Yes, this is filled with whisky

Yes, this is filled with whisky

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Gee thanks Jesus

As many of you know I am a practicing (emphasis on the not getting it right and trying again definition of "practice") Catholic. As such, I hit the pews on Sunday and pay attention to the good Father's homily.

At today's mass we heard the Twenty Third Psalm; we'd heard a portion of the Book of Jeremiah for the Old Testament reading. The Scripture reading was the start of the loaves and fishes story from Mark.

As I sat in the pew, an overwhelming feeling of dread arose. If you take a look at the readings, you'll notice a consistent metaphor for the children of God.



Dear God, SHEEP.

Let's all remember it wasn't but a few days ago that I was talking about Kari Dell's blog post about sheep.

Sheep are stupid.

If Jesus is the shepherd, that makes of the sheep.

uh boy, thanks a lot, Lamb of God.

I just happened to be in the first occupied pew this morning so when the good Father began to speak about sheep, all I could think about was Kari Dell's post, and I started to laugh. And of course, being right there in front of his eyeballs, he couldn't help but see me. He's a good and kind man. He didn't stop and smack me with his rosary then and there, but I slunk down in the pew nonetheless.

Needless to say, I slithered shamefacedly down the aisle after mass, waited till the crowd had dispersed then said "I'm really sorry I laughed at that sheep thing Father. See...I have this client who lives on sheep farm, and she wrote this really funny blog post..."

He laughed, and said "yes, you were very baaaaaaad" and I fell on the sidewalk I was laughing so hard. Fortunately, no one called for an exorcism and I managed to crawl away...rather sheepishly of course.


Deb Salisbury said...

I grew up in farm country, so I was insulted every time the preacher insisted we were sheep. I'd rather be a goat - goats are a lot smarter than sheep - but the Sunday School teacher said goats were bad. Bad. Baaaaad.

As a child, I was often confused. Grown ups just didn't think things through, in my opinion.

My mother, who raised sheep for a year before turning to goats, says that sheep know one word, have exactly one thought: "Purple." They wander around the field saying, "Purple, purple."

My mom is a smart lady. She thinks things through.

You have my sympathies for enduring the sheep sermon, and for surviving mostly in one piece. ;-)

~Aimee Maher said...

Oh dear. (Hilarious)

Ricky Bush said...

Hilarious. By the way, who is your agent? They need to get after you and get these gems of yours published. Anyway--

Merc said...


I'm glad I'm not alone. %-) When I read that blogpost, the first thing I told my roommate was that I will never be able to keep a straight face in church again. EVAR.

I feel vindicated I'm not the only one. O:)


Christopher Goodwine said...

It's okay, Ms. Janet. If you really were a sheep, you'd probably drown in the communion wine.

Josin L. McQuein said...

It could have been worse. Your cell phone could have gone off.

The Father will forgive sheep-related panic attacks, but not one of those designer ring tones going off during service.

Mystery Robin said...

I've heard enough sermons on sheep that when I read that blog post, all I could think was "great, we're not just the least intelligent animal, blindly followers, but now we're also maniacally suicidal!"

Wendy said...

I don't think anyone who's ever really known sheep can sit through a church service straight faced. If you can, then it's probably because you're feeling really insulted.

It'd only be worse if we were goldfish and He was the fisherman or something :)

suelder said...

LOL - that happened to my brother and father many, many years ago. During a particularly lovely choir solo, a dog was barking in the background. And it sounded exactly the way my father did when he was trying to get our dog to bark.

Dad started to laugh, my brother (maybe ten years old) started to giggle. My poor father tried to eat his fist to stop laughing and I thought my mother was going to hit the both of them.

My sister and I had a perfect view of this from the choir loft and the pastor kept glaring at them.

Finally, my dad grabbed my brother and they escaped to the room below the chancel. We had to explain to the soloist, who wasn't sure why her song was so funny.

Scott said...

That was too funny. Thanks for the Monday morning laugh.


(p.s. lapsed Catholic here!)

Laurel said...

