Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Speaking of toasted

When does an agent need a vacation:

A. When she gets in the elevator at 10pm to go home, punches the button for the floor her office is on, and waits, impatiently, for the elevator to descend;

B. When she begins thinking of moving to Lumby and taking up with Hank the Flamingo;

C. When even this youtube video doesn't make her less crabby;

D. All of the above

E. None of the above.

Vote now.


Mags said...

Go drink something girlie. Girlie drinks rock. It'll need garnish, too- an umbrella is optional, but recommended.

That video is supposed to crack even the snarkiest of hearts. He did a thing there.

Tarot By Arwen said...

The elevator is one I've done. Or not hit the button and be so surprised when the doors open and I've gone no where (this may be a metaphor I don't want to think about.)

Sean Ferrell said...

I think the answer is "F: When she spends the time to make a poll about 'when is your agent ready for a vacation?'"

Steve Ulfelder said...

You're the last professional left in Manhattan in July, that'd make anyone crabby. Scram!

Margaret Yang said...

I think that video would make the grumpiest person on Earth smile. You must really, really need a vacation.

My favorite part of the video is the Korean DMZ. Matt Harding turns your world view topsy-turvy so that the person who isn't dancing is the one who looks strange. How happy is that?

angie said...

If Matt didn't de-frost you, you need a vacation STAT! Why on earth are you wasting time on polls? Do not pass Go, do not collect $200, go straight to Vacation Land before it's too late!

Joseph said...

Matt's a fine fella.

But, I do remember when that was called "running in place" and dancing was something else entirely.

John said...

You, the elevator. For some reason this is making me think of "The Apartment," which TCM showed a couple nights ago. And it's getting all confused with the avatar you're using for the upcoming Surrey conference program...

SFX: Ding!

Elevator doors open. JR swims in.

Elevator Guy: Good evening, Ms. Reid. Late night, hmm?

JR: [crunching salivating noises]

EG: Going down!

Doors close. Elevator begins descent.

EG: One thing, Ms. Reid. Just for future reference...

JR: [snapping of bones, gulping noise]?

EG: Well, it's just that, I don't know how to say this but... It's the management, you see---

JR: [slurp]!

EG: Yes, I'm sorry, briefly, they've asked me to tell you -- we can't let you on the elevator any longer. Not after 7pm anyway. The maintenance staff has all gone home by then you see. But it's really not my---

JR: [grinding, rending of flesh]?!?

EG: Yes, I'm afraid so. The stairs.

JR: [little dink-dink sounds as pectoral fins pick at teeth]?

EG: Yes. I remember the power outage. We all do. The bruises were horrible. And we were completely unprepared, at that time we had no staff ichthyol---

JR: [!]

EG: That's what I was saying. We all remember what you had to go through just to get the dorsal standing up again. Believe me, we KNOW.

SFX: Ding!

With a final annoyed glimpse back at EG, JR swims out into the lobby.

EG: Calling after herHave a nice evening, Ms. Reid. And remember: no more late nights! And watch out for the revolv--- Oh, no...!


It really would be in everyone's best interest if you don't make a habit of this!

Ulysses said...

One of the most remarkable things about humanity is its ability to ask exactly the wrong question.

The right question is, of course, when does an agent NOT need a vacation?
A. While sleeping.
B. While already on vacation.
C. When dead.
D. All of the above (although post-mortem vacations are difficult to book).

Just_Me said...

Janet, Sharkiest of All Agents, once you run into elevator problems like that it's time to step away from the office and get some rest. Maybe go see sunlight that hasn't been filtered through your window. Visit a bookshop where all the editing and wrangling has been done. Treat yourself to a healthy meal, an hour of yoga, and an early night....

Or just go book a flight to anywhere in the world that doesn't have internet and a way for authors to stalk you. That could work too....

Susan Adrian said...

[Or just go book a flight to anywhere in the world that doesn't have internet and a way for authors to stalk you.]

Bwahaha. She cannot escape us.

Kim said...

Lady, if you're asking the question - it's time to hit the road.

Grab your sandals, floppy hat and sunscreen and go find Hank.

DeadlyAccurate said...

My favorite part of the video is the Korean DMZ.

Mine, too!

Snarky Writer said...

I think if that video didn't make you feel better, it's definitely time for a break. :)

Ryan Field said...

Go do something that doesn't involve books, writers, editors or publishing.

Susan Adrian said...

