Tuesday, February 22, 2011

It didn't require more than this paragraph, let alone the letter, to say "no" bub

"You know, if you had read my work,...or spoken to me about my writing,...reject my writing in a measured process,...well that is your right. But,...to not even know what you are rejecting,.......what a stupid fucking idiot.....thank god I'm not going to work with you..."


Yea, this one didn't require much thought. And I too thank God you aren't coming anywhere near our office.

54 comments:

ARJules said...

No way. Someone didn't ACTUALLY send that to you did they? Really? Wow. That's just... wow.

Dan Krokos said...

Oooh I love his crazy ellipsis style. How many periods will I use this time?.......I don't know,.....!!!!?

Kelley said...

Wow. Just... wow.

You have... to wonder... if typing like... this... gets exhausting...

Rebecca Clare Smith said...

So do I with punctuation like that.

Melissa said...

*shakes head at the idiocy of people who want to be "professionals" but don't know a damn thing about the system*

Charlie Pulsipher said...

I am so sad for the brain that wrote this........so.....sad.
Funny Stuff I Write And Draw

Kristin Laughtin said...

Dear letter writer,

You might...want to stop typing like this...if you ever want to get published...or even have an agent read your work.

Also, yeah, she gets hundreds of queries a week, I'm sure. If you want her to take the time to read each one of those writer's work or speak to them about their writing, it'll be a "measured process", all right, but it will take her eight years to get to you.

Michael G-G said...

Hmm. I initially took the ellipses to mean you were sharing excerpts from a longer, more scatalogical work. However, if Dan Krokos is right--and I believe he is--it may just be a failure of stylistic imagination on the writer's part.

Please, please tell me that these woeful phone calls and letters, these insane eruptions of spleen, are the exception, not the rule. Otherwise, I fear for my tribe.

Laurel said...

@ Dan: don't forget the intermittent commas BEFORE ellipses. For good measure or something. So you should DOUBLY know there is a pause there,...in case you were wondering.

K. Greaney Martin said...

Sheesh! People should learn to live by the Thumper rule: "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all".

Deep River said...

Perhaps the ellipses indicate pauses as the writer gets out the gas can... pours fuel all over the bridge... lights the match... and tosses it onto the fuel...

Aimee L Salter said...

Umm.... Think you... probably wore the anger... of someone's shattered dreams.... not personal....

Amber Argyle said...

Sounds like you passed up a winner.

Deirdre Randall said...

I like the dramatic pauses. They add...drama. I can almost see this person seething at their computer (possible while mom calls down that its supper time?).

For seriously gave me a chuckle and a head shake and made me glad I didn't have to receive that :P

Polly said...

Ooof. Who speaks to people like that? Janet, you provide a public service with this blog. We appreciate it.

David said...

The ellipses are obviously Mel Gibson take-a-shot-and-stare-at-the-bullet moments.

Simon Hay Soul Healer said...

Wow! Hate mail!Paparazzi? "It's rumoured the shark is recovering from a frenzied elipsis attack. Fans have gathered outside the reef in an all night vigil. Cupcakes, mini-bar bottles of bourbon, and tear stained form rejections adorn the pavement."

Daisy said...

This reminds me of the sort of email you send to an ex at three in the morning, about thirty seconds before you realize what a bad idea it is.

L.G.Smith said...

Oh, that's not good. Not good....so,...oh my,...what were you thinking?


This has not been a good writer/shark encounter week.

Allison said...

There must be.....more periods........than words...in this person's book....The cursing....only lowered the maturity level...

Sari Webb said...

Huh. Reminds me of the sort of emails I used to get in my banking days.

I had one lady tell me my use of the greeting 'good afternoon' was 'over the top, unprofessional and patronizing'. I wonder how she would have preferred I greeted her. 'Hey psychotic lady'?

Slush said...

