, no copying and pasting (it pastes as an unformatted block o'text.)
Exhibited a complete lack of understanding about what "fiction" and "essays" meant too.
And just to keep me on the straight and narrow path, the letter itself said "Copyrighted author submission." (I wonder if she'll send me a cease and desist takedown notice for this blog post?)
And in case you're thinking "wow this sounds like a spiffy idea, and a great way to make my query stand out" think again:
1. the email address is not yours. It's from the mailing house.
2. It's unforwardable (the formatting doesn't survive and you have to go through the mailing house to do it and that requires giving them another person's email address--a real no-no)
3. And plain and simple: it's not what I asked for. If you want to ask me to read your book send an email, not a newsletter trying to look like an email.
BUT, the real reason you never EVER want to do this is, that's right, the unsubscribe button.
I clicked it.
The last thing you want to do is have me opt out of hearing from you ever again.
Please just follow the damn directions.