It's not just writers who fail to recognize form rejections

Remember the line from Steel Magnolias when Truvy says "Louie brought his new girlfriend over, and the nicest thing I can say about her is all her tattoos are spelled correctly."


I thought of that this morning when a friend in the publishing game mentioned s/he had received a submission from an "agent" that included a form rejection from another publisher - literally an unsigned photocopied form rejection from "The Editorial Staff" of another publisher - as proof of the serious consideration given her client's work.


At least all the words on her business card were spelled correctly***

***Not used correctly of course, but that's a rant for another day

1-800-DIM SOME

My phone rang this morning and it was a Los Angeles area code, although the number was unfamiliar. I picked up because I am headed out to LA for Left Coast Crime next week and thought it might be someone calling about that.

It wasn't of course.

She rattled on for a good sixty seconds about how a friend suggested she call a literary agent for information. By the time she paused for breath, and I could say "I'm sorry, I can't help you over the phone" my other line was ringing, and it was someone I needed to talk to. I said, "I'm sorry" again and hung up.

Of course, I got an email telling me how rude I was.


I'm ok with being called rude. Usually the people who do are the ones who don't understand how publishing works. They remind me of tourists who are offended people in Paris don't speak very good English.

And honestly, if this poor soul had just emailed me, and said "I'm totally at sea here, I don't know what to do, and I found your name on the internet" chances are I would have actually given her a suggestion or two.

And even if I hadn't, the place to get information is called a library not a literary agency. If you don't know the difference, consult a librarian.

Molly O'Neill must be stopped

Unanswered queries: 209
Unread full mss: 14
Uneaten cupcake on desk: 1





There is a reason for this shameful lack of diligence. This slacking off. This lounging about.
Oh yes there is. And her name is Molly O'Neill.

Now at first glance (or even second through seventy-seventh) you might think Miss O'Neill a fine upstanding citizen. A stalwart example of good character. Not an evil temptress. You would be wrong. Oh yes you would.



Make no mistake about it: Miss Molly O'Neill is a schedule wrecker. A slacker-inducer. (I think she might actually be in league with my most slithery competitor Barbara Poelle. They deny ever meeting, but I have my doubts.)


Miss O'Neill employs a simple but deadly strategy. From her lair on East 53rd street, she invites you to lunch. She plies you with sushi. Then, when you are happy and sated she springs the trap. She gives you a book. Not just any book. Not the one that was nearest her evil claw as she slithered into her sweater before leaving the office. Oh no. She picks the ONE book that will glue you to your chair, force you to turn off the telephone, unplug the internet and read until you are done.

Evil claw caught by newly-installed spy cam

Lest you think I am casting unwarranted aspersions I offer into evidence BEFORE I FALL by Lauren Oliver.
She gave.
I started.
I couldn't stop.
Unread queries....pfft.
Unread fulls....pfffft.
Cupcake arrival in office...didn't even go IN to the office.



Miss O'Neill has informed us via her blog that she's off surfing the Platte River or something for a few days. I suggest this will be a good time to dream up ways to thwart her next salvo of good reading material. All suggestions accepted.


In order to see the depth of her evility on full display I suggest you read BEFORE I FALL. Particularly if you're waiting for me to answer a query or read a full.