I, too, am prone to fits of inappropriate giggles in church. My sister and I absolutely cannot sit next to each other. Our mother would crawl under the pew with embarrassment.

Weddings are dreadful. Funerals might be worse.

laughingwolf said...

lol... llamas are a far better choice, of course ;)

Mira said...

Lol. Your Priest sounds like a cool guy.

Rick Daley said...

So what you're saying is that you couldn't pull the wool over his eyes?

Heidi Yantzi said...

Well if you can't laugh in church... I mean, isn't that a joyful noise?

Christine M said...

I didn't start to giggle, but I thought of that same blog post during the sermon in church yesterday. Actually puts a whole new spin on things, doesn't it?

RRuin said...

Sheep get a bad rap. They're quite intelligent, well read and half way to achieving their goal of world domination.

careann said...

I knew there was a bigger reason for why I like to start my day reading your blog. Now my Presbyterian brain has to figure it's way around the image of Jesus as the Lamb of God, and as a choral director I'm never going to be able to use "Where He Leads Me I Will Follow" again! Thanks, Janet.

Carol Garvin

Melanie Avila said...


Bill Peschel said...

Considering the absolutely stupid things we humans get up to, I think it would be a better world if we're reminded that we're little smarter than sheep. Lord knows some of our leaders could do with a dose of it.

sallyhanan said...

Andrew Murray has a book about this. It's a deadly serious one though. :)

Haste yee back ;-) said...

Oh Lord, I can still remember their names... Sister Mary Bad, Sister Mary Worse, Sister Mary Mean. And then, Sister Mary FUN! If she left class for some reason, upon returning she'd knocked her rosary beads on the wooden walls *pre-announcing* her return just so she wouldn't have to scold any of us if we were misbehaving. She was Sister Mary Celine, and she'd shorten her lunch to pitch 7th and 8th grade boys softball. And when she looked at me, she'd say. "Time will pass, Robert, but will you?" She was THE bright spot in eight years of dread! Yes, I was scared-to-death of 'em. Maybe that's why it worked?

Haste yee back ;-)

Dan Krause said...

As many of you know I am a practicing (emphasis on the not getting it right and trying again definition of "practice") Catholic.

I think that describes a lot of people. But laughing during a service isn't all that bad. You can still be a good Catholic. The real question is this: Do you have an "I Love Jesus" bumper stick on your car?

Because putting a bumper sticker on your car in honor of someone is like the highest gesture of love there is.

If you don't have one, you should definitely get one, heh.

Gilbert J. Avila said...

I want a bumper sticker that says:
I love the Lamb of God---
especially with mint jelly.

Race said...

I refuse to read it now. I'll laugh in church too... and that would be bad as I'm Melkite and there are only four other people who go to the church I go to. Last time anyone laughed the "whole place" went silent for some time...

Alicia Walker said...

In High School, I had a Global History teacher tell me, indirectly via means of class announcement, that I was a sheep because I would rather write a report than join in on a ridiculous mock trial.

First of all, I liked to write. Second, I felt like those who were the better actors would get a better grade because of their performance. I knew my strengths were with the written word and not the acting venue.

That teacher never knew how much his comment bothered me. I came up with of all sorts of pithy retorts in my head, but of course I was too much of a sheep to say them. I thought the rest of the class were the sheep for following his wishes. I thought he obviously didn't know his Bible, or his own place as a sheep in the eyes of God. But I also thought that maybe I was that one out of 100 that needed to be pulled back into the fold.

When I read your statement, "Sheep are stupid," I have to admit I thought the same things about you. But you have redeemed yourself, Ms. Janet (oops, I let that term just slip right out). You have pulled yourself back into the fold. Welcome back!

Jane Steen said...

Funny post... my pastor's never talked about sheep to my knowledge, so I guess I'll never have the giggles about it. Pity, I love laughing in church.

Josin, my cell phone HAS gone off at the absolutely most riveting moment of a pretty good sermon when everyone was completely still... my face didn't resume its normal color till mid-afternoon.

Wendy, about the goldfish: hate to tell you, but Christ's followers are "fishers of men" (Matthew 4:19.)