Thursday, August 18, 2011

Yar! you suck!

One of the comments to my post today about the new rejection letter template said she'd rather it be in pirate-speak.


Yar, me hardy,

I read your screed.
I’d like to make you bleed.

Your book is bilge water;
Go learn how to write a book like you otter.

I’ll make you walk the plank,
Or I’ll keelhaul you, you skank!

Never be sendin’ me pence when I want dubloons.
I’ll own you for one of them writer goons!

I’m slippin’ you this here black spot …
Go learn that after each sentence come a dot.

Ruthlessly lifted from the awesome and talented


Jonathan Dalar said...

Yar, that got a chuckle outta me ol' gullet!

GalaktioNova said...

Aaaaah! Awesome! :-))))

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

Bill E. Goat is so jealous!

Anonymous said...

Freakin' fantastic! ;)

Sarah Joy, an associate agent-in-training

Kim Kasch said...

At least then I'd be laughing while I cried ;)

Kristin Laughtin said...

And I appreciate every letter of it. I'm going to just read this instead of any actual rejection letters I get in the future.

John Hollingsworth said...

I'd prefer it in gangsta rap

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

Dear John ... of course you would:

I’d do you in a minute
Read the first sentence in it.

I’ll bounce your face off a wall,
Your font is way too small.

Your query left we weary,
Of reping you I’m leery.

What are you some kinda fairy?

Learn to write like Steinbeck or King
And lose the nose ring.

No glitter in the query
No spam from a guy named Larry

Your book sux lemons in the street
But I bet your momma was sweet.

John "Ol' Chumbucket" Baur said...

Aarr! Ya scabrous dog! Yer novel misfires like a flintlock with damp powder. If ye attempt to board again, we're standin' by to repel ye and it's to Davy Jones' locker we'll be sent, damn yer deadlights!

A perfect query response for sending out on Sept. 19, Talk Like a Pirate Day!