Because you need another award:

I just gave you an Excellent Blog Award!

Feel no need to pass on, though. You're too busy. :)

Jay said...

The RV is stocked, fueled, and heading West on Monday. Care to join us?

A.H. Ream said...

And the world just keeps getting smaller. The guy in the video, Matt, worked at the same video game company as my husband before leaving to travel the globe and dance on YouTube.

Vicki said...

I hear the Key's are nice this time of the year...yes the weather is hot and humid, but they make some great drinks!

Julie O'Connell said...

Sounds like it's time to head west, young woman. Come visit - we can go to Powell's, Voodoo Doughnuts, Stumptown...and then you can go to the beach and veg. Alone. Miles of sand and driftwood all to yourself. Ahhhh.

Whatever you decide, take a break, okay?

Christine Carey said...

Sending you e-gin and tonics. Just pretend there's no "e"

Fred Limberg said...

My cartoon bubble has a pale Janet in it, sitting at the thatch roofed Tiki Bar under a huge stuffed shark, a pile of books on the barstool next to her (she loves us, you know).

She waves ink stained fingers at the bartender.

"Yoo Hoo, Herve. Fix me something pink and frothy and keep 'em coming!"

Then she wakes up, arms crossed on her desk with a huge sleeve crease imprinted on her drool moist cheek.

Sprizouse said...

I wonder if a funny Query Sharking will help?

Julie Weathers said...

I've done the elevator thing.

Oddly enough, one of my definitions of success is to have a home in the hill country/mountains/some place green, where I have a home I enjoy, a guest house I also enjoy, a horse to dink around on, a colt to ride when I think I need to accomplish something and an old, gentle ranch horse for visitors. This is success because everyone needs to get away from everything and just relax from time to time.

I just want to live there.

I would think the publishing industry would be very high stress.

Yes, methinks you need a vacation.

I also wouldn't mind having Matt's job. What is it he does? I'm pretty sure I can dance that well.

McKoala said...

All of the above, but I love that video to bits.

Aimless Writer said...

I used to put my office key in my own front door. Answer my home phone with the standard office schpiel. Wake up in the middle of the night and make lists of who I just had to speak to first thing in the morning.
Definately time for a vacation.
Go find yourself a beach, even if its just for a few days, long weekend or set a beach chair up in your living room and pour a cold one.

JL Riffe said...

How about a nice Scotch Distillery Crawl through Scotland?
Might be a little hard on the liver so you'd have to pace yourself... but I am sure you'd feel better for it.

Haste yee back ;-) said...

Meet you in Arkansas, we'll take my boat and shoot Carp and Gar with bow and arrow late at night!

Haste yee back ;-)

Melanie Avila said...

If that didn't lift your spirits, you NEED a vacation. :)

Haste yee back ;-) said...

C'mon now, Carp and Gar... that' Arkansas Gefilte fish!

Haste yee back ;-)

ChrisEldin said...

That video is AWESOME! You do need a vacation. Are you going somewhere with Matt?
I want to know where Tonga is.

Chumplet said...

I checked out Lumby and the synopsis brought a smile to my face. I thought of all the lovely ensemble stories I enjoy, like Local Hero, Waking Ned Divine and Little Miss Sunshine.

When I watched the video, tears started streaming down my face. That Matt guy should be sainted. He is single-handedly bringing the world together. Along with Stride Gum, of course.

Hope your weekend is making you less crabby.


ChrisEldin said...

There's an echo in here.

Steve Stubbs said...

An agent needs a vacation when the world looks like a slush pile, you're paying your bills with rejection letters, and blank monitor screens make engaging reading.

If you aren't that tired yet, but you see Norman Mailer in the outer office even though you know he's dead - well, then I'd say it's time to bring up and start looking for travel deals later in the summer. If Charles Dickens is sitting in the chair next to Norman Mailer, don't use the internet. Call priceline on the phone. The world of publishing can be stressful. Michael Korda used to keep a submachine gun in his office when he was at Simon and Schuster. Methinks he waited a wee mite too long. It probably makes sense to get some rest before it gets to that point.

MJ said...

I love the dancing guy. That could be a stress reliever -- even bad dancing relieves stress.

Jessica said...

I think Janet must be toasted . . .

Rick Baker said...

Thanks for sharing the "Where the Hell is Matt?" video. I found it very entertaining.

I stumbled upon a response video that had me in stitches. Click here to view.