As you know, I travel back and forth to work on the subway. Some days I manage to leave right during the busiest commute time and find myself cheek and jowl with many of New York's...well, citizens might be the least judgmental word to use.
Today was such a day. I managed to scratch and claw my way to a seat on the train, when some bumbling fool smacked into me hard enough to make me drop the book I was reading.
"Excuse me!" I barked "I believe that is mine." "
Hands off lady," he barked back. "That's mine."
I quickly realized he'd bumped me on purpose to get his paws on my book.
There's an increasing volume of "Is not!, is SO!" exchanged until we are crouched, inches from one another, reaching for instruments of violence. Mine a hat pin, his a menacing looking Evian bottle.
Someone must have panicked because soon there were transit police in the car, and bystanders told to move along and catch the next train.
The first officer grabbed me by the scruff of my neck, hoisted me off the floor and said "Lady, what the hell are you doing!"
I saw the Evian wielding book thief was receiving similar treatment.
"That man tried to steal my book!" The officer looked down at the book which by now had skidded across the subway car and teetered precariously in the gap between car and platform.
"Rodriguez," the officer bellows "grab that book!"
The other transit officer unhands the book thief, grabs MY book and comes over to the cop still holding me by the scruff.
"This one?" he asks.
"That one," Officer Scruffy responds. "We're going to hold it for evidence."
"Evidence!" I shriek!
"Evidence!" the book thief shrieks!
"No!" we shriek in unison "It's MINE."
"Prove it" snarls Officer Scruffy.
Well of course, neither of us can. I'd opened the mailer in my office and tossed it. I'd just kept the book. I certainly hadn't written my name in it. I had no receipt from a bookstore.
Damn, damn damn.
Evian Man is equally unable to prove ownership, of course, thief that HE is.
And this is why, dear readers, my lovely beautiful ARC of the new Jack Reacher novel is being read by two very happy transit cops tonight instead of safely home with me, assuaging my sore throat and making me feel better.
Fortunately, I took a photo of it with my cell phone cam to comfort me in my hour of need.
Tomorrow, I march down to Police Plaza to find my book! You don't mess around with MY Reacher novel, no you certainly do NOT.
18 comments:
Yikes! Coming between you and Jack Reacher is a BAD THING, isn't it?
It hope you're able to get it back.
But aren't you the only one of the two who could possibly get an ARC? Unless of course the Evian guy was ALSO a lit agent...
Wow... this makes my day seem so much better!
They should have asked, "Can you tell me what this is about?" That might have solved the conflict. Of course, then they couldn't have read it during their lunch break...
So, I've been mugged on the subway for sushi. I couldn't believe it.
Mugging for a book is super special.
I need to start carrying a hat pin.
I'm sorry for your loss.
That's a damn funny blog entry, though- so there's that.
Damn, that Reacher dude is in demand.
I'm with the others who say that it being an ARC gives you leverage over Mr. Desperate.
I bet he fantasizes about being Jack.
So here I am sitting in my quiet midwestern suburbian home and I say to myself, "Is the a true story?" Not that I'm calling you a liar, I just can't imagine something like this happening. Am I that far from reality? Someone else had their sushi stolen? Do I live such a sheltered life?
d. robert pease, you only have to experience the subway at rush hour to know how true this could be.
At least you weren't in Quartzite, Arizona yesterday. I watched three buzzards circle a trailer in the trailer park across from the gas station where I was filling up. Then I went to visit the naked bookseller. Someone knitted him a bright, shiny new purple cache sexe. He looked very dapper, and wrinkled. He had a large stock of Lee Child books and none of mine. I corrected the oversight.
Wow - very snazzy story. The same thing happened to Dan Lazar once when a Reacher ARC was swiped from him at some restaurant in Williamsburgh - the Moonbeam, I think....they never caught the guy but, somehow, they found the ARC in the backseat of an NYPD helicopter...I kid you not.....guess it's always the cops who luck out when a Reacher ARC is stolen.....
to echo what jean said to d. robert, think of every bad simile and metaphor about being crowded -- a sardine tin, a cattle car, the black hole of calcutta -- multiply it by a factor of 20, and that's the subway at rush hour.
the ironic thing about the story is reading a book on the subway is supposed to buy one anonymity, not the cops. good for you you're going to reclaim it. show those bastahds.
Oh, man! I was in Quartzite twice last week! There's a naked bookseller? Email me directions?
He's on the main street, near the eastern end of the street before it heads back onto I-10, on the north side. Pretty easy to find, but frankly my dear, once you've seen him, you might wish you hadn't. Or at least you won't give a damn.
Oh, my dear JACK! What a story. You shoulda told the cops to ask the jerk to describe the book, or even to tell them what an ARC was.
If you had a chance to read the first few pages, you could have challenged him to describe the opening scene.
I received my first ARC last week in the mail. I feel so important. Remind me not to take it on the Toronto subway.
I admire you for riding the subway. I avoid the Chicago El, even though I live right on top of a Blue Line stop. I am protected in my suburban bubble, driving my aged car. But so far no carjackers have grabbed the books off of my passenger seat!
My great great grandmother used to have hat pins. My gramma told me all about it. They were a defensive weapon. If a low-life masher came along, g. g. Gramma would use the pin to "stab them in the vitals."
My mum claims that g. g. gramma never had occasion to stab anyone "in the vitals." I dunno, though. I've seen her photo. She looks perfectly capable of stabbing a ner'do well in the vitals. ...
I've often wondered which vital spot she would have targeted. I know exactly which spot I'd stab.
So, did you get your book back?
Aw shoot, another mountain to climb! As soon as my book comes out next month, I'm gonna take it in the subway. I want thieves to want to swipe MY book!
I ride the Chicago el. There are days when it isn't pretty. I've seen people sit in the aisle seat so no one can sit by them. I've seen people get on and only then start to look for their boarding pass (this is on the bus, actually). I've even seen a guy steal a seat from another guy who had a cast on his leg.
But I've never heard of this. There are subway-riding, book-stealing bumper people in New York?
I must read Jack Reacher now, if his writing caused you to risk arrest.
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