Imagine if the ellipsis were put there to describe each time he takes a breath (as if actually speak). Hee Hee

His face was probably extremely red from taking breaths in between each couple words to form the longest sentence, ever.

ROFL!

Tara Tyler said...

I'm not even that bad.

Josin L. McQuein said...

I have...

... no words...

(Other than those I choose not to use because I'm nice like that...)

:-P

adrienne said...

Ooh, classy! I especially love the comma-before-ellipsis style. That's like sipping tea with your pinky out, right there.

Diana said...

It is frustrating to me that people are this stupid. I try really hard to learn the process, respect the process, and improve my writing. Then idiots like this come along and make things harder for me.

DeadlyAccurate said...

Janet, are you rejecting writers before they send you their queries again? You know you're supposed to wait for the query before crushing their hopes and dreams.

Becca said...

He wrote a 200,000 word book, right? All with that punctuation style, right?

That would be a headache to read.

ARJules said...

I just .... thought.... writing like... this.... it seems like William..... Shatner was typing....


..

Mark said...

They write like Captain Kirk speaks:

"Some...kind...of energy......field"

Did Shatner send it?

Me said...

That's given me a good laugh to start the day. Classic.

The letter writer obviously tore up Dale Carnegie's 'How to Win friends ...' book (my ellipsis, not Dale's. OMG the ellipsis virus is catching!) and instead went for Toby Young's memoir 'How to Lose Friends and Alienate People'.

Janet - you didn't request pages?

Joel said...

There once was a Mac font named San Francisco, the Ransom Note font, the Comic Sans of the lunatic fringe. It was the first thing I thought of when I read this.

May I suggest putting little shark teeth on your shredder feeder?

valbrussell said...

This email proves beyond a shadow of an ellipsis that you did indeed read their writing and now you've shared it with the world. They tell quite a story don't they? ;)

alwayscoffee said...

What the unholy hell? I will NEVER understand why people act like that. Giant toddler pepole. *shakes head* There's absolutely no cause, ever, to be so rude and disrespectful. ~Ali

Carolyn said...

Oh, I think you knew what you were rejecting, alright. :D

Manon Eileen said...

Hahaha! What a joke!

Ulysses said...

You must really enjoy your work to read through things like this and not feel like chucking it all to go work at the nearest aquarium.

tericarter said...

I wanted to write something sarcastic, but this just looks scary to me. I can't believe you have to read stuff like this on a regular basis. This freaks me out.

ryan field said...

Reminds me of a few comment threads on my blog posts about pirates.

smarttradingau said...

Wish there was a like button just like in facebook so that I could just click on it.

kmullican said...

I'm going to suggest they seek help from a professional... preferably one that writes prescriptions.

John "Ol' Chumbucket" Baur said...

Go ahead and think this. In truth we probably all do. Say it? To your mother/friend (if any)/girlfriend (unlikely.)

Actually send it to an agent? Are you insane?

Yes, probably.

Charli Armstrong said...

Give Peace a Chance Dude!

Let me share a little something with you because I'm pretty certain you are reading this right now. By profession, I am an Actor. When I head out to auditions, I bring along my resume. Directors are not the least bit interested in how much work I've done. That resume is all about who they can call to see if I am a pain in the ass to work with and if it is worth casting me.

The writing world works the same way. Even though these literary agents seem separate from one another, you do realize they still talk to each other right? You see, you just royally played yourself by sending Lady Janet that message because she just posted it on the blog. Aren't you the least bit aware that other lit agents and editors read this blog too? Now that she has shared your message of love, the next thing that is going to happen is the other lit agents and editors are going to give her a ring (because they have her personal number you know) and ask her who the hell you are. And--good news for you--it is her right to tell those agents and editors exactly who you are and why she dropped the ax on you in the first place.

And if you happen to find someone who will represent you, chances are you are going to run into Lady Janet at some event somewhere. If that happens, don't introduce her to your new agent lest that person decides they trust Janet over you and tears up your contract, because they have the right to decide you aren't worth the time or the trouble, no matter how amazing your book is.

Now from that perspective was it really worth sending her that message? Was thirty seconds of triumph worth the years of work you are going to have to redo to clear your name and re-connect with these agents and editors?

Food for thought.

lotusgirl said...

*blink, blink*

Wow.

Jeff Chen said...

I'm guessing this is not an excerpt from "The King's Speech"?

Jeff

Monica said...

Wow. I cannot believe you have to put up with this nonsense.

SemperFi said...

That writer was a bit vague, what do you suppose he really meant?

ApexPredatorChum said...

@ARJules- William Shatner. Teehee.

Were the ........... photon torpedoes?

Silly writer. Everyone knows photon torpedoes don't work on sharks.

Sheila JG said...

Reading the comments is as much fun as the post! William Shatner, King's Speech, Ha! How about a little "fill in the blanks?" Maybe (s)he left out some important parts:

You know, if you had read my work (after drinking a fifth of gin, since that's how I wrote it), or spoken to me about my writing (method, which, again, involves gin, lots of gin), (You might not) reject my writing in a measured process, (which you were kind enough to do). (If you do not drink), well, that is your right. But, (I fear this may lead you) to not even know what you are rejecting. (It makes sense with gin! I hope you don't think of me:) what a fucking idiot. (Or,) thank god I'm not going to work with you, (because I hear this was Raymond Chandler's method as well. Thank you again for your time and consideration!)

There, that's a bit nicer, I think.

Marjorie said...

This is a reply to Charli:

First, let me state I am not the writer who sent that inappropriate reply to Janet's rejection.

Having said that, let me say I totally disagree with you. I do not know for whom you audition, but I know casting agents are interested in talent and experience, not personalities. They are interested in the quality of the work that the actor can bring. They do not review resumes for the purpose of doing a personality check.

There are many actors who are huge pains in the ass and they work. Their antics do provide some tabloid fodder, but they work and they are respected for their work. I don't know of any actor who was cast because he was "nice." If that were so, many more actors would have jobs.

Quite honestly, most literary agents are mainly interested only in the quality of the work as well. Trust me, if they discover a literary masterpiece, they would not care if the author was typing naked from Bellevue and had a personality as difficult as Bette Davis, Marlon Brando, Charlie Sheen, or Christian Bale.

Trisha said...

HAHAHA.

I guess the fact that you DIDN'T know what you were rejecting is the whole point - I can only imagine what the query was like. ;)

AKDD said...

Unbelievable.

Pshcyotic break? Off their meds? Furious inner two-year-old holding the reins? Or maybe others are right, and the writer IS channeling Captain Kirk (I.... BELIEVE.... there's a... *way*...to livewithmyrejection. And... it *requires*.... that I demonstratemyoutrage... thusly.)

Gah. But hilarious.

Charli Armstrong said...

@Marjorie:

You're right about that, sister! Talent and experience is a plus! If you got it, nothing should stop you. But I should have clarified! Newbies! I'm talking newbies!

When it comes to newbies and it's time to choose, the easiest call to make is to someone on the resume that they know who can give them them the low down. If not, they have to take a chance and hope for the best. It's hard to work with the unpleasant. You do it, but if you can avoid it, why not?

People in the industry talk to each other! Sure the seasoned can be dealt with however begrudgingly. But a newbie?

Why would someone in the query process, trying to build a relationship--however distant--with those who hold the key to a much desired goal want to shove their foot so spectacularly down their throat just to choke on it later?

If someone has a knee jerk reaction that will cause them to send hate mail, imagine what will happen when they have to go through it all over again while their agent is trying to sell the book!

This isn't to say this person will never get an agent or a publisher. But his initial reaction to being rejected makes one wonder if he would be able to take a minor revision!

Senna said...

I'm a published writer and once I had someone ask me to read some pages. There were eight of them and they were all written like that paragraph.

Sometimes I still scream